Interesting question isn’t it? Let me ask you something else.
Do you have the desire to be devoted to someone or have the person, the love of your life, devoted to you? That’s an interesting and thought provoking question and I think one that has brought many heated discussions. I know I’ve had several with friends of mine. Devotion means many different levels of emotion and I think to so many of us, we think love and we think devotion simultaneously. But are the two words interchangeable? Honestly, I originally thought yes but given so much of what I’ve learned about a D/s lifestyle, the truth is that the heightened level of emotion truly stretches all the boundaries of anything and everything you’ve even thought about with regard to a lover or mate.
Why do I say that? Devotion is giving completely and totally of yourself to another person in ways you probably haven’t really thought about or concentrated on. For example, devotion is doing whatever it takes to make the other person happy, no matter what the cost, the concern, the fear, the set back the need might present in your life. That sounds very heady to me and truly goes beyond most forms of love. And there can be many forms of love. Let’s that a peek.
Love can come in friendship in varying degrees. It can also come in how you care about your family – you say you love them because they are blood but you might not always like them. Love comes in unconditional love both you give and your pet gives you. Truly I have very special relationships with my dogs. They are a part of my heart and soul and I refuse to be without them. Love can come in forms of passion. Haven’t you ever said to someone you “love” them after a glorious round of sex only to realize you simply said the words in the heat of such wonderful intimacy or because you truly wanted to please the other person? Uh, we all have.
Love like the ages, you know the kind I mean where your heart is stolen from you at times so that you are left completely breathless with longing. The other person completes you and you can sing songs and write poems about them and take long walks holding hands and… You get the picture. That’s being in love. Oh God I honestly think very few of us get the amazing moments. If you do, sometimes you allow them to go away by drifting apart. What a shame. I’ve gotten so close to some people – especially men – I’ve really allowed them inside to the girl who’s complicated and multi-layered and as with so many aspects of feeling free, you become hurt. But that has only made me want more as a woman. I want deep – and I do mean so deep I trust without question and can share without ever worrying about what I say or do. Is it obtainable? Hmmm…
What I know is that being in love and devotion are entirely different. I don’t think I knew that or understood that until these past few months. I’ve talked about this with many men and women who are either entering into the lifestyle or have been for years. Everyone seems to have a bit of a different take on what this means but the bottom line is it’s giving to your partner before you. His or her desires and needs are much more important than yours. Most of you know I’m working on the collection called On Becoming His. This is about a woman’s emotional journey into moving into the D/s lifestyle. It’s not a much about kink as it is about delving into so many emotions. There’s love and trust, understanding and compassion, acceptance and hot sex. But there’s also devotion – or there should be. Generally this comes from the sub to his or her Master or in Jessie’s case, her Sir. The second called Lessons Learned originally started off to be something more about her need for discipline and his fear of being too harsh. As the story morphed it’s become much more about devotion – which is truly the crux of the entire collection. Her desire is strong but her devotion both Jessie and Luke continue to question because of her past and his. What we are as men and women from the early days of learning how to love shapes us. Tough to be someone else, isn’t it?
Initially I couldn’t really see the difference initially in devotion versus complete love, the kind of love where you would literally die for a person. But I do see varying degrees now or what some might call shades. What I realize so much more now is that true devotion can only be achieved by a heightened level of trust, one so strong there isn’t a question. This doesn’t happen over night. It’s a journey all of its own. In other words this takes time and really delving into your inner fears and worries.
Devotion in a D’s is the subs not only desire but absolute total need to be devoted to her Master, her Sir. She will do everything in her power to honor and please him, no matter what has to be done. She will look at his wants and longings as her own and in turn will stop at nothing to achieve his goals. That is truly a heady concept and one few of us can honestly look at ourselves in the mirror and say, “We can do that. We will do that. And we want to do that.” I ask you, can you say that to yourself? Can you imagine ever being so in love and feeling such a strong devotion to your mate, your Dom that you will stop at nothing to make him happy?
Don’t answer too quickly because I think you might be surprised at the needs. In finishing the second book (whew this was a labor of love), I’ve added passaged based on personal explorations as well as having some beautiful and very frank conversations with friends and others in the lifestyle. The process of penning the piece has truly brought out so many personal question and fears, ideas and I’ve had to look at the woman inside. I think there are a few bottom lines for everyone – the concept is something that takes a lot of learning, patience, trust, understanding, love and yes – devotion. I respect more and more every day the couples who make the decision. I respect what I’ve learned and what I am realizing I want and need in my life.
Devotion – tell me – what does it mean to you? Take a look at the submissive’s prayer picture. I think the words will give you a really good understanding of what the emotional level is. This is Jessie’s desire for her relationship with Luke, but Luke is having trouble seeing or understanding that she can be devoted. Hmmm…
I hope you’ve enjoyed and it’s given you something to think about.