Yes he does. He is your Master. He is the man who controls you, owns you. He is all powerful in his quiet and unassuming ways. He is the one you hunger for and need, obey and long to be devoted to forever. His is… What do you think – does he own you? Do you have that ultimate desire to give all you have to him? I’ve been challenged lately in my thinking about this and yet I continue to come back to the longing. The wanting. Coming back from a conference I was selling On Becoming His and going – hmmm… No one gets it. Until a Dom walked up to our booth. He somehow pegged me as a submissive and over the next fifteen minutes or so gave ME and insight of my needs. It was honestly chilling. He purchased On Becoming His and Toxic Leash and I was left with a moment of WOW.
We all need respect and he gave me that as an author even though he doesn’t know my writing. But I was honored. Christian and I know how much we want to move forward as authors and those tiny moments give us such joy. I know with working with Chris I have total respect and so I was thinking about being with a Dom, a Master. There has to be total and utter respect between both. I long to be owned but it has to be the right man – the right Dom. He has to know me inside and out in order to gain my trust and I his. For those of us hungering for the lifestyle and the desire to be taken – this is a complete need. Let’s explore the very basic concept. How do we know when we have respect or achieve the goal? I think you just know. You feel it deep in your gut. You know when you can turn off the mask and let go with one person.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T That’s another song title and yet one that really hits home when you think about it with regard to a D/s lifestyle. For every one of us respect brings about a different thought process. When we were kids we were taught to say yes, sir and no ma‘am to our elders, or at least for some of us we were. Also for many of us the practice continued into our every day lives. I know many a man and woman who use the terms of respect for everything they meet and don’t know well. Sadly, that doesn’t happen to be me. I’ve always used first names right after I meet someone. I thought in my mind that it offered them a sense of being friendly and nice, caring about the person. For many people who were brought up with simple manners, that’s like a slap in the face.
For Jessie and Luke, my characters in the popular On Becoming His collection, she has been one of those women. As you can imagine in creating and writing about Jessie’s character, I use parts of me as a model. For those who know the real girl and the writing persona, I am bold and brash, assertive bordering on aggressive. That doesn’t bode well at all within a D/s relationship. Being mouthy and disrespectful, when you put them together, is a difficult combination. That’s when you have many a disconnect between each other and sometimes the Dom is incensed to the point he is no longer capable of handling the sub – or simple refuses to deal with the bad behavior.
I continue my personal/writing education all the time, learning and talking with people. If you think you know everything about this lifestyle at any given time, you’re wrong. With regard to respect, I was talking with another real life Dom the other day. He reminded me that the very first step in showing your respect for your Dom is calling him Sir – all the time. It’s not when you feel like it or when you think you’ve done something wrong. He is your Sir and by the fact you have taken on a submissive role, you have agreed that his should and will have such respect. Now I fully realize there are other names D/s couples use from Daddy to Master, but I think you get the point. You suddenly don’t start calling him by his first name or “hey you”, which is something I’ve been prone to do in every day relationship. You give him the respect you think YOU deserve. Sounds simple, right?
For many women (and of course men too who are submissives) this might be more difficult than you realize. The concept of respect alone has trust built into the basic idea. You may have felt like this was something shoved down your throat as a kid and therefore refuse to say a simple three letter word. If this is the case, I strongly suggest you talk with your Dom right away and see if and how you can work with this. For Jessie, she suddenly stopped saying the little word with him and preferred calling him sexy or sexy man, baby or something else cutsie. There’s nothing wrong with adding some romantic inflections but again, respect it vital in this relationship. A D/s relationship is sometimes grueling – especially in the beginning when you’re learning more about each other and testing every boundary. Trust me, subs test their boundaries to see what the Dom will say or do and just how much they can get away with before being disciplined. Sometimes its by will and sometimes based on a subconscious need to be loved, but oh boy it happens.
Dom’s tend to take some of this, anticipating their willful woman will have several sides, but after awhile it gets old. The other Dom I was talking to also stated he believed every female submissive has a dominant side and one that needs to be trained. I have to agree with that. There are some women much more programmed to be very submissive but strong woman tend to want to give away their control more than you realize. I suggest that if you’re entering into the lifestyle you truly learn about and embrace the very simple concept of respect – between each other of course. The Dom has to know that you are going to fail at times. You’re going to take two steps forward and a giant stride backward often BUT – huge but here – you both have to be moving forward so this lessens or in Jessie’s case, lessons are learned, or there will be continued problems and possibly and end to the relationship.
The moment Jessie stopped saying “Sir” she also oozed back into treating him disrespectfully in other ways. She forgot that this was her place and he was owed this. She didn’t realize that suddenly she was back talking him more, using bad language and even said – get this “Fuck you”. Oh boy that was the low end for her and Luke was as you can imagine furious and more. He was completely and utterly discouraged. For Jessie it took a hard slap of her own making to realize how ridiculous, childish and disrespectful her behavior had become.
Three little letters don’t change or make a D/s relationship, but I can tell you in my heart and in my mind they go a long way into building a heightened level of trust and yes R-E-S-P-E-C-T between both of you.
I hope you’ve enjoyed and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.