I was reminded very clearly this week not to EVER stereotype – not in my characters as I write or in the people I meet. You all know that I am very open and tell it like it is. I also have no discrimination as far as race, creed, sexual orientation etc. BUT… I think I realized even though I say I don’t stereotype I do sometimes. I pigeonhole people in my mind in a way I feel comfortable with. I picture them as the persona I think they are. Well, I was reminded this week that I need to yank that back baby. What do I mean my stereotyping?
When you close your eyes and think of a cowboy – how do you think of him? Is he rugged and handsome, sexy in that very brawny way? Perhaps you see him in dirty jeans and a three day beard and lordy can the man fuck. Right? Ropin’ and ridin’ and all of the yummy stuff there too. What about a bad boy motorcycle guy? You see the tattoos and the muscles, the steel-toed boots and his eyes that would slice through you in a heartbeat. The bike is just a portion of him – Harley of course. What about a California surfer boy? Of course he’s blond and blue eyed. Right? Now imagine a geek sitting being a computer. You see a short guy with glasses, pens in his shirt pocket and acne. Come on, you know you do. But what if you are WRONG with every concept?
I write about a lot of different men and yes, we as authors tend to pen stories with men who are the fantasy, the man who is wealthy and sophisticated or rugged and hot or sensuous and kinky. Generally for me I write about every type of man. But our readers desire hotness. They crave the man they will never ever have in real life. But… What about a Dom? If you were going to consider becoming a submissive or a slave, what would your Dom or Master be like? Hmmm… Ever thought about imaging a man you could submit to?
Again, in writing I tend to make my guys have certain attributes. It’s not all about sexiness either. I love to give them quirks and foibles, secrets that haunt them to the point of debilitating their today life. We all have issues after all. But I admit that my Dom’s are powerful men – in and out of the boardroom as well as the bedroom. They are usually domineering in their demeanor in real life – to a point anyway. I have been lucky enough to be able to talk to Dom’s and Masters over the last two years. They have helped shape what I write about the lifestyle and the men involved. Of course I write about the submissives as well and my women are strong and dominating in their every day practice, yet have the hunger and need to submit.
Is that stereotyping? Yes. Do readers prefer this? Well, look at the casting “event” for Fifty Shades of Gray. Really people? Not only was the entire situation blanketed on every national television, newspaper and magazine around the world, but we all had thoughts about who should play the lead male character. I don’t think we cared so much about he female. I know I don’t. The lead is supposed to be all powerful in his life, his eyes able to dominate you alone. He’s rich and hot and damn good in bed and can carry a mean whip. You know what I’m talking about. In the end even the second choice I can’t remember – but I can bet he’s making a mint doing this movie. The sad part for the guy’s career is that he’ll be forever typecast. He will NEVER be able to break out of that mold. Is that a bad thing? I guess we’ll talk to him in 20 years.
My choice was Alexander Skarsgard. Yes the True Blood hottie might just be typecast as a vampire, but I tell you what – that man is perfect for the role. You know there are so many reasons. He’s tall enough and blond enough and sexy enough and… There I go again stereotyping.
I met a Dom this week for lunch. He and I had been talking for months and I never saw a picture, never asked for one. He knows of my desires to be a submissive as well as the fact I write about the lifestyle knowing NOTHING from personal experience. He has all the characteristics of a Master including the fact I call him Sir. He very quickly told me his is a true sadist and given what he and I have talked about, I believe him. He enjoys inflicting pain to help his slaves release and become the woman they are meant to be. During the course of several months he asked me questions – both for writing and personal ones delving into my needs, my hungers. We can be anything we want to be hiding behind a computer and so I answered him honestly. He was also equally honest. He told me aspects of the lifestyle that I think are his reality. I say this because with D/s or M/s relationship, each one is very different. Just like with vanilla relationships, men and women are different.
We decided to meet for lunch and I don’t normally allow a meeting with a person I have never seen their picture, never talked with on the phone, and have little idea of who he is – but I had a comfort level. The person on the screen could have been lying to me completely. I had a gut and since we’d talked for months I thought a public place would be okay. We scheduled a time and I met him on a normal day in the middle of the week.
What I can tell you is that I was – hmmm… perplexed at first. Then the man emerged and I knew he was exactly the same person I had been talking to. BUT – and even though he asked me – I was a bit surprised. Why? Because this man, this Master (trust me ladies he is very much a Master) is much more confident and honest, straight forward and yet very giving than I would have imagined. He’s professional in a conservative business kind of way. His mannerisms are very reserved. He is highly intelligent and well connected in real life. The kinky side is hidden from all those who know him and there is not a single way you can tell that he is utterly and totally commanding.
I feel his command across the Internet lines. He does not take disobedience well and if I were his slave would no doubt feel his wrath, given the woman I am. We had a wonderful conversation and I left feeling a bit in awe – perhaps humbled. I don’t know what I was expecting but as I reflect I don’t think it was a man who could rival Bill Gates. I say this out of complete respect for him. I truly met a man I enjoyed and hope to continue learning from. But not just the Master – I relished the insight of the man. You see Dom’s and Master’s are men behind the needs they have. All men need validation for who they are as people. They hunger as we all do, but they need more. They require more. I have talked with his slave and I can honestly say – one lucky lady. I hope I can learn more from this man, this Master for I was honored. And the stereotypes are now smashed.
Remember that as you walk in the mall today or in the park. You never know what is hiding behind that cute smile, the light blue eyes. He might be the perfect Dom for you. He might be the very person to release the woman you’ve been hiding. Hmmm…
Kisses and spanks