When Your World is Shattered

As many of you know, I have over one hundred and seventy books in release writing in several genres and using several pseudonyms. I’m also switching many of my books from Rebel Ink Press or my self pubbed ones over to Booktrope, where the real girl (Bethany Halle) serves as Managing Director of both the Edge and Entice Imprint lines. I’m also getting ready to start a new job, one closer to home but a position that will have many incredible challenges. In other words, I’m one busy chick. However, my love of writing remains. While I may be a bit slower in bringing them out, they will come. However, I think you’re going to see quite a bit more grit and brutality to many of them. I’m moving away from heavy erotic romance. Perhaps I’m bored or simply growingShattered final as an author. The D/s, a love of mine, will remain in the blogs as well as some of the stories, however my main focus is switching.

I think a lot has to do with my relationship with John Patrick and the history, something I’m honestly going to simply let be at this point. I’m a different woman today than a few months ago. I like to think stronger, more energized. The truth is I’m ready to embark on new adventures, albeit simpler ones.

Shattered is a favorite book of mine and finally it has the attention it deserves. This m/m book highlights the sometimes harsh conditions and nasty attitudes those living an alternative lifestyle can face. Whether enjoying a same sex, interracial or D/s based relationship, those who are a bit different are often chastised. This story tells of two men and their struggles with finding themselves as well releasing their inner demons. I hope you enjoy. Coming to Booktrope in June.


“Why do we have to have the same goddamn argument?” Hunter Reynolds hissed as he snagged his bottle of beer off the counter. Taking a long gulp he gazed out the window and shook his head. He and Taylor argued more than usual lately and the ugly state of their relationship was getting old. They’d both talked about breaking up, but the feelings of comfort dragged them back from the brink every time. He hated their constant battles, loathed the terse words and was exhausted from energy exerted. One thing he knew. Taylor Porter deserved better.

“You know what? This isn’t my argument. It’s yours. You’re the one who doesn’t care to be seen in public with me,” Taylor snarled. “I don’t know why you even waste your time. Your sights are set so much higher. You should find a bodacious blond, one with fake tits, and fuck her. The press will love you then. How about Ginger? She’s the perfect slut you need.”

“You really want me to fuck my costar?” As if the girl hadn’t insinuated her desires before. He wasn’t shocked at Taylor’s harsh words. Every photograph had a woman draped all over Hunter.

Pacing the room he snarled and gave Hunter a nasty look. “Yeah, I can see the tabloids now. Maybe getting married will help your career.”

“Jesus Christ. That’s not what I mean at all! And you know I don’t want some Hollywood hussy.” But Taylor was right. They’d been together for nearly three years and not once had Hunter allowed them to be photographed in public together. Hunter blamed the reason on his agent’s nagging. The man continued to remind him that being the hottest leading man in action flicks meant women needed at least an air of mystery enshrouding Hunter’s sexual appetites. This ugly fact was he had to keep his proclivities under wraps in order to sell movies and all the other paraphernalia that went along with being famous. The argument was easy enough to get behind but Hunter knew the truth. Terror about being discovered remained with him for several reasons. Of course there were rumors floating through Hollywood. This alone was one of the reasons they lived outside the city. Sadly, Hunter was too well known to hide the majority of his lifestyle forever. He was going to be discovered as hiding behind a mask.

They remained quiet for some time as Taylor fiddled with cleaning up magazines that were strewn around their game room.

Hunter stole glances at his lover and licked his lips. Taylor was everything he’d ever craved in a man, from his light green eyes and lanky body to the way he fit into a pair of well-worn blue jeans. The rough-hewn guy just did it for him. The reality was cold. They weren’t in love. They’d met several years before at a party for one of his early releases and toyed with getting together for a full year. Hunter closed his eyes. Their relationship had been rocky from the start.

Fortunately Taylor didn’t have to worry about hiding his true persona. Given his profession as a musician, he’d never hidden the fact that he was gay and his adoring fans flocked to see him. Dangerous Liaisons was one of the hottest up-and-coming rock bands in America and he had women drooling over him everywhere he went. Taylor’s vivid image only fueled sales of the band’s CDs. The double standard weighed heavily on Hunter’s mind.

Nervous tension remained in the air.

“Look, I have to go meet with a guy tonight about joining the band so you can go out and play or not play by yourself,” Taylor said quietly, his voice filled with angst.


“Yeah. The guy’s in from England on a whirlwind trip so I don’t want to miss the chance.”

Hunter rubbed his eyes. Why did he have the feeling that Taylor was punishing him? Maybe because you deserve to be. Still, a level of anger flushed through his system. more bondageBattling his spells of near rage had almost consumed him at the start of his career, his behavior ending many a relationship both personally and professionally. “Fine!” Gripping his beer tightly he finished the entire warm brew and slammed the bottle on top of the bar.

“Hunter. Will you please relax? I know you’re really just nervous about everything that’s going on and…”

He turned and narrowed his eyes. “And?”

“Because of the notes.”

“How do you know about the notes?” Snapping his head up Hunter exhaled as a nervous tick floated across the corner of his mouth. He thought he’d hidden the nasty threats from everyone, including Taylor.

“Tough to hide this kind of wretched thing from me. What I don’t know is how long ago they started.” Taylor leaned against the pool table and shook his head. “And I can’t figure out why you’re trying to hide this from me. I thought we were partners.”

“The notes are about my career, not about me personally,” Hunter breathed.

“As I said, I thought we were partners.”

“I can handle this. No big deal.” In truth Hunter was worried. Being a celebrity meant expecting a certain level of threats, but there was something about the words that bothered him. The notes were also escalating.

“God you’re an arrogant bastard!” Taylor hissed as he paced the floor. “You know, I only saw remnants of two of the damn things, but seems like whoever is sending them is gunning for you,” he said and folded his arms, his face filling with apprehension.

“Who isn’t? They need to take a number.”

Taylor dropped his head. “When you finally let loose of that ball and chain you carry around your neck and let me into help you, you’re going to become an amazing man.”

“Stop worrying about me.”

Tick. Tock.

“Hunter, please let me in. I care about you. I want to help you. If nothing else I want to be your friend.”

Fisting his hands, Hunter had no idea what to say. Exhaling, he clenched his eyes shut and turned away from Taylor. “Why don’t we try and do something later?” He heard the half-assed attempt and sighed.

“Fine. Call me later and I’ll see if I can join you for a drink in some dark and foreboding establishment otherwise known as a hole in the wall. Would you like me to bring masks?” Snorting, Taylor grabbed his keys off the side table and sauntered toward the oversized doorway.

“Taylor. Wait.” Hunter shook his head. He loathed the anger that had become so caustic between them.

“Not interested right now,” Tyler called from the hallway.

Why am I such a bloody ass? Groaning, Hunter turned quickly and moved toward the door, barely able to grab Taylor’s arm before Taylor stalked out. “Damn it! Listen to me!”

Taylor yanked his arm away and stood quietly, his chest heaving up and down. “What? What could you possibly say to me right now? That you’ll change your behavior? That you’ll treat me like a damn person? What?” Stealing a glance over his shoulder he clucked his jaw.

“That I give a damn about you.” Hunter ached from worry about his supposed stalker andEntice m:m logo his grueling shooting schedule and in truth from hiding from who he really was. Exhaustion and game playing had left him bone weary. “Please. Don’t go yet. You’re right about everything. You are.”

“Uh-huh.” Tossing his head back, Taylor exhaled slowly and pushed the front door closed. “Are you sure you care?”

Hunter lowered his head and moved forward, sliding his arm around Taylor’s waist. As he eased Taylor’s quaking body in to the heat of his own, he shuddered. “More than I have ever even admitted to myself. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking ass.” Brushing his fingers through Taylor’s long locks, he pushed back the silky strands and kissed the side of his neck, darting a series of licks up from the base to Taylor’s earlobe. Breathing a swath of hot air across Taylor’s skin, Hunter ground his cock into Taylor’s ass, shifting back and forth. Heated passion had never been their problem.


“You know you want to.”

“I…” Taylor palmed the wall and spread his legs. “You’re insatiable.”

“And you’re hungry.” Hunter grazed his hands down from Taylor’s chest to his hips as he licked up and down the side of Taylor’s neck. Hunter craved the taste of him.

Swallowing hard Taylor grunted. “You always turn me on.”

Hunter unbuttoned Taylor’s shirt just to the waistband of his jeans and slid his hand over his lover’s chest, cupping and squeezing his carved muscles. “And you make me crazy with desire.” He pinched Taylor’s nipples, twisting the tender flesh between his fingers. There was no top or bottom in their relationship but on this day, Hunter was in charge. Filled with rage and fear of the unknown, he was tingling all over. Without reservations, he knew he was going to fuck the man savagely.

“God. You’re on fire today. What do you want?”

Tugging at Taylor’s button fly, Hunter unzipped Taylor’s jeans and pressed his hands inside, savoring the fact his blond godlike lover always went commando. The condition was an unspoken rule in their house and the mandate had started the very first day they lived together. “Tell me, do you remember the first time we were together?” After pulling out Taylor’s throbbing shaft, Hunter stroked down the length, finally cupping his balls until the man groaned from pleasure.

Taylor chuckled darkly as he arched his back. “You mean when you wouldn’t take no for an answer?” The timbre of his voice dark and smoky, he wiggled his ass back and forth.

“You mean when you begged me to fuck you in the bathroom of the very exclusive country club.” Taking a single finger, Hunter slid the tip up the sensitive underside of Taylor’s shaft, raking his nail back and forth across the slit.

Kisses and spanks…


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Submitting to a Spanking…Tension Release Spankings and Corner Time

We all need time to reflect. The world passes us by in the blink of an eye. I had an extremely difficult and tiring day yesterday and I admit, by the end of the night I couldn’t remember the hours in any succinct fashion. Days turn into weeks, which turn into months then years. While this might have some to do with the fact I’m getting older, I truly think humans try and pack far too much in a day. That can often result in exhaustion turning to horrific moods. By the time I drove down I-95 on the Friday afternoon justSubmitting over the kitchen table before a holiday while visiting my communities I manage, I was already in a foul mood. Add leaving at five o’ clock, being forced to take a secondary road (which takes up to twenty minutes longer) merely to avoid the vacationers who have zero idea how to drive, well you can see where my head space was when I returned home nearly two hours after I left the office.

Tensions mount quite often during vacations, special occasions, family time and usually when you’re supposed to be having fun. Couples bicker to the point they slam doors and refuse to talk to each other. We’ve all been there. I’ve mentioned maintenance spankings before. This is a spanking given on a regular basis, one that’s already been planned out. Perhaps your husband or Dom has determined that every Monday, Wednesday and Friday just after work, spankings will be administered. Of course punishment spankings occur as needed. Some couples believe highly in the practice. Others find this just another tedious chore. This method of discipline is also used for maintaining the hierarchy within the relationship. These are all very good reasons and highly recommended.

What I know about my personality is that when I’m very tense, anger increases and I look at everyone else and all they’re doing as ridiculous. I’ve often called people – to myself generally – stupid. Everything annoys me from sight, sounds, etc. I become mouthy, borderline a bitch, and as the day goes on, every aspect of my behavior is heightened. I see this all the time in other people as well. You’ve seen the tantrums in stores, parking lots, in your work place or on the road (good ole road rage) far too often. While we often laugh, making fun of how ridiculous they look, time to take a step back and think about your last childish act. What is there to do? In talking with John Patrick in the early days, he noted this aspect of my personality fairly quickly.

We discussed the reasons I was acting out, the underlying tension, and he gathered very early on I’d truly benefit from regular spankings – tension releasers.

There are other forms of punishment or guidance tools to help as well. Quiet or reflection time is vital for everyone. We don’t have enough time to ourselves, to read a book or sit with a glass of wine outside without interference. From phones to email, radios to lawnmowers, needy kids and animals, spouses who require attention, families and work… Well, the list could go on the rest of this blog. We don’t give to ourselves the allotted time to heal, regroup or simply reconnect with the person we are inside. This is very important within DD or D/s relationships. If you can’t open up to yourself, you can’t allow your Dom your belt siror your submissive to see the inner man or woman. You might be scratching your head and saying – ‘how does this connect?’. Think about it. When you’re stressed and grabbing a third glass of wine as you’re telling a story, cussing about the idiot driver you encountered on your way home, are you thinking anything personal or good for that matter? No. You’re simply fuming to the point you can’t think clearly. No words or thoughts other than mutilation and dismemberment will enter your mind. There isn’t a way to push aside the nasty, negativity. Are you laughing as you’re thinking about your last drive home from work?

By the point you truly are on your third glass of wine, your husband or Dom on his third beer, you’re both prattling on about idiots from every location in the world. Then the conversation turns a bit inward, where you remind him in a not so gentle manner, that he forgot AGAIN to turn on the dishwasher and why didn’t he pick up the dog food like you texted him FIVE TIMES? Well, you can see where this is going. The screaming battle will probably lead to no dinner, no down time and one of you sleeping in the other room. Not so productive in my worlds. Both of you are going to try and go to sleep, angry and confused, and by morning, the world looks bleak. There’s certainly no time in here to heal or unwind from the difficult week.

What if the situation were entirely different? What if you came home, the anger is the same, but instead of reaching for a glass of wine you ask your husband or Dom for a spanking to relieve tension. Sound crazy or off kilter? Why? Think about the scenario for just a minute. You come in and drop your purse and briefcase, take off your shoes and find him in the kitchen or living room. He’ll ask how your day was and you tell him you’re in a wretched mood and feel out of sorts.

No matter what you might think, your significant other knows you better than you might realize. He’ll no doubt beckon you toward him. Perhaps he’ll give you a sweet kiss as he’s rubbing your arms or your back. Then he’ll speak softly to you, asking a few questions. By this point you’re able to let go of some of the tension and gain the ability to ask for a spanking. The entire act is very therapeutic. If you haven’t tried this, you might be surprised how anxious you feel when you ask for this the first time. It’s like you’re admitting you’re a bad kid and need punishment, but the truth is, you’re asking to place your needs in his hands. You’re asking him to understand you’re very emotional, raw and unsure of yourself, and you need his help in re-centering to enable you to focus on the important aspects of life. This is very good for both of you. Don’t you think by giving you a spanking he’ll have his tension relieved?

John Patrick always told me my big brain was me biggest attribute and my worst enemy. I over think everything and he’s right. The first time he said this to me I argued with him. He gave me that look and commented that I needed a spanking to calm down. In truth, he was very right. During the spanking, I let go of everything I’d been holding in, the pent up angst from a horrible period of time and I can’t tell you how much better I felt. He held me in his arms afterward and said I needed some space to think, regroup and become reflective about my needs in order to convey them to him. Another score for the big man. I never simply allow myself to contemplate my needs. I’m too focused on everything I after the spankhave to do.

So he sent me to the corner to stand for a little while. I looked at him strangely and he nodded. Being send to the corner like a child? I knew couples did this and I’ve written blogs about it before, but the concept of sticking your nose against a wall? Do you know why this is effective? You can’t see anything in front of you. Your mind can’t grasp onto a television set or a flower arrangement or anything else but a blank space. You mind is forced to shut down, after a few minutes turning internal. You naturally begin to think about what just occurred, the words he told you and the reasons you were angry – which suddenly seems ridiculous. Then you let the experience go.

JP told me after a spanking, the incident would be forgotten – never to be mentioned again. You have to do this for yourself. You have to let go. The re-focusing is pretty amazing. What do you think?

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in Domestic Discipline, Domination and submission, Spanking | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Hungry for Something Spicy?

Well, we all are I think – especially when it comes to a man. There’s nothing better than thinning about our fantasy guy, the hunk you see down the street or the construction worker you pass by every day going to work. We love our firemen and policemen, marines and other military men. Those who take hero to an extreme level are just plain HOT.

Spicy White Chocolate is being re-released from Booktrope soon and there’s more inside, a sizzling new cover and the first in a collection. This asks the very question, what if Spicy-White-medyou were challenged to hunt down and seduce a younger man? Hmmm… Sounds delicious, don’t you think? Here’s a taste. Coming in June…


“I’m ready for some hot, black ass.”

Shawna Dupres choked and gawked at Marla. The woman was a wild child, and she had to admit she loved her to death. “Are we still talking books, or have we started longing for a cabana boy?” She glanced at Desiree who shook her head.

“I suggest a stripper,” Desiree proposed, giving all four girls a mischievous look.

“Can you tell what this morning’s read is going to be like?”

Shawna eyed Cara and smiled as she glanced at the group of highly accomplished and very single women. The Wednesday morning erotica book club, affectionately called the Piranha Girls, had met for about a year. In this time, she’d learned more about kinky sex toys than she ever thought she’d want to know. And in truth, she craved learning and experiencing more. She fought laughter, seeing Georgia’s face. The peach of a girl was just beginning to come into her own.

“How about coffee first?” Georgia suggested.

“What, no Irish cream?” Giggling, Shawna glanced at her watch. It was five o’clock somewhere, right?

“Now, we’re talkin’!” Desiree tossed her dark locks over her shoulder and beckoned to Cara. “You have to have some of the yummy, gooey treat.”

“Should we, this early?” Georgia asked, wide eyed.

Shawna shook her head as she gazed at Georgia. Although the smaller girl was completely shy in everyday life, Georgia had indeed blossomed after mere weeks of joining the group and now brought the most scintillating books for the girls to read. “Live a little, girl.”

Cara grinned, a naughty glint in her eyes as she brought the liquor bottle out from behind her back. “Shawna is oh so right. We need to get this party rolling.”

“Yum-my!” Marla rose to her feet, tilting her hip. “Next time, the club is at my place, so we’ll get really wild. Maybe champagne.”

“Don’t you dare try to one-up me.” Cara laughed as she pointed her finger. “But, no worries, girls. I have another one waiting in the wings, so let’s party and enjoy. We’re wild, saucy, and single, and very hungry! Desiree, will you do the honors while I bring out the extremely wicked gifts?”

“I’ll be happy to. Woot! It’s party time,” the curvy blond cooed as she grinned and grabbed the bottle, her hips swaying to the pulsing music. “Lovin’ this day, ladies!”

“Gifts? What are we celebrating?” Shawna asked, shaking her head. The group was a bit wild, and she loved when they became embroiled in a graphic novel about sex, sex, and more sex.

“One year of our completely unbridled group being together, silly,” Cara purred as she sashayed over to the large cabinet in the corner of her oversized living room. “This is quite an accomplishment for a group of women who could barely manage to have lunch together during all the nasty, life-altering moments of our lives. So, this is indeed a celebration.”

“How about a little mood music to spice things up? I’m feeling like a little Latin vibe to kick up the heat.” The busty brunette jumped to her feet, singing in Spanish as she moved to the stereo system.

“You go, Marla!” Georgia whistled. “Hurry up Desiree and pour. We might have to mix this fest with mimosas.”

Abram with Tire“It’s eleven in the morning.” Shawna admonished. Hell, they had served drinks at nine sharp on a summer’s day when they were consoling at least one of their friends over the bastards that had left them, cheated on them, had forgotten to call them, or some other atrocity. Besides, it was going to be a grueling weekend at the restaurant, and she hadn’t yet concocted her saucy, sweet treat. Her customers counted on her creativity with chocolate, some coming in only for her decadent desserts and after-dinner drinks. Unfortunately, her schedule had been way too hectic lately at Sauce and Spice, her brainchild, the restaurant she fought to keep after the divorce. Serving a selection of Cajun creations inspired by her grandmother, it was a hot-and-happening bistro nestled in the heart of the suburbs of Charlotte. Shaking her head, the exhaustion from working seventy hours a week was settling in. Shawna needed a damn vacation.

Or a night with a steamy, hot hunk fulfilling her every fantasy.

“I love champagne,” Georgia mused, giving them all her doe-eyed look.

Cara tossed a pillow in her direction. “You’re such a faker. Get Georgia a shot of tequila.”

The thought alone gave Shawna chills. Georgia certainly didn’t need any shots. After what she’d been through with her wretched ex-boyfriend, the woman was lucky to be alive, let alone indulge in fantasies. If she had the opportunity, she’d cut off the bastard’s dick. “You sure you’re ready to let loose, Georgia?”

“Maybe a little taste?” Georgia asked, rolling her eyes. “And I’ll have you know, I’m a bad girl in disguise.”

The girls laughed as Shawna tsked and wagged her finger. “Be careful, or you might just become a depraved woman.”

“Uh-huh. We’re going to corrupt you yet,” Desiree chuckled as she poured her friends all hefty snifters of the creamy froth and handed them out. “News, girls. I have a date this weekend.”

What? You’ve been holding back, girl! You go,” Marla squealed.

“No fair!” Georgia pouted and took a large sip of the white cream. “Heavenly.”

Shawna groaned. She hadn’t had a date in a good two years, and the last one was nothing short of lackluster. Who knew attorneys could be so damn boring? Remembering the last rather bland evening, she sipped the liquor and wondered if she even knew how to dress for a date with a hunky man. Then again, were there any left in town? Being divorced, successful, and forty-six, some would say she was in the prime of her life. Too bad she was lonely and craved a thick cock buried in her cunt. She wiggled back and forth as a series of quivers dancing inside her pussy forced her to smirk and lick her lips. Hiding behind her glass, she grinned and thought about a young stud using her, filling her, and couldn’t help the fantasizing about a throbbing cock.

“You okay, girlfriend? You look a bit flushed,” Cara observed, setting down a vibrantly colored selection of gift bags on the coffee table.

“I’m just dandy. What do you have there?”

“Hmmm … Georgia, what was the book we all just finished reading?” Cara chided, giving Shawna a soulful stare.

“You mean Her Entrance Into Submission?” Georgia asked, grabbing the book out of her bag. Waving it back and forth, she fanned her face. “A blazing hot one here!”

“I’ll say,” Shawna sighed. Perhaps one day, she would experiment with something so completely uninhibited, but for now, she’d settle for being fucked hard and fast. The book was an incredible ride into the moment of true seduction, and she read and re-read several passages until she sliced the butt plug inside her ass, relishing in the true moment of pain. “Tasty words,” she purred, savoring the memory.

“You mean the passage about kneeling for one man, succumbing to his every need? Or the part in the middle where he talked about collaring her, branding her?” Marla asked.

Just hearing the words made Shawna shiver. “All of the above.”

“I’ll say,” Desiree agreed, fanning her face. “The man in that book is every girl’s fantasy.”

“We can talk about perfect men for hours. Ssssooo … lookie here, girls; we need to mix this little circle up a bit,” Cara mused, giving each woman a long, heated stare. She pushed the bags forward toward the group. “Open if you dare.”

“Can you tell the salacious woman has something naughty up her sleeve?” Desiree laughed blond guy in barnas she plopped onto the leather easy chair, resting her feet on the end of the coffee table.

Marla leaned over the glass top and picked up one of the bags. “Hmm, it’s heavy. I think the girl is serious. Can we open our treats?”

Cara shook her finger. “Not until we make a secret and what I would consider a very sensual pact.”

“Oh, I like this girl’s style,” Desiree blurted out.

“I have a terrible feeling of apprehension about this,” Shawna demurred, yet she laughed as she gazed down at the colorful bags. Her intuition told her that she was going to love the contents.

“Pact?” Georgia asked. “Do you remember the last time Cara got us into something naughty?”

“Yeah, we almost ended up in jail,” Marla exclaimed.

“But it was damn fun trying to explain to the police officer what the hell we were doing skinny dipping in that very public pool.” Shawna laughed. The memories were sweet, and they had been wild girls in the past. Now, each of them had professions and obligations that kept their sinful sides at bay.

“Woot! Do you remember the look on that poor boy’s face?” Desiree mused.

“I think he wanted to say he would do us all but knew he’d get into trouble.” Georgia added, laughing as she gulped her drink.

“All right, ladies. Here’s the deal. We are young and hip and happening, and we need men, right?” Cara asked, glancing at each one of her friends.

“Hell, you have no idea how much I need a young stud,” Marla cooed.

“That’s exactly my point,” Cara breathed, tipping her head back as she closed her eyes and slid her hand down to the swell of her breasts. “Wild … wanton … crazed … sex!”

“You bitch!” Shawna threw a pillow at her and chuckled.

“Come on now, ladies,” Cara grinned, licking her lips as she swayed her hips from side to side.

“Out with it. What are you proposing?” Georgia asked.

“Fess up, girl. I feel hot men a comin’,” Marla added.

“Okay. Ten days, and we find and fuck a man,” Cara propositioned quietly. She placed her hand to her mouth, scanning the women’s faces.

The room suddenly became very quiet.

What do you think – are tasty treats coming?

Kisses and spanks…


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A Submissive’s Pledge

Honor. Obey. These are two tiny words that mean so very much. When you throw in trust, patience, and submission, another picture might be formed in your mind’s eye. For couples who enter into marriage, there’s a pledge toward one another, a gift of body, heart and soul. This is generally signified by the exchange of rings and both are supposed to be together for the rest of their lives, sharing in the joys and sorrows every day can bring. Sadly, we know how this often ends.

For a submissive and Dom, or slave and Master, the bond is even deeper. The pledge or A Submissives_s Prayerpromise to each other goes to a heightened level. I’ve talked with many D/s and M/s couples, some who had a traditional vanilla marriage before, and they almost always comment emphatically how much stronger their relationship is now. I know in my experience with John Patrick, the bond has been interwoven to the point we read each other’s thoughts from miles away. We know exactly what the other feels, fear or sadness, happiness or desire. It’s uncanny in truth and we often talk about our deep bond and the ragged emotions often.

The word ‘obey’ was removed from marriage vows years ago. I’m not even certain younger couples knew this was included for centuries. We are simply all very equal now – too equal in my opinion. I realize the connotations are difficult for some to wrap their minds around. How can one obey another? This is of course vital in aspects of D/s. Obedience is clearly set out by rules or protocols, but the need, the burning desire within, means something else entirely. Submissives long to obey their Dom or Master. They aren’t complete without expressing and giving themselves in this manner. This is such an honor and for me, there is nothing more beautiful and enriching than accepting this realization. This doesn’t come without fears, concerns about if and how. This also shouldn’t be taken lightly. Whether the submissive is collared or not, the pledge doesn’t change.

In thinking about your significant other, what comes to mind now versus the day you knew he or she was the one? Does your heart still flutter when you think about your commitment, whether by marriage, engagement or simply deciding to live together? Has the golden period of time tarnished or increased with each passing year? I’ve thought a lot about the honor of being involved with JP during these incredible months. When I realized how much I trusted him, adored everything about the man both inside and out, I was filled with joy about the future. As with any relationship, there are difficult times and I’m not suggesting that any coupling is perfect. There isn’t a possible way, but for me, I never knew the deep love I’ve experienced with him. Why? Because I gave him all of me. I allowed him inside the very dark places, opening up where I had never before. We won’t be able to have a full time relationship. In fact, sadly we may only be able to remain friends and little else, but the intensity, the raw emotions we both experience remain. Some submissives are born into the desire to serve and please a Dom. Some come into this later in life, such as what happened with myself. What I know about me is that I will never feel complete as a woman without having this kind of relationship. It’s very personal and different for every woman, or man serving in this capacity. What I can tell you is that the highs and lows truly change your life.

I’ve never witnessed a collaring ceremony and would love to. What is this? It’s very similar to a marriage ceremony in which the Dom gives his submissive not only a piece of jewelry A true Masterin the form of a necklace with either a symbol or a lock, he also gives her his pledge of caring for her and all of her needs. He promises to train, nurture, respect, love and guide her through their journey in D/s. The submissive pledges her body, heart and soul to her Dom, offering all of her trust and honor, as well as her full obedience. There are other ceremonies, such as the White Rose, which further deepens their commitment. For many D/s couples, this is simply a very personal and intimate moment shared between them. For others, they bring together their friends and family, allowing them to share in their joy.

I wrote a promise to JP, a pledge of my love and honor and I thought you might like to read.

The Promise

I will be truthful at all times with my Sir as well as with myself

I will strive every day to be a better and more loving person

I will honor my Sir in every act and every word, realizing the reflection of our life I share

I will understand I will falter in my behavior and learn to forgive my misguided ways

I will never fault my Sir for punishment given

I will ask for what I want, knowing I may not be allowed

I will learn how to please him in my continual journey into devotion

I will willingly take any punishment Sir requires without complaining, allowing my inner self to learn

I will educate myself every day with regard to our journey in order to completely embrace the lifestyle and my place

I will realize my Sir will falter in his methodology and help him understand more about my inner being and our combined desires

I will never deny him sex for any reason, as the shared intimacy is a special connection and one that must grow stronger

I will never disrespect my Sir in public

I will strive to become more spiritual in my thoughts and needs about our lifestyle

I will allow him control in every aspect of my life, knowing he only wants the very best for me

I will promise to love and cherish his needs above my own

I will honor his requests and relish as my own

I will forever give him reasons to want more

I will…love

I promise

The words written were done so with tears of joy. I’ll never forget the first time JP read this. He was speechless, honored I feel so deeply about him in this manner. If you As your masterthink about the words, the meaning behind them, they are rich with the understanding he is my everything and his happiness is a duty I regard highly. I shiver every time I read the promise I wrote in barely a few minutes. I remember the day I sat back, drained because I knew how deeply my heart had fallen for such an amazing man. I don’t think this occurs often in our lives, such a deep-seeded need, but if and when you find something so incredible, I hope you allow yourself to grasp onto, hold and remember always how special the journey can be.

For JP and I? Life has taken another turn and a new chapter begins, but no matter where he and I are in life, or the partners we’re with, our bond will never die. In honor to him, I offer my promise, one not to be taken lightly.

Kisses and spanks…


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A Man’s Journey into Becoming A Dominant…Learning to Discipline

I don’t know too many men who like to hit women. If you know of any, run far away. Fortunately, mama’s all across the world instill in their baby boys that hitting women is a huge NO. Young men learn at an early age to respect women, no matter how ugly arguments can be in their various relationships. Women, on the other hand, have learned an art of slapping, hitting or all out punching their guy. You’ve heard plenty of stories where couples are estranged after the woman hit back, including using any method such as a frying pan. I laughed the other day when I heard a report on the local news that aNo Other Bond wife was arrested for assault. I know I shouldn’t laugh about this, as any form of abuse isn’t a laughing matter, but using a skillet to smack her husband over the head? Really? I guess she gets points in some lala land for creativity. Again, I will NEVER condone abuse of any kind, but if you don’t chuckle as to what relationships have come to… Here’s the crux within a D/s relationship. Perhaps you and your wife have decided to entire into the lifestyle and this will include various forms of discipline. For many couples, spankings are the preferred method. I’ve written many a blog about various punishment methods. Spanking is still the most talked about and from what I’ve read and the people I’ve talked to, growing in popularity. Given the majority of men subscribe to the concept you don’t hit women, how do they learn to be effective disciplinarians?

Daunting question. When John Patrick and I talked the first time about his desire to be in control, naturally the subject came up in our conversation. His mother was firm, but told him early on women were to be revered and that when he married, there would be fights, but never raise a hand. For any of you who’ve read my blogs, you know that his “dark side” has an intense need for domination over a woman. While he wasn’t afraid of the concept of using physical aspects for punishment and control, he questioned his need to do so. I suspect every Dom, particularly those who lived a vanilla life in the beginning, struggle with the mere thought, let alone wrapping their brains around performing the act. If they don’t, every submissive should question their motives as well as their desires. Remember, there’s a clear distinction between spanking because the submissive breaks a rule versus whipping or flogging just to hit out of the need for fulfilling his sadistic tendencies. Yes, there are various fine lines.

For men who ponder why they have an innate need to punish their wife, significant other or submissive, I hope they allow deep reflection. In talking with John Patrick, we explored his needs, my own to succumb to as well as hunger for longing for a firm hand. He was reticent at first and very concerned he would hurt me. A very knowledgeable Dom told me up front during our first meeting that he would hurt me during sessions, but would never harm me. I’ve never forgotten his frank words or the meaning behind them. He explained very carefully that he’d stretch my limits, but that he’d know them. This required him learning about the woman inside as well as the look of my skin during a whipping. Now, his needs went far beyond the concept of true discipline. He was and no doubt will always be a sadist so sessions were about fulfilling his desires, as well as mine. However, the concept is the same. He realized when I was unable to take even a single additional strike.

The limited time I spent with him taught me many things about the woman I am inside and I developed a deeper longing to have a controlling Dom. However, I also realized while The right Domsome might consider me a pain monger (those craving pain to reach a heightened level of sense or what call subspace) this isn’t what I was or am longing for. I simply want a man who is dominant and when I break the rules I receive needed punishment.

When JP embraced the fact he could control all the questions and concerns in his mind, he was able to fall into the role of being an excellent disciplinarian. He learned quickly that anger has zero place in methods of punishment. Even though he’s been frustrated with me, unhappy and disappointed, he never used his belt or any other implement in anger. He calmed down and we talked about the reasons I needed to be punished.

For men who are just entering this place within the lifestyle, this must be a concern. Men have to look within themselves as to their needs to be a tough taskmaster while remaining the prevalent dominating force with love, training and encouragement. Men who desire or accept the role of Dom can’t take this lightly and disciplining of any kind is a huge responsibility. If your Dom or Head of Household doesn’t question his thoughts, methods, desires, concerns, then you as a couple aren’t ready to move forward in this regard.

As with all other aspects of the D/s journey, both of you have to talk about how using discipline is going to fit within your new relationship. How can you go from basic equality where neither or you admit to being wrong to something else entirely? Time, communication, honesty, time, discussions… You get my drift. What I can tell you without hesitation is that when the man truly steps up to the plate, admitting he believes discipline for rules infractions within the household is a positive move – the step is huge. For a woman, wife or submissive to also acknowledge, accept, and desire punishment is profound within a relationship.

In talking with many couples, who made the move into either domestic discipline or D/s, they’ve told me separately and together they were terrified of the change. They both feared what might happen and if the shift would destroy their relationship. What the majority express is that when the man accepts his role as being in charge, they moved to another plateau, respect and understanding increasing ten fold. They talked more, passion returning, and there was a renewed balance they’d never had before.

However, the first step for the man is to take time to break down the walls they’ve been taught since early childhood. Spanking your wife or girlfriend is entirely different. Men have to accept this innately, without question. This is tougher than you might think. For my male readers, imagine taking your wife over your knee for the first time, spanking her naked ass for several minutes. You see the red marks, welts developing. My guess if you’llSubmission is feel guilty, afraid of what you’re doing. You will probably question whether you’re a bad husband, or worse, a monster. I’ve heard this before.

For the wife or submissive, learning to submit for the first time is terrifying and the raw emotions have zero to do with the pain aspect. Spankings are supposed to hurt. They are also meant to draw you closer together as a couple. They are a clear shift in control as well as the fine line between right and wrong. When administered as intended, spankings are a powerful tool. When they’re done in vanity or simply out of usurping authority, they will never work. Now that you’ve both determined discipline is a necessity, what do you do? Sit down once again and talk about limitations, the aspect of when spankings are needed, and how they’ll be administered. Expectations are a part of every method of discipline.

Never forget this is about the two of you. Men who embrace their dominating needs are much happier as women are in realizing they are able to let go emotionally during a spanking. There’s nothing to be afraid of, no worries or fears, as long as you’re both doing this for the reasons you decide together. Communication – never forget this is the very key to strengthening your relationship.

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and needed spanks…


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A Man’s Journey into Becoming a Dominant…Trust

Do you love your Dom or your submissive? You might adore them so much you can’t breathe and the joy in sharing the amazing journey becomes an incredible affirmation. I’m not certain I can place the experience into words. Love isn’t always a part of the lifestyle. One aspect is…

Trust. The single word and concept alone in a D/s or M/s relationship is vital. There is no other concept more important. In my mind, trust is the only reason I was able to submit fully to John Patrick. The basic aspect wasn’t achieved in a day or a week and my courage in allowing my trust to open up had to do with the man inside. What can’t be confused is I will please himtrust and love. Is love and trust often intertwined? Well of course it is, however, the innate trust you have to have for the other person is ten times more extreme, more intense than what you might share in a vanilla relationship. There are degrees of trust – without a doubt. You trust your friends, the ones you grew up with, perhaps even some with your life. You certainly trust your parents or other family members to guide you, nurture or comfort you when you’ve fallen down an ugly path. You may trust your employer enough to believe in the company to complete your career with them all because of a single boss.

Trust is a word that’s thrown around a lot in every relationship. If there’s no trust, there’s no willing to work together as a team or to talk completely in an uninhibited fashion with your spouse or significant other. Think about the last time you wanted to share a very deep seeded emotion or fear. Was there one person you truly believed you could without fear of being made fun of? For a lot of women, they find this in their best girlfriends. I have one I can share anything with – good, bad or ugly – and I know she’ll be supportive. She has never judged me or condemned my way of life. She had no desire to be spanked or become a submissive, but she’s listened to me during times of joy as well as pain.

Men have this too of course, but a lot of men tend to keep their bravado, the tightly woven mask, when talking to their best buds. They need to feel macho and perhaps at times superior, even when they’re hurting inside. Women cry frequently. The release allows a cathartic moment, a way to deal with heartache or rejection, being fired or during times of financial difficulties. What do men do? For many, they hide behind a wall. Some feel they have to be a man’s man, the kind who never shows emotion, certainly will never cry. Others will, but the men I’ve known and talk to are a bit terrified of being themselves.

Trust – there are two kinds that are so very important in D/s relationships. First and foremost is the trust of yourself. I’ve talked a lot about women learning to trust their instincts, feel their way through their very complex set of emotions. Do you think men who are finding their way as the dominant force worry about their thoughts, their inner feelings? Of course they do. They simply don’t often feel as if they have an avenue to grasp onto the man inside, turning inward initially and truly reflecting. For my guy readers, when was the last time you felt comfortable telling your gal you were afraid of something? Be honest.

not usuallyThis is the first step. Being honest with what you need both from the man buried deep inside to the woman who needs your guidance can be daunting. Learning to trust your gut takes times as well as self-realization. I honestly think for men the key that can unlock the man inside is at times painful, revealing. Few men want to divulge they have a dark or sadistic side, or completely the opposite and are truly deep and emotional. Yes, there can be both. We have this ridiculous concept of what and how men should be. And for the majority of men? They follow the path, refusing to believe in their desires, needs burning within. When John Patrick opened up, the flood gates were ripe with so many thoughts, yearning to talk about every aspect of domination as well as his sadistic tendencies. I felt blessed from the first moment he was able to open up to me. After only a few weeks, I realized how much he trusted me with parts of himself he’d never been able to tell anyone before. For me? This was the beginning of my walls breaking down, my inhibitions being shoved to the side. My trust of him grew exponentially. I learned through our intense conversations about the man. He learned to embrace the good and bad girl nestled just below the surface.

This was the very reason we could embrace the dark side he continues to fear today. I’ve written about fears nestled within men and women. For men, this truly gnaws at his ability to trust. Being concerned another man might want what he has is natural. Acting on jealousy without proof or provocation becomes destructive for any couple. For those in D/s – this can destroy. Jealousy is fairly primal in men. They are hunters and gatherers after all. They might not say they want you after a relationship has turned sour, but you better believe they don’t want you with another man. This breaks their confidence, tests their manhood.

Can this be avoided totally? Well, we are human first after all. The answer might be a resounding ‘no’ but you don’t have to succumb to this type of darkness. Men as dominants have the distinct responsibility to nurture and train, guide their submissives not only into the lifestyle they both agreed upon, but the very one he’s thought about perhaps his entire life. In order to do so, every man has to be as open as women tend to be. Granted, women are very good at hiding their true feelings. Often they don’t want to upset the applecart. That’s something women who are entering into a submissive lifestyle really have to think about, dig deep into their psyche. Women push hard when they aren’t getting their questions or concerns addressed. Men back away, moving into a neat little box they can place on a shelf.

John Patrick is extremely good at this. He can compartmentalize with the best of Take it all offthem. We’ve had this conversation and as we move through steps in our journey, I helped him understand that in order for me to open up completely, he absolutely had to be honest and open. This isn’t done while being tied to a cross, flogged then fucked. This is all about communication, long talks over glasses of wine or walks in the woods.

For Dom’s, they need to embrace they have as many sides as women do, their emotions often tied to a disruptive past or difficult family. They question trust of the woman they adore or long to Dom. What they’re really doing is releasing every aspect of the man inside. They worry that in letting go, telling and showing who they really are, they’ll somehow seem weak. This is so very much the opposite for women in general and especially for submissives.

To garner success as a couple, you have to let go of the fears, discuss and embrace, cry or frustrate as necessary. This isn’t easy, but it’s a must. Men, you must know the man inside within quavering from who you are and what you need. Can you do this? Time will tell as you share and open up more, but you must. Trust… Do you trust you? If and only when you can, then you’ll be able to share the life you crave with the woman (or man) standing next to you.

Reflective thoughts…

Kisses and spanks…


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Submissive for Hire

Is there such a thing? Can a woman or man actually decide to hire themselves out for an evening or a weekend to spend time with a Dom they’ve never met? Is there a difference in basic prostitution? Well, keep in mind submitting in any way with regard to BDSM doesn’t have to include sex in the basic form, however… This is a daunting premise. Have I heard of this in the BDSM community? No. Could it happen? Anything can happen with consenting adults and keep in mind that’s the key word – consenting.

I write fiction after all and allow my rather wicked imagination to run in various dark spaces. In thinking about the fact there are many who allow themselves to play with those they have never met, I just decided to take the concept a step in a direction that might leave you breathless. Of course I had to add an element of horror, a thrill ride given my heroine has no real clue what she’s getting into. She’s a trained professional.

Or so she thinks…

See what happens when all she knows is challenged in an effort to help hunt down a killer. This is the tame end of the story…


Only in your dreams can you see yourself, the woman you truly are. Only with my kneel to medesign will you become a queen.

Queen. The word reverberated in the back of her mind.

Tick. Tock.

Destiny Blade could see his face, his carved features and a nearly perfect mouth. Given her southern heritage, those might say kissable lips. For her, the mere expression on his face garnered a myriad of raw emotions sweeping through every cell in her body. She shifted in her seat, cognizant of her swelling nipples, panties damp to the point she was uncomfortable. He was watching, always studying her when she wasn’t fantasizing about him.

Swallowing hard, she tapped her fingers on top of her desk. The air was humid, almost stifling. Her throat closed off, an intense sensation of being held under water forcing her gag reflexes to the surface. Faces peered through a mist manifested from sleepless nights, haunting visions of arms reaching out for her.

What do you see? His voice was like smooth velvet, wrapping around her in a sensuous manner.

Monsters. Her whisper was harsh.

Laughing, his voice rumbled in the dense space. You see yourself.

Exhaling, she tried to push the rambling thoughts out of her mind, but she was lost in the moment, her skin prickling as if on fire. Giving a cautious look toward the darkened corner of the room, she whimpered. She was not alone.

He sat in the corner, the man who had haunted every night with his blatant commands, yet he waited patiently, as if claiming her was a prize. She’d refused succumbing to his intense needs, desires so dark she awoke breathless. He was all consuming. Anticipation fueled the vivid images and even in her daylight hours, she was finding it difficult to concentrate.

Touch yourself. Show me how much you’ve learned.

“No.” Had she said the word out loud? Of course she’d learned so much during the course of the last few months. The nights alone, staring at her computer, had left her exhausted. She inched forward, placing her hands on her desk. Her vision remained clouded, her thoughts filled with longing. Long fingers reached out, fingertips brushing across her heated skin. His hot breath was a magnet, drawing her to the only man she’d ever craved. Shuddering, she rubbed the back of her hand back and forth over her lips. Her heart raced, the wetness between her legs tingling her inner thighs.

Soon you’ll obey my every command, no matter what I ask. Then I will own you.

Her nerves endings were on fire, desperate for the taste of his lips. Seconds later, she shut down the fantasy. She was a strong person, capable of protecting the woman buried deep inside. She’d been damn good at doing so for almost twenty years.

Tick. Tock.

mineGlancing at the oversized, old-fashioned clock, she grimaced, unable to remember the majority of the conversation.

He cleared his throat. Only this time, the sound was no apparition, no formidable man, hungry to chain her in his basement, performing unspeakable acts. The man seated in front of her was desperate for help, lost in a system she claimed to understand. Go away!

A strand of dark hair fell to his lips. She read his lurid thoughts, sensed his required possession of her. Why? Why was she so special to him?

A blip coming from her phone brought her up from the foggy haze. Panting, she fingered her iPhone. Two messages. Okay. Break free of this. He’s not real. Sadly, no man was coming to claim her.

She forced a smile and pushed a file across her desk, breaking the psychic connection. “I’m sorry. What were you saying?” She wasn’t certain she’d asked the question loudly enough. As she centered her gaze past her desk, her thoughts cleared.

The chair was planted in the middle of the room. Her client was only comfortable if he was surrounded by air and nothing else. The poor man had fallen into an abyss. For a few seconds she thought about ending the session, but his imploring eyes, slacking mouth, reminded her that she was his only hope. He was a loner. Then again, so was she. Concentrate. Her patient needed her expertise to pull them back to reality. Hell, they all did. Lately she’d felt like nothing but a farce, a woman incapable of helping anyone.

“Michael, we have just a few more minutes in our session. Is there anything else you can remember about your dream?” Destiny made certain her smile was comforting. Her patient was even more of a nervous wreck then he normally was during their hour long sessions.

Michael’s eyes shifted, his gaze unfocused. He picked lint off the sleeve of his dress shirt and hummed. The heel of his foot continually tapped against the tile floor. Every body movement exuded raw emotion, complete discomfort, yet he’d barely offered four full sentences during the last fifty minutes. She adjusted her suit jacket.

Even from where she was seated, she could easily see the sweat beading across his forehead. He reeked. His body odor was a putrid combination of garlic, stale cigarettes, urine and vomit. She’d never seen him this anxious in the nearly two years she’d been treating him. “Michael. Stay with me. What’s going on? What are you so distraught? Did something happen at work?” Back on track, she breathed a sigh of relief.

He shook his head and leaned forward in his chair, clasping his hands. “No.” There was no inflection in his tone.

“With your lovely girlfriend? Did you guys have a fight?”

Laughing, he shot her a quick look. “Do you really think a model is going to stay with a beast like me?”


“You heard me, doc. I’m a puss sucking slug.”

She rose to her feet, moving slowly to the other side of the desk. Michael certainly had his insecurities, but he’d never spoken this way. Confidence bordering to the point of pure arrogance had been a downfall his entire life. This was…unexpected. “You’re not a beast. You’re a professional with an excellent career in a well-known accounting firm. You have a better than average salary, a house in your name and a brand new sports car.” The majority of people would be jealous of all he’d obtained in his life. She wanted to hate him for his pompous bullshit, but she couldn’t. She’d seen inside the man, straight to the dark Rope boundside.

We all have a dark side, especially you darling Destiny.

Fuck you! Hissing, she willed her midnight lover back into the trenches.

As he snorted he shoved both hands through his hair. “No woman will stay with me because of who and what I am. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch!” Enraged, he shoved back in his chair with enough force the metal legs slammed against the edge of the glass coffee table.


“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“Okay. Just relax.”

“Sorry?” Michael laughed. “Wait a minute. No I’m not.”

“What do you mean?” The tone of his voice was decidedly different. Even the twang she’d grown to love was gone, replaced by a clipped and deeper tone.

Snapping his head up, he grinned, his eyes sliding down the length of her body. “Not sorry at all. I prefer real women.”

She broke into a cold sweat and gripped the edge of the desk. The expression on his face was cold, malevolent. This wasn’t the same man who’d walked into her office a year and a half early. Hell, he wasn’t the same on as an hour before. Michael Johnson was recently divorced and with his incredible looks, could have the arm of any woman. This man was angry, bitter and horrified. Jesus Christ. He’s coming onto me. “Stay focused, Michael.”

He wants you like all men do.

Every muscle in her body was tense. Her muscles were rigid and her lover’s words echoed in her ears. Her extreme workload was creating manifestations, nothing more. She was a woman with an extraordinary imagination.

“Oh, I am. Fuck the bitch. I can get more. Right?” Licking around his lips in an exaggerated fashion, he made a suckling sound. He winked and pulled the chair away from the table, purposely scraping the tips across the floor. “Maybe we should talk, doc. Like we used to. Huh? Have you had any good sex lately? Do you have some thick cock servicing you every night?” His look turned into a leer. “You never told me if your pussy is shorn. Better to suck up your sweet juices.”

“Michael. You know that’s not appropriate.” My God, the man was losing his mind.

“My, my Ms. Blane. You used to love to tell me how every men you’ve ever known always wanted to tie you spread eagled, flog every inch of your tight body. I bet your skin glistens in candlelight. I can only imagine how wet you’d be as you wait for your Master to strike, inflicting every inch of your body with lashes. I bet you crave pain. Don’t you? Mmm…”

The question lingered.

You do crave punishment. You can’t deny your desires.

“That’s it. We’re not playing a game, Michael and you can call me Dr. Blane. Do you understand?” She heard the guttural sound of her voice as fear crept in. He wasn’t merely undressing her. He wanted to devour her.

More later…

Kisses and spanks…


Posted in BDSM, detective, Domination and submission, Dubious Consent, EDGE, serial killer, thriller | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment