Does Bisexuality Really Exist?

I’ve found I have about three different styles of writing erotic books that continue thread after thread. One is interracial and you all know how I’ve mentioned time and time again I don’t see color in people and I love all flavors – yummy. I also have found I enjoy writing same sex almost more than writing heterosexual pieces and in truth my m/m pieces do so much better than my others that I have to stop and seriously consider whether I’m going to do any additional het pieces. The other one that I do a huge portion of is combining all of the above.

I have a piece out right now that involves three men who are lovers  – one being black – with a woman and they indulge in not only a tryst which might or might now turn into a relationship but engage in the practice of BDSM. Now what’s not to like, right? Unleashed isn’t selling. I have to scratch my head and go – there has to be a reason. Is it the concept that bisexuality doesn’t exist? I thought I’d take the rather interesting thought out for a spin. Let me ask you that question – do you think you could ever engage in something involving either the same sex or if you consider yourself mostly homosexual – with the opposite sex? Let me talk from experience first.

My first husband was bisexual – or so I thought. That being said he decided after we’d been married for two years that he preferred living the gay lifestyle and to date I don’t think he’s been with another woman. I certainly don’t fault him and we are friends. Now you may ask – was he able to not only engage in sexual activity but did he enjoy? I’m going to be truthful – he enjoyed to a point. When he suggested we add a third (completely safe and a dear friend of ours) he was much happier. Was that something we engaged in all the time? No. We had a fairly traditional marriage and of course his parents were VERY happy for those two years.

Do I honestly believe partly the reason he married me is to please his parents? Yes, I do. I can’t fault him and I went in with my eyes wide open. I was and I guess to some degree still am a bit of a wild child and men and women alike realize I’m certainly not a prude when it comes to sex. Do I perform ALL the kinky acts I write about? DUH – NO. I’m not a stupid woman and of course have practiced safe sex all my life but I certainly have had my share of different flavors- we’ll leave it at that.

I’ve also discussed before the concept of a polyamory relationship – in which three or more people live and love together in a committed relationship. It’s not only possible but a growing trend for many reasons including certain people enjoy being with more than once person. I’m not the kind of girl who believes in the single knight in shining armor and I think that a polyamory situation would be delicious – but my twist is that I would like to have my men sharing passion as well.

     That continues the path down the question road – can two men share each other and a woman? In truth I think they can. I’ve been criticized by reviewers who say – I can’t believe a gay man would suddenly turn. I honestly think they’re missing the point. In my pieces I don’t suggest that the gay male would suddenly want and crave a woman and that’s it – they’re getting married and having babies. Uh, that’s not going to happen. I am suggesting that some men are bisexual and can indeed enjoy both sexes. When you meet someone you are attracted or not attracted. It’s no difference whether you’re gay, lesbian, bisexual or het. You crave and want the person you do. Gay men desire other men and typically heterosexual people long for the opposite sex – BUT there are times we find the same sex attractive. Come on… You can’t tell a lie. I find women beautiful and attractive and sensual and would consider. (ahem – again we’ll leave it at that) But I LOVE men. SO… I think the question still stands. It isn’t meant to be trite or inconsiderate or make light of what you enjoy and want and your choices. It’s meant to ask yourself could you enjoy and do you believe it’s possible?

I’ll continue to write about the idea knowing my experiences in the past and the desires I continue to have. You as readers might not engage in a relationship that some might call unconventional but I hope you can allow your mind to be open to the possibilities. Here’s a taste of Unleashed – my m/m/m/f BDSM piece that does have two tender messages and one is about abuse and the other sexual slavery. I tried to pack a punch with something I love. Someone once told me – when you open your mind to non-traditional possibilities there’s no end to the future. Hmmm… Something to think about.

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre

http://www.cassandredayne.com

EXCERPT

“You want to challenge me, sugar?” Randi gazed at all three directly in the eyes until they realized she was deadly serious. Finally, she blew them a kiss. “So, we have a deal then. You provide her with one wild and crazy weekend where everything goes and all of her desires are fulfilled and you boys top the list this year. You know, you’ll remain the three hottest and best kept secrets in Virginia Beach and I’ll keep your little sinful skeleton in tact.” She turned on her heal grinning like a wild cat. “Oh, and you are not going to tell her a single thing about this. Nothing. If you tell her anything, so help me I will let this piece out to all the presses. One more thing, you need to use your creativity to entice and seduce. And I want you to sizzle those fantasies she has.”

“And tell me, just how to you honestly anticipate that we are going to try and accomplish this ridiculous plan?” Chaz eyed her carefully, hands on his hips. “The diary?”

“It’s not ridiculous and that’s a great start. My goodness boys, you all have incredible imaginations. Chaz, you are an erotic photographer. I want you to take some of the most sizzling photographs of her that you’ve ever produced, perhaps for future sales. And Diego, you know that dazzling strip tease act you perform at your club? Why I think you should teach her a thing or two and perhaps have her as a guest at your club. You know, the one you own? Think about it, a mischievous little dance for a naughty foursome sounds positively yummy.” Randi’s laughter sparkled into the room.

“And what about me, love? I’m a physician. What is my specialty here?” Galen asked, his voice purring like soft velvet spun with dangerous desire.

Randi glided toward him and very slowly grazed her finger down from the edge of his chin past his chiseled collarbone and placed her hand delicately onto his chest. Staring into his glistening eyes, she purred like a tiger. “Darling, you cannot lie to one of your best friends, remember? I know exactly what you desire. Domination and submission my hunky chocolate treat and she is the submissive you’ve been looking for. Plus, I’ve heard that you like to play rough doc-tor. Oh, and you just think you’re hiding that little erotic chamber of yours. But I’ve seen it.”

Galen’s face flushed as he opened and closed his mouth. “I…it’s not what you think.”

Randi smiled as she raised her eyebrow. She knew how hard he’d tried to keep his particular needs hidden, just like Ariana kept her desires of being dominated a secret. “You forget, I’ve been around the block more than once. I know exactly what it is. It’s a playroom full of S & M toys. You like to tie your lovers up and whip them into submission, my good doctor. Tease. Tempt. Punish? You know all the delicious and very wicked things the darker side of sex can offer? So I know exactly how you like to play.”

Chaz eyed Diego, who grinned and nodded toward Galen. “She has a very good point, my man.”

“Wait a minute guys. You don’t just drag someone into the lifestyle no matter what her diary says. Take it from someone who…who knows too well,” Galan said, his voice husky. “I won’t allow this and hurt her. I mean it.”

“Galen, I don’t think you’re going to hurt her. Read the diary. I can’t tell you I understand the BDSM lifestyle but you’re going to see this isn’t something that’s a whim to her. She wants to experience every aspect of it with someone she trusts and given that Nick did to her? I can’t think of three men she could trust more. Teach her. Whatever happened, Galen I don’t want to hurt you either but I know you.” Randi turned her gaze onto each man. “I know all of you. Trust in your feelings for each other and for her. You won’t regret it.”

“I don’t know if I can do this,” Galen said through clenched teeth.

Shaking her head Randi couldn’t stop this. “Think about it.”

The men gazed at each other and remained quiet for several minutes.

“Are you serious about the blackmail?” Diego asked.

Licking her lips she sighed. “Let’s just say you know me.” Holding her crossed fingers behind her back she prayed to God.

Chaz walked toward Galen and patted his back. “Randi is right that you know you want this.”

Galen opened and closed his mouth before glancing into Chaz’s eyes. “It could do more damage than good.”

“Then be careful and love her,” Diego suggested.

Love. At least it was there in the open and while she could tell that Galen was tortured she could also see something else in his eyes, a desire for the woman he’d hinted at wanting for years. It was about damn time. Randi sauntered toward the door and took a long moment placing the scandalous picture underneath her shirt as she licked her lips. “Hmmm… I think I have you boys all pegged. Time to party.”

Galen growled and moved toward the door. “Randi, when this weekend is done, you will get yours.”

BLURB

Ariana Tempest’s divorce from her abusive husband wasn’t even final but Randi knew that she had to bring her best friend out of her depression. Stealing her diary, Randi learned about her cravings for kinky acts and her lust for three men. Chaz, Shane and Galen had been their friends for years. They were professionals, roommates and secret lovers. Determined to make Ariana’s fantasies come true, she enlisted the help of the men through blackmail. Unfortunately she had no idea how many demons she unleashed.

Galen Patterson hid from the man he used to be, a past so horrendous he was unable to admit the truth. When faced with the game and Ariana’s need to become a submissive, controlled by a Master, he wasn’t certain he could handle returning to his private hell. After being convinced by his lovers that this would help in the healing process they entered into a single night of sexual exploration and a beginning. But was it the beginning of the end?

Ariana allowed herself to explore his most hidden desires, hungering for more. That is until the nefarious game was revealed. Hurt at their betrayal, she raced home only to find her soon to be ex, Nick waiting inside, begging for forgiveness but his beast hid just below the surface. Little did she know that dark secrets threatened all of them in ways that could haunt her for the rest of her life. Would she believe Nick or the man she’d fallen in love with?

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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26 Responses to Does Bisexuality Really Exist?

  1. Melissa says:

    Now I’m interested. I want to find out about the secret that Galen had hidden. Like you, I do believe in bisexuality. I’ve also seen some people who changed what/who they desired. Love was in the equation each time. They loved the person and the gender, religion, family, skin color, etc. was just a part of the package, not a piece that could be removed or replaced.

    Like

  2. Shay MacLean says:

    Great post, Cassandre! I fully agree it is possible to desire both sexes. And even to find you have desires you never dreamed of later in life if you just open yourself to the possibilities. The biggest key though if you’re wanting to be in a polyamorus relationship or even just spicing up your sex life no matter how little is communication. I can honestly say it wasn’t until I began writing erotic romance that I began to look at those possibilities. I’m still learning about them, too. Found one of those just this evening as I was working on a story.

    Love the except. Looks like I’ll have to add it to my TBR list. 🙂

    Shay

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Thanks so much Shay – it’s funny how as I am getting older I crave different things but I’ve always been adventurous so I can honestly say it’s one aspect of me as a person I appreciate.

      Like

  3. I have always believed since I came out that there are two poles. One is heterosexual while the other is homosexual. Between those two points everyone finds there place as to their sexuality. So I believe there is definitely b-sexual people.

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  4. Cara Bristol says:

    Thoughful post. I do think bisexuality exists with varying degrees. Some people could swing either way, while others might have strong preferences, but indulge in a little something different from time to time. I would just hope for greater acceptance and tolerance. Like racism, homophobia needs to end.

    Like

  5. edenglenn says:

    This is an interesting, thought provoking blog. Two years ago, I accepted that I am a bisexual woman. I enjoy men yet I have been in a relationship with a woman. It’s ending and not quite what I had hoped for but she had hangups that I couldn’t overcome. Long sad story– off topic.

    I am a romance writer and I do have a number of stories that are menage’ m/f/m relationship character dynamics. It is intriguing whether this “fantasy” can be real. Do polyamorous relationships work?

    There are many things I love about men. However, the same is true of my feelings for certain women. I think bisexuality is very misunderstood. Sometimes I think the more I know men the more I love women. Yet, I understand how hard it is for men to make a relationship work with a woman. OY! LOL.

    Great Blog!
    Eden Glenn
    http://www.edenglenn.wordpress.com

    Like

    • behalle says:

      I totally understand where you’re coming from and while I tease about going to the other side – the fact is I enjoy men and women. Right now I still find I want a relationship with a man but for me it’s about needing more than one. I love and appreciate women and have had some wonderful experiences which I believe has helped me in my writing. I like to think so anyway.

      Like

  6. kendeldavi says:

    Great Post, Cass on both aspects. I feel the same way as most of my writing lies within interracial and group sex. Does bisexuality exist? Of course and people should embrace the concept of choice when it comes to partners. Just because you enjoy one or the other sexes doesn’t mean you have to deny the ability of others to enjoy both. The possibilities can be amazing.

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Thank you for your thoughts and you obviously know how I feel. I am constantly surprised at people who can’t understand the concept. I very much appreciate the support.

      Like

  7. adrianakraft says:

    Absolutely, it exists. Research supports what Pablo says – sexual orientation is on a continuum from fully het to fully same sex, and people can fall anywhere in between. It’s also not necessarily the same across a lifetime for everyone – research suggests women move more towards bisexuality as we age, definitely true in my case. So I’ll keep on writing stories with women who want it both ways!

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  8. Lexxx says:

    Cass- u know how I feel. I think that bi does exist and have a pet theory that all women are bi cuz let’s face it. Men suck sometimes. I think societal pressures make men less open to the idea but I suspect it’s more prevalent than we think.

    As for polyamory- I’m for it. The older I get the more I think that shit happens. Sometimes people fall in love and there’s no explanation. We aren’t living in the 50s ya know….

    Like

  9. Bonni Sansom says:

    I know it exists because I am Bi. I love my husband and at the end of the day that’s who I decided to be with faithfully. But given the opportunity and permission I would be with a woman in a heartbeat. I’ve had my fair share of girlfriends but ultimately I chose a man. No regrets. I believe it’s all about attraction not necessarily your sexuality. I love both sexes but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to any woman that walks by. Or a man for that matter. I have both gay and straight people in my family and I respect each and every one of them. So there you have my answer.

    Like

    • behalle says:

      I could easily love and live with a woman – it’s all in the person and I say I don’t like women LOL. But men and relationships can be very difficult so I know it’s all about the person.

      Like

  10. Absolutely bisexuality exists. I’m of the opinion that anyone can fall in love with anyone. If the sparks are there between two people then love can happen regardless of the gender. I’m married but love women as well.

    When will people be able to accept people for people and stop labeling? Great post Sis!

    Like

  11. Wow! This was a thought provoking post. Bisexually exists the number are increasing. I’ve been in a relationship with all kinds of guys, one that was gay when I met him, but somewhere along the line he became attracted to me. And then there was the guy who cringed at the idea of having sex with a man, yet when he was intoxicated and I invited another man to our bedroom all homophobia went out the window. It was easy for him to blame it on the alcohol but we both knew the real deal. I think when it comes to pleasure a person’s preferences can chance in the blink of an eye.
    I, for one, have been openly bisexual for as long as I can remember. I love everything both sexes have to offer and I often incorporate that in my writing. Many people out there are not willing to submit to their true desires and the thought of talking about it turns them away. However, you can only hold out for so long, especially in this day and age. ;o)

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Thank you very much for such a fabulous reply. I feel the same and wish others could allow themselves the freedom if nothing else than in their mind to explore and mostly understand what others need without judging.

      Like

  12. Naomi says:

    I totally believe it exists. A great post and wonderful responses. To derive sexual pleasure from either gender is a great feeling and you convey this so well.

    Like

  13. Elicia says:

    Bisexuality absolutely exists…because I exist and I am bisexual. I am married to a man, we’ve been together for over 20 years, but there have always been women in my life and he’s been okay with that. The marriage has all but ended and since then, I have found myself falling for two people, one male and one female, that just so happen to love each other as well. The next chapter in my life is bound to be the most interesting so far. Great post. 🙂 Oh, and your book is now on my must read list. xoxo

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Oh thank you for your wonderful words and the must read too. I love making sure I convey both fantasy and reality and so glad I’ve gotten such wonderful comments!!

      Like

  14. P.K. Morris says:

    When this post came up in my Triberr stream, at first I felt a bit defensive and ready to post a ranting comment. But then I read the post and wasn’t at all offended. In my eyes, love isn’t black and white, gay or straight. But maybe I’m just basing this fact on my own feelings of not fitting “the norm” or what have you. The thing is, a lot of people think being bisexual means you feel it’s okay to cheat and that’s not the case at all. So it makes me wonder how many people are actually bisexual but just don’t talk about it for that very reason.

    In any case, I loved the excerpt of this novel. It’s quite intriguing. 🙂

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Well I think you can see why I posted it now. It’s more about why it seems such a stretch for readers and reviewers to ponder when you and I know the truth. I have never nor will I use the concept to exploit the allowance of cheating. It happens – you bet and I’ve see it more than once – but not what this girl is interesting in at all. I want readers to understand the beauty around love – in every shape, color, creed, from and style. Thanks for sharing and I’m glad to know you took a chance and read it. I hope I conveyed a level of importance around it as well 🙂

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  15. Xakara says:

    As an author who only writes bisexual polyamory, I understand your concerns as to why an audience will shy away. I’ve known I was bisexual my entire life and my first adult relationships were all polyamorous, so I’m a bit outside the norm, but I think that’s changing. More of my generation naturally pursued open and polyamorous dealings in my twenties and now the generation just below up, about to enter their twenties are starting to see sexual fluidity as a default and non-monogamy as completely valid.

    My dearest hope is that in another ten to fifteen years, we won’t have to have this conversation as that generation matures and doesn’t think twice about it.

    Now if we can only get them to read….

    ~X

    Like

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