His Power…

What do you think I mean by that? Well, you’ve seen I’ve been writing a lot in both blog and stories about a D/s relationship from many angles and after having put On Becoming His (a woman’s emotional journey into moving into the D/s lifestyle) for free this past weekend on Amazon and having so many downloads, I am now been receiving feedback from readers. Thank you very much first of all. Secondly while my female character, Jessie, did receive a lot of comments about how she was handling both her decision and the transition, by far the overwhelming comments were about Luke.

I’ve heard things like “whew” and “wow, I need to find a man like Luke”. I think his sensuality and the deep and very uninhibited conversations they had together were truly something that hit home with a lot of women. They need that in their lives and in their relationships. They need a bit of a romantic while a man who at all times hold authority simply in the methods of his frank discussions and of his requirements of his sub.

The interesting aspect about this concept is that this is Jessie’s story, not Luke’s. The almost gut wrenching story about his determination to live a life as a Dom will come in On Becoming Her Sir. But what I realized after thinking about the comments was that his power was in his quiet mannerisms, his gentle yet commanding demeanor. So I have been thinking about Luke and his growth from the first book to the man he is in On Becoming His – Lessons Learned. For those of you who haven’t kept track, this one started out to be a series of flash fiction sessions back and forth on blogs and fan pages that’s just morphed. Now the original – let’s give you a tasty read at about 5k in word length is turning out to be a full fledged novella.

Jessie and Luke have a lot to say. Lessons Learned is truly about a fairly major lesson that Jessie had been forced in a sense to look at. As many of you readers know and most writers do, our characters sometimes resemble us in certain attributes and Jessie has my balls-to-the-walls sass down to an art form. That’s not necessarily good for a D/s relationship. Whew. Luke has his hands full a hell of a lot of the time. I was penning a particularly emotional shower scene in which Jessie begins to show him devotion yesterday and it’s funny, remembering certain characteristics about Luke that both Benjamin Russell (my co-writer for the series) and I have talked about as far as what would make a powerful Dom and from the first book. Benjamin and I have really gone an emotional road together trying to get into the psyche of both a Dom and a sub and it’s not as easy as you think. Sometimes it’s flat out gut wrenching.

It’s amazing how many details in writing these kinds of books are so very personal and I think that’s what makes Luke extremely powerful. He is multi-layered and faceted and his take on how to handle Jessie has been gentle yet firm, understanding and very patient. Now, has she fully embraced all the aspect of being a good submissive? Well, she is a willful woman after all. I’m not making light at all of either the lifestyle or how the aspect of continued discipline should be. I think it’s simply a step within the concept that ebbs and grows like many of the others. Lessons Learned takes on a new meaning for both of them.

Do you think a Dom changes during from his introduction or desire into claiming and entering into the lifestyle? I do. I think if a Dom doesn’t listen to his inner heart and soul and listen to his sub and then make certain adjustments, the relationship is doomed for failure. His utter strength is in knowing when he needs to be firm or even bordering on harsh and then gentle and completely patient with her. I think that’s a difficult and my guess is sometime insurmountable task for him. I also believe that a Dom does know when to change the way he’s been handling certain issues. When talking and in a sense lecturing doesn’t help, does he turn to more serious methods of discipline?

I believe he does and again, his understanding of what the sub can and should have and when he might be pushing her limits is another form of power. Now don’t let the word power bother you. I’m not talking about him being savage with her and whipping her until she’s left bruised and bloody. That is nothing more than brutality in my opinion. But I do believe that he has to have a strong hand when she needs it. Jessie is going to get the belt in Lessons Learned and it’s more than justified – trust me.

I dream in color and about my characters usually and last night was no exception. Since Jessie is having a difficult time with certain aspects of her training and I had one of those disciplinary dreams that not only woke me in a sweat but also made me realize she hasn’t been taking Luke’s authority completely serious. So… This is going to correlate into how he takes a firmer hand with her and the methods used. The concept should be interesting as far as whether or not the power and authority used on her is the right change and exactly what she needs. It’s exciting to ramp up this journey they are going through.

One other aspect of the question about power is rough sex. Don’t blush ladies. I had a friend tell me this morning after I told her about the entirely of my dream last night (let’s just say I think she might have had her mouth drop open) that most women want rough sex but few have the guts to talk about it. Hmmm… Well I talk to a lot of women who desire a stronger hand and in truth, they long – no CRAVE with every aspect of their being a man who is indeed strong and powerful in bed at minimum.

You know what I mean, ladies. Don’t you secretly want him to throw you onto the bed and have his way with you? I think we all do. We long for a man to truly me the one we see in movies and on television, yet the measure of the man is in the way he can control all aspects of his personality. When he can be romantic and understanding, dominating in bed and sometimes out, and know the difference of when to use one versus the other, isn’t that a powerful aphrodisiac? Mmmm…

I hope this has given you some food for thought…

Kisses… xxx

Cassandre

Visit Benjamin at http://incubuschronicles.blogspot.com/

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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10 Responses to His Power…

  1. If I may, as a neophyte Sir to my wife and doll behind a closed bedroom door, the key to all of this is communication and trust. I could fill this Comment with links to blogs by wives in D/s relationships in which, to a fault, invariable you will find “the post” that states how the seeds sowed as a submissive have blossomed into roses in the relationship. Everything that transpires between them in D/s, and more importantly what it takes to explore that, manifests exponentially when they are just them. Communication flows, interest is rekindled, hands are held, more effort is put into the marriage and the spouse.

    Is part of it some knee-jerk reaction to amazingly erotic, torrid sex? Likely. But truth be told what has happened is the embers of the initial days of that relationship, long covered by the ashes of real life and time, are stoked. Fiercely. Those embers are not just sexual but all aspects of attraction and interest.

    And also don’t be surprised if they suddenly start trying to refind those abs as well!

    Finally, it does not have to be the man in the dynamic as the top. Many men would love to be Dominated.

    It’s a wonderful thing to just turn over control of your sexuality to the person you love the most. Hopefully some of your readers will broach the subject with their others and see if a single naughty seed can become a full romantic bloom.

    Scot

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    • behalle says:

      I so totally agree Scot. As I have mentioned before, there are so many sides to the relationship they simply can’t be expressed in one sitting. The bond between two people in this manner transcends so many aspects of what we believe we know or think we understand. While I thoroughly know many men who want to be topped – including many who email me every day – the power or measure of a man for ME and for Jessie is something else entirely. And it begins with uninhibited communication. Thank you once again.

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  2. As always a post that shall make you think. So the first part of your question about if a Dom can change. I truly think that they can change. Since you are delving deeper into who you are and what you are capable or even not use to. you need to look at yourself and the person you are with. You need to truly change a lot about what you might be use. There are feelings and emotions that are so involved and you change as a person on so many levels.

    When it comes to power, sex and what one wants. Yes I think deep down inside we crave to have rough, raw and kinky sex. you want something powerful and amazing. Something different and carnal in a way. Many probably think it but don’t explore it. For me personally I say heck yeah. I want it all.

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    • behalle says:

      YOu and I very much agree on how we see a Dom and I think if more women would open up about what they want there would be many more happy relationships. Thanks girl.

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  3. I think we should constantly be changing as human beings. Continuously seeking ways sharpen and define our true selves. I would think a Dom would change from the introduction of a relationship as it went along and he further understood and discovered the needs of his sub, carefully pulling down walls and layers, keeping her from truly experiencing herself and pleasure. He would remain steadfast in his strength, control and dedication to his little one, though…that would never change.

    Thanks for tagging me, Cass! Great post. 🙂

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    • behalle says:

      Yes, I couldn’t agree more. I honestly wish more couples would consider aspects of the lifestyle, but there is so much reflection and inner inspections needed that it’s tough. Even for those going through the journey, every day is a learning experience.

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  4. Tonya Kinzer says:

    Hi Cass! Love your discussions; thanks for including me! I’ve watched men over the years and though I shouldn’t, I’ve measured them on how they’d measure up as a Dom. Some men want women to be under their thumb, commanding respect, do as they say, obey their commands….yet…they don’t quite understand what it is to be a true Dom. Demanding respect isn’t one of his attributes…he easily earns that by the way he treats his sub. He first understands who HE is before he takes on a sub and perhaps needs to learn from another Dom…there is a training process for them too. But it’s usually just a look that his sub recognizes if she’s gone too far with her ‘sass’ and she immediately understands she’s gone past the limit! Many Doms are soft spoken, know who they are and help their sub find out who THEY are as their journey blossoms.
    Being a cruel Dom doesn’t make a better Dom. If he’s comfortable with who he is, knows how to peel away the protective walls of his sub to help her learn, he earns the respect from her by doing so. He’ll also know how to help her grow into a better submissive and why that role is good for her. The power a Dom has is in his being, how he moves, how he interacts with others and how he silently takes charge of situations needing control…he just IS and those who are trained to recognize POWER in a Dom will appreciate being his sub at the same time.
    A good Dom is recognized by a sub as soon as a conversation begins…it’s in his demeanor, his reactions, how he carries himself….so many things make up a confident Dom…mmmmmmm. I’ve rambled on enough. Again, thanks for the discussion, hon! Muah!

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    • behalle says:

      I never did that before – measuring a man – or did I? Perhaps there are reasons I continually searched and tried to learn more about men. The frank discussion Benjamin and I have had certainly have opened my eyes. Thank you so much for your response. I love getting into these discussions.

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  5. Shar says:

    Just want to say thanks for being so open and helpful. I’m 54 and just realizing this is a journey I’m seriously interested in. Long term relationships of the past were definitely missing something I now realize I crave. I’m dating again and found someone who may well be the Dom I so want. I’ve only begun exploring this inf
    o 4 months ago and am amazed, fascinated, scared and excited. I may not be a young one but it is my time now. Love your stories and will def be back to hear more.

    Like

    • behalle says:

      Thank you very much and I’m so glad I can inspire and simply share what John Patrick and I share. The journey is wonderful and terrifying and amazing and… I am left breathless often. You’ll find your Dom and the right place for you in your mind and soul. That’s the most important first step. Don’t ever lie to yourself. Be you and embrace your needs. Then the magic will happen.

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