Are you already scratching your head? I’ve heard of this before, a type of spanking used by couples in both Domestic Discipline and Domination and submission. In domestic discipline, the relationship isn’t about spanking as a whole. Of course not. If you’ve read any of my blogs on this subject you know I realized there is so much respect and love and this is a way for a couple to try and make their marriage stronger closer. They are very emotional and communicate constantly. I admire couples who’ve decided, after much soul searching, to enter into this what some would consider unconventional lifestyle. Just keep in mind DD is based in Christianity where the man is the Head of Household. This goes back centuries and generations.
In D/s, the D is in charge and spankings can be used as forms of discipline and/or as playtime. DD – spankings are not about playtime. I’m not getting into logistics or real differences in this blog. This one is more about being selfish. Don’t laugh! I was in what has now become a favorite chat room on A Domestic Discipline Society last night just listening/reading as two couples were explaining to a woman trying to move her journey into DD along, what she might expect. I love the interactions as I learn so much. The funny thing is they kept asking me what was wrong. You see I pipe in on EVERYTHING. I have a mouth. I was quiet last night. I don’t live the lifestyle of DD or D/s but I can guarantee you if I did I would be spanked for my rather ugly mouth. Ugly? I’m like a lot of women. When I get stressed I lash out uncontrollably. I wasn’t angry with anyone in the room of course and by that point I was a whipped pup.
Trust me I’m stressed and could have bitten the head off a rattler last night when I at least got home from work. Why? My job as an community association manager has been over the top and there’s not enough time to get everything done I need. Plus people are just nasty and hateful, calling you names etc. UGH.
By the time I get home LATE in the evening, I didn’t even feel like writing. Not only is slouching off not me, but being unproductive with my writing can’t happen. I have so many books coming out that writing is a second and very full time job. Don’t get me wrong, I love writing more than breathing, but when you’re exhausted and full of tension/stress/anger you can’t write anything that is worth a damn. I’ve been unfocused and unable to really push through bad and nasty thoughts.
Even last Saturday I was so enraged about something I sat for part of the day in a fog. The weekends I have to blast out words and when you do that… WHEW. If I was in a DD relationship, last night was without a doubt a night I would have begged for a spanking. Okay, now you must be going WHAT? Is she nuts? Well, that’s another story but I know of many couples who practice different forms of spankings. Some use this only for discipline. Some give regular maintenance spankings in which she is spanked on some sort of regular basis to keep her in “check” and her emotions on an even keel. How can a spanking do this? If you’ve ever been taken over someone’s knee (or lying in your tummy over pillows or over the arm of a couch) you truly are humbled in the moment. Again, not living the lifestyle I can only remember as a child being spanked by daddy and give you thoughts based on what Tih (Taken in Hand) wives have told me. But you’re giving up control and allowing your husband to give you what you need – love and respect in a firm hand. As he spanks you the emotions around being spanked as well as a certain amount of the pain in a sense allows the tension to ease from your body. You’re concentrating on something else and able to let go and cry, wail or moan. You can completely unravel and allow all those bad thoughts and enraged notions race from your mind and body.
Boy. I can tell you I really would have like that last night. I was sharp tongued and honestly just not myself. I can imagine lying across his knees as he soothes me with his voice, telling me that I have to let go of things that don’t matter and focus on what does matter, life and love, our marriage and centering my soul and emotions. That can be a very tough thing for women to do. We harbor so many deep seeded emotions about our day to day tasks. We are wired differently than men and have such difficulty letting go. We can indeed make a mountain out of a molehill and when that happens, look out. We become the venomous creature with two heads and a fire breathing mouth. You know the woman I’m talking about.
Now in both DD and D/s, this kind of behavior isn’t going to be tolerated but for long anyway, but if you would actually come home and ask you Dom or you HOH for a spanking, I think maybe at first he might be surprised, but very proud of you for asking for what you need. In vanilla relationships, this seems odd at best, but try and think about that last REALLY bad day you had. Would a spanking give you something else to focus on? My bet is if you really searched your soul you’d answer yes without hesitation.
So I am unspanked and still tense and I have to write at least 20k this weekend. Daunting task? Not usually for me but given I’m tired, cranky and still longing to be able to at minimum kill off someone in one of my books (thank God I can do that too!) I do think a solid, over your knee hairbrush spanking just might ease away all this angst. Just might…
I’m not taking a DD relationship lightly. The decision to move into something so incredible takes a lot of time and communication, soul searching and more communication. For couples who do this I applaud them as they’ve taken an unusual step to strengthen and redefine what society changed – not history. That’s an important difference. Men were always in charge and women held accountable in the marriage for breaking the rules. That is until… Well, that’s for another blog. Off to try and write. Maybe a little spanking story will help.