Domestic Discipline…All Walks of Life

I sat down to write a very different blog this morning but a ridiculous review prompted me to write this one instead. Nope, usually never comment because well have opinions, but this time I think it’s important. Discipline – the third in the DD (Domestic Discipline) trilogy just came out. It’s a full trilogy following a couple that decided after a marriage that was quickly heading for divorce to try something a friend suggested. They’d never heard of this lifestyle before and through patience and diligence in the first book talked about it, cried about it and decided to give the completely different lifestyle a try. This isn’t unlike any other more vanilla style aspect of relationships – we worry and frustrate, argue with our mates, long for a different partner and yes sometimes contemplate divorce or leaving our partner. It’s a fact of life – a sad one at times but it is. Modern society has changed us as humans and as partners and we expect things in our marriages that are entirely different than what perhaps those did in the fifties.

There are all kinds of movements from people longing to go back to a 1950’s household to those trying D/s for the first time – a longing they’ve had that only a few of us have the courage to admit. Some embrace easily and totally while other couples falter because of their respective pasts, demons living inside or perhaps the fear that so many of us have about being labeled “weird”. Well for so many who practice alternative forms of lifestyles we are not weird. We are finally being ourselves. Now don’t get me wrong, in the world of some kink or discipline style or whatever label you want to put on it, I’m a bit more vanilla. It’s not for the lack of wanting or trying or learning. I need more in my life including discipline, but it’s not that easy to just switch. That’s why I give people who dPillow under tummyo embrace, go through all the trials and tribulations of admitting their needs and finally having the courage to do so huge kudos. BUT what I can tell you from all my communication and reading, talking to people, experiencing some and spending time with others who truly allow me into their life – every relationship is different. There is no cookie cutter. There is no perfect methodology and there is no true and tried way to make it all work. In other words alternative relationships are just as fucked up at times as vanilla ones.

So that being said, we all have demons and pasts we wish to forget. Some of us have anger management issues based on fear or trepidation about being the head hauncho. Some of us were in relationships we felt we were suffocating from and reach out to touch another human being. Yep, that’s called infidelity and it’s a tough thing even in today’s society to admit to, but this happens more than you realize. But you know that. You’ve felt that. You have… Yes, it’s disrespect but there are all kinds of circumstances so no remember – not pot calling the kettle black. Various bad behaviors can also be called being young and stupid, not respecting each other because you are learning. And guess what, sometimes we do indeed learn, find the person we truly want to spend the rest of our lives with and we become different people. Again, another but, it doesn’t mean the fears leave us.

In talking with so many men who are the HOH (Head of Household) they are indeed afraid sometimes of hurting their wives – both physically and emotionally. They are terrified to let go and give them the punishment they’ve both talked about because of their personalities or a past that has them stymied about letting go. For the wife, and one who’s had a difficult past in whatever way herself, she knows she will have obedience issues. She realizes she’s in a position where she has to let herself go, freely communicating with her husband about her inner fears and concerns. And you know what? Sometimes we fail. A lot of times we fail. But is either going back to the old white-shirtways or worrying or crying over not being good enough failing? NO. It’s not. I’ve often written about any of these lifestyles being a journey and as such there are missteps along the way. There are times of inadequacy and worry, terror so gripping you push back hard and you argue more. At times couples will step away from the new lifestyle and go back to the old ways, only to realize they truly want to embrace the change. So they try again, and again if necessary. In other words we are all different and human – no cookie cutter here.

Why is it some think those who embrace a DD lifestyle aren’t human? Why do some think they haven’t had difficult or abusive pasts just like half or more of us? Hmmm… Show me a perfect past and I’ll show you a liar. Truly. We all have horrors we only sometimes share with those we trust completely. We all wish we were better people or pray to GOD we could go back and change something in the past. We all have foibles. Don’t we? People who go into this lifestyle are amazing in my mind, but they have to work through all those demons to get to a better place. And they fall and the pick themselves back up again.

My couple – if the person had read the first two books – would have seen there is nothing ordinary and everything ordinary about David and Shannon. They cried and laughed, screamed and made love, fought and pushed back – and they continued trying until they were forced to open up totally and allow the really terrible parts of their life to come out. They opened up totally in order to save their marriage and you bet neither one of them were saints. That’s why David worried constantly he was going to hurt her and couldn’t be the man for her and that’s why Shannon hid behind a mask because of something terrible she did to a former mate. Hmm… Sound like any one of us? Let me think here. They had to open up lest they lose what they fought so hard to keep. Do you see yourselves in any of these worries and fears? I think we all can easily.

I’ve also often said do NOT label anyone. We are all different so every relationship in turn is as well. What I can tell you is that every one of us longs for love, acceptance, passion, vindication and the ultimate in finding the perfect mate – IF there is one out there. Just remember the next time you happen upon a couple who is trying something different and opening up the old wounds – do NOT judge them lest you be judged. Even if they are merely characters in a book.

Have a great day and thank you to all my readers…



Respect and Redemption. The two words haunted Shannon Parker, guilt all encompassing. But she wasn’t the only one experiencing shame. David, her husband and Head of Household held a lion’s share. Their marriage in ruins, they’d tried everyDiscipline_Cover-small traditional method in order to avoid divorce, yet the anger and bitterness remained. Nothing worked – until a friend suggested Domestic Discipline. The intense change was amazing as well as fraught with self-doubt, an unveiling of inner fears. As old behaviors returned, both nearly succumbed to the arms of another. On the road to recovery, they realized they had one last chance as regaining their love.

The Endless Journey, an educational get away catering to couples embroiled in a DD relationship, seemed the perfect choice. Unconventional, the all encompassing classes and one-on-one training ripped away their masks, forcing both David and Shannon to face their inner fears. The sessions were powerful, draining and both were left raw from a level of honesty they’d never shared before. This was the beginning to the rest of their lives — until a moment of weakness shattered any concept of the future. Hurt and confused, David and Shannon were faced with the toughest period of their lives. Secrets from the past finally revealed, could they learn to trust again, or would their passion be lost forever?

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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