Mysticon and the BDSM Lifestyle

If you read my blog yesterday you know I’m attending the Mysticon VA conference in Roanoke VA. I was on several panels last night – one about writing Fan Fiction – taking existing characters from your favorite author and providing a new story. That’s how 50 Shades of Grey came into being. I enjoyed sharing time with one of my fav BFF’s – Alexandra Christian – and we laughed and shared stories. I learned I would be Banner for Mysticonhonored if anyone actually wrote a piece based on my characters and there is a huge following of people who love Fan Fiction. Then I moved onto being on two lifestyle panels. Hmmm… BDSM, D/s, DD, same sex couples, transgender. Every one was represented last night and I was honored to be included.

For many of you who live a more traditional vanilla lifestyle – how do you see the way people in alternative lifestyles live? Trust me, we/they are just like everyone else, but there are so many misnomers because of ignorance. People are so afraid of what they don’t know so they assume and never ask. That breeds contempt as well as stupidity.  That’s something you have to know. We, and I say we, are living and working, enjoying friends and family and for some of us we enjoy sharing different aspects of sexuality and control, perhaps in a same sex marriage or polyamorous. Sharing stories about pros and cons of being in the lifestyle was a huge portion of what we talked about. There are so many aspects of both.

Some of the cons are that people can lose their jobs and their livelihood, let alone friends and family who can’t or wont’ try and understand what you want. They think you’re deviant because you long to be controlled, share pain with your pleasure, or go to clubs where aspects of BDSM are shared in an open environment. I know myself I have to even be careful writing certain aspects of BDSM or D/s because everyone thinks I do everything and I’ve had many a person tell me if anyone knows (OH MY GOD THE HORROR)  it could hurt my career. Really? Why, because we still live in a Christian based conservative world? I was reminded last night my a man training to be a pastor and now converted into sharing an alternative lifestyle, the Old Testament had Wrath, the hand holding twonew speaks of love with no barriers. True.

BDSM and D/s and certainly same sex situations is still being discriminated against. Why? Just because you don’t enjoy this why do you condemn? People tend to when they don’t understand. You know how I feel about interracial relationships, yet STILL today there is prejudice. So infuriating. In being on these panels last night I garnered even more respect. The people engaging are very respectful of your limits and of the hierarchy of the environment. They don’t move into a situation here a sub is being protected. They ask permission. They may want to include you in a sceneing moment, sharing pleasure as well as pain, but they ask and back off if you’re not interested.

They learn their craft for living the lifestyle. For those who write about this as well, they depict the reality around BDSM and D/s – not the basic bull in 50 Shades. 50 Shades is really a love story so if you are interested in enjoying some BDSM or D/s – don’t think what you’ve read in that book is reality. Nope. Nada. I truly felt a part of something incredible last night and there’s more to come today.

One of the discussions we had included how to bring out to mainstream society that people who either live in or enjoy an alternative lifestyle are no different than anyone else? This isn’t just about what goes on behind closed doors. This is allowing couples to be who they are in front of others. From holding hands to going to clubs, we all deserve the very basics of humanity to be allowed to live our lives the way we want. As long as we aren’t breaking any laws or hurting others (and I don’t mean with a flogger) then we
deserve the same rights as everyone else. We’re still fighting same sex marriages, really? I still hear crap about interracial relationships. Really? What century are we in?

And there isn’t a single one of you who can HONESTLY tell me you aren’t interested in a little pain with your sex. Don’t even try it. And trust me, simply saying the above sentence is primitive. BDSM and D/s are so many things and pain is simply a tiny portion. Some couples don’t share in BDSM in their D/s relationships. Some DD couples use spanking but never move into any aspects of BDSM and some BDSM couples merely play and don’t back and chainslive a D/s lifestyle. Same sex couples have families and jobs, worries about money and enjoy having friends over. Transgendered people are merely trying to be the person they were meant to be as they go about their every day lives. Hmmm… Simply living their lives…

Do you get where I’m coming from here? We are all people, in varying shades and cultures, different hungers and needs. Stop judging lest ye be judged. Sound familiar? And I’m not even religious. If this conference has done nothing else for me as an author and as a woman who is very curious about so many things –  it’s reminded me I am thrilled about being open and honest and not judgmental or prejudice. I am thankful every day for that alone.

I have more panels today, albeit none as fascinating. For writers and science fiction/horror lovers, this is an incredible conference and very well done. The facility is very accommodating and everyone involved helpful and friendly. And we have a kinky flavor here. What’s not to love? I’ll be coming back.

Kisses   xxx

Cassandre

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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