Is There An Emotional Side to the D/s Journey?

I wanted to ponder that with you this morning. First I want to say from the bottom of my heart – THANK YOU so much to all the wonderful people who downloaded On Becoming His over the weekend. While yes it was free, you took the time and wanted to and I had over 1300. That just amazes me and I can’t thank you enough. I’ve had some mixed reviews on the piece, mostly good to excellent, but I think people might have been expecting a little bit more 50 Shades and less emotional (although from what I’ve heard about 50 shades the sex was kinda… We’ll just leave it at that).

When I set out to pen On Becoming His, I didn’t really know at the time the idea would explode into what it is and will be. What does that mean? It means that it’s now only now slated for a trilogy – with On Becoming Her Sir already in outline form and will be coming from Luke’s POV, but also with several flash pieces that my now co-author, Benjamin Russell, and I are doing totally together. So On Becoming His – Lessons Learned will be coming out hopefully in the next week to ten days.

That being said, what both Benjamin and I realized was that the first story truly is the very VERY emotional side of what Jessie is thinking about as Luke truly asks her to reflect on whether or not she can even become a submissive. See, in learning as much as I have about the lifestyle (and I think I can speak for Benjamin here too) there is so much more to it than what most people think. I’ve written enough blogs about this so I won’t be repetitive except to say while there is great sex and perhaps some of what you call the kinky BDSM (floggers, “x” crosses, spanking benches), the truth is this has little to do with sex sometimes. It’s about control, trust, understanding, giving of one completely to another and about patience.

So – nothing wrong with great sex and I can tell you that Jessie and Luke do and will heat up the pages as they continue on the journey BUT – this is a love story about two people who decide to enter into the lifestyle. The aspect is NOT to be taken lightly and if she doesn’t spend a hell of a lot of time thinking and reflecting on her inner thoughts about the strong woman versus the sub, then they are DOOMED for failure. Hence the way On Becoming His was penned.

I have read and written a hell of a lot of BDSM books and I’ve concentrated on the kink and the sex. I’ve both been acclaimed from people who actually live the lifestyle and criticized for my portrayal of the sex even itself, so this one was personal – what would and how could a strong would feel and handle the concept alone of entering into the lifestyle? Hmmm… That really took me to some reflective and dark places in my mind and the truth is – I have my answer. For those of you who REALLY know me know what that is but I’m not telling…

For Benjamin and I this journey has been a true blessing in getting closer as friends and it’s expanded our writing styles and capabilities – at least I like to think so. For those of you who have read On Becoming His, we both hope you enjoyed and know that the next chapter brings more of her submittal to him, BODY and soul, and his acceptance of her completely – which is his angst. She is strong and willful and he has a very difficult time adjusting. Lessons Learned will begin to show you just how powerful not only their intimacy (hint hint sex) is but also how strong their relationship is becoming – think devotion. So may answer about whether there is an emotional side is – there better be or truly the D/s relationship at minimum can’t grow and will indeed probably fail. It is VERY emotional and very powerful. Don’t you think?

Another thank you and giving away a prize in honor of the event and cause it’s my birthday. The first three people who leave a review on Amazon have the choice of any of my books on backlist. So… let me know and I love you guys.

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Is There An Emotional Side to the D/s Journey?

  1. Great post!! I downloaded the book to read this week. I am a slower reader so I may not be as quick to get a review up on Amazon, but I will do my best!

    I just wanted to say that you couldn’t be more accurate in your post. My husband and I were just talking about this the other night. We began our D/s journey a few months back and ….OH WOW!!!! The emotional side is truely amazing. I didn’t know how this transformation of our relationship from not only husband and wife to inclide D/s would go. We were thinking in terms of sex, some minor lifestyle changes, and possibily some improved communication. We were only partially correct. We have completely delved into some emotional aspects of our past childhood experiences as well as our current experiences. There really is so much more to the D/s lifestyle than sex. Yes, it is great, but the emotional journey has been one of healing, learning, and accepting. We have adopted a mantra to guide us through some of our tougher conversations as we continue our path of 24/7 D/s….Learn from the past, Live in the present, and Prepare for the future. This is a lifestyle that we were truely meant for.

    Mel

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Wow – thank you SO very much for posting. You have no idea what this actually means because I don’t want to alienate readers of course but I wanted to show another side of them. For Jessie and Luke – they so have entered into my soul and Benjamin’s sould and I now respect a bazillion percent couples who enter into this lifestyle. Amazing and more powerful than I can ever imagine. I so hope you enjoy and if you will – review or not LOL – let me know if I’m even close to hitting the mark. I can feel the angst but I’m not living the lifestyle so I would love to hear.

      Like

  2. It would be hard not to have an emotional side to D/s. You are giving so much and all of yourself and it is hard not to feel. I think in this situation the emotions are increased a whole lot more because of how intense the relationship and journey is.

    Like

  3. Well said! In my BDSM writing the emotional D/s component is what makes the sex hot. That’s the BDSM I choose to write, it’s what I choose to read. Otherwise it’s just people being mean to each other for no apparent reason. I know that a lot of people ignore the emotional part of it, but I tend to think they either haven’t really experienced it or they can’t, themselves, get into those emotions. Deep catharsis can’t be faked, in reality or in writing (ie, 50 Shades). You either nail it (pun) or you don’t, and that’s where the writing convinces me of the relationship D/s, or it doesn’t.
    xo

    Like

    • behalle says:

      I’m so glad you think so. I know there are many sides, but I don’t think you can connect the couple together tightly if you don’t see their love and their angst and fears. I really don’t. This is very disconcerting for couples who truly enter into the relationship lifestyle I think. Thank you so much for your thoughts!!

      Like

  4. The adage is that sex sells and even though I hear the sex in 50 Shades leaves something to be desired, it’s the sex that has people buying the book. Anyway, Cassandre as you have pointed out, the On Becoming series is as much about the emotions and angst for the D/s as it is about the sex. I think in the end, we’ll strike the right balance to suck the readers in and give them scorching red hot sex and food for thought too. Muwah.

    Like

  5. Kali Maddox says:

    I read ‘On Becoming His’ not long after it’s release, and I will admit it took a lot of thought for me to write and post my review. While I can *imagine* an emotional connection like this, the process would most likely prove fatal to my ability to pursue one. I find it refreshing to read (finally) about the true undertaking that both sides have to commit to from the very beginning. Being so open and honest with yourself as well as your lover is enough to make anyone squirm – but maybe that gives us insight into what some of the issues could be with so many of our personal relationships now. I’ve realized the level of devotion on both sides it must take to make a bond successful, but especially when it is of D/s nature.
    I look forward to reading more about our couple, and seeing how this one turns out with our very wicked Mr. Benjamin’s influence present, too! I’ll continue to cheer them on in the mean time!
    Um..Wait, though. Someone did say ‘red hot sex’, right?? Yep – Looking forward to that, too! *Winks*

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Scot – thank you so much for your reply and I loved the blog you did and plan on reading much more. As Benjamin and I continue to explore this path for Jessie and Luke, we have learned so much from those living the lifestyle. I only hope we continue to do it justice.

      Like

  6. Benji I cannot wait to read one of your books which I will be buying tonight.. I can honestly say I have never read BDSM and have always wanted too, considering I love the lifestyle

    Like

  7. I love the fact that more attention is coming to light showing that there is an emotional side to a D/s relationship. I lived in a D/s relationship the emotional aspect of the lifestyle was very overwhelming at times. You have to have the ultimate trust and bond in you relationship. Unfortunately my D broke that trust and bond. It is a hard lifestyle to walk away from but it is even harder when that trust is ripped from you leaving you unable to trust. So yes it is a very emotional situation, I fight with myself everyday to trust again. Thank you for showing a real side other than just sex to a D/s relationship. Very well done!

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Wow what an amazing set of words and I cannot thank you enough for giving me so much to think about and smile about personally. I am sorry you went through that but I believe there is more to this lifestyle than even I know about. May you find the right one. For me as I am learning – what a sheer joy (and god YES tears LOL) Thank you

      Like

  8. Kathy S says:

    I absolutely loved your book! I read it in one day, I couldn’t put it down. Don’t get me wrong – I love to read the sex side of a BDSM relationship, but it was such a treat to read about the emotional aspects. (I use treat because the word I really want won’t make itself known right now. ) I’m so intrigued by this lifestyle. – I *think* this is a relationship that I would like, but unfortunately will probably never experience since my husband isn’t so D….
    So, I count on authors like you to take me away to my fantasies. And this book was a completely different way to go. Thank you and I look forward to the next 2 you have planned.
    Oh- and your poetry is really great! Tells half the story IMO.
    (PS… I left you a 5 star review on Amazon. You deserve it!)
    Kathy in Brooklyn, NY

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Kathy – thank you so much. I am so glad you enjoyed and truly understand the side of this that’s so very emotional. I love writing this and yes, their story will get more sexual over time – as their passion is real and raw but they also are two people learning. Thank you for reading and taking the time to write the review and enjoying. You are the very first to leave a review after the download weekend so please go back to Amazon and pick out whatever book of mine you would like and happy to send you a PDF copy. Thank you again – you truly made me smile.

      Like

      • Kathy S says:

        Thanks Cassandre! I am intrigued by “Through His Looking Glass of Desire”…..and can’t wait to read it!

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s