Continuing into the D/s Lifestyle - Letting Go

I had an incredible lunch today with an amazing man. He’s extraordinarily intelligent, witty, sexy as hell and one of the most passionate men I’ve ever met. We’re friends, getting closer, and he has honored me with allowing me into his worlds. When I say worlds, it’s because he (like so many of us) have different personas that he portrays depending on whom he’s spending time with. All of us have one or five. We have the one we show our parents and children. We have another in which we are the person our boss needs us to be. We perhaps must be the ultra conservative person in our communities and there are friends and family who simply couldn’t accept anything other than the man or woman they think they know. “Think” being the catch word here.

Sometimes there is the person we are with our significant other and often times the person isn’t the creature inside. Often…

I’ve always said the eyes of a man are the window to his very soul and in this case, I’m so right. This man is hungry to experience so many things. We talked about certain aspects of D/s. He knows I write and was drawn to On Becoming His more than any man I’d every talked with. In truth, I hadn’t really had a man tell me his point of view. I was surprised and pleased when he said my writing made him delve inside of himself, opening up a Pandora’s box type of lid and showing him how much more he wanted out of life. He’s new to the D/s and BDSM world and we simply enjoy talking about learning and reading aspects of the lifestyle.

The one thing he kept repeating over and over again these last weeks I’ve known him is about his need to let go and for him to be with a partner who would completely let go and in some cases submit to him. Yes, I’m certain those in the lifestyle have heard men and women say they long for a person to submit, body and soul, completely. Of course. But his idea of letting go is something else. I have been thinking about this concept in truth because I can’t let go – neither as a woman or as a lover. I can’t. I think we all get stuck in this rut of our every day lives and we are the person others think or desire us to be. Stop and think about this thought. While not profound, do you honestly allow yourself to think about this often? Probably not or you’d rip your hair out.

For him letting go means not compartmentalizing every aspect of his life and enjoying some things that are truly the measure of the man. Those things he’s found difficulty embracing. Why? All the reasons above. For him, he longs to be allowed to share the joys regarding his kinky desires and that’s one reason he was so taken with On Becoming His. We talked about what letting go can be, and for most of us letting go can mean many different aspects of allowing our masks down or secrets out in the open. Letting go also means having a sexual partner who will share her fantasies and desires in a way she has never before.

When I was talking with him I realized that in a D/s relationship, submissives do this and so much more. They completely let go of their inhibitions and fears, frustrations and concerns, and give to their Master or Dom all of themselves. Of course this doesn’t happen without trust and learning. This also doesn’t happen without a connection. Letting go is a vital aspect of being in a D/s relationship. Whether you’re a Dom/Domme or a submissive, you are both sharing some of the most intimate and life altering concepts about man and woman or same sex relationships you can imagine and few who either can’t embrace and have never read about, can’t understand.

I questioned his thoughts about a woman letting go to him. His thoughts are awe inspiring and he gives highly intelligent answers. He looks at the concept as attainable but rare, inspirational and very powerful. He is so drawn to powerful women who can submit and give their very being and yet he has never truly experienced and so he thinks he’s missing something vital in his life.

When he talked, his verve was utterly breathtaking to me and I can tell you I was drawn into his world of longing. Letting go can also mean nothing more than letting our guards down, admitting what we long for – what we MUST have in our lives. The very aspect seems easy. Right? Do me a favor. Close your eyes and imagine what you really want in sex, a relationship, perhaps punishment… Then envision the day you actually tell your significant other what you want. Easy? Hmmm… No.

For those who are able to completely trust and give all they have to their Dom, it’s amazing. Every day I learn more and respect more. I also love talking with my friend. He brings a fresh perspective about someone just beginning their journey, much like Jessie has been in On Becoming His – only from a man’s point of view. And this man is… well…  That’s for another blog.

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre