Is there such a thing? I don’t know in truth. I said to a fellow writer yesterday that I didn’t believe in love and in truth – that’s not true. I do believe in love but I’ve found that love is what you make of it most of the time. And it doesn’t matter whether you’re in a same sex or heterosexual relationship – we’re all looking for something wonderful. I spend a lot of time writing stories about how to kick up your sex life and your passion as well. This of it this way – sex is fabulous and I love sex and all the kinky things around it but… sex is for sex’s sake sometimes. It’s the sheer joy you two share together that makes it special. Whether you’re simply doing nothing more than sharing a dinner together and a glass of wine or holding hands at the movies – for me it’s the sharing part. So is that love? It’s many aspects from love to friendship, trust to companionship and everything in between. And you know what? It’s different for every one of us. Isn’t that what makes love and relationships special?  Now… ask yourself – have you ever fallen head over heels in love with a guy or gal you’ve seen across the room? Is there such a thing as the ONE perfect guy?

     Well… I hate to say it but I don’t think most of us will every find the one perfect guy but having said that I know how much I adore men of all flavors and when I was younger I certainly dated all kinds of men. The sad truth is that I found the one guy one time and in a sense allowed him to get away. I was reminded of that recently when I found him on Facebook – yes the nemesis for many of us. He and I had been very close for almost two years. At the time he was married and in the process of getting a divorce and I was getting married. The spark was there and you know how it goes, we adored but didn’t touch – until after I figured out my husband was gay.

So my special guy and I shared one hot night and after that he wanted to make sure the divorce was final and asked if I would have patience. A musician he actually would play the song from Guns N Roses for me. Sadly I was much younger than he was and I had no patience. Anyway, he thought I ran away and was in a fog for two years before moving on. Twenty years later I found him and we’ve talked but… It’s never the same and he loves his current wife and while it’s difficult between us and we both don’t have to speak the truth we have been thinking about the what if’s for two years. But you can never return to what you had and lost. Remember that.

So what does make the perfect guy and the one? For each of us it’s completely different. For me it was his smile and the way he looked at me. It was also the way he handled other people and I find humor and intelligence the sexiest thing in the world. Now having said the one and most of us have ideals that truthfully are way out there. I was recently asked on a questionnaire who I would want under the mistletoe and I said hands down Tom Selleck  – but of course I don’t know him. I remember the glory days of him being the sexy guy running on the beach before getting into his red Ferrari.

I think we all have a movie star or musician that we say we want and if we met half of these people we’d all probably go UGH! Still, we can dream and fantasize and hunger for and… I know – hard to think about sometimes. No one is perfect and we all find living up to the purported standards that movie stars seem to reek up impossible to live up to. The every day man and woman has too much to deal with in real life and we don’t have personal trainers and nutritionists on staff to keep us perfect.

     So what is the ONE? I think it’s the person in your heart and soul that gives you a thrill and takes your breath away even for a little while. I also think it’s the guy or girl who treats you with respect and love and in truth never forgets about passion. If you can find all of that in a single person then I think you may have found the right one.

Whether you’ve found the one or you simply have a man or woman in your life that’s special in so many ways – that’s love. We forget sometimes based on what we go through on an every day basis to give ourselves the moment of sheer joy that being with another person can give you. We all have lives and difficult times and shit we have to deal with. We endure loss of jobs and family situations and sicknesses and in that sense life is tough – BUT… Isn’t it so much better when you share every one of these experiences with another person? Okay…I’m just as bad as the next person about trying to remember this and I write fantasies every day. Perhaps I should take my own advice. Right?

You can still fantasize but remember, fantasies are just that – not based in reality. As we are nearing Valentine’s Day – do something very special for the one you sit next to every day and it doesn’t have to be the exact perfect gift either!

I hope I gave you some not so subtle thoughts…

Kisses   xxx


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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  1. Johnny Miles says:

    That was an awesome and beautiful post. Love is all those things you mentioned. However, I’ve also found that love, for me, means something different now than it did when I was 16 or 24 or 35. It changes as I change and get older and though I don’t understand why, I’m still here to feel any kind of love at all. The man in my life? I’d die for him. I’d die without him. He’s my rock, my anchor, and yes, even the wind beneath my wings. He is “The One.”


  2. Jean says:

    I’m sure you have jolted some people into thinking about love. That’s a good thing. Lust is not the same as passion. I can only have real passion after I have love because with love comes trust. Lust is possible on the short term and sometimes more desirable on the short term. But nothing beats love and passion. That comes through in my writing, too. There has to be a higher connection than just the physical for anything more than a one-night stand. I do have true love in my life with my husband. Though I may get impatient, I know when the chips are down, he will be there for me. That to me is true love. I guess I’m lucky.


  3. tucsonmike says:

    True love does happen. It’s the person, who compliments you; your yin and yang.


  4. I also, let THAT one get away. Twenty four years later, we re-connected. We keep in touch on a daily basis and the ‘first love’ feelings are still there. We enjoy talking at length, share lunch on occasion and laugh like we laugh like teenagers again. So is there true love? Yes, in my life there is.


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