Sharing in a D/s Relationship

In continuing my personal journey in creating and defining Jessie’s character in the On Becoming His Collection, Benjamin Russell and I talk about many controversial aspects. Why? Well, we’ve realized a lot of aspects about the piece and the most important is being true to the characters. That means having their reactions stay the same and yet with some growth with their emotional state and as well as when they explore new concepts or growing desires. We all change as couples simply from the length of time together or by the fact we’re shaped by experiences and needs. We want new things or to try something different. That’s not unusual. But of course in D/s relationships there are other aspects that might not be considered EVER in a more vanilla or traditional situation.

You know he and I were talking about some things and he kind of asked me some hard questions about how we were continuing with their story – the evolution of them as a couple. They could be considered very personal questions for anyone involved. We were talking about love – whether love and devotion are or should be a part of a D/s relationship and we both came to the conclusion that YES you simply can’t have a truly uninhibited and very close togetherness without at least love. Devotion – well, that’s something else and I’ve touched on that a little before. In Jessie’s case, On Becoming His – Lessons Learned has turned out to be about her growing devotion and his absolute need to have it.

We are including a lot more passion between the couple because I honestly believe there is or can be more in a D/s coupling. That’s not to say vanilla relationships can’t have it of course. But in giving every aspect of YOU to your partner including total trust, I think that naturally gives you heightened levels of passion. Passion does mean sex but we haven’t moved the couple into complete BDSM yet. It’s not time. Are they discussing and hungering? You bet and it’s going to happen but again, it’s not quite time yet. Another aspect we’ve talked about a lot is sharing. Boy, doesn’t that get your mind reeling a bit this morning?

What are we talking about here? In some D/s relationships there are two people and two people only. In others, they enjoy going to clubs that are wrapped around the lifestyle and some (keep in mind not all) Dom/Domme’s will share. This is safe and controlled and everyone knows this is very consensual BUT the Dom in Luke’s case, could decide he wants Jessie to pleasure another man while he watches or he could he would want another sub to play with alone for a night or perhaps together with Jessie. Okay don’t race away yet screaming. You can admit to yourself even in the privacy of your own bedroom as you grab a toy or two from your dresser that the thought is sexy. It simply is.

We can enjoy talking about cabana boys or sharing pictures of hot men on Facebook. We can perhaps lust over that sexy guy in our office and still be completely faithful in body and soul to our mates. Some people might consider this cheating but if you honestly think you’re not going to crave something else even once you’re fooling yourself.

In a D/s relationship, this is discussed as a possibility right off the top – or at least it should be. There shouldn’t be this kind of surprise later down the line. Now this brings to mind a heck of a lot of feelings – good and bad all over the place. You know, the traditional what if’s come into play. What if he likes her better? What if he wants this all the time? What if I’m pushed aside? What if I can’t handle it? The thought for most of us of simply saying – have a good time in bed with him or her – isn’t right there in the forefront of our brains. I’ve not moralizing or demoralizing the concept period. I’m just telling you that this is a possibility. Is it also sexy to be that trusting of each other and perhaps in a sub’s case he or she is so devoted to the other person that this is natural to want to give their D? I think it is. But you certainly have to be a strong person to be able to handle even the concept.

So in Jessie and Luke’s case, it’s there in concept. She knows he has a tremendously vivacious appetite and that he really does want others. He’s a flirt to a degree and they were both honest with each other in the beginning that he was going to remain this way. Could he potentially hurt her? Well, of course but again, this is about honesty and trust and communicating the entire time. Just try and imagine that kind of conversation. Boy…talk about tough or perhaps a bottle of wine needed. There is no conclusion right now about Jessie and Luke other than this will occur at some point, but not right now in the story. They are still getting to know each other and build an even stronger bond. She is struggling with her levels of devotion and Luke is really pushing her daily to continue her emotional journey in this regard.

I tell you what. This concept has gotten me to thinking about how it would effect my life if. And no, I have no honest conclusions. Just like Jessie, I am a woman who would find herself wanting to give her D but terrified of all of the what if’s just like Jessie. That’s natural and if you don’t do that then you honestly (in my humble opinion) can’t truly be in a committed and very devoted D/s relationship.

Just my thoughts as the journey continues. I hope you have a wonderful week.




About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne and DH Black are the pseudo's for the best selling author of erotic and paranormal romance, crime thrillers and horror novels
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