Mmm… Close your eyes briefly and think about any kind of discipline you’ve ever received in your life from childhood through now. No, I’m not just talking about an over the knee kind of spanking you received as a kid. I’m also talking about perhaps those times at work when you know you broke the rules and of course your boss knows ALL about the nasty little incident in the break room. You’ve been called to a meeting later that day and your sixth sense kicks in as you realize the meeting is entirely about your bad behavior. What will he say? What is he gong to do? Will you have a job after you leave his office? Ah, the anticipation just might kill you. If you have a conscientious boss, he or she is probably going to be dreading having to talk to you as well. No one likes confrontation except true sadists after all. He’ll most likely explore what he has to do with the HR department, consult with a colleague in his same position, sit down and think about how good of an employee you’ve been up until now, then when the time comes he’ll be fully prepared to face you. Hmmm… Will he?
When I sat down to write my first DD (Domestic Discipline) piece, I knew that I needed to explore both sides of the lifestyle change – the man and the woman’s. As I’ve always told you, same sex couples practice this as well but for right now I’m simply talking about aspects of my piece – appropriately titled Anticipation. Since the book is actually going to be a trilogy, I’m allowed to explore more of the emotional side leading up to the decision to try the lifestyle, then to really delve into the exploration of how and why the couple arrived at such a life changing decision. In talking with other couples who truly live the lifestyle, the ultimate decision was tough. The anticipation of talking with your partner, being truly open and honest about your feelings, your needs, has to be extremely intense. I can only imagine the way he or she might feel as one sat the other one down for “the talk”. Imagine thinking and planning when you’re going to do this. Imagine trying to envision the way he or she might look at you. Will he think I’m nuts? Will he laugh and push me away? Will he think I’m a freak? You bet the anticipation would kill me.
Now imagine in a DD relationship when you as a couple have gone through all the decisions. They’re be lots of questions still but you arrived at the very complex understanding you need to change the entire scope of your time together as a couple or your marriage won’t survive. Don’t you think the first time your husband might be doling out any kind of discipline will lead to an entire series of raw emotions, ragged heartbeats and thinking and re-thinking your decision over and over again? Oh boy I can answer that question easily. HELL YEAH. Whew, and the knowledge that later today, after he gets home, you’re both going to sit down and talk about your increasingly bad behavior in order for you both to understand what’s expected. TERRIFYING. You’re both going to be feeling the anticipation of whether you know what you’re doing, if you are going to alienate the other or bring your relationship closer and whether or not this will truly help your failing marriage.
I dunno – sounds like an awful lot of expectations to place on yourself and each other. There are so many ways in your mind you both can fail. Right?
As most of you know, I am no expert and I don’t live the lifestyle – yet, but I continue to learn about this incredible type of relationship every day. I talk with the wonderful people in the A Domestic Discipline Society chat room a few times a week. Sometimes I just watch the banter, reading about everything from funny aspects of their lives to the first time they truly shared in a moment of discipline. Of course they are simply you and me, Tom and Mary, and the couple down the street in how they live their lives. They have simply gone above and beyond in their love to try something in order to strengthen what they share together. Extraordinary people if you ask me.
What I do listen to and take in the most is about how tough it was for them to admit – this is their true anticipation of what the other will say. That very understanding resonated with me and I hope to bring that kind of very open and honest set of emotions into each piece. When I wrote certain portions of Anticipation, I took you through the nasty arguments, the idea being initiated, an acceptance that something had to change and finally the very first time they both committed to a moment of discipline.
My toughest part wasn’t writing about her anticipation of what was going to happen but his. In trying to get inside his mind, what his thoughts were as he first heard her out with her thoughts on DD in the first place was tough enough. Then to soul search to a point he finally admitted their marriage was headed for divorce quickly if something didn’t change was mind altering for him. His ultimate acceptance in his very heart and soul they not only needed but he wanted to be the Head of Household, help his wife learn and accept the woman she so desperately craved, and that he wasn’t going to hurt her if he spanked her… Well, you can imagine the angst I needed to show.
Every couple is different and every emotion can swing all over the place, but in talking with the men in ADDS (they are amazing guys btw) I found every one of them to be the most open and honest guys I’ve ever had the pleasure of talking with. They truly opened up to me and explained their worries, their biggest concerns and yes, the utter crazed anticipation they felt along their journey. I can’t thank them enough.
If I were in this kind of relationship I think I would worry so much about disappointing my husband as I fully embraced the lifestyle, knowing I would make mistakes. Breaking bad habits isn’t easy and takes time and for this girl, Lordie my mouth would keep me in trouble. And the anticipation of his much needed guidance, his intense love and the way he truly admired my courage in allowing such a tremendous change would keep me grounded. Domestic Discipline isn’t about punishment. The lifestyle is about strengthening the amazing bond two people can have. The power of love I have seen even on the Internet chat lines has been enlightening and truly beautiful.
Ah, but still, they all say the anticipation was and continues to be the toughest. I hope you’ve enjoyed.
ANTICIPATION – SYNOPSIS
What lengths would you go to save your marriage?
Shannon Parker loved her husband with all her heart but every day they seemed to be growing further apart. Married to David for almost ten years, their relationship was loveless and they were constantly bickering. Unfortunately she couldn’t stop blaming him for all their problems and she suspected the bitter arguments were pushing him into the arms of another woman. When she confronted him with her thoughts, her ugly words screamed during a heated battle, he threatened to leave, sending her into a tirade of nasty innuendos.
At her wits end, a chance encounter with an old friend gave Shannon an unconventional idea and one she’d never considered. After days of contemplation, she knew this might be their last hope at reconciliation. Determined to win David back, Shannon suggested a change – domestic discipline – into their household. Confused and unsure of the idea, David spent a full week reading about the lifestyle. Making a difficult decision, the first day of the rest of their life brought about excitement as well as apprehension, yet she refused to go back on her word. And when David texted her reminding her of the night’s discipline, she entered into hours of heated anticipation. Could their love survive alternating the balance of power?