Throwing a Tantrum – the D/s Lifestyle

So in the ongoing attempt to finish On Becoming His – Lessons Learned, my co-writer and I continue to talk about not only how to be true to the characters but what types of lessons would indeed have to be learned. For those of you who don’t know what this is, this is the second in what might be an ongoing now series about both a strong woman making the decision to enter into a D/s lifestyle. Or I should say that’s the way I started the series. Since getting Benjamin Russell, my co-author involved, the entire flavor of the piece has changed and for the better. Why? Because we’re now going to bring you both sides of the journey – the Dom and the sub’s point of view.

When Ben and I really started talking about the lifestyle and what it means for two people to make the decision to enter into such a powerful relationship, we realized this is difficult for both. Imagine being a woman who has spent her entire life being brassy and bold, telling other people what to do, and never allowing a man to control anything? Now imagine a man who’s spent his life in a vanilla relationship, but he’s always known he not only wanted to be in control in a relationship but also needed to find a woman who could be devoted to him without question. These are two very powerful and almost insurmountable obstacles, right? Not as much as you think.

We all have hidden desires about ourselves and what we want in a relationship. I can tell you that more women truly crave a strong man, both in the bedroom and out, than you realize. If any of you have read any of my previous blogs about D/s you certainly know this has only some to do with the bedroom. Yes, can the sex be much more passionate and powerful? Oh you bet. First of all you are NEVER refusing your Dom – at least in Jessie and Luke’s world in On Becoming His. But there is so much more to the relationship than simply sex. Then again, the moments between you are always intimate.

Both Ben and I have talked about the different levels from trust, understanding, patience and control and still there are many other aspects involved. I recently noticed a question asked in a special writing room on Facebook about why or if a D/s relationship is better than a vanilla one. I can only tell you from my perspective but there is so much more communication and being completely trusting of a person that you truly get inside each other’s head. You have to.

In the series Ben and I are taking the couple down a very emotional road, very much like a roller coaster. There are tears and fears, anger and frustration, control and willfulness. There’s sex and there will be pretty heavy BDSM, but not right now. Readers might ask, well why not more BDSM? Because not every D/s relationship has BDSM. As Ben and I talk about where to take the series and in general about different aspects of this lifestyle, we’ve come to the realization that we do want Jessie and Luke to explore a darker side of sex, but later and well after the trust and the bonding is much stronger. The journey will always continue as will their hungers for each other grow.

Some of you have heard about subs being tattooed, branded and collared in their relationships and the collar is definitely akin to a wedding ring, perhaps even more special. Yes, you wear it generally 24/7, which is why collars are made of everything from gold to leather and some subs have more than one. For a sub to have their collar taken away is a horrible punishment and many in the lifestyle say not recoverable. I disagree. I do think for a Dom to take away a collar means the infraction was so reprehensible he or she has no other recourse.

Perhaps Jessie did something like throw a tantrum. Hmmm… Why would she? There are many reasons why anger and tears are involved in trying to become something your mind and soul just isn’t used to. Think about how difficult this might be for a strong woman now totally out of her comfort zone. She wants this desperately and knows this is so right for her but her entire being fights at times and she doesn’t even know that she’s doing it. Even in conversations I’ve had with Ben and trust me ladies, he is VERY much a Dom here, I forget and almost try and pull rank with him. Sometimes he can growl with the best of them and he’s right about certain actions. We’ve had some of the best in depth conversations about why the collar might be removed and her reactions. I think she’d throw a tantrum, knowing her.

Is that allowed? Well, not really but there is so much emotion in just trying to get to a comfort level on both sides that Ben and I agree the Dom and the sub not only question what they are doing but should. Jessie cries a lot. She’s frustrated with herself more than she is with him. Luke is frustrated he can’t always get through to her. He knows what she wants but those times when she’s so willful he wants to hug her, fuck her and whip her at the same time – and not necessarily in that order. So, do tantrums happen? You bet. Let’s just hope Jessie can learn why she had one and how to avoid in the future.

Both Ben and I love question and comments so please, if you have any make sure and visit us. We both have fan pages and certainly do draw some interest with On Becoming His since he and I are so open about our creativity and our wants.

I hope you’ve enjoyed. 

Kisses   xxx


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About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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11 Responses to Throwing a Tantrum – the D/s Lifestyle

  1. Great post! I am still reading On Becoming His and am loving it! I can’t wait for book 2!! Luke and Jessie are definitely on a rollar coster of a journey!!


  2. I think I’ve got this one on my Kindle (there are dozens of books on there, so it might be hiding). If not it’s going on today!


  3. Cass, you have an incredible gift for turning our conversations and brain storming sessions into informative blog posts that ripple with passion. The relationships between a man and woman are always a complex dance of conflicting emotions. I think what possibly makes a D/s relationship better, if better is the right word, is because there is never any doubt who is leading the dance – it’s the Dom.

    The other point that I must emphasis on this topic, is that the foundation of what makes a healthy D/s relationship – is that submissive submits, because “she” really wants to. In truth, unless the Dom is a sadistic son-of-a-bitch and Luke isn’t, the sub has the true power. Jessie must want to submit to Luke, because she loves him and she is devoted to him, he not going to beat her into submission.

    I have learned much about the D/s lifestyle as I have done research for this series and I have learned much about myself in the process. I hope everyone who is reading this blog, will come join us on this journey with Luke and Jessie.


  4. AuroraRose Andromeda says:

    I am loving the these adventures of Jessie and Luke. This has really sparked something inside me, a curiosity and even a need as I travel down this new path. Knowing me I’d eventually would throw a tantrum at some point or another, especially if the Dom refused to reward or give me some kind of a “release”. Then again I may just throw a tantrum for the heck of it. It is just the naughty side of me to push boundaries and push others buttons to see what they’d do. A tantrum could be either in playful to get what she/he wants from their Dom or could be something much deeper emotionally, an inner cry to want or need something. (Hope you don’t mind me jumping in.)


    • behalle says:

      I love the comments and in particular how many people seem to really understand how emotional this is. It truly is an awakening and a journey for people. I love you commenting and never hesitate jumping in!


  5. This is truly a beautiful story between Jessie and Luke. You discover so much about these two people. Their struggles, the fears and everything in between. This is a journey that pushes your mind, your heart and everything you have ever known to limit and tests all of you in every possible way. As for Jessie throwing a tantrum, maybe her emotions got the best of her even though she might have not wanted them to. There is always a deeper meaning to it and maybe this is her way of letting emotions out that overwhelmed her. Whatever it is, there is a reason for it.


  6. I love that this a truer reflection of the lifestyle from a positive light and looks at it as a relationship instead of just “kinky fuckiery” like it’s usually portrayed. Both Jessie and Luke are likable characters that you can easily see care for each other and are trying to do what’s best for their partners.


    • behalle says:

      As you know both Benjamin and I truly try and reflect the inner feelings and think that our in depth conversations bring about a lot of interest. Thank you so much!


  7. THis is a very well written explaination into the deepths of a D/s relationship. A trust bond as deep as what you hold between a Dom and a Sub is a very hard thing to understand to an outsider. They just see the sex and punishment. It is a life style with total trust and understanding of one another. Having your collar removed can be crushing. I am enjoying the story between Jessie and Luke. Ms. Dayne and Mr. Russell work well together to find that story line that keeps us all wanting more.


    • behalle says:

      BOth Benjamin and I thank you. We are learning together he and I as we put these pieces together and love the interaction. The thoughts are so provoking and sensitive and we truly enjoy every time we connect. Thank you so much


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