Domestic Discipline – His Thoughts on Spanking…

So, many of you incredible readers know I write about various topics. I found myself intrigued by the concept of domestic discipline years ago and at that point I had no name for the lifestyle. I began reading and learned that this was in a sense a throw back to times in the past, ones where the man was the guy in charge – head of household. My younger girl would have SCREAMED – are you freaking out of your mind? Well I read and learned and talked and read some more and I realized the lifestyle has something to it – a bit of meat. Why? Well, I think so many marriages fail because of the power struggle, the need to be top dog. And so I am totally Hisbeing in a domestic discipline relationship takes away all the angst. In a traditional marriage there is equality now. In one where there is a switch in dynamics – he is the ruler. Yes, the ruler.

In other words, he makes the rules. She follows them. Sometimes she can’t and has to be disciplined. Those times can or generally do include spanking – the old fashioned over your knee method. Would you or could you do it? That is daunting for couples. Could you?

Of course I had to write a story or three or more about this and the first one is doing well. I am in a few chat rooms that are geared totally to the lifestyle and I found that people are open to a point. There’s still a bit of a stigma about the very concept. Oh my GOD – women being spanked? Isn’t that abuse? Uh no – this is NOT abuse. Why not? Because women long to be in a taken by hand relationship, one in which the man decides and takes care of her and her needs. He is the top dog but in truth he only wants the best for the relationship in totality.

Granted, spankings can be severe. They are punishment after all, but I think women who truly crave this change in the hierarchy of their relationship have wanted this for a long time. Well, we seem to talk about women in this a lot. What do you think the man – in this case – thinks? Do you believe he was the guy in high school going – I am going to find that one woman who I can control and spank when she’s out of line? Hmmm – let me think. NO!

I am in a domestic discipline chat room, of which men and women talk and they know I am learning and writing, struggling to find my needs, and they have been kind enough to share with me their experiences. I tend to ask pointed questions so you learn quickly I pull no punches. So I asked – how and when did or could you get involved with this with your wife? The men I talked to were very honest, saying they were raised never to hit a woman. For those of you who truly don’t get this lifestyle – it is not about hitting. It’s about a nurturing environment where men aid their wives, lovers etc in to being the best they can be.

No rolling of your eyes if you don’t understand. This is all about love and respect, trust and caring. The men I talked to – oh my God. They so love their wives. They want the best. They want peace. They want sharing. They hunger for communication (yes they do ladies). And most importantly they need intimacy. Yep. We as women forget a red yesman’s needs. Men and women are different. We long for things that sometimes are the same, sometimes are so completely different we can no longer communicate.

How is the state of your marriage? Would you as a man or a woman be able to tell him or her you want to try something different? You know how men can be ladies, can he really tell you what he’s thinking?

No is the answer usually. Imagine your man  – would he, could he? Oh my I doubt it. But if he could then imagine. I have talked to women hungering to enter into this lifestyle and they send a post card or an email to him, trying to tell him what they want. Imagine hearing your wife wanted to be spanked on a regular basis. What in the world would you think? Well, this concept is way too deep to answer on this blog but I can tell you guys worry. They aren’t sure what to say or how to act. I made certain when I wrote Anticipation that I added his POV and his fear. Let’s see how he handles it….


“What in the world have you been staring at for two hours?”

David glanced up at Bruce and the beer he was offering. Wrapping his hand around the cold bottle, he shook his head. “Hell if I know.”

“Mr. Cryptic strikes again.”

“Sorry. I have no idea what to say or how to explain what I’m looking at in truth.”

“Ooohhh. That sounds all mystifying and shit.” Bruce laughed and glanced over David’s shoulder.

Sucking in his breath David cringed, wanting to push his best friend away. He’d been staring at the websites listed in Shannon’s notes for hours, trying to figure out what in God’s name had possessed her to talk to anyone about their problems and even consider something this extreme. Shit. He’d spent too many hours providing intimate details to Jade, who had in turn weaseled her way into his psyche and he’d allowed her an in, too much of one. He was such an asshole. “Mystifying might just be a good word or possessed perhaps.”


“What do you mean by that?”

“My God, you’re jumpy. That’s an interesting spanking pic there. Very hot. You into some kink you never told me about?”

David took a long pull on his beer. “Maybe. Kinda. Hell, I don’t know.”

“So definitive tonight.” Bruce eased around the desk, facing him. “Is this about Shannon?’

Shrugging, David looked away.

“Okay. That’s a big, fat yes. You have said almost nothing since you came back with a suitcase in your hand. What’s going on?”

“I told her we needed some time apart.”

“Oh shit! I’m sorry,” Bruce said, his eyes growing wide. “What in the world happened?”

“The usual, fighting like cats and dogs.”

“Did you talk to her about the other woman?”hard over the knee

“There is no other woman!”

Bruce held his hands up. “Whoa.”

David groaned. “Not really anyway. Honestly.”

“That’s almost like kinda being pregnant, David. There is no such thing.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I screwed up but it’s not an affair. It’s just talking.”

“Said the spider to the fly. My guess is if I were Shannon I’d be pissed too.”

“Okay. She has a right to be and I don’t know if the separation is permanent or not but we both need to get our heads together.” David wanted to be angry but he’d never felt so low in his life.

“Yep. I can understand that.” Bruce sipped his beer and they both remained quiet. “And what did Shannon say?”

“Well, she gave me this fat file and said she had some suggestions to fix us. I’m not certain what is broken can be fixed, not with mumbo jumbo anyway. She actually defied me to consider something so out of character for her.”

“Mumbo jumbo?”

David flipped the edge of the file. “I don’t know what else to call this idea. I just don’t.” He was surprised when Bruce remained quiet. “What?”

“If you love her you’re going to honor her with at least learning what she thinks is going to work. Defiant isn’t always bad.” Bruce glanced down at the file.

“Well with Shannon, defiant is an art form and I’m weary from the push and pull of who’s in control in our relationship. I do love her and would walk on water, go through fire to find a way back to us. I would. I honest to God would, but I’m exhausted every day.”

Bruce took another swig of beer before leaning over the desk. “Then read more about domestic discipline. I know it can work.” With that, he walked out of the room.

And David was in total shock and sat still as he reeled. A full two minutes later he moved back in his chair, glanced back at the computer screen and bolted after Bruce, finding him outside on the deck. Moving to the railing, he leaned over and inhaled the scents of spring foliage. His heart was thumping wildly as he tried to process what he’d read, let alone what Bruce had just said. “I’ve never heard of domestic discipline before. You have?”

“Few people have and some who practice certainly don’t bring it out in the open,” Bruce said quietly.

“I can understand why.”

“And why is that? Because couples want to balance their relationship, allow one person to be in charge of the household?”

David shifted and tilted his head. He had almost hoped Bruce was teasing him. Seeing the serious look on his face he knew otherwise. “And what, the man gets to spank his wife anytime she says a cuss word?”

“Sometimes. If that’s what the man in charge decides. You just said you’re tired of trying to figure out who is in charge. In DD relationships there is no question. The man makes the rules for the household including the financial decisions and even how his Anticipation_Cover-smallwife is supposed to act in public.” Adjusting his sunglasses, Bruce took another sip of his beer and settled into the chair, resting his head on the back.

“I can’t imagine Shannon would want any part of this.”

“You’d be surprised how many assertive women want to be controlled and who want to have clear rules to follow.”

“You are so nonchalant about this. Don’t tell me you did this before,” David said as he brushed his shaking hard through his hair.

Bruce chuckled. “No, I did not but my brother and his wife are involved in the lifestyle and have been for about fifteen years. I’ve seen them go from completely combative to a couple very much in love. I honestly can’t tell you if it’s all because of Jim taking control of the family, but I just know what I see. Don’t knock something you have no idea about.”

“I’m not knocking it. I’m just not sure I’m that kind of a man,” David huffed.

“And what kind of a man is that?” Lifting his sunglasses, Bruce shook his head. “You love your wife and your marriage is in trouble. You’re a man who wants to be in control and your wife is giving you the option of trying something to possibly allow you to have what you both want. Now tell me again what kind of a man are we talking about here?”

David sighed and scanned the perimeter of the lawn, his mind reeling. “I’m just not certain I can hurt her.”

“Okay, now I’m stepping in. Spankings are meant for punishment, disciplining for bad behavior. They’re supposed to hurt but you’re not harming her or abusing her. There’s a huge difference and until you can wrap your mind around the concept, you’re right. You’ll ever be able to even consider this.”

“But spanking? Like what I use a belt or a paddle?”

“My God. Don’t get lost in the semantics. You can use your hand or a paddle or whatever. Couples vary and sometimes the punishment is more severe. Read about this. Educate yourself. Find out what DD all about and maybe you’ll discover something about yourself as well as about Shannon. She obviously wants to do this for a reason.”

“God. This is nuts.”

Bruce moved to the edge of his seat. “Didn’t you tell me Shannon gave you all that information you were looking at?”

“Yeah. She must have put everything together over the weekend.”

Hmmm – what do you think?

Kisses… xxx



About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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