Can you admit you have dark desires? Do you hunger for a level of kink other people might shy away from? Do you long to find the one man or woman who will allow you to be completely uninhibited so that you delve into a side of yourself you always knew existed but never had the courage to admit? Have you craved getting a hard spanking from a cane or belt or desire being blindfolded and tied and very unable to know what’s going on? Do you ever wish you could be taken roughly, with no limitations so that you are left literally begging for breath? If you’ve answered any of these questions with a yes then you crave a taste of either BDSM, a D/s relationship or perhaps a more vanilla taste in your relationship. And you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that.
Rough questions so early in the morning, aren’t they? With the emphasis over the past few months on Fifty Shades of Grey, all eyes, including in the publishing world seem to be heading and craving for more and more BDSM writers and there is an explosion of them out there. I write all kinds of BDSM from vanilla laced handcuffs and silk ties to heavy handed flogging and figging, but… the truth is I enjoy learning about the lifestyle more and more every day so the journey has become very personal. It’s fascinating and freeing, terrifying and enticing. And I want to know more. I am in the process of writing a little flash book called Dark, Dangerous and Delicious and it’s literally a few short pieces about anything and everything that people might consider out of the ordinary from domestic discipline to sex with vampires. We all have fantasies but so few of us seem to indulge – at least very often.
I’ve spent several months talking about and writing about many aspects of the lifestyle and I hope you’ve learned some things that are the truth and aren’t. I’ve also mentioned that I’ve had the opportunity to talk with several Dom’s and Domme’s over the past year or so delving into aspects of their lifestyle with BDSM and whether the have a play partner or a 24/7 slave they all have an interesting voice and story to tell. Recently in having fairly frank conversations with a Dom who would prefer to have a slave and learning about why he began the journey into his lifestyle, he allowed me several insights into his life and why he believes he has what he calls dark needs.
First of all as I’ve talked about before but for anyone who might be reading this for the first time aspects of BDSM isn’t about light spanking and the use of fuzzy handcuffs. True BDSM lifestylers practice the art in what some of us would call extreme methods. This piece isn’t about BDSM per say but it has been a very interesting learning process to find out different yet sometimes the same needs. My Dom friend was a POW in Vietnam and was tortured. After escaping he found himself drawn to certain aspects of the methodology used to perform sometimes brutal torture methods and explored the more sexual side of why some people are drawn to the darker side of pain.
What I’ve learned is in many countries not only the practice of BDSM is explored as a much more significant level in that there are true Masters of the art who do nothing but teach others – whether other Dom’s or their slaves about the lifestyle. In other words they are highly respected trainers. I’m certainly not going to speak for every country but from what he told me the Far East countries are very into this aspect of teaching and training. We certainly have some very highly respected Dom’s and Domme’s who teach more on a formal training level in the United States literally talking in forums to certain college classrooms. However, that’s quite different. The Masters I’m talking about perform what many of us would shudder and shy away from but they are highly skilled and know exactly how to inflict measured pain.
On a somewhat softer note, in several locations in the Netherlands communities engage in sex filled streets and venues where open sexuality is not only allowed but condoned. From highly visible brothels to sex clubs where anything and everything goes you can find what you’re looking for from group sex to voyeurism. I read a story not long ago about a club that exists in France that allows for audience members to participate in highly orchestrated sex acts on stage and these clubs are almost always full. I was intrigued and have written the aspect into a few pieces and find more and more readers are asking me questions about why and how and can they have more. They also shy away from certain aspects because they simply aren’t used to something so blatant and in your face such as in the Netherlands. Let’s face it, we still consider prostitution truly dirty and yet men and women almost idealize strip clubs as a fun place to be with your buddies. I’m not going to get into the aspect of whether it’s safe or not – but the ranch in Las Vegas where prostitution is legal is talked about quite a bit in books and movies so I think Americans really crave something so illicit and consider it a fantasy. Hence my piece today.
Getting back to the Dom I talked with and subsequent Dom’s and Domme’s (male and female for those of you who don’t know). He considers his needs very extreme and has told me that while he doesn’t consider himself a sadist he is well aware the majority of subs/slaves really won’t be into what he hungers for. Again, our conversations are frank and I won’t tell you some of what he desires as you would run far away. But he does believe in controlled pain, which for most sub/slaves means heightened aspects of rapture. The lifestyle isn’t for everyone and for those who enter into even the though of being owned/controlled by someone – it’s a choice not to be entered into lightly. One thing the Master finally asked me was to tell him what I consider my dark desires – the kind that probably we might all have just a bit of but of course have never told anyone about. I feel comfortable enough with him I mentioned a few.
The overtly open conversation got me to thinking. Do any of us really tell not just dark secrets and desires but the majority of what we crave? I honestly don’t think so. I’ve written about everything from sex toys including vibrators to anal plug, harnesses to whips and I still can hear a few squeals from people who are terrified if they admit they crave being spanked they’ll be considered weird.
But you and I know we all have a fantasy or five. Whether you long to be involved in a ménage with another man or enjoy watching others make out in the park, I can say with probability there’s not a single man or women who doesn’t want something. Ask this question, can you admit it to your partner? Have you ever had a conversation with a girlfriend admitting you own two or six vibrators? Even my best friend of twenty plus years seemed highly embarrassed about the fact she purchased a vibrator off the Internet.
Sex for pleasure isn’t new and it isn’t weird. We are highly sexual creatures who indulge in the desire to have our sexual drives fulfilled every day. Whether we dream in color about the sensual man sweeping us off our feet or remember the good ole days of college where we experimented, we crave. So what’s wrong as we get older with admitting them? Dark desires can be hard to admit but I honestly believe if we would talk with our partners more marriages and partnerships might be saved and a lot more passionate. Don’t you agree? I’m going to have the first volume of my flash collection out soon and it’s kinky all right with dashes of good fun as well. You can’t have enough fun in reading in writing so stay tuned…
I hope you’ve enjoyed.