There is so much going on in my writing world lately. If you’ve read anything recently you know I have a new cover artist (old is all new and jazzed and yummy) as well as a new direction. I’m working on getting several recently released books back up and you bet it’s a challenge, but one so worth the effort. I’m also continuing to explore the woman inside. I think we all get to the end of the year and we start to question who we are, where we’ve been and more importantly, if we want to make any changes. I told myself this time last year I was going to embrace a side of me I wasn’t certain about – being submissive in many regards. I have. It’s been a rocky road of learning to open up to myself more than anyone else. That’s the first step if you want to make a change or even just accept parts of you that have been hidden. You have to truly delve into all those dark sides. Discovery is both scintillating as well as terrifying, but absolutely necessary. This isn’t about playtime and whips and fuzzy handcuffs.
I can tell you talking to others in the BDSM lifestyle has certainly helped my writing. I may be moving more into some mainstream with truly getting back to my collection of vampire stories (four LONG books already completed of a 30 book collection) and a sweet/sensual series called Rescue Me – about different animals who play a part in “rescuing” couples. However, I love writing about domestic discipline and about the D/S lifestyle. For those who can talk and learn together is just amazing to me. Some manage their D/s relationship along with their vanilla one so well. I just finished the third in the DD trilogy and working on finishing the third in my D/s trilogy – the On Becoming His collection. I’m excited for both to come out and my readers seem to love the stories – because they are real, exploring heightened emotions that are raw. They allow themselves to be vulnerable while they explore the changes they so desperately need.
I can tell you I’ve been left breathless as I learn, talk to more people and attempt to develop my other side. BUT… there have been and I know will be missteps along the way. We’ve all talked about the face that submissives are the ones in control. Well, I agree and choose to disagree. I am only taking this from the side of spending time talking with and learning with and from Dom’s – in other words men. I so love men in every aspect. I can appreciate a man for all his beauty no matter what size, shape etc. They intrigue me and I’m drawn to their physicality, domination, hunger for control – BUT they have to be intelligent. A pretty body is just that. The mind is what absolutely fascinates me, draws me into a zone of hunger that I can be off the charts with raging desire. Yep. There is nothing better than a sexy and very intelligent man.
In the world of BDSM or D/s, I have found and will forever believe that the Dom has to be above average with his IQ to be able to handle the many facets of this kind of lifestyle. He has to be able to truly embrace and understand the art of control as well as discipline. Discipline, as we’ve talked about several times, has many flavors and aspects. This isn’t just about tugging out his belt and whipping a submissve’s ass. There is so much more. Oh boy so much more.
The blog is titled controlled domination for a reason. A Dom does have control of many aspects including his methods of domination as well as discipline and punishment, his mannerisms in understanding her needs and his patience levels. Being a good submissive, especially learning to trust and let go those last locks she’d placed on herself, isn’t easy for every woman. While some women might literally be born and raised to be a slave (an entirely different blog topic here) others like me were not in the least. I was given tools by a mother, who was dominated by what I would call an abusive man, to be completely the brass, brazen and very domineering woman I am today. It took me years to even consider the girl inside, the one who wasn’t just simply looking to please a man. Even five years ago I would have laughed out loud to anyone who suggested I could be submissive. Five years later I am embracing who I am, grateful that I can.
In talking with other Dom’s and subs, we all are hoping for many similar attributes in each other respectively. Trust, understanding, patience, communication, opening up, being uninhibited, learning, loving, nurturing. Yep, a lot of buzz words but this lifestyle is intense and it has to be completely and utterly open. The Dom has to give as much of himself as the sub does. Sometimes in opening up, raw emotions rush to the surface in ways we may or may not have control over. Things like frustration and anger about our past lives, worry and fear about hurting the other or not being good enough, trepidation about others in the vanilla world finding out about our shift in lifestyle – these can all affect the people we are tremendously. I’ve found for men they either swing to the fear of hurting with regard to inflicting discipline and pain, or become very angry, sometimes enraged because the submissive (such as myself) doesn’t merely fall at their feet. Not that easy folks. I don’t just meet a man and decide to submit to him.
Nope. Nada. For me takes a lot of time. I’m a willful woman so it’s going to take an exorbitant amount of time for me to relax enough to submit fully. Some Dom’s just get frustrated and lose control. Now I understand that. I bring extremely heated emotions out in men. I realize that completely. While I say I’m willful, I know I’m really mostly afraid of letting go – being hurt like anyone trying to delve into any kind of relationship. It’s tough to break down those walls and for me, when and if I submit, I need to feel something special internally. I’ve been yelled out by men who have no clue about me, but think I’m going to submit to them. I go – hmmmm… I don’t know. I’ve been taken aback lately and realize I need to be careful in showing the inner girl. I suppose we all do. I write this blog simply to remind any who are considering entering into this lifestyle, be true to you completely. Never lose sight of the person you are inside or you’ll never be able to let go. You’ll also never be happy. Controlled domination – worth thinking about.
I hope this has given you some thoughts.
Kisses and spanks