Control in a Relationship – You Game?

Who do you think has control in a relationship and in your mind who should? Mmm… Control is a word sometimes over used but there is a lot of control in relationships of every kind. Whether you’re in control at work or perhaps on control of a sports team, so many of us crave the very concept of taking charge. There’s no difference in relationships. I was having a conversation with a friend last night, one who believes men should be in control of the relationship, and I realized there are I kiss the hand that whips mesome incredible dynamics about men and women. Now this can be for same sex relationships as well but for right now we’re talking male and female. We are so used to equality in our relationships we forget that for a long time men were in charge. Somewhere in the ages everything changed.

I write a lot about passion and hot sex in my books. You name it and I’ve probably written about it. I also pen several blogs and guest blogs and love to give new and inventive ways to create passion. I also write a lot about D/s relationships and the dynamics involved, including all the emotional aspects. In my research I noticed a couple of interesting trends. Both women and men (not all of course but a significant number) have the desire to be controlled by a partner. Some totally controlled.

Now, in a true D/s relationship, whether it’s playtime or living the life 24/7, the Dom or Domme is in control at all times of everything from the sub’s behavior to how they address their Master or Mistress, but I’m not talking about that today. What I really see is that men and women enjoy the thought of being controlled in passion and in bed. Sometimes that even means getting a little rough around the edges. Now, I have talked to a lot of women in particular who even go as far as having rape fantasies. Don’t get me wrong, this would be in a controlled situation and there are companies that even set up such fantasies. Sometimes husbands will even buy these little kinky events for their wives.

I know it sounds a bit out there but there is nothing wrong with enjoying passion in a different manner than what we consider rather vanilla. You know the difference. Have you ever longed to me tied and flogged but can’t figure out a way to tell your partner without having him or her look at you like you’re nuts? The truth is relationships are very difficult and in talking with people who tell me their greatest desires, I’ve realized that we all want something a bit kinky. Whether we’re talking handcuffs in bed or a little spanking on the side, we want to try something that we either read about in books or catch a hint of on television. Porn is alive and well – trust me and very red yesnaughty stories that stretch the envelope sell big time in sex toys and movies, magazines and Internet sites. We have an innate need to experience something outside our comfort zone. I think that’s why stories called “daddy porn” or “mommy porn” thrives. Then there are other rather creative methods of sex and writing. We won’t get into some of them here but what always makes me roll my eyes a bit is that I can’t push the envelope but so far or my books are banned and yet we can have lactation romance and gang bangs and people are eating them up. You have to go hmmm… But that just tells you people HUNGER for something very kinky.

No matter what anyone thinks, romance – and specially erotic romance – is the number one most read genre. We can now all hide behind our kindles or nooks and never let another soul know what we downloaded on our lunch hour. Kinda sad if you ask me. My books that sell the best are the ones involving – guess what – control. Control in the bedroom is a sexy and sassy way to kick up the heat. Try and imagine for me if you would give your wife, girlfriend, lover, boy toy or whatever a little sexy present and perhaps you text her from the office telling her in no uncertain terms to be naked and waiting on her knees in a sexy negligee or nothing at all with a drink prepared on the table.

Then when you get home you take your time having a sip or five and then you tell her point blankly to suck your cock. Maybe you hold her head tightly as she’s performing the tantalizing deed, making certain she knows you are in charge completely. Then after a little while you tell her to go get her wooden hairbrush, it’s time for a spanking. Casually you’ll pull out the kitchen chair and then pull her over your lap and proceed to give her the first real spanking of your relationship. You’ll tell her all the things that have been pent up inside of you that you know she’s done wrong and remind her she need to be a good little girl or she’ll get these regularly.

When you’re done you pull her into your lap, kissing the tears away and then you Take it all offdecide right then and there you’re going to take her in the kitchen – period. After all, she belongs to you. Right? You bend her over the table, kick her legs apart and take her hard and fast from behind. And all in front of the large picture window where maybe, just maybe your neighbors could see if they were looking hard enough. Mmm… Now come on and admit it. That does sound sexy, doesn’t it? That’s simply one idea about control and I know from talking to a lot of men, they want it back. They want to take a woman when they want how they want.

Now don’t roll your eyes and scream abuse. That is NOT what I’m talking about here. There is a fine line but again in this regard we’re talking about a mutually enjoyable connection. In talking with a hell of a lot of women, this is exactly what they want – men taking charge. The whole thought about equality in all things in a relationship to me is a myth and if it’s not it should be. Men were hunters and gatherers from day one, bringing fire and food to the family. They are built that way to take charge and yet we haven’t allowed them to in at least a century. Hmmm… Do you ever wonder why relationships are going by the way side? So women are finally admitting (again, this happens in same sex relationships too of course) that they truly want a man more controlling. So you start in bed and kick up the heat.

What if it leads to something else? I hope you’ve enjoyed and it’s given you something to think about.

Kisses   xxx


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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1 Response to Control in a Relationship – You Game?

  1. Kathy Lewis says:

    Cassandre, you are spot on today. I have been having trouble lately with control. I have too much in my relationship with DH. We have talked open and honestly about what we need. I know I need to release the control but DH alone can not do it. I know I need a Dom to help me and DH is willing to help. He is my rock and I couldn’t have gotten this far without him. Thank you for your blog today.


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