So in the ongoing attempt to finish On Becoming His – Lessons Learned, my co-writer and I continue to talk about not only how to be true to the characters but what types of lessons would indeed have to be learned. For those of you who don’t know what this is, this is the second in what might be an ongoing now series about both a strong woman making the decision to enter into a D/s lifestyle. Or I should say that’s the way I started the series. Since getting Benjamin Russell, my co-author involved, the entire flavor of the piece has changed and for the better. Why? Because we’re now going to bring you both sides of the journey – the Dom and the sub’s point of view.
When Ben and I really started talking about the lifestyle and what it means for two people to make the decision to enter into such a powerful relationship, we realized this is difficult for both. Imagine being a woman who has spent her entire life being brassy and bold, telling other people what to do, and never allowing a man to control anything? Now imagine a man who’s spent his life in a vanilla relationship, but he’s always known he not only wanted to be in control in a relationship but also needed to find a woman who could be devoted to him without question. These are two very powerful and almost insurmountable obstacles, right? Not as much as you think.
We all have hidden desires about ourselves and what we want in a relationship. I can tell you that more women truly crave a strong man, both in the bedroom and out, than you realize. If any of you have read any of my previous blogs about D/s you certainly know this has only some to do with the bedroom. Yes, can the sex be much more passionate and powerful? Oh you bet. First of all you are NEVER refusing your Dom – at least in Jessie and Luke’s world in On Becoming His. But there is so much more to the relationship than simply sex. Then again, the moments between you are always intimate.
Both Ben and I have talked about the different levels from trust, understanding, patience and control and still there are many other aspects involved. I recently noticed a question asked in a special writing room on Facebook about why or if a D/s relationship is better than a vanilla one. I can only tell you from my perspective but there is so much more communication and being completely trusting of a person that you truly get inside each other’s head. You have to.
In the series Ben and I are taking the couple down a very emotional road, very much like a roller coaster. There are tears and fears, anger and frustration, control and willfulness. There’s sex and there will be pretty heavy BDSM, but not right now. Readers might ask, well why not more BDSM? Because not every D/s relationship has BDSM. As Ben and I talk about where to take the series and in general about different aspects of this lifestyle, we’ve come to the realization that we do want Jessie and Luke to explore a darker side of sex, but later and well after the trust and the bonding is much stronger. The journey will always continue as will their hungers for each other grow.
Some of you have heard about subs being tattooed, branded and collared in their relationships and the collar is definitely akin to a wedding ring, perhaps even more special. Yes, you wear it generally 24/7, which is why collars are made of everything from gold to leather and some subs have more than one. For a sub to have their collar taken away is a horrible punishment and many in the lifestyle say not recoverable. I disagree. I do think for a Dom to take away a collar means the infraction was so reprehensible he or she has no other recourse.
Perhaps Jessie did something like throw a tantrum. Hmmm… Why would she? There are many reasons why anger and tears are involved in trying to become something your mind and soul just isn’t used to. Think about how difficult this might be for a strong woman now totally out of her comfort zone. She wants this desperately and knows this is so right for her but her entire being fights at times and she doesn’t even know that she’s doing it. Even in conversations I’ve had with Ben and trust me ladies, he is VERY much a Dom here, I forget and almost try and pull rank with him. Sometimes he can growl with the best of them and he’s right about certain actions. We’ve had some of the best in depth conversations about why the collar might be removed and her reactions. I think she’d throw a tantrum, knowing her.
Is that allowed? Well, not really but there is so much emotion in just trying to get to a comfort level on both sides that Ben and I agree the Dom and the sub not only question what they are doing but should. Jessie cries a lot. She’s frustrated with herself more than she is with him. Luke is frustrated he can’t always get through to her. He knows what she wants but those times when she’s so willful he wants to hug her, fuck her and whip her at the same time – and not necessarily in that order. So, do tantrums happen? You bet. Let’s just hope Jessie can learn why she had one and how to avoid in the future.
Both Ben and I love question and comments so please, if you have any make sure and visit us. We both have fan pages and certainly do draw some interest with On Becoming His since he and I are so open about our creativity and our wants.
I hope you’ve enjoyed.
My Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cassandre-Dayne/178164866655
Ben’s Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Benjamin-Tiberius-Russell-Author-Provocateur/211474652233600