We’ve certainly discussed many aspects of spanking including the various implements of discipline. I wanted to take a more emotional approach today. Domestic Discipline is rising in popularity among couples who have tried everything they could in getting their relationship back on track. Through mediation and counseling, talking and arguing, nothing has worked. DD is simply another way of communicating and trusting, being open and totally honest, and being held accountable for your actions. This isn’t just about the person who is required to obey the rules, the dominant or head of household has to be held completely accountable for his actions and decisions as well. While he requires respect at all times, he has to earn by giving. He had to instill trust by being very open and honest, loving and even tempered. After all – he’s taking care of the entire family.
That’s a very emotional and daunting command. Don’t you think? In writing the Anticipation collection, I wanted to make certain I represented “his” point of view as well as his angst throughout the books, building to what will be their final decision. As I mentioned before, moving into a DD relationship is a journey, one that takes a significant amount of time. If you don’t think you’re going to make missteps and fail, worry and be terrified of what you are doing then you aren’t truly immersed in the lifestyle.
I can only imagine how men begin to face not only the need to be in charge, the disciplinarian and the man who can garner respect. Try and think about how emotional and satisfying but oh so frightening the very notion of this level of change must be. I’ve spoken with a few HOH’s over the last few months and they all seem to have a few of the same characteristics. They’ve always wanted to be in charge, they are all very supportive and loving men, and they are all extremely intelligent. I have been allowed moments into their life, discussions about their worries and fears over the years and every one of them has told me they’ve had many moments of self doubt. They’ve acted in a less than positive manner and even spanked their wives for more selfish reasons. But they all told me that their relationships grew stronger over time.
I think it’s hard as women to really get to know a man and what makes them tick. We hear all the euphoniums about what “really” make men tick and yes, do I think they are very sexual creatures who think about having sex often? You bet. Does that surprise or shock me. Not in the least. I am a very sensual and passionate woman who longs to please a man. I don’t simply think that after being in a relationship for a long time there is no need to get spicy or doll yourself up. Heck, I just purchased a sexy little dress from Fredericks of Hollywood and no – it’s not a work dress if you get the hint gentlemen. I get what men need to a point. BUT… They need so much more.
A man being in charge in natural and he thrives in this setting. Whether at work or at home, he will do better knowing he can command the room. When he does this act well, he’s all powerful, consuming. For me ladies this is extremely attractive. I long to find the right man who will know how to guide me into being a better woman and a relationship that is strong indeed. I think becoming the HOH is just as freeing for a man as it is for a woman to let go, becoming more submissive in the relationship. I believe when he is finally able to break out of the chains society has placed on him, he’s a much better person in general.
Living a DD lifestyle takes a lot of understanding and patience. Let’s face it – women are trying very often. I call myself willful but the truth is I’m just as pushy as a man, sometimes more conniving and always mouthy. You must work together to create a stronger relationship. His firm hand can guide and nurture, but the woman must be willing to open up. As does the man in charge. Think about how difficult the very moment when he is finally able to ask you for a change. Can you honestly imagine how difficult the conversation is for him? This is a little taste of the concept of Anticipation – but isn’t in the story – a little flash fiction for you.
David had reached his breaking point. The arguments and the nasty words spit in fits of rage were too much. He was exhausted from the volley, his heart heavy with the burden of a decision and his anger level off the charts. In truth, he was ready to pack up and leave. Seeing Shannon out of the corner of his eye, he was reminded how very much he loved her. “You’re home late.”
“I had things to do,” Shannon said, an edge in her voice.
“You always do. You’re never home. You’re never interested in being here.”
“And why the hell should I be?” Her words full of venom, she dropped her purse on the counter and grabbed a wine glass out of the cabinet.
Enraged, he took a step toward her then thought about the conversation he’d had earlier, one that had surprised him. Swallowing hard he forced himself to calm down and eased next to her. “We need to talk.”
“All we do is talk.”
“No, we argue. We need to talk or you know as well as I do our marriage isn’t going to survive.” He wasn’t certain he’d said the words so plainly before. Seeing the acceptance of the true meaning on her face, he knew he was making the right decision. “If you don’t mind, pour me a glass of wine and please, just please sit down with me and let’s talk. I want…I want to ask you something very important to me.”
Shannon turned her head, her eyes scanning his face. She remained silent, only nodding and after a full minute pulled down another glass, filling both.
David was utterly terrified of talking about this, but right now he felt there was no other choice. Every part of his body shaking, he moved to the kitchen table, sitting down gingerly. For some reason his entire body ached.
Her actions stilted, she slid the wine glass across the table in his direction and sat down opposite. The look on her face was one of apprehension. “What do you want to talk about?”
After taking a sip, then a gulp of his wine, David closed his eyes. He’d rehearsed the speech a dozen times, trying to find the right balance. “I’ve been thinking about our relationship a lot. More than a lot in face.” Why did his voice sound so timid? Clearing his throat he knew he had to take command right now or there wasn’t going to be a change. He opened his eyes and spoke with conviction. “Do you love me?”
The question seemed to surprise her. “Yes.”
“Do you want our marriage to work?”
“Yes, of course, but…”
“But nothing,” David interrupted. “Simple yes or no.”
Shannon bit her lip. “Yes, I do. Very much so.”
“Then are you willing to do anything and everything it takes to get us back on track?”
David felt relief. “Good. Then I have something alternative in mind to talk about.”
“You’ve always told me you prefer rules. Remember?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “What do you have in mind?”
Another sip of wine, another pep talk and David leaned forward, taking her hand. “I think there needs to be one of us in charge, head of household. I think you thrive with rules, discipline. I think you’d prefer I was in charge of our relationship, guiding us both into becoming closer. Am I right?” In the next several seconds he could see a range of emotions pass in her eyes. They matched the myriad of intense ones he was feeling, every sharp sting a reminder he had no freaking clue what he was doing. But he was going to learn if she was willing to try.
“Yes. I agree. I don’t know if there’s anything that can save us. I just…” Tears welled in her eyes.
“You have to trust me.”
“I do without question.”
Joy filled his very soul. He brought her hand to his mouth, kissing her palm lightly. Easing back he smiled. “Have you ever heard of domestic discipline?”
Now can you imagine the way this conversation goes from here? What bravery David has. I applaud them both for trying something so different, so out of the ordinary and of their comfort zone. I hope you enjoyed and remember, David and Shannon are my characters from Anticipation and Decision, Discipline will conclude their journey together and should be out in December. Let me know what you think.
Kisses and spanks…
The second in the collection