Discipline vs Punishment…Is there a Difference?

What if you could get away with something heinous? Would you consider doing the evil deed? What if there were no consequences to choices you made? Would that mater in any of the decisions you’ve made for your life? Interesting questions. Don’t you think?

I’m often asked whether or not discipline is completely different than a round of hard punishment. The conversation is something JP and I have talked about several times. I think as with anything else with a D/s relationship, there are various answers, but in our opinion, yes there certainly is. If you’ve read any of my blogs, you’re aware that I completely believe in various aspects of discipline, whether within a domesticFirst Spanking discipline or Dom and submissive relationship. What I think vanilla couples don’t seem to understand is that discipline is a simple way of stating the submissive is to follow certain rules. If they aren’t followed, there are consequences. Sounds easy to understand. Don’t you think? Well, perhaps there is a bit more complexity to the thought process after all.

There are so many misnomers about a D/s relationship and I think at this point, given the media attention, there will be more. Many people don’t understand within any society, there’s a hierarchy of people and their worth based on rank, money, birthright, etc. We as a population in every given country have to follow rules. We were instilled with this notion as a child – at least the majority of us. Right from wrong is generally innate by the time we’re four or five. Our parents taught us that if we touch a hot oven we’ll probably get burned. We learned early on that breaking the law might end us in prison. At work, we abide by the requirements for our position as well as the do’s and don’ts, thereby allowing us to remain employed. We have to pay our bills after all. Even if you absolutely can’t stand the person in the next office, most of us don’t generally stab the guy or gal in the back. Usually anyway.

Why should there be any difference in your relationships? The basic answer is because men and women are equal. There’s no leader in the small pack, no checks and balances. You know my feelings. There can’t be two leaders in any dynamic. Whether you think about a business setting or a battle zone, two or more leaders will generally create friction because everyone has a better idea. Granted, one hopes you’re not going to battle with the love of your life, but how often have you with your special mate?

When you break down the dynamics and there’s one leader, peace can ensue. I say can. You all know the mouthy woman I am and I’ve been a rule breaker in my years. No, I haven’t committed some terrible crime I’ve either been punished for or gotten away with. I’m certain I have certain buttons that if pushed would lead to going outside of my norm. However, if you knew you could stab the co-worker in the back and win points without being discovered, would you do it? Don’t immediately say no. Come on. You know you’ve been in this situation once or twice.

If you break a relationship down to the most base level, both the man and the woman think they know better and ultimately try and sway the other into believing or doing what light spankingthey want. Divorce rates are high because of this very reason. I want control. I need to have control, but not in my home life. Of course the concept is a huge adjustment and thereby both discipline and punishment comes into play.

JP has very few rules. If we were living together I have no doubt there’d be more. I also believe the requirements would increase initially then reach a plateau. I’m not the kind of woman who wants to displease. I merely have a personality that pushes back if I’m unsure, angry, frustrated or just exhausted. Rules do help stabilize my brain when the job takes a significant toll. I’m often anxious or depressed and knowing I have rules to follow honestly helps calm the inner beast.

The concept of Discipline is issued on a more regular basis. The thought process is to keep a submissive in a centered place, which making certain she understand the Dom is in charge. Issuing discipline doesn’t necessarily mean receiving a spanking all the time. Being ignored, standing in a corner, being kept in a quiet space or having luxuries such as the Internet taken away are highly effective. Every Dom needs to find out exactly the kind of behavioral training helps his submissive find her inner peace. This is very individualized.

Performing various talks or rituals is an excellent way not only to help train a submissive, but in a sense will keep her centered. Everything from having a drink ready when the Dom comes home or performing other tasks he requires, is a form of discipline that is non intrusive. Certain tasks can be done when you’re not together. I have several routines I follow every day. This helps tether us, keep the vital aspect of his control alive. I have a very peaceful feeling when I perform them, knowing what I give pleases him very much. This might sound simplistic, but the cause and effect is spot on. I know he’s in control. I embrace the concept. I’ve told him many times I believe I would excel with maintenance spankings.

I’m an intense chick so being able to let go in this manner seems so perfect. Granted, I might not think so if I were getting them once or twice a week. Here’s where the difference in a maintenance spanking and a punishment spanking lies. A discipline spanking isn’t usually as long or as hard. The event is a short bridge of yanking the submissive back to a focused point. I can tell you after having received a spanking I’m much more grounded, calm and collected. Would this work for everyone? Of course not.

I think there are so many people who believe rules and discipline is taking away her individuality, forcing her into acts she has no desire for. Within a D/s relationship, she makes a choice to enter into a realm where rules are foremost. There is no coercion at all. For me, I’ve flourished since and find myself needing more. Has he ever disciplined me when angry? No. That’s not what discipline is about at all. JP is calm and centered himself. We talk about my needs, worries, exasperations etc. that lead me to being over stressed. He knows me so well he can tell by a single text if I’m having a difficult day. For him, being able to take the lead, knowing I’ll follow and obey his requirements without question is a stress reliever as well, so the concept of rules works very well for us.

Punishment isn’t something any submissive wants. Playtime with flogging, etc isn’t the same thing at all. There is and must be a distinction. No one I know wants a round of punishments for several reasons but particularly because they know they’ve disappointed Rules and Rulestheir Dom. JP has been angry with me once and truly disappointed a couple of times. I hate it. The very first time I saw his eyes, the look of hurt mixed with confusion followed by a finality of being so disappointed I almost cried. I never anticipated the intense reaction, the way my stomach lurched. I don’t think he anticipated his level of raw emotions, the kinds that remained long after the incident.

I remember everything about the moment today. I honestly learned more respect for JP as well as for myself. I also thought about lashing out the next time something similar came up. I know a couple of months later I asked if he’d noticed a difference in my behavior and he had. The cause and effect does work. For me as a woman, I am indeed much more grounded in my thinking while I know JP needs more time to train me. We’ll get there. It’s all about…time.

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks…


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Trust, Respect, Honor & Love = D/s

BDSM is merely a platform for abuse? Really? This is another bunch of hogwash, based on ignorance of a lifestyle. You always assume the worst when you don’t know the situation. Right? Turns my stomach still today. I’m very much an advocate for education in all arenas. Sadly, I think BDSM is the elevatornew ‘gay bashing”. While I understand there is a significant amount of misnomers regarding the lifestyle, to actually come out in public and say a platform for abuse? Anger continues to boil in me.

I never realized how vital the above words truly were with regard to a D/s relationship nestled inside of a BDSM environment. Ever since I began a journey of writing as well as my very amazing personal experience with a man who adores me, I’ve embraced these words along with patience, understanding, acceptance, desire, openness and others. These mean something in every D/s relationship. I actually had someone suggest to me that there was no way a couple could be in love and share this kind of relationship. As in ‘this kind’ is distasteful. I certainly realize the lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I’m not into religion, but to each their own.

Don’t judge lest ye be judged. Have you ever heard the expression? Think about this for a few minutes. Yep, you got it, pretty religious stuff. Right? The simple words hold so many truths. It seems few of us hold our tongues, especially when we have a basic opinion on them. When we don’t have a knowledge base, the information becomes muddled, as is the case with Fifty Shades. You see something on the big screen and you automatically believe everything? Dear God, we do have more followers in the world than I thought. How sad.

I asked John Patrick his thoughts on the platform statement and as he said, enjoying a D/s relationship in any manner is: “the freedom of two of more people consenting to partake in BDSM activities. Abuse only starts when either one person is being forced with no consent or the act goes beyond what was agreed upon.” That’s pretty baseline within the BDSM realm. As I’ve said many times before, abuse is abuse no matter what kind of relationship you’re in. Abuse simply can’t or shouldn’t be tolerated. Period.

I talked with a young girl at a conference, who came up to me admitting she’d been abused as a child and never thought she could enjoy thinking about sex. She thanked me saying she felt so much better, was eager to take it slow but perhaps try a relationship. Guess what I was teaching? A class about writing BDSM. Interesting, he? Now, life and the amazing souls who are able to move past true cases of abuse, I applaud your sacrifices as well as your honesty with yourself in learning to trust again. For those you can’t and are tortured souls, there is nothing worse in my mind.

Abusers have their special place in Hell. However, don’t equate D/s or BDSM with abusers. That’s ignorance in a manner that undermines all of the incredible journeys so many couples are on. This kind of prejudice also undermines the authors and artists who bring you pieces where they have spent the time to educate themselves, sharing the truth as well as the fantasy. John Patrick and I had a heated discussion about religious people. Some say a Pull my chainman beating a woman in any manner is simply abuse. As he and I discussed, Domestic Discipline using spankings as punishment is based in Christianity.

He also reminded me there is a Fetlife group that is Christian based and their discussions are very lively and thought provoking. Of course the concept seems to be polar opposite, but I think I might have to read, hear their viewpoints. That’s only fair. I need to learn their thoughts, how their faith works with regard to BDSM.

Unfortunately I’ve known many a “Christian” who hid behind their beliefs and truly abused their partner. But again, as JP reminded me, every walk of life has abusers nestled within. Think about the Catholic Church and all those poor little boys. The man or woman living next door might be abusing their wife behind closed doors, then sits with you at every Sunday church service. In other words, you have no idea where abuse is occurring. It would be ridiculous of me to say that all Christians use Domestic Discipline or potentially could abuse their wives because the practice is based in Christianity. Now wouldn’t it?

As authors we must be careful to provide as much intelligent in our stories as the Internet, talking, other education books, forums, classes etc. can provide. We are scrutinized if one detail is wrong. I accept that responsibility and while I’m no expert, I strive to make certain I’m getting details correct. You are readers must accept, however, that everything you read isn’t gospel. Some authors take short cuts. Those in the lifestyle do not. We understand more than anyone that there must be careful attention paid to caring for another, one who’s placed all their trust in your hands. Fifty Shades is a book of entertainment. That’s it. Yes, the book can influence. Yes, there are discussions and I get it, but don’t disparage the BDSM community for a single movie.

Every D/s couple doesn’t play, but those who do use a safe word, forcing the activity to stop immediately. The safe word is all about trust as well, both in yourself as a submissive and with your Dom/Domme. However, there isn’t a single way I would have EVER allowed John Patrick to touch me in any manner intimately period, let alone with a whip in his hand, without an innate trust of the man. His care and love of the woman inside allows for the very uninhibited aspect to burst through the seams.

The other misnomer he reminded me of is that all women (men of serenity07060_bf365ecourse too) who allow themselves to be used in manners that are within BDSM must be mindless saps, creatures no better than slaves. Well, given I’m a highly intelligent, willful woman who owns two business, has written over one hundred fifty books, and has the highest designation in the country for managing planned communities – what do you think. Do I have any idea what I’m doing with regard to submission? Yeah, I think so.

For the lay person, who’s only heard about being beaten in the course of a BDSM setting, I can understand your concern that the submissive is being at minimum coerced. This simply isn’t the case. Let’s get through a few misnomers. Do submissives enjoy pain, even to the point of craving? Not all submissives are alike just like every woman in a vanilla relationship isn’t the same. I enjoy the closeness of being whipped – not beaten. I embraced the realization I need a firm hand and the spankings or whippings are very calming for me. Does every couple play in BDSM dungeons? First of all, they’re not all dungeons and while JP and I have played to a point, we aren’t really into the club scene and in truth, the concept is a small portion of what he and I share. BDSM is just sex, sex, SEX. Nope. Often there is little sex. The closeness I feel with JP is about so many aspects, ones I’ve discussed. Closeness between a couple of any type can come in various forms. Every relationship is different. This is something everyone needs to remember.

Next time you think abuse, hate the men and women who can’t stand another, beating them to a blood pulp just because they breathe. That’s who you should shun.

Kisses and spanks…


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Tonight is one for true celebration. I’m going to post a blog from Booktrope. I’m a lucky girl tonight, taking the helm of two distinct and wonderful imprints. I have to say I’m still in shock.

You’re going to learn a little bit about the real girl and her aspirations with this breaking news. I’ve been writing since I was five, having published well over 170 books in several genres. This is a new step for me, one I know came along at the right time. I’m still going to write, given that’s my first love and will be working with Naughty Nights Press and others of course. But this new venture means something special and a place I need to go to. I hope you celebrate with me!

Thank you to everyone at Booktrope who has really made me feel special and especially Katherine Fye Sears for her support. 


We are on a roll here at Booktrope HQ! I am thrilled to announce a new Managing Director for our Edge and Entice imprints, Bethany Halle. You may know her better by one of her pen names, but trust me when I say, she is the real deal. Here is a little bit more about Bethany:

Bethany Halle is the award winning, best-selling author of over one hundred and seventy books writing as Cassandre Dayne, DH Black and Dakotah Black. She is also a blog talk radio host of ‘The Edge’, highlighting authors, publishers and other artists who take their creative pieces to a raw and unconventional precipice. She has authored many genres from erotic romance, to cozy mysteries. Her works as Cassandre have delved into various aspects of BDSM, D/s, edge play, domestic discipline and dark thrillers in books as well as her widely read blog. Ms. Halle is an advocate for education and continued understanding of a true D/s lifestyle, one widely mistaken as a form of abuse.

Edge by Booktrope

The hunger is unrelenting. Feed your darkness…

Everyone has an intense desire lurking within, a dark hunger fueling our unbridled fantasies, the nightmares capturing our souls.

The Booktrope Edge Imprint is looking for novellas and books of any word Edge-Logo-whitelength, highlighting exciting, gripping and sometimes dangerous aspects of human nature. The stories should push the envelope of BDSM – D/s, edge play, and dubious consent, as well as intense thrillers, where the characters are taken to the extreme. We require vivid content, leaving little to the imagination with a well-developed storyline, allowing readers a vicarious look into a realm few will ever experience.

Entice by Booktrope

A taste of passion. A kiss of romance. A desire fulfilled…

In the heat of romance lies the passion for more, a hunger to fulfill our sinful fantasies, unleash every desire.

The Booktrope Entice Imprint is looking for novellas and books of any word length, highlighting the throes of passion and romance through steamy entice-logo-400wadventures of love and lust. The stories should follow the traditional HEA (happily ever after) or HFN (happy for now) format, while allowing readers a taste of the erotic. We require vivid scenes and enriched characters, telling a story that will ultimately lead to a breathtaking end. While the heat level can be very high, the ultimate goal is to provide a satisfying conclusion.

For those interested in submitting to the Edge imprint, please go through our usual submission process found here. We are also looking for editors, proofreaders, cover designers and marketing professionals with an interest in the above imprints, please apply here. If you have questions for Bethany about Edge or Entice, please leave them in the comments or reach out on social media: Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or via email bethany.halle (at) booktrope.com.

What do you think??

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in BDSM, Domination and submission, Dubious Consent, EDGE, Entice | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A Dom’s Complex Needs in Sadism and Vanilla

The concept about abuse is still buzzing regarding the D/s and M/s community. I continue to cringe every time I read a rather stupid comment on Facebook. However, I realize the Fifty Shades movie shows you one side of a damaged man, one who needs a woman to fully embrace both side, even nurture them. That can be a very daunting task. We all have a complex mixture of light and dark within us. There are times our fantasies are so intense, so vile we could never mention them in a public setting. Finding anyone you can trust enough to share aspects of your desires with isn’t as easy as you think.

Marriages are often thought of as allowing two people to truly be themselves, As your masterbut I’ve found that’s often not the case. Why? Well there are a variety of reasons, including an innate fear of being made fun of or worse, being pushed away. Sharing hungers such as the edgier sides of kink with a very vanilla laced partner is truly trying. Just think about telling your wife you’d like to go to a kink club, or have the desire to piss in her mouth, whip her until she’s marked. This certainly isn’t dinner conversation. But what if you could?

As you know, I comment often about how important completely open communication is within a D/s relationship. You absolutely have to be up front in your likes and dislikes, the single or multiple aspects of kink you simply can’t tolerate. There’s moderation to all aspects – or at least there should be. I’ve learned some very important lessons on this amazing journey. One, I remain a woman inside, needing the basic attention every girl needs. Two, men are extremely complex and often times much more dramatic than women. Yep, I said it. They have needs and long to be stroked in various fashions, including their egos.

I see nothing wrong with this, but when you add the Dom factor into the mix, there are times their submissives can become confused. In my case, my head sometimes spins. John Patrick is a very intelligent man, one with many talents. He can fix a car, cook a gourmet meal and select the perfect red wine. He is also tender with a touch or a kiss. There is another side, however, one bordering on very sadistic needs. His domination is offered with respect, well thought out and we talk about every rule. He isn’t demanding, but at times I can see the switch in texts, meaning he’s flipping from one side to the other, believe it or not. One or two words shows me which side he is and often I have no idea why the switch, but the change can be profound.

Personally, I believe if a Dom doesn’t have and share both the vanilla and dominating side then he’d not really being himself. I will take youTrue sadists of course have to care about the submissive or slave’s feelings. At least that’s what I’ve been told. I’ve only met one man in the past two years who tried to make certain I knew he didn’t give a shit about what I thought or what I needed. Obviously I ran from this dude, but I can tell you his tough guy persona cracked more than once. Only a tiny percent of the population have zero conscience. Thank God for that. The majority of men who are Dom’s move back and forth to some degree in their emotional needs.

John Patrick is no exception. He calls me extremely affectionate, given he’s had very little in his life. I’m that kind of woman, one who enjoys showering JP with gifts and little notes, sending pictures given he’s a visionary man. I love the little comments that all women do including ‘I love you’ and ‘I miss you’ when they aren’t asked for. As far as talking, we certainly aren’t going to only converse about various aspects of BDSM or rules. That would be boring as hell. Besides, life has many sides as well as needs. Simply going to work, dealing with issues or negative people can turn us all into cranky shitheads at times.

Since he and I have gone through so much together and the time involved, everything has changed just a bit. While I can still see some of the triggers that will push him back and forth from vanilla to Dom/sadist, often I’m waking up wondering ‘which man will he be today?’ You bet that’s confusing as hell at times. Then again, given everything I’ve either been through or am going through, I have no doubt he remains confused at times as well. That’s where totally open communication can help – but not always.

Submissives might be the most supportive group of women on the planet. We are designed in nature to give of ourselves, both in body and spirit. We also can tell when our Dom’s are in a dark place, whether because of our relationship or something entirely out of our control. We long to soothe, heal the savage beast, and do everything to remind him that he’s all male, powerful and delicious. Of course couples in a vanilla lifestyle do this as well, but I honestly think men in a strictly vanilla setting tend to hold back, hide their emotions and fears. They are supposed to be the strong guy, yet they have no skills to be the one in control given society and aspects of equality. So they brood and mask their pain. Often times this will lead to arguments because women pick. We just do.

We have to know what’s going on at all times, whether right or wrong. There is no letting men have space or time. Even JP teases me about the big brain having to know everything. I’m a woman – sue me. Those who know me realize I believe in reincarnation and embraced a bunch of years ago I’m here to learn and re-learn patience. UGH. I have little – well until now. Our relationship is challenging on so many levels, including trying to allow him time as his distinct needs split further apart, yet continue to increase.

Months ago he longed for control, total domination, but it seemed easier for him to move into the vanilla space when we were simply sharing wine and conversation. He struggles more now, moves into his dark place without telling me what’s going on in his mind. While I understand part of this is about time we need to spend together and it is limited, there’s another factor, one darker. He’s now realizing he truly is in a sense two different men and he’s scared. I’m not going to suggest he was playing at being my Dom before, but now his personal needs have bridged the surface. He fights with them to this Protectday because of that fear of thoughts of others.

That will only be able to change with time, my continued patience, and a heightened level of nurturing. I have to allow him the time to explore the sadistic side as it melds and morphs. When the vanilla man comes into the room he seems to stutter a bit, as if saying ‘I love you’ or ‘you mean everything to me’ will alter his dark side. Hogwash of course, but he has to come to terms with this. He’s not a man who can be pushed so I have to have… Yep, more patience. As you can imagine the knowledge is frustrating, but as we move forward, pushing past both real and imagined boundaries, we are growing stronger.

I also have to have the strength to tell him when I’m concerned or worried just as much as I expect him to do the same. Given certain eggshells and tightropes we had to face, understandable. I’ll walk through the hot coals to reach out, take that leap of faith. This he knows and is learning to accept. Having a Dom who has complex sides is fascinating and reminds me every day, something as precious as what we share shouldn’t be taken for granted. Not for a single day.

I hope you’ve enjoyed and think about your relationship. Are you as open as you should be?

Kisses and spanks…


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When the Hunter Becomes the Hunted

Some of you are aware I have many sides, both as a woman and as an author. I love penning pieces about D/s relationships and spanking, aspects of BDSM including poems highlighting my personal journey. I also love writing dark and twisted stories about the heinous acts inflicted on humans. I tend to push the envelope on both genres, taking my characters and readers to a sharp edge. Of course this fits in very well with The Edge Imprint at Booktrope. 

I was hungry to do a very dark piece yesterday and so I started this flash demonsfiction. I’m trying to finish a rather edgy BDSM piece for publication today, yet I’m drawn to writing this. Why? Because I can be as evil and vile as my imagination creates – and trust me, I have a very powerfully intense dark side. I can get into the mind of serial killers easily. I’m not certain what that says about me, but as JP would say, it’s all about my big brain, one the never sleeps. Keep in mind this bridges the D/s relationship in that this is a thriller piece and very brutal. In no way think this has anything to do with any amazing D/s journey.

Here is a long passage that flowed easily this morning. See what you think and I hope you enjoy.


The hunted had become the hunters. “Is her body in the morgue?”


“Then we need to go see and I want to go to the crime scene.” She grabbed her gun, slipping the Glock into her holster.

Drew snagged her arm. “I don’t think this is something you want to see.”

She heard the angst in his voice. “I’m a cop. I need to see the victim. We need to investigate the crime.”

“Not this one.”

“Yes. This one.” When he moved in front of her, taking both arms she groaned. “I can handle this.”

“I’m not certain you can or should. You’re well aware what these freaks do to their victims.”

CJ snorted. “You mean the poor souls who actually entered a lottery pool to be selected as contestants on a show they knew they’d never come back from. Or are you talking about the innocent creatures scooped off the darkened streets at night, turned into sex slaves, and all for the sake of garnering raw footage?” When he remained quiet she growled and sidestepped him.

“The contestants know what they’re getting into. Everything is disclosed to them, their families paid amazing amounts of money.”

“Jesus Christ. Where did my partner go, the one who took an oath to uphold the law?”

“I’m right here. I’m simply a realist. We can’t fight the government,” he said as he rubbed her arm.

She jerked away, her body shivering. “A realist. That means you look the other way.”


“Don’t. Just don’t,” she huffed as she interrupted him and took another look at the pictures of the mutilated dead girl, her eyes vacant from the horrors inflicted. “Look at her. Look…at… her!” Rage fueling her, she jerked him toward the computer screen. “She was once a viable human being with a life. Whether or not the contestants have been brainwashed into believing their life will be better as a whole dying for some fucking television show isn’t what this is about. Jamie was kidnapped, raped and tortured, beaten until she’s almost unrecognizable. Who knows what else those monsters did to her, what bad menexperiments and bloodletting, methods of electrocution and burning they inflicted and…” She heard the bitter, almost desperate edge to her voice. This was indeed very personal.

“We can have the Captain assign another team.” He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against is chest. “This is too much for you.”

She shook her head as she wiggled out of his grasp and toward the door. “Out of the question. I want this one.” Memories rushed into her mind and she rubbed her tired eyes as she placed her other hand over her gun. “Are you coming with me?”

Drew exhaled, the sound strangled. “You’re certain?”

Exhaling, she shot him a look. “I appreciate your concern but this is a crime case, one we have to investigate. You and I both know there are far too many men women disappearing, suddenly found tortured, their bodies barely recognizable. This shit has to stop.”

“You can’t go against the system.”

“What fucking system? One perpetuating and even condoning the brutal murders of people for ratings?” She huffed and opened the door. When she felt his presence directly behind her she bristled. “Don’t you dare tell me you think this crap is acceptable.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. You know me better than this.”

“Do I?” CJ shot back.

Sniffing, Drew touched her back then pulled away. “I’ve been your partner for almost ten years.”

“And you’ve seen every horror I have, experienced the same bullshit politics.”

“You’re right, but you and I both know we can’t start another war. Too many lives were lost in the last battle. Do you want to go back living with no running water or electricity? Come on. There is no way to win this. Unfortunately Jamie was a victim of circumstance.”

“One day you’re going to have to explain me what that really means.” She threw open the door and as she walked out into the precinct, she felt eyes on her, those prying to gauge her reaction. She held her head high as she walked through the group, bile rising in her throat.

Drew made it to the elevator first and as he pressed the down button he shoved his hands in his pockets. “I heard through my sources the kidnappings are increasing.”

“Of course they are. Ratings. The prison population hungers for more.” Her laugh stilted, she thought about the last time she’d tuned into the program. The brutality of the show had increased exponentially since the creation almost two years before. For the every day person, tuning in to watch had increased to a requisite. What little real entertainment was left bordered on heinous.

“There’s nothing we can do but try and keep the peace.”

She held her tongue and closed her eyes until the elevator arrived. When she stepped inside the gleaming steel box she hovered against the back wall.

Drew waited until the doors closed and crowded her space. “How about dinner tonight?”

“Dinner? We’re going to view a horrific crime scene and you’re thinking about sex?” Their relationship was very much on the down-lo. Discover would mean the end of their respective careers.

He touched her face and when she flinched he sniffed. “We have to live.”

“Sure, while others die.”

“CJ, you can’t fight every demon. I know how much this shit bothers you, but we have to enjoy every day.”

“As if it was the last.”

“You know exactly what I mean.” Leaning over he brushed his lips across hers. “Dinner, nothing more. Okay? We’ll have some wine and talk, just like we used to.”

She hesitated but the feel of his warm body, his heated breath and the scent of The quuiet obeyhis cologne was an intense draw. “Maybe. Let’s see how the investigation goes. Okay?”

Drew exhaled and shook his nodded. “Fair enough.”

The elevator stopped with a subtle thud and she darted a look in his direction. They’d been lovers for only a few months, having pushed aside their intense attraction for years. Drew was comfortable, easy on the eyes and a damn good lover. He was also a man incapable of committing to anything other than a night or two.

“First stop. Morgue central.” He walked out of the elevator without looking back.

CJ inhaled, loathing the intense smells. She’d spent way too much time in the dark and gloomy place. Her nerves on edge, she took several long strides. For a few seconds she stood surveying the room, allowing her eyes to become adjusted to the dim lighting. The basement of the high-rise building was devoted to gathering the dead, storing the remains until they were dissected, organs harvested. Then if the wretched soul were lucky, there’d be some level of a funeral. If no one claimed the body, they were ceremoniously dumped into a vat, burned like soulless beings.

CJ had been unlucky enough to have to witness the fire-pits more than once. The stench would never leave her. She glanced around at the walls, the subtle yet vivid décor, and cringed. The aging building had once been a bomb shelter. No longer were their enemies about firepower.

“Detectives, there’s not much to see I’m afraid.”

“Doctor Banning.” Drew nodded. “The same MO, normal?”

“From what I can tell. That is if you call torture and dismemberment in any manner normal.” She smiled at CJ, giving her a knowing look. “You seem well.”

“You mean well adjusted?” CJ asked through clenched teeth.

“I understand. This is never easy. Come on. I’ll show you what we have.” Dr. Banning stepped back, glancing toward Drew.

“Did her brother come to claim the body?” CJ asked casually as they were led into the examining room. Instantly she shivered, her eyes locked on the stainless steel tables. They were almost filled with residents, a phrase coined by the doctor months ago.

“My voice mails have been left unanswered I’m afraid,” Dr. Banning said as she moved toward a table in the back.

“Of course,” CJ muttered under her breath. A single shiver slid down her spine as visions of the fire-pits swelled into the back of her mind.

Dr. Banning wrapped her fingers around the edge of the sheet. “Are you ready?”

Drew shrugged. “Are you ever ready for something like this?”

“Not even after all the years I’ve been doing this.” Dr. Banning pulled back the sheet.

CJ realized she’d been holding her breath. Visions rolled through her mind, the past slamming against the present. She blinked, forcing away tears, and exhaled. After a few seconds her cop instinct kicked in and she rolled the sheet all the way down.

“How in the hell could she have endured such anguish?” Drew whistled.

“My personal opinion is her torture was very controlled, methods I haven’t seen before.” Dr. Banning moved around the table and turned on an additional light.

“Some of the cuts appear methodical, very practiced,” CJ said as she peered down.

“Very good, detective. Look here. The burn marks are artistic, telling a story.”

Drew narrowed his eyes. “Suddenly the monsters have a leader, someone who knows what he or she is doing. A Master of torture.”

“Not just someone.” CJ hovered her finger over a burn mark, tracing the zigzagging lightning bolt. Chills swept through her body and she began to shake visibly.

“What is it?” Drew asked as he leaned in, studying the caricature.

“They found and imprisoned him.” CJ’s voice was barely audible.

“Who?” Drew breathed.

CJ swallowed hard and looked into his eyes. “The most dangerous, vile man on earth and perhaps the most cunning. He is a true monster, a trained predator of mankind.” She pressed her hand against the nervous tick on the corner of her mouth and counted to three. “His name is Tallen.”

Kisses and spanks…


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The Ultimate Edge of Darkness…

Well, for any of you who stay connected to my Facebook page, you’ll learn I made a pretty big announcement yesterday. The real girl, Bethany Halle, was asked by Booktrope, now one of the leading book publishers in the industry, to head the Edge Imprint section of their company. I’ll give you more details later, but let’s just say I’m still celebrating. This will be a challenge, a lot of work, but I’m so excited to bring my concept and voice to an often misunderstood genre. You all know I write tirelessly about D/s and the various lifestyles. In being Managing Director of the line, I’ll be able to Believe in the Dark Manshare with you other voices, those in the world of BDSM and dark thrillers. I will no doubt write for them as well and this morning as I sat thinking about writing a bio and developing the imprint line, a story flashed into my mind – a very intense thriller I’ve been thinking about for several years.

You know me – hard to relax when I have a story rumbling around in my big brain, so I penned a thousand words or so to take the ‘edge’ off. LOL. See what you think. I honestly hope my position will allow so many others to enjoy a side of passion, kink and yes gory bloodshed through the eyes of some fabulous authors. Tell me, what’s the edgiest you long to read?


“Come here my pretty. We won’t hurt you. We simply want to eat you.”

Jamie heard the guttural laughs and hunkered down, crawling through the jungle of rocks and twigs. Thorns pricked her hands and knees, creating biting pain, yet she made no sound. One mistake, a single cry would mean her death. Tears slipped from her eyes as she honed in on the cackles and grunts around her. There had to be at least twenty of them, men and women thrown away from regular society, hungry for another taste. They were hell bent on hunting her down, stripping away her humanity as they made her their slave.

Shivers trickled down her spine as the wind licked at her cuts and scrapes. She looked up at the late afternoon sun, trying to figure out where the fucking cameras were. A laugh bubbling in her throat almost gave her away. The real monsters were the assholes producing the show.


Fuck me. Fuck me. Jamie knew the sound well, had experienced the whip several times over the duration of her capture. Her entire body was covered in welts, bruises from where they’d flogged and bitten her breasts and ass Pull my chainmultiple times, nearly skinning her alive. Even her pussy was raw, swollen from countless hours of torture. She shrank back into the darkness, hovering against the base of a tree. How had her life gotten to this point? Closing her eyes, she willed herself back to the life she’d led before the nightmare, one she’d loathed before. Now she wanted nothing more than to resume her day-to-day doldrums, happy to simply be free.

Freedom wasn’t a right any longer, but something fought for. The realization had turned society into a mad group of beasts salvaging the streets for food, sex and any form of entertainment. Dear God, what had they become?


Anguish seared every nerve as she was jerked up from the ground. She opened her mouth and the scream was silent, horror stifling everything but the wretched ugliness of blinding pain. Her naked body was on display, her arm wrapped in a sea of leather.

He peered down, his grin one of hunger as well as need. “You’re a very bad girl.” He twisted the end of the bullwhip and tugged, dragging her away from the tree.

Jamie shuddered as she stared into his eyes, ones haunted by years of battle and bloodshed. “Please.”

“Please?” His laugh was deep, the sound floating into the darkness. “Please fuck you? Please beat you for running away? Please use you like the whore you are?”

A line of tears slipped down her muddied cheek. “I’ll be good.”

“Trust me, bitch, you will be.” Opening his hand, he reached down, cupping and squeezing her breast, his nails digging into her bloodied skin. “I’m going to make certain you never forget why you’re here. After all, you’re expendable.” He lowered his head, opening his mouth.

In the sliver of remaining sun his sharp incisors gleamed, a haunting reminder she was nothing but a slave. Forgive me father for I have sinned.


“What the hell?” Detective Casey Roberts, CJ to the team, glared at the vivid images crisscrossing the screen. She’d seen just about every form of horrific crime in her tenure with the Miami Police Department. Time in the Special Victims Unit had certainly changed during the course of the last ten years. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight of a woman nearly ripped apart, skin hanging from her damaged bones. For a few seconds she couldn’t stop thinking about what the girl’s life must have been like before being abused, beaten and treated like an animal.

“Her name is Jamie Simons. She is or was a respected obstetrician until she went missing almost four months ago.”

She looked up at her partner and shivered. Very little had ever shocked him, let alone altered the tenacious and commanding tone of his voice. Today, Drew Kendrick appeared as a haunted man, one ready to give up on humanity. “Was her disappearance reported?”

Drew nodded and walked away from the desk, rubbing his temples. “Yeah. Herred yes brother called it in four days after she didn’t make any of her scheduled appointments.”

“Four days? Four fucking days?” CJ snarled. “Are you kidding me? I guess no one cares about anything but themselves any longer.” Of course she knew exactly what he was going to say. In the years 2030, life was about staying alive, remaining sane. Evidently the majority of people were losing the battle.

“Yeah, unfortunately she wasn’t liked or well connected.”

“Connected?” Now she burst into laughter and folded her arms. “What does well connected mean any longer? The ability to have the finer things in life, perhaps build some money to retire?” She remembered her childhood fondly, laughter and time spent with family and friends. Life today was ugly, bleak.

Chuckling, Drew sat down on the edge of the desk. “Being connected to the right people means staying alive long enough to enjoy certain aspects of life.”

“Right.” She shook her head and glanced down at the information glowing on her iPad. The body had been found the night before by natural hunters, men merely looking for food. “The hunt?”

“I don’t know. They don’t usually throw away their remains, if you know what I mean.”

CJ bristled as she thought about the internationally ranked, award winning Internet production. The Hunt was nothing more than an excuse to slaughter the vilest of criminals under the guise of entertainment. No one had known what would be created in the raw and disturbing world of monsters.

I hope you enjoyed! Kisses and spanks…



Posted in BDSM, Domination and submission, Dubious Consent, serial killer, thriller | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Are D/s Relationships More Honest?

As I sit here after what is considered a major snowstorm in Virginia, I was able to spend a little time talking to some folks on Facebook. A very interesting comment was made to me today from someone who’d recently figured out she is a submissive. Her realization is life changing and she’s trying to garner any information as she moves into her personal journey. Of course there’s a lot of misinformation on the social airwaves and I encouraged her to learn from those who really know. She told me she thinks As your masterD/s relationships are perhaps the most honest. I smiled when I read the words and you know my opinion – she’s right.

For any of you who have read my blogs for the past year or so, you’ve heard about the good, the bad and the wretched with regards to John Patrick. His entrance into my life certainly changed the woman I am forever. I sat back for a few minutes, between phone calls about why wasn’t snow removed on state maintained streets, and reflected on her words. Yes, without a doubt couples sharing a D/s life together can and should have a completely honest level of communication. While solid communication is the key to any successful relationship, those sharing D/s have a slightly different journey on their hands.

What I found in the year plus working through the joys as well as trials and tribulations of a rather complicated relationship is that we are completely honest with each other. There’s nothing held back and at times, as you can imagine, the concept is frustrating as hell. However, in being so open, the trust has been built to a level I have no fears or worries about what he shares with me. He feels the same. I never really sat down and thought about how important honesty between us truly is until these last months. I think I took for granted how open we truly can be.

This very distinct line of communication been challenged as of late because he continues to question everything about himself. He moves back and forth from the dark and light sides of him in a manner that quite frankly confuses me. Of course we both have lives that are challenging, but then again, who doesn’t? After what occurred between us in November and the near silence for a couple of weeks, he roared back with the darker side, hungering for aspects of his sadistic needs that would confuse most people. For me, I knew he was exploring the very honest need to accept himself and that’s been challenging for both of us. His difficulty in not just accepting, but embracing both sides have led to angst for both of us. As of today he’s very vanilla, commenting even if I noticed his darker side was in a hiatus. Uh YES!

hands behind her backI mentioned in many blogs acceptance is the first part of moving into the lifestyle. That entails being entirely honest with yourself first. You can’t delve into or share D/s with a partner unless you know what you want and need, and what you expect of yourself. He’s been forced to face the inner darkness, condemned in theory by those who know him already and so he questions his motives and desires. He continues to believe there is something wrong about his kinky hungers. His light side fights tooth and nail and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted. I know he is as well.

I truly believe I’m the only person who knows all sides of the very complex man as he does me. Our mixed lives ensure conversations that bring us closer to one final leap, one of faith and belief in our needs. Of course this is as well as in embracing the last bit of trust we need to move forward in our journey. Being honest isn’t easy in this manner. I stand back and listen, studying the man I love so much, and see his continued pain. He’s fighting those very truths that make him happy. I’m one of those chicks who will fight for the beings I love, man or beast, and I continue to be angry about the pressure he places on himself because of those who never got to know the man – the real man.

He asked me again recently if I really wanted the entire man, all sides. ABSOLUTELY. I not only adore but long to have both sides. You can’t have a D/s relationship without a touch of the vanilla. You can’t share the intense need to submit or dominate without. That’s my firm belief. He might be complex, but I can tell you his heart and soul are utterly amazing. His words, the way he treats me allows me the strength to continue to fight for what we know is as near to perfection as you can find. No, nothing is perfect and he and I have a darker side still that continues to bring worry, confusion and a fear of what we might be getting into. But I’m along for the ride, no matter how tumultuous.

I mentioned to him in a moment of my personal self doubt that if he tells me on the darker side he wants to beat me or on the other if he says the actual words ‘I love you’ or ‘I need you’ that it’s all puppies and rainbows. That’s a little bit of an inside joke with us. You’ve heard the old adage about the perfect marriage with the white picket fence and golden retriever. Nothing is this simple, easy or in any way the truth. Again, if you’ve read about what I call our love affair, you know this honesty I speak of is jaded. I won’t go into detail, as we have to deal with our very souls. What I can tell you is that he and I have to find a new and higher plane of communication and honesty. Now we must be more open than ever, sharing fears in a way that will hurt both of us. When you have such honesty betweenMy Hands two people, at least you know you can trust as you move forward, even with baby steps. He talks about the elephant in the room, the one you can’t bite a chunk off of. He’s right as usual. We have to take our journey a bit at a time.

What I want to relay more than anything is that only through open discussions, unfettered by the world around you, can you find happiness. The huge BUT is that you have to do this for yourself first. You have to take these baby steps alone before you can ever hope of connecting in a way no one else can push aside. I’ve called our love one of the ages, but every day we’re tested. That’s ok. I’m up for the challenge as well as the ending fight. I know the odds, realize the obstacles, but this is something powerful indeed.

When you are honest with yourself, the rest comes at least easier. I no longer worry about what my family says and cautiously control who I am in business. No one needs to know what I do in my private life. For any who care about me, I hope they respect my honesty in sharing with them who I really am. For me that’s priceless.

Are D/s relationships more honest? I think so. I trust him because of the months we shared talking about everything, good and bad. That fact alone has allowed me to place my heart, soul and body into his hands. Love is the other portion. Good thoughts to keep in mind.

Kisses and spanks…


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