Continuing Into the D/s Lifestyle…Intimacy and Passion

Passion. We all crave it and hunger to the point we fantasize about our desires late into the night. We envision men who will give us sex for days, showering us with affection. We have drawers full of sex toys and some of us read sexy books or gaze longingly at Penthouse or Playboy or Playgirl. We purchase sexy lingerie from Victoria’s Secret and dress in sassy flaming red dresses when our man comes home. Or do we? Hmmm… I think for many couples boredom and life settle in quickly. We all have lives to live and children and jobs and no time for ourselves. Isn’t that a shame that you don’t give your significant other really any time? When was the last time you took a bath or shower together? When was the last time you went out on a date? And no, I don’t mean MacDonald’s with the kids either.

I bet I can answer you. Are you still thinking? From the people I’ve talked to who have been involved in the D/s lifestyle for years, intimacy and their levels of passion kicked into overdrive when they began their personal journey. They not only spent hours talking about the most soul stirring aspects of their being but for most they began to explore their inner kink. There is so much out there that few of us allow ourselves to enjoy. I was talking recently with a man who is really hungering to move into the lifestyle. He’s a high powered attorney, living in a very conservative city and while he’s had what many would consider to be very kinky experiences in his life, they were of course all sheltered for fear of being “found out” by his peers and employer. That is something we all look at given many aspects of our private lives. From what I can tell you would see him as a handsome upper middle class man who probably goes to basketball games and has beers with his buddies. My bet is you would never know he would consider “cleaning up” after another man.

He was open enough to talk to be about wanting to be a third in a relationship, not as a Dom in any means but as a man who shared and pleasured the couple and his joy would be from giving more than receiving. It’s an interesting concept and while I was going to cover the desires of sharing in this blog, I think I’ll reserve that for later. If you’ve just moved into a D/s relationship you certainly aren’t ready to share ANYTHING yet. That level of trust is amazing and yet earned and learned.

But what about those kinky thoughts you’ve had along with the necessity in our heart and soul simply to have more sex? There I said it. We all want to have more sex. I don’t care what some of you men might think, ladies DO think about it a lot. Your lover or wife just might need something else. In a D/s relationship there is a lot of talk about sex. One of the aspects usually involves the fact the sub will no longer ever refuse her Dom. She is his sexual toy in a sense and she will learn to please him. He in turn will enjoy giving her pleasures perhaps like she’s never had before in their relationship. The joy of making love and having sex (they can be different, right ladies?) is expounded tremendously – but only if you allow yourself to explore and enjoy.

Let go of the noose around your neck and stop being conservative – at least in the bedroom. Guess what, there is nothing wrong with hungering for a spanking or to be tied up. There’s nothing wrong with longing to experience true controlled and measured pain or indulging in a ménage. There is something beautiful about exploring perhaps voyeurism or public display. Yes, there is. There’s something exciting about longing to be figged (ginger root used as a secondary method of punishment). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – you have to learn about what you’re doing before you pick up a flogger. Permanent damage certainly can be inflicted and the last thing you want to do is to truly hurt your partner. They will never want to experience the particular act again.

I do believe in order to be truly intimate to the level of trying something so very different you have to be honest and talk often. You have to read and show pictures, perhaps read a book or an article or ten. From talking with the attorney, his affinity is being with an interracial couple. He not only wants to participate but wants to see them together, a voyeur. He mentioned to me he was afraid that people would think he was odd and so I asked him why was that particular desire such a powerful need for him in sharing passion with someone. His answer was that he not only loves to see the beauty of the creamy white skin against black skin but that he had always wanted to be able to share this particular experience with a woman – his woman. But he was afraid that she would perhaps want the other man more eventually and his thoughts are that black men in this situation are geared toward wanting the sexual aspects. Whether that’s true or not isn’t a part of this. He simply believes this to be true. He asked me if I thought his need was weird. Of course not. I think it’s passionate and very special – for him.

As you move into D/s and you now become aware that the Dom can and will ask you for sex at any time, what do you think? Does that turn you on to the point right now you’re wet and hot? For me it certainly does. Imagine the scenario. You come home from work, drop your briefcase and perhaps take off your ultra conservative suit and panties and drop to your knees to please your man giving the best blowjob of the day. Maybe he wants to finish by pushing you over the kitchen island and taking you from behind. Then again what if he did call or text you at work and told you in no uncertain terms you were getting a spanking that night. Would you pant and worry, crave and wonder? I know I would.

Do spankings sometimes lead to passion and a wild bouts of sex. From what I’ve heard, many times. After your spanking he’ll gather you into his arms and hold you, rubbing your back as you cry, weeping softly into his shoulder. He’s telling you how good you are and how much better you’re going to be. Isn’t the thought a powerful aphrodisiac? I can imagine what the lovemaking would be like after something like that. I believe that when you share something so intimate as sharing your inner most desires you’re naturally going to become closer as a couple and passion tends to happen. Again for every couple this might be different but I believe. For those of you who have read On Becoming His, I think you see their growing passion. Luke and Jessie are truly becoming inseparable because of the level of trust and need, desire growing every day.

Don’t you long for something so special? I know the answer. If you’re not going to explore a D/s lifestyle you can certainly talk openly. Tell your partner you long for a spanking. Be honest with yourself first and them with him or her. You might just see a trend brewing.

I hope you’ve enjoyed. Oh and for those of you who do love On Becoming His – getting closer to Lessons Learned coming out so in honor I’m going to be adding some passages to On Becoming His – brand new material and it’ll be live for next weekend so stay tuned. More surprises on the way.

Kisses   xxx


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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1 Response to Continuing Into the D/s Lifestyle…Intimacy and Passion

  1. Kathy Lewis says:

    Cassandre, great blog as always. I pulled up On Becoming His on Amazon. I will hold off buying since you will be adding to this. Thanks for your insights.


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