You’ve heard me talk a lot in my blogs about respect and understanding with regards to the D/s lifestyle – Domination and submission. I was looking last night for some new pictures to purchase for a video trailer I’m putting together for my upcoming self-pubbed release, and the second in the On Becoming His Collection, Lessons Learned. I found one of a woman who depicts such amazing emotion in one picture. Truly the black and white depiction of what I think is her complete and utter devotion is simply breathtaking. And yes, I purchased that baby right away. I’ll put it in the middle of this blog so you can tell me what you think. I’m also doing some editing and the question about Jessie wearing or not wearing her collar – the very honor given to her by Luke – keeps coming up. You see, Luke will take it away from her in this piece. Yep – I gave something away. Now the question is, why did he? You see being collared in a D/s relationship is a powerful experience and one not to be taken lightly. Perhaps many of you in a more traditional relationship have no idea what I’m talking about.
Have you ever seen a woman or a man wearing what you might consider to be a collar? Yes, it can be a dog collar of sorts in leather with studs. Perhaps there’s a ring located on a section of it that might make you think it’s a dog collar. In years gone by we might think of this as people who were dressing up for say a night out at a club in a very rough part of town. You can imagine the evening – all wild and wooly and maybe there will be fights involved. Sometimes that was the case and bad guys wore them as a status symbol as well. We’re NOT talking about this at all and especially not for Jessie.
Those are the days gone by. Wearing a collar today is a complete sign of not only respect in a D/s relationship, but also a noting that the couple has reached another plateau, what some would say was a pinnacle in the culmination and journey regarding the lifestyle. Just what does wearing a collar mean? Well the concept is still very much different for many, but when the Dom or Domme gives a collar to a sub, they are saying the person is absolutely the one they want in their lives for the rest of their life.
This is not something to be taken lightly and I can assure you that many in the lifestyle revere this stage as something akin to marriage. I understand from talking to several couple who live the D/s 24/7, that this is sacred to both of them and the sub feels completely honored and avowed when the Dom gives the collar. I have talked about and asked questions of my friends, some who live the lifestyle and some who write about it, if a collar was removed for punishment, would it be too harsh? The over whelming sentiment is that it would have to be for a heinous infraction and for some, they could never learn to trust the Dom again.
Well, I do know in reading stories and talking to several D/s couples that is has been used as punishment and in turn is something that is thought about. Infractions occur and discipline is needed so this is a part, albeit a very difficult one, of their time together. There are so many emotional ramifications about this that I don’t think we can truly venture into all sides or do them justice so I wanted to give you a different take.
Why is wearing a collar still such an anomaly? Well, the truth is collars of today mean so many different things. Now given the picture I’m using, this is probably the more traditional way you see a collar/leash being handled within D/s. Sometimes of course this is the truth. There are instances where group events are held throughout cities and countries and the Dom or Domme is very proud to “show” off their sub in this manner.
But there are real life collars too. Gone are the days when the lifestyle is simply about hiding behind closed doors. More people are delving into this very passionate and very open relationship than you might expect. From your neighbor next door to the teacher of your children, this is more mainstream than ever and it has NOTHING to do with books like 50 Shades. This has been around for decades and centuries – just in different formats. The evolution had brought collars into the mainstream world as well.
You can find countless sites on the Internet where the sublime to the ridiculous in collars can be purchase and even others designed with specifics in mind. For many subs they simply don’t want to have to worry about wearing their collar at work or in front of their friends and family who don’t realize he or she is living the lifestyle. So collars can be nothing more than a beautiful thick chain, perhaps with a locket, lock or jewel.
Again, you have to remember how important of a distinction this is for those involved. The Dom fingers the collar as a reminder about the importance. The sub then can do the same when their Sir or Mistress isn’t around. The collar is also comfort as well as a reminder about being owned. For Jessie, she was collared very quickly in the first book and while she didn’t take it lightly by any means, I truly don’t think either Jessie or Luke thought the concept through all the way. His taking her honor away, even for a short period of time, has been a life changing moment for both of them. The entire incident has affected her behavior and she’s honestly been questioning her personal level of devotion, as well as her understanding of the lifestyle. Is this something they both have to get through and perhaps will change them forever? You bet and you’re just going to have to wait and find out how and IF they handle this together. Remember, their relationship is an amazing journey.
Is this for everyone? Of course not but given what is out there, when you look at a piece of beautiful jewelry, you might not know that it’s a collar being worn. For those who love being in the lifestyle, the joy is shared and thought about and given is a precious thing. Being collared sounds lovely to me…
I hope you’ve enjoyed and it’s given you something to think about.