Well, I say his and that’s because in the majority of my books a man is giving the spankings. Now, that can be a men giving one to a woman or to a man. I have both. On my blog yesterday I posted a snippet from an upcoming Domestic Discipline piece I have where my hero is very worried about giving her the first spanking. I had several comments from people who mentioned they were glad to see he was taking responsibility. There was a sentence where he mentioned to her that she would likely bruise and I had mixed comments. Some were amazed I was going that far. Well, it was a snippet and leading up to the comment had various concerns. But a point taken so I thought I’d talk a little bit about responsibility.
When any couple engages in giving a spanking, there are various elements involved. They spankings can be for erotic fun, you know like fuzzy handcuffs and yanking her over his knee just before he takes her hard from behind. The whippings can also go to more extreme as in BDSM elements and the use of floggers or wooden paddles, tarses and canes. Or they can be used for discipline as in corporal punishment. In the case of my piece, Anticipation, the spankings are all about discipline. She’s being punished for a wrong doing and is being “taken in hand” as they say. But with any spankings there are levels of responsibilities. You have to know what you’re doing. Spankings are meant to hurt, don’t get me wrong, but you can HARM your spankee and not merely punish them.
The spanker has to know what he or she is doing. The use of different implements does bring different results. Even a simple hand spanking can certainly leave marks, but I don’t think (unless the guy is a brute) the spankee is going to be harmed. Some couples use simple items such as a wooden brush or a spoon before progressing up to a belt or something even harsher. What I can tell you is that with any implement used the spankee is going to bruise, at least the first few times. I know my skin is that sensitive. Red marks from the paddle or brush will occur and in some areas there will be visible bruising. The bruising will certainly go away in time, but the spankee is going to know they received discipline. You want them to, don’t you?
Again, he has to think about what he’s doing and I would always suggest in any situation where he is giving her a punishment type of spanking, he can’t be angry when doling out punishment. A man’s strength being used in anger can definitely do some harm, perhaps even damage. Men who are practiced and skilled at giving spankings know what I’m talking about. Using a paddle is entirely different than using a belt. And for all you belt lovers, swinging a fully extended belt is not something that is easily controlled. Whip it out of your belt loop and try giving a swing to the couch. Did you strike something you didn’t intend to? Uh-huh. You did. Now double over the leather and try again. Different, isn’t it? You have to put some thought into why you’re spanking and what effects you want to achieve.
I have a Master who I talk to on occasion who has gone into detail about the implements he uses. He’s much more into giving various degrees of pain than any form of actual discipline. However he does punish. He’s shown me his tools and yes, I’ve allowed him to try various ones one me. I need to know what it feels like to write. And I admit I love spankings. I think I need them. But that’s another story. What he was able to show me is how each one is used and the amazingly different effects. The paddle – lordy this one hurts like hell. No other way around it. The piece is specially carved and about a foot long with holes in the very dense wood. All I can tell you is that it can drive you up from a bed in about a split second and the bruising is entirely different. The bruises are deep and last a very long time. The leather implements he uses are also about a foot long, but specially designed and they can hurt and sting like hell, but they are very easily controlled with his wrist. He can slap or snap and hurt. I was amazed at his very conscious level of control.
I returned from Mysticon last week. The convention is sci-fi and fantasy with a writer’s track and I happened to be on a panel of lifestyler BDSM folks. What I can tell you is that I was WAY in over my head. I write about BDSM, but these people have been practicing for years, some for decades. Anyway, one panel was about the methods of punishment used and how certain floggers to whips, paddles to even slippers and rope tied in particular methods can hurt. The large suitcase brought out held about forty different implements. My other two panelists were a couple who engage in discipline and they showed off some of the items they use for personal use and for sceneing with other couples. Some of the favorites implements for them were home made. They showed two paint sticks with a small piece of wood in the middle bottom, wrapped together and the simple but very painful effects. They snapped a real slipper across skin (you’d be amazed at the level of pain if you haven’t tried this) and they showed off a rope style flogger that was purchased from Home Depot. They had various spoons and talked about spatulas being used. They did have some very terrifying looking paddles and whips as well.
What they did first and often was stressing over and over again the importance of taking responsibility. For them they know the person they are playing with and their limits. They ask questions before giving certain spankings. If you were spanked as a child by a belt, you probably have an issue with a real belt being used. That’s a simple example but as they said for BDSM, this concept of using implements is about pleasure. Some people enjoy pain. BUT harm shouldn’t be inflicted. I constantly keep in the back of my mind what the Master tells me, he’s going to hurt me not harm me. HUGE difference. In Domestic Discipline, the only different is that the man is using a spanking as true punishment for bad behavior. The wife generally doesn’t like the pain. Yes, lines can be crossed, but you can see where I’m going with this.
If you’re just getting into this lifestyle or are trying different implements, practice using them on a wall or something else before striking a person. You need to learn control and what each implement can do. There is a big difference in the feel of wood versus leather, metal versus rubber or rope. Know what you’re doing. Can you see the word used a lot in my blog? Responsibility. It’s important. Enjoy but take caution.