Ladies – you might just be rolling your eyes about now but there is an art to the very concept. As an author, I write about passion all the time so that also means I talk to both men and women about the very concept as well as sex. I’ve been lucky enough to have some frank conversations with men and I thought you might like to hear the overwhelming concept I’ve heard.
Both men and women are passionate people. We long to be touched and held, told we’re gorgeous and feel that we can be ourselves around our significant other. We want to be understood and remove the mask we all wear. What mask you ask? Okay, ask yourself this question. Are you really the same person you were ten or twenty years ago? Are you able to let yourself go like you used to? Can you do the things you enjoyed doing back then or do you feel obligated to be completely a different man or woman given your life today – job and kinds, family and obligations? I think we all know the answer. We are not the same people we were years ago. Sometimes that’s okay and we embrace the changes. And sometimes the people we were haunt us so badly we change our behaviors. We either push back against the people we are in ways such as buying a sports car, quitting our jobs or even having an affair.
Hmmm… You’re probably scratching your head right now. We all know people who do this – both men and women. Is there an underlying factor? In my humble opinion there is. We are lying to ourselves. You’ve heard me talk about the fact I think men are emasculated in our society. They don’t really get to be the men they were or want to be. They seem to have to ask permission for everything including whether they can go out with their buddies. Women seem to pull or yank the reins almost all the time. One male friend of mine told me today that men are nothing but puppies. Well… I think that really means something other than what a lot of women think. For me that means men need exactly the same things women do – simply in a different way.
I titled this blog this way for a reason. I am NO expert on sexuality or marriage so please note this is just my humble thoughts. Men are different creatures than women. You remember the whole Venus versus Mars thing. They are he-men who want to be in charge. They enjoy being the big man on campus or the guy who leads the pack. And they are the leader of the pack. Make no mistake. They might not be certain how to do the activity any longer but they are. Think about the last time you saw your guy with say a few buds. Maybe they were playing football and had consumed a few beers. Couldn’t you tell their behavior was all testosterone based? Mmm… See for me I love it. For some women they roll their eyes.
Look, we as women want our guys to take full responsibility of every aspect in our relationship from raising the kids to bringing home the bacon, but let’s talk other aspects. How about sex? Yep, I said it. What’s with you ladies who only like it missionary style in the dark on a schedule? REALLY? And the flannel or cotton pajamas, chicks? They are fine at times but for seduction and romance? Get out of here. NO. If I teach you nothing else today it’s to go to Victoria’s Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood and get something HOT red and sexy. A teddy. A babydoll. I don’t care your body type. It’ll look better in sizzling red than an ugly flannel overshirt. Trust me. There’s number one. Number two? Actually touch him, taste him, lick his neck. Drag your finger across his groin when you’re watching episodes of Tru Blood. Whisper in his ear all the dirty little things you want to do to his body and guess what – DO THEM.
If you don’t have kids – drop to your knees in front of him and guess what – GIVE HIM A BLOW JOB. I have said a million times – the way to a man’s heart or his sex drive anyway is to give him a delicious oral fixation at least once a week. Stop rolling those eyes. Ask your guy if a once a week blowjob would give him a smile and a clear shot of satisfaction and tell me what he says. If you couple this with him watching football and you take your time in between his legs – WHOA BABY. He is gonna love you.
All silliness aside ladies – enjoy him as a man. He wants to please you but he also wants to know you want to touch him. I’ve asked hundreds of men why they either strayed or feel like their wife or lover doesn’t want them any longer and the answers are much more simple than you can understand. They want to be touched – yes sexually but more importantly just touched. Remember when you brushed your fingers across the back of his neck or gave him silly kisses? When was the last time you did that? When was the last time you said how sexy he looked? When was the last time you texted him to come home early for a tasty treat? I bet you can’t answer that. If you can’t – shame on you.
Yeah, I know about kids and soccer practice, jobs that require us to work late and family obligations. But you married him for a reason. Didn’t you? Really? Do you ever look at him and hunger any longer? If you do then tell him. It’s not just about the fact he needs to tell you how hot you look. Tell him. Have a date night. Have a kinky sex night in front of the fire. Purchase the toys. Purchase a thong. Buy from Victoria’s Secret and wear the slinky outfits. Go out of your comfort zone.
Oh and while you’re at it – go buy a twenty-four pack of beer, make sure he invites his friends over for the big game, have snacks ready and go out with the girls shopping or to the movies or drinking and ogling hot guys. Let him be a guy.
Okay – off my soap box ladies but I hear so often from men who simply want their ladies to love them – admire them – hunger for them. Do you? Hmmm… It’s a new week – let’s get to it.
Don’t worry ladies – I’m going to express your needs later.