The Art of a Hard Spanking…Dealing With Anger and Frustration

I know, I mentioned the last blog in the series was indeed the last, but a topic just burned to be discussed – anger and frustration. John Patrick and I discussed this just yesterday in some detail. Why? Well, we’ve all heard about what seems like the rash of football players lately and what is perceived to be abuse on their parts. From the now infamous elevator scene to the boy being spanked like the player was when he was a kid, the news is lit up with concerns and people calling for plans of action. While I do think there are substantial abuse cases throughout every walk of life, I often hear that D/s relationships also border on being an abusive relationship. Here to say – let’s get the facts straight. Yes, there are plenty of abusive relationships all over the place for various reasons – not ignoring or condoning. For the record – I ain’t in one.

The man I share an intelligent and very passionate relationship is perhaps the most controlled, loving individual I’ve ever met. He would never hit me in violence. Never. Sadly, there are some vanilla laced men as well as Dom’s who do – BUT they are not the norm in any relationship. At least I hope to hell not. The key is respect – of yourself as well as your partner. If you are in an abusive companionship of any kind, I encourage you to get help in any way you can. There.A Dominant Said all the politically correct concepts. Now, let’s get down to the skinny on D/s, M/s and DD.

Trust. Love. Control. Submission. Respect. Acceptance. Communication. Trust. Honor. Obedience. Care. Honesty. Trust. Respect. These are all vital components of an alternative lifestyle, one in which there is one leader and one follower. Now, do you see two words that stand out above the others? I hope you do. If you don’t respect and trust both yourself and your partner, none of the alternative lifestyles will work. Why? You have to completely trust your partner with care and love, honesty and a hell of a lot of communication. For the submissive, he or she is placing her well being in a Dom including aspects of keeping her or him in line – as in discipline, i.e. something painful. Is this done in fits of anger, a nasty fight? Better not be.

We’ve all experienced a relationship or are currently in one. Whether you’re in a traditional vanilla style or any of the various alternative lifestyles, you’ve experienced bouts of frustration if not downright anger. Sharing and love is both wonderful and amazing, the emotions run high as lust and need soar. You can experience some of the most intense highs, times bordering on ecstasy. You can also experience the worst lows including moments of discord, frustration and heartache. When two people clash over any aspect of life from career to family and kinds, money to basic decisions about running the household, rifts can occur.

In a traditional coupling, one in which both man and woman (or same sex couples as well) are considered equals, often times there’s a push to take the lead. Of course being that there are two people involved with two conflicting sets of identities, passion, drive, verve, needs, each one can take a different path toward a possible solution. Hence the frustration with two leaders in the same group. The notion simply doesn’t work. There must be followers just as there have to be leaders. John Patrick mentioned this the other day. My personal opinion is that all this equality has led to many an unhappy union and a skyrocketing divorce rate.

Please don’t ever get me wrong, I will never condone any level of abuse, but there are women that pick a fight and escalate to hitting their spouse first. We’ve all heard of this and seen photos or newspaper articles. Is it right for a man to hit back when a woman starts the fight? Hell no. The honest truth is if couples resort to this at all, there’s something really broken in the relationship. John Patrick believes if the beast is let out once, bringing this level of nastiness to the surface is much easier the next time. I agree. I’m been down that road of either having an argument lead to a physical altercation or pretty much getting ready to draw my fist or worse.

As I mentioned to him yesterday, both of our personalities are very strong. If we were in a traditional relationship with him, I would PUSH those buttons I know A Slave longs to feelare there at times. I would egg on an argument to try and make my point or I’d scream at the top of my lungs over something that has little meaning in life. That’s what we tend to do to merely be top dog. In a D/s, M/s or DD relationship, there is no allowance for this at all. Period. Is that to say anger and frustration don’t arise? Of course not, especially early on, but I know my place with John Patrick. Accepting that he is the leader/dominant in our relationship was part of our very first conversation. I am honored to belong to him, be in his care. And no, this has taken a hell of a lot of communication to break down my fears and inhibitions. Him too.

If you’ve followed any of my blogs over the last eight months you know he and I are on a journey and is our relationship perfect? Hell no. Our highs are incredibly high and our lows, troubling. BUT we talk all the time and the truth is that we respect each other and our respective positions immensely. I would no more raise my voice to him than anything. That’s being completely disrespectful. Have I slipped to a point? Yep, I’m human. Have I made him angry? To date he says no (although I think I came damn close a couple of times).

Have I disappointed and frustrated him? Yes and the disappointment he feels I really do have a difficult time with. The look in his eyes alone drives me crazy. While I’m human, my goal is to please and serve him, not disappoint. So my behavior patterns have changed over our months together and I feel for the better. However, I do misbehave or become disobedient at times. I forget my place and slide back into the vanilla laced girl, the one who has a mouth and a hell of a lot of attitude. So… when this level of behavior occurs he helps me re-focus. You’ve heard that word as well. What does this mean? Well, I receive a spanking and/or other another form of punishment.

On the subject of spanking – let’s be very clear on this – spanking has nothing to do with abuse and should not be performed during or out of anger. The times that John Patrick has spanked me he’s had a very calm head. He’s made certain I knew why I was being punished and exactly what I would receive. He’s only varied if I act out in the middle of the discipline. Does this sound like I’m being punished like a child? There is a tremendous difference in my opinion. This is a decision we both made, a determination to go into a relationship in which disagreements end with either a hard stop when he says or punishment for an infraction.

In discussing what John Patrick and I consider to be very positive aspects to spankings being used as a method of discipline, we both agree a heightened positive is that once the punishment is given the incident is over. There is no little red wagon, no harboring ill feelings on either side. The issue is simply dealt with and not mentioned again. Think about vanilla relationships. You argue and snip at each other. You nag your partner and if you’ve had a bad day, the nagging is going to be that much worse. The nagging usually turns into an argument that can get very heated, usually dragging in various aspects of other grumblings you may have had. If the situation is exacerbated by alcohol or another substance – the recipe is for acts of violence.

Our relationship allows for discussion of course, as any duo sharing a life should, but he is the ultimate control, the one who has the final Good girlsay. I’ve accepted this – this is what I need in my life, as well as his firm hand. I know when he disciplines me he only wants the best for me and for us and while this notion might be difficult to wrap your head around, I think you can tell by the blogs I write, the stories I pen with respect and trust all over them, a D/s relationship can be the best of your life. Yes, I’ll be spanked for disobeying. Yes, I’ll cry from the pain but not because he beat me, punched, lashed out or otherwise used violence. No. Please remember the difference. Will he become frustrated with me as well as my actions in the future? You bet, but he knows know and will continue to learn control in his respect for me. Pretty damn powerful, don’t you think?

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of a Hard Spanking…The One Thing…

Did you ever hear the line from a very famous movie ‘There’s just one thing’? What does that mean? Well, in City Slickers (yep, I am dating myself here) Billy Crystal made certain his buddies knew the one thing that meant the most or challenged them the most was a very personal issue. While they scratched their heads, they realized he was right. There’s no difference in the journey of a DD or D/s relationship – at least in my mind. There are various reasons why men and women A lot more thanenter into an alternative lifestyle. There are some very personal and deep seeded needs within all of us that we often times find tough to explore. Why? Well, as I mentioned in the last blog, everything from our family and friends to the basics of society keep us from truly embracing the real person we are or hunger to be.

We all tend to follow along at some point like drones. Let’s face it – we have to follow so many rules and regulations we tend to just expect every aspect of our lives is based on some formula. You know the one I mean. We get out of high school, then college and begin to explore our sexual needs (no matter how kinky they may be) get a great job as we move into a career. Then we find the right husband or wife material, move into the house in the burbs, have the white picket fence and the two kids with the perfect Golden Retriever named Muffy and life moves on. Suddenly we’re fifty going – what the fuck? Well, here we are in a relationship in which we don’t know the person (or yourself for that matter) any longer nor do if REALLY questioned do you care to be in one with that guy or gal sitting across the dinner table. You know that table too, right? The one in which the television is blaring some bullshit that you aren’t watching as you eat food you could care less about and simply want to get through the thirty minutes.

Okay, I paint a bleak picture but are you seeing a bit of yourself in here? We all do this. We all settle and we can blame our partner all we want to but the truth is, we allowed ourselves to settle for one reason – we lied to ourselves about who we are. For many of us the concept of comfort is just fine and that’s great. For others, we tend to push back – rage against the machine. Now, you might call this a mid life crises but I’ve realized over the last couple of years breaking the mold is simply realizing we aren’t the person we either thought we were or should be.

Perhaps that’s why so many men and women are moving into a more alternative lifestyle. We long to find ourselves. Sex is a powerful tool and passion and the hunger for another never goes away. In fact, I personally think as we get older we tend to understand our needs, embracing we love sex and want someone to want us. Who doesn’t want to hear amazing words of lust and desire? What man or woman doesn’t feel those teenage butterflies when another gives us a compliment or states blatantly they want nothing more than to kiss or see or hug or… You know what I mean. I feel amazing when I’m with John Patrick. The man is loving and sensitive, giving and nurturing, demonstrative and the most amazing man to have a basic conversation with. He’s also very powerful in his quiet dominance, his increasing control and my desire to submit to him.

Pretty heady stuff. I asked you a challenge during the last blog. What’s the one thing you really need as a woman? I think a lot of us would say love, honesty, trust and passion. Where does this all begin in reality? Acceptance. Not only do we long to have acceptance of the person we are with our significant other, but crave being able to show those inner secrets to our husband/wife/lover more than Evocative oneanything. And we all harbor things deep inside we’re suddenly afraid to share.

When we were teenagers, we thought we could conquer the world. We said ‘fuck you’ to certain powers that tried to keep us from being who we are. Well, guess what? Somewhere along the way you lost who you were. Didn’t you? Hmmm… I know I did. I was a totally different woman. I believed in different things. I might not have understood my submissive needs then as my outer personality dictates so much of my professional life, but the need was there. Now that I can label who and what I am, I feel free. Yes, John Patrick has certainly helped in my personal freedom, but he only flipped the door wide open. He didn’t crack the lock, finally smashing the padlock that dragged me more into what society thought I should be, thereby I allowed myself to be that way.

I did that. I finally not only accepted the woman I am deep inside, but I also embraced her. That was tougher than you think. I took a long hard look at my reflection and realized I am a submissive and need a man to dominate me. I am a woman who not only thrives on that level of control, but also excels and the concept of needing strict discipline is like a shot of adrenaline to my psyche. I shiver just thinking about this. While vanilla relationships work for so many, for me? Not so much. I’m an odd mixture of needing a firm hand and stretching the boundaries in which John Patrick reminded me just the other day – take my mind out of the vanilla space.

It’s been quite a while since I had my last spanking and I know he’s ready to issue one, two or five given my mouthiness, my push against his authority. I laugh but I tend to move back into the vanilla girl as a habit. We shall see how that spanking goes.

For each one of us, finding the person inside, truly admitting who we are and what we need is difficult. If we’re lucky enough to have a partner we trust implicitly, enabling frank and open conversations, fantastic. If we don’t that then in honesty, we need to move on. I refuse to accept complacency any longer. I don’t want to live a plastic life, being a vanilla girl wearing a mask and hiding the submissive. So what’s that one thing for you? What is the one thing inside you need the one way in which you’ll allow him or her to come out? Tough question but is it really? You know who you are. You know what you want. Your emotions run high as you think about who you were and what you really want.

Emotions play a role in every relationship, so does love and passion. The rest is molded with every couple – different in the dynamic but very powerful. In exploring aspects of discipline, my own blogs have forced me to open my mind further, delve into various aspects of why I think discipline is an amazing and perhaps necessary tool for couples. I hope for you, you’ve been able to see a bit of yourself and perhaps First Spankingsmile knowing you’re not alone in what you long to have.

I encourage you to explore, to trust and accept yourself, and to talk to your partner. First steps. Spankings are a product of intense and deep needs, not because of the physical act itself. Spankings are all about control and letting go. John Patrick is a different man being my Dominant, knowing I trust his judgment when he says I need a hard spanking. I’m a different woman being able to completely let go with him, show the vulnerable sides. The ultimate in relationships is all about being YOU – isn’t it?

I hope you’ve enjoyed the series and would love to hear your thoughts.

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of a Hard Spanking…Balance and Whipping More than Just…

Spanking… How hard can your ass take the strike of a belt?

What do you think about when you hear the single word? Well I think for the majority of people, we think about children misbehaving. Even then, spanking our child has become basically illegal. Do NOT get me started after the week I’ve had. There are a hell of a lot of adults who need to be spanked or at minimum sent to the corner for some “quiet time”, let alone children who could use a solid regime of being disciplined in the ways we were as a kid. What few of us realize is that the use of spankings as punishment are on the rise – for marriages and other intimate The Belt Meansrelationships. Why? Well, we’ve already addressed why. As I begin to wind down my blog series (I think I’ve shown you a fairly decent number of implements that can be used with desired success) I wanted to take the concept just a step further and one few couples may practice. I’ve found John Patrick uses several methods of discipline in our journey – trying to find the right balance.

That’s the key with any amount of discipline whether punitive punishment or being chastised at work, jail time or simply being taken over your husband or spouse’s knee. Balance is key. What works for some certainly doesn’t work for others. For me? John Patrick has figured out my balance is changing. My need to be spanked on a regular basis is increasing and there are various reasons. He’s also much more comfortable with him dominance over me and his understanding he needs more control as well. This blog is going to explore some alternatives within the realm of spanking.

Being spanked – paddled, whipped, belted or flogged. Don’t the words just resonate with you? I honestly didn’t realize until about four years ago I truly wanted to embrace being taken in hand in a relationship. Now, I’ve had certain tendencies all my life or needs I couldn’t put into words, but to truly embrace the fact I wanted something outside of the traditional vanilla relationship? Well, that takes guts, a heightened level of courage few people have. That also takes facing the inner person, the one who’s been trained by parents, previous relationships and the social world including various forms of media. Now that I’ve been writing and blogging, learning and experiencing, I truly respect couples that can incorporate spanking/discipline/punishment in all phases of their lives.

Spanking… What if the desire to use increases in both the Dominant and the submissive?

The thought alone makes me cringe and salivate at the same time. I long for John sometimes all a girl needsPatrick’s firm hand, for him to pull me over his lap and use his bare hand. I crave when he stands in front of me, looking down (only in my bare feet) and says in no uncertain terms I need discipline. Why? I think I’ve pretty much established why. I thrive on his control and nurturing domination. I had no clue I would focus and truly see more clearly given guidance and yes, pretty severe punishment. I’ve been particularly reflective as of late, given some life bullshit we all have to deal with. In my thinking I continue to try and figure out why I hunger. Maybe this is like similar aspects of our lives in which we just ‘are’. There may be no way to explain the need other than to say the desire or feelings are innate.

As John Patrick and I move along the path embracing both his side of control and my journey into submission, we’ve certainly talked about as well as explored other avenues of discipline. As I’ve mentioned before, punishment and pain can be different things within your particular dynamic. Bringing this out and clarifying in my writing can be tough as times. How can you differentiate between a commanding figure that uses his dominance in ways of discipline versus when the behavior begins to move into darker kink and playtime? Tougher than you might think. Why do I mention? Because in talking with people, those who are both completely vanilla as well as some involved in the D/s or BDSM community, there are varied thoughts about spanking versus other methods of issuing pain.

Spanking… What if you were spanked in other places on your body?

So I wanted to explore given a conversation I had with John Patrick the other night. As you all know, we can’t be together all the time. He and I are both trying to figure out methods of control as well as allowing me the grasp, if you will, my realization that his love and support is there all the time, even though he may be miles away. I hunger for him in many ways and on that night, in feeling particularly lonely, asked if I could pleasure myself. I don’t ask often. Yes, he permitted with certain parameters including whipping myself. Yes, the place of choice has nothing to do where I sit down. This is where the alternative style of spankings comes in. he asked me to spank myself in one place on my body – my pussy. Yes, he did. Don’t run away screaming just yet.

For those of you who are gasping in horror, just breathe for a minute. Being spanked across the breasts or the pussy is considered harsh for some and playtime for others. The sensations are amazing. That I can tell you. For John Patrick and I, the various methods are simply an extension of both play and punishment. Yes, the dichotomy is interesting in pretty much every dynamic. What you can imagine is that the level of pain is entirely different than being spanked on the ass. There is more padding on your butt cheeks than the breasts or pussy. Can these spankings go too far? Well of course, just like any other aspect of using punishment. Washing his or her mouth out can go too far if you don’t know what you’re doing. You have to be smart about this or any practice of bridging BDSM. Every Dom has to educate himself just like with fire cupping or the use of a flogger.

When John Patrick felt comfortable enough to broach the subject, I already trusted him implicitly. There wasn’t any doubt. Our relationship had and continues to grow to different levels, ones that allow us to talk about any or everyThe quuiet obey aspect of using pain as a methodology of heightening his dominance. There’s a mouthful for you. Right?

What I’m simply saying is that he is not only more comfortable in increasing my pain but enjoys his personal exploration. For me, seeing both of our growth within this dynamic lifestyle, I’m eager to delve into other aspects – CAREFULLY.

So he’s used his hand, his belt and yes, the dreaded quirt in whipping various areas on my body. Does it hurt like hell? You bet, but what I found is the level of excitement and desire builds in me more than I would have ever imagined. The short bursts of smacks certainly garner my attention. Yes, the argument will forever stand – is this really discipline or something else? Well, I would say both – depending on how the punishment is used. Why do I say this? Because I’m changing as a woman and in my personal journey, I’m truly grasping that so much of what I crave and thrive on now versus when I began my relationship with John Patrick has zero to do with his belt or a paddle, the use of his hand or quirt, placing me in the corner or his decision to cane my breasts. Let this rumble in the back of your mind. What settles my raging mind more than anything? What drives me into my continuing trust within myself as well as with John Patrick? Remember the word balance.

Challenge for you – tell me what you think. Close your eyes and imagine your relationship. What drives you – and I mean you – as a woman and your needs, no matter what they are? Hmmm… This might be much more complicated than you think OR this might be very simple. Let me know and I’ll tell you my thoughts tomorrow…

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Art of a Hard Spanking…Are Discipline Spankings Going Too Far?

I’ve touched on this before but I had a wonderful conversation on my blog talk radio show yesterday, which really brought this back to the forefront. For those of you who don’t know, I host a radio show every other Sunday at 2pm called The Edge. I talk with authors and other artists who take their works to the edge (think kinky, wild, political) and I think writers who pen spanking stories are certainly out there. In my discussion with Renee Rose, I asked her of course whether her stories were based in fantasy or if she lived the lifestyle. While she considers herself a spanko, she doesn’t live the lifestyle per say – although she and her husband enjoy some playtime.

I asked her why she was interested in writing spanking stories and what she imagined Undoing His Belther family and friends thought. Her interest is based in her long time desires – whether they’re more fantasy based than those who live the lifestyle. Her friends and family? They are supportive even if they don’t want to read her books. Then the topic of conversation came up about erotic spankings versus those used for discipline. What I found fascinating is that she doesn’t believe spankings should be used for discipline. I really hadn’t heard of a spanko splitting hairs this way. So we delved further.

For her, playtime spankings are fine or perhaps if couples are completely into the BDSM lifestyle, but using them in a domestic discipline situation? No. She had considered the option, even being open enough with her husband to discuss, but they chose not to explore the option. Why? She’s not come to the conclusion that while she’s submissive, her need to submit can be sated by their playtime. Now she can share in an equal relationship with her partner.

I’ve given this some thought since the show and discussed her thoughts and my comments with John Patrick. He actually mentioned to me today that one of my recent blogs made him really think about how difficult being in a long distance relationship can be. He commented that he feels very frustrated not being able to give me what I need and often times that includes his firm hand – as well as his loving TLC.

I think he and I are going through some growing pains. With my conversation with Renee in mind, I asked him if he’s noticed a difference in me since it’s been awhile since my last spanking. The answer was yes and that when I received them on a regular basis I was calmer as well as much more focused. This is the very same thing I’ve said recently about myself – which I find fascinating. I honestly feel a hell of a lot calmer after a good old fashioned whipping Why? Because I’m able to completely let go of all the angst and tension. God knows I’ve had a hell of a lot of that lately. I also asked his thoughts when he’s able to administer discipline regularly. Now, so far he’s commented only that he believes he’s helping making me feel better in a direct fashion.

Personally, knowing my Sir, I think he needs the control factor. Being able to have the lines of D/s laid out in such a fashion really does bring us closer together. When we delved further, I mentioned what Renee said and asked his thoughts. To paraphrase him when I asked whether he thought spanking for discipline, his thoughts were… Yes he believes they are vital. First he mentioned both parties absolutely have to be on the same page. They both know spankings are going to be used and he has to set the ground rules. He very much Mouth on beltbelieves in black and white and when both parties know exactly what’s expected of them – in other words clear communication – that’s the first hurdle.

He went onto state that with vanilla couples where they have disagreements or if she’s crossed some line of disobedience (even in his eyes) what usually happens? The couple argues and usually one or both parties left with a bad taste in their mouth. In using spankings, the incident is brought to light and she knows in no uncertain terms what she’s being punished for and why. After the spanking the incident is completely put to rest, never to be mentioned again. We both believe this brings couples closer together, allowing full comprehension of the good and the ugly that usually stays buried within a relationship.

I’ve always thought there were three different levels of a spanking relationship – and yes they can intertwine in several ways. One is all about erotic playtime – some fuzzy handcuffs and a flogger purchased at a local kink store or on the Internet. The second is moving further into full BDSM where levels of spanking are used primarily for a part of serious playtime. While discipline can be involved of course, flogging or the use of a bullwhip (and assorted other implements) is often taken to an entirely different level. The third is the use of spanking for discipline or punishment for wrong doings.

When Renee mentioned she didn’t believe spankings should be used as a form of discipline, I admit I was taken aback a little bit. She considers a spanking more of a fetish. Her comments made me really explore my desires and fascination for the various lifestyles. For me, I’ve moved WAY past pretty much every erotic form of spanking. While John Patrick and I have explored various methods of BDSM play, spankings themselves really are identified as discipline. Certain floggings are used in various other stimulating methods. But a light spanking for foreplay? That won’t do a thing for me.

The methodology behind discipline is much more mental for me and I honestly think for John Patrick as well. We’ve come to realize after several months that my mental state around a spanking will determine how I handle the pain and the duration. He mentioned to me today that he’s noticed the concept of humiliation within and around a spanking affects me more now than it used to. Why? Yes, the very notion of being taken over someone’s knee like a child, ass exposed, is pretty primal and basic Obeying Sirin every human. I think the re-focusing he always mentions is so much more a byproduct of the understanding I’ll be receiving punishment because of behavioral issues. Often times I resort to the vanilla girl and this includes my sarcastic mouth. I also know I’m pushing him mentally in ways (subconsciously) to see what lengths he’ll go to discipline me since we can’t be together all the time. Yes, he HATES that. I have a feeling the next spanking will be LONG.

I started writing spanking stories well over two years ago as did Renee. We’ve both seen a shift in how they are perceived and what readers are looking for. The fantasy is certainly still a delicious part of basic romance writing, but many readers are now hungry for real stories of unglorified discipline spankings – such as within a domestic discipline. The audience is hungry for reality while satisfying their kinky cravings. Spanking needs have changed in stories as well as in relationships. Do I think using spanking takes a relationship way outside of the path of what’s considered normal? Honestly? No, because spankings have been around since the beginning of relationships. Only within the last few decades did equality get in the way.

My rambling thoughts today. Let me know what you think. BTW, Renee’s stories are amazing so check her out and I’ll give you the show link – they are always archived.

Kisses and spanks…



Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The Art of a Hard Spanking…Holding Your Position

Let me tell you, I had no idea about the understanding of the three little words – “Hold Your Position” until I found myself unable to do so. No matter what you think, when someone is whipping your ass, back, upper thighs, etc, there is no was you can completely stay in position – at least without practice. You might tell your brain you have to be good, you may have very good intentions but trust me, your hand will fly or you’re gonna wiggle like a wildabeast. You just will. Think about it. When was the last time you were spanked? Did he place you over his knees and use his hand? Undoing his beltWhile a hard spanking with a bare ass and strong upper arm can certainly hurt, this is NOTHING like some other implements that can be used. I bet you wiggled like crazy. My guess is he had to place his hand on the small of your back at least twice, perhaps give you the “if you continue to struggle we’re going to start all over” tag line. Right? Did I peg your moment of discipline?

John Patrick is a large man – in the sense of being so darn tall. YUMMY. Being a big guy means he has brute strength (yep you can get all hot and wet ladies cause he does that to me). Now, this doesn’t mean he uses his muscular physique to whip me silly. As I’ve already told you, the man is about as controlled in his methodology of doing anything as I’ve ever seen. He’s practiced, learns, makes certain he obtains my thoughts on what’s occurred, then determines if the implement will go into his repertoire. Yes, he has one. Does that tell you how many spankings I’ve received? Let’s see, what has he currently used to date? His hand, his belt (shiver), a paddle, a wooden spoon, a flogger, another leather type strap, and oh yes – the wicked quirt. He had a duffle bag in which he houses all his rather dark and delicious toys. Oh but I digress.

I think I mentioned the actual first time he spanked me we were experimenting more than anything and we had “ears” around us. John Patrick had no idea if I was a screamer (neither did I) and truly didn’t want to hear a knock on the door that the entire hotel was um… concerned some chick was being slaughtered like a pig in the next room. So… he went pretty light in comparison to what I now know can be his intensity of spankings. He learned more of my body that night, how I mark etc. and that formulated more of what kind of disciplinarian he was going to be.

The actual first time I was punished he used his belt. The situation was such that we were in tight confines and I had to lean over a table. Now of course he didn’t whip me but so many times because he didn’t know how I’d react and in truth he hadn’t used his belt. We have some real privacy (the noise factor) so I wasn’t quite as muffled as I had been before. What I realized is that being belted is NOTHING like you think and try as I may I kept standing up, looking at him with no doubt pleading eyes, and generally wigging like a bad girl. He honestly didn’t say much at the time or push me down. He encouraged, telling me I was doing well and just a few more.

To feel my beltThe event was relationship altering for both of us. I honestly can tell you that it was at that moment I completely embraced his authority and his domination. I also respected the fact he had taken the time to know when I needed real punishment (and yes I did) and tested methodologies that he thought would be better suited – for both of us. The experience will always be one that remains in the forefront of our minds and the high we both received – amazing. Now don’t get me wrong, there are methods of inflicting pain thereby taking the person to a higher plain and in to euphoria that has nothing to do with actual punishment for disobedience. We weren’t trying to achieve that in any way, but the fact is we were both full of adrenaline for a couple of days. Hard to explain.

After that there seemed to be a bar or a certain level we’d reached and while that also has nothing to do with his need to keep me focused, the concept is a bit of a by-product. We began to explore other methods and the kind of discipline that I needed as a woman. John Patrick was truly beginning to embrace the fact he not only wanted to use spanking as punishment but as a tool to keep me focused. For women, we tend to be all over the place with our emotions and I’m actually shocked as hell that spankings keep me grounded. I think for me, the concept of maintenance spankings would help very much.

Now that he and I have been together for a while, as you can imagine many locations, positions and implements have been used. John Patrick never thought he’d actually like having me over his knee, but he does. What I’ve heard quite often now is that I need to learn to stay in position. He’s only tied me up once and that was for a rather intense session that bordered more on BDSM than punishing me for some wrong doing. I asked him whether or not the fact I don’t stay in position bothers him and if I should learn to do so. Oh, his answer is just like the man – on point. His exact quote: “Yes, I guess it bugs me in a way. But in the same way as any other command you are given. If I say stay in position then that’s what you are required to do so period. No different than anything else you are told.” Not that this needs any explanation but what I garnered out of his succinct answer is all about respect. And he’s right. Staying in position can be accomplished, the goal achieved – in time.

John Patrick is one of the most patient men I’ve ever met and in truth he has to be with me. I have foibles just like any other human and we all make mistakes, right? What I’m finding lately is that given some obstacles I have in my life, my emotional level is a big more off the chain and in truth, I’m usually a bit more even keeled. You couple this fact with the understanding I’m bold and brassy, tell it like it is and yes, I can be a bit overly dramatic and the recipe is one for… Well, needing many a hard spanking. Just how can you learn to stay in position? I honestly do believe that you have to feel in your heart and soul that you are required to do so. Taking a punishment spanking is usually a moment where you’ve mentally prepared yourself.

Spankings used as discipline aren’t supposed to be fun or erotic. They are Waiting for Sir in Denmeant to hurt. So you’re going to have to grit your teeth, close your eyes and keep your arms out or placed on the floor. You’re going to have to stop wiggling and never try and slap his hand away. Breathe, go to a place of peace and know that the spankings are for your well being. They’re also good for your husband/Dom and will be extremely beneficial for your relationship. Am I going to be perfect the next time? Hell no, especially if he uses the quirt.

The last punishment I was particularly bad and he simply used his belt. I cried and whined and wiggled and begged. He asked later why. What I figured out is that I hadn’t been prepared for a quick spanking mentally. I was in the vanilla girl headspace. I have to remember at all times – he is my Dom, the man who knows me best, and one who will spank my ass whenever he knows I need. So… I learn every day. Patience, as he tells me. UGH.

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

The Art of a Hard Spanking…the Quirt

I’m bringing back this blog series for a couple of reasons. One – this dazzling and very painful implement I never even considered covering when I did the original series. Two – my publisher with Naughty Nights Press doesn’t comprehend I know an awful lot of spanking implements – some more up close and personal than others. I think this leather strap will pretty much get anyone’s attention. Just what is this?

The quirt is a riding crop used to discipline or “encourage” horses into obeying. The Quirtslender handle and very miniscule straps certainly make you think that the implement has no umpf. WRONG. I’ve heard of riding crops of course and the use of them, but this one in particular I had no clue about. As you can imagine, John Patrick introduced me to the Quirt and I’ve quickly realized this is pretty much his favorite implement. Why? IT HURTS LIKE HELL. For him, the concept of teaching a bad submissive is very real. This tool helps in his endeavor. I’ve mentioned to you before that he takes his whippings VERY seriously. He tests, tries, snaps his wrist etc to make certain he has control of whatever method of punishment he’s using.

If you’re new to spanking, make certain your Dom/Master/Husband/Significant other absolutely has some clue about how each implement can be and should be used. Why? Because a paddle is completely different that a swinging belt than a short or long handled flogger than his hand. The cane and a switch inflict entirely different amounts of pain as well as marks. The beauty of using various implements is to create different effects. Some more painful than others.

For many couples, being taken in hand – literally – is exactly what they crave. To be pulled over his lap, panties pulled down and a hard hand spanking issued is exactly what the bad girl needs. For those of us who practice a bit more of the disciplinary lifestyle, various “toys” are going to be used. I say the term toys with tongue in cheek. John Patrick has spanked me with various things including his hand, a wooden spoon, a cane, his personal belt (my favorite to date) and the dreaded quirt. He certainly didn’t use the whip on me early on or first. He wasn’t even entirely certain how to use the crop correctly – and so he practiced. Of course he did – damn it.

I don’t think any of us can ever forget the first time we were spanked. Perhaps dad was the disciplinarian and when you were very bad he’d be the one who told you in no uncertain terms you were getting a whipping later that day cause you were BAD. Do you remember how you shivered, cried even before the fateful hour? Oh you bet – shiver.

When you’re involved in a Domestic Discipline or Domination and submissive relationship, spankings are often used. The first time you submit? Hell, you have no freaking clue what to expect. This isn’t about puppies and rainbows and fuzzy handcuffs. If your Dom/Domme is truly going to help you understand your position, Kneeling on the bedthe spanking is going to hurt like a son of a bitch. In the case of my first time with John Patrick, well he’d been telling me in no uncertain terms that I’d disobeyed him. We talked about my lack of patience, my need to continue to push, my aggressive tendencies – etc. etc. blah, blah, blah. (Said with tongue in cheek). I already knew that I needed to be controlled and wanted to obey him but my natural personality is a bit tough to break per say.

And so on one fateful afternoon I felt the intense and very awe inspiring sensation of his personal belt, the one he wears pretty much every day of his life. I’ve blogged about this before and the day, the moment, the realization this man so got me and my needs – powerful as hell. The event is tremendously special and both John Patrick and I talk quite often about how amazing the day was. Yes amazing. For any of you reading my blog and you’ve slapped your hand over your mouth going – HOW THE HELL could a spanking be special? All I can say is trust me.

John Patrick and I have been together long enough at this point we know each other pretty darn well. He has complete understanding with regard to my lack of patience, my need to question pretty much everything and my ‘big brain’ theory as he calls my mind working over time. He gathered early on that I need to be refocused on a regular basis, embrace not only the fact he’s in charge but that I need some pretty heady discipline. He’s right. I’ve said this before – he usually is.

The spankings refocus me – which brings me to the very first time he used the Quirt. He’d mentioned he thought the particular implement would be much more severe and that he reserved the time he’d used the particular crop on me when I was – well very very bad.

I crossed that line. You know me – I just did without reservation, without passing go. I rushed past the few rules I had and he said in no uncertain terms – I would receive…

And so I knew I’d receive a serious session with the quirt. Keep in mind – I had no real clue of what the concept meant. I knew floggers. I’d seen bullwhips. I respected the notion this was going to hurt like shit.

But I still had no real understanding. Until…

As you may understand, the concept of anticipation is a very powerful tool withSubmitting over the kitchen table regards to obedience. We frustrate and worry, try to imagine and think the worst. Then reality sets in… He was going to spank with a powerful instrument.

And so the day arrived.

You bet the anticipation kicked my ass. When he lowered his voice, told me that I’d been very disobedient and that he was disappointed in me, I cringed. When he led me into the basement and told me to undress – WHEW is all I can say. There’s no way to tell you the running emotions I had or the worries that swept through every aspect of my psyche. I was worried. I was afraid to the point of not knowing. I was…humbled. I had tears in my eyes.

As John Patrick had me wrap my hands around a heady metal pole, the kind a dark and dank basement would have, I shivered all over. Even his soothing hands and voice, the one that told me this would be good for me, didn’t soothe my raging nerves. Arching my back and opened my legs wide only reminded me that I was and will be his submissive – and that I had to obey.

And so my punishment began…


There is no way to explain the difference in belt and quirt or flogger other than to say, I understand why he held back this method of punishing me. WHEW. The sting is quick and harsh. The way my entire body shakes is different. The understanding he has so much power in his hand as he snaps his wrist – WOW. Have I learned from that experience? Oh hell yeah. Will I receive the whip again? Ummm… Was told today I would and you know what? I deserve. When he held me afterwards, told me how proud he was of me and that he loved me – well, I knew the punishment was exactly what I needed.

Tell me – what do you think?

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Honor – When You Can No Longer Accept…

Honor – we all have some aspect in our lives – something that is so very important to us. Whether our personal honor is about our integrity or our family, our work and our desires, we share the same need to be accepted. Honor is a tremendous part of this. For those in the military – to challenge one’s honor is – horrific.

I found myself doing a few military pieces and while I’ll never suggest I have any real understanding, what I do know is that love is love, the desire to share ourselves with others innately the same and we all bleed in the color of red. So…

This  piece came to me – a need to share something about two men caring so much about each other nothing else mattered. I so hope you enjoy a taste…


“Dude. Did you see the new Major? Jesus fucking Christ the girl has legs up to here.” Laughing, he cupped his breasts and twirled in a circle.

Castillo Sanchez grinned and raised his cup, snorting as he glanced toward the rest of the marines at the table. They hadn’t seen a babe in months. “Sorry Frankie. Major Shelby is not only married, I have no doubt she’d cream your ass before breakfast more bondagethen instruct you to do a few hundred pushups or so.”

“You really think?” Frankie asked, his eyes opening wide.

“What do you think, Tank?” Castillo shrugged as he looked across the table. The larger man gave a wink and flashed his infection grin. The poor kid had no idea what kind of trouble he would be getting into if he even tried to touch the Major. She was a special instructor brought in for a few weeks and there were strict guidelines about fraternization.

“What do I think?” Dewitt Breckinridge, aka ‘Tank’ scooted his chair back and crossed his legs, giving the private a once over. “I think you need to get into shape. You’re soft around the middle. No fine looking woman such as Major Shelby is gonna want your sorry ass.”

“Really?” Frankie snuffled and wiped his nose and mouth. “I didn’t think I was that bad.”

“Think again, soldier,” Castillo huffed, using his gruffest voice. Yeah, they liked dicking around with the privates.

“Yep. I suggest you get busy. How about dropping and giving up fifty?” Tank added, winking at Castillo.

Frankie hesitated, his eyes flashing.

“Guys?” Castillo asked the three other men sitting at the table.

“Hell yeah,” the red head said as he grinned.

“He needs a hell of a lot of work,” the second stated.

“Fuck yeah he needs work. Get down on your hands and knees, boy,” the third rumbled. “That’s where you’ll end up for the rest of your life around a woman anyway.”

Castillo rolled his eyes and pointed to the color. “Down and give us fifty and I want to hear you counting, marine.”

“Yes sir!” Frankie instantly dropped to the ground, his enthusiasm sparking a round of applause from the few tables around them.

“Poor guy. He’s love sick.” Tank sniffed and crossed his legs.

“I don’t hear you counting.” Castillo nodded.

“Three, sir. Four, sir. Five, sir.” Frankie pumped up and down, his body nothing but a machine.

Groaning, Castillo eased forward in his seat. “Not bad.”

Tank leaned over, his eyes twinkling. “He’s a hell of a lot younger than we are.”

“You have to remind me?”


Go, go, go.” The collective group cheered, whistling as Frankie continued at a frantic pace.

Castillo sighed. “Keep going.”

“Yes sir!” Frankie didn’t miss a beat.

Tank gave Castillo a look. “Remember when we were that eager?”

“Were we?” He knew the answer. Now on his last tour of duty, he’d never imagined a sophisticated kisslife after the military, but home was calling his name. Still, leaving would be bittersweet.

“Yeah, we were.” Tank shook his head. “Keep going. Almost there.”

Castillo thought about the last two years – two long years of being home only three times and for barely two weeks. The tours had been brutal but now he was going to miss his buddies, his friends. And Tank. Darting a quick look at the larger than life man, he shuddered. Their relationship could cost them everything, but neither could help they way they felt. “You got it, buddy.”

“Fifty!” Frankie grunted and jumped up on his feet, raising his arms as the other men in the platoon cheered. “I am de man.”

“Go get ‘em tiger.” Castillo noticed the lovely Major’s commanding stance and bit back his smile. While he had no idea how long she’d been standing in the shadows, watching the most basic of testosterone events, he could tell she was amused.

Her heels clipping on the tile, Major Shelby walked forward, a gleam in her eye.

“Oh shit.”


Castillo stood and gave her a salute. “Major.”

“I see some physical activity among the ranks. Good to see. Physical well being is vital.” Major Shelby looked from man to man, her expression blank.

Yet Castillo could see a mischievous glint in her eyes. No doubt the vixen had dealt with her share of boys being boys.

“Yes m ‘am. I…I…agree.” Frankie’s words were almost incoherent.

She walked around him, her look stern. “However, I don’t think you’ve done enough. Drop and give me fifty more.”

There was a moment of hushed silence as Frankie blinked and the rest of the marines seemed to shift backwards.

“You heard the Major. Fifty more,” Castillo barked. He moved toward her, giving her a respected nod before heading for the exit.

“Hold on, marine. I didn’t give you permission to leave.” Her tone was authoritative.

Stopping in his tracks Castillo slapped his hands against his sides and swiveled as required. “Yes m ‘am.”

“I think you need to show your teammate support. Don’t you?” She could barely keep her amusement in check.

“Excellent idea,” Tank goaded.

Castillo shot him a look. “Yes m ‘am. Fifty comin’ right up.”

“Oh no, you need to do more. I suggest one hundred,” Major Shelby cooed.

“Woo hoo!” The crowd shouted.

There was nothing worse for his forty two year old body than doing push ups, but the moment he dropped to the ground he became determined. Hell yeah he was going to do them. As ten turned into twenty and he knew Frankie was pumping fast and furious, he began to sweat.

“I think he’s getting soft,” Tank chortled as he towered over Castillo.

“You get down here and do them.” Castillo managed to grunt out the words.

“No, I’m kinda enjoying the sight.” Sniffing, Tank paced back and forth, counting with every push up.

Somewhere between eighty-five and ninety Castillo began to sweat like a pig. Frankie had long since finished and was sitting on the edge of the table, swinging his legs as he counted with Tank. For a few minutes all he wanted to do was reach out and deck the kid.

“Five more,” Tank teased. “Get ‘er done.”

When he was finished Castillo rolled over on his back, staring up at the ceiling, and Imagined-Honor-Cover-medlifted his middle finger toward Tank.

“Me thinks the young dude bested him,” Tank huffed.

“Get your black ass down here and do a few hundred, then you can talk to me.” Castillo laughed as the men clapped. Tipping his head he saluted the Major. “May I leave now?”

“Certainly marine if you can get up.” Laughing, she winked before walking away.

As Tank helped him up he thought about all the things he had to do before getting the hell out of dodge. The fighting near the camp had gotten worse and he had a feeling they were going to be called out for one last adventure. He had less than a week and he was going home. Home. What the hell was he going to face?

“You did great, sir.” Frankie grinned.

“Thank you.” Castillo rubbed his sweaty hands on his pants. “I think.”

Tank burst into laughter. “For an old guy.”


I will honor my country, my fellow soldiers above all things. I will keep their safety and the security of my country in the forefront of my mind. I will fight to the death to protect and serve – for I am a Marine.

For Castillo Sanchez, the mantra wasn’t merely words stated. They were his life. After serving three consecutive tours of duty in Afghanistan, he was finally going home, retiring and finding a new life. While he missed his friends and family, the only happiness he’d ever found had been in the ranks of the military – and in the arms of a man he’d fallen in love with. Sadly, his relationship remained a burning secret, much like the one that had followed him from home.

Dewitt Breckinridge, ‘Tank’ to the men and women of the ranks, was a troubled man, one who’d found solace in the ranks of the Marines. Able to clean up his past, forge into the future, he’d never anticipated finding love in the arms of another man. For him, life was a mixture of good versus evil, a dichotomy he found hard to resist.

After an ambush that left one of their own on death’s door, Castillo became a hero, going home with a decorated status – that is until his honor was stripped away. Falling into despair, news about Tank became the driving force in picking up the pieces – but at what price? Two men. One country. Unquestionable integrity.

Can you see why I love this one?

Kisses and spanks…



And death…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments