Spanking. The single word is daunting, exhilarating and for couples who are just entering into the domestic discipline lifestyle – terrifying. In learning about the alternative type relationship, as well as talking to couples who actively practice, I realize the journey isn’t without disappointment. For many, they dated, fell in love and eventually got married with the very notion, like so many, that they were equal partners. They assumed their respective roles, going to work, buying a house, having kids and making all the decisions together. When they began arguing, whether over money, their careers or perhaps the lack of passion in their life, things began to unravel. Like most of us we are burdened by everyday life that when the single aspect we thought we could count on is rocked, we are stymied.
The divorce rate is ridiculously high in this country. There are so many couples who think they know how to communicate with each other, yet as five years turn into ten, they have no clue. Suddenly all the thoughts about growing apart, not understanding each other, and the fact what they thought as opposites attract is frankly – no longer doable. They not only don’t care about the same things in their lives, they have no idea how to communicate their dreams and wishes.
I asked a friend of mine, one who has lived a vanilla life with women and is turning toward more of a D/s situation, what was most important to him about his role as the Dominant leader. His answer: “Having total control and say. ‘That’s not to say just doing what I want but to be looked at to make decisions because my subs know I weigh everything and have the wisdom to make the correct choices for them’.” I think that’s more than a fair statement. Moving into anything other than what you’ve been taught is tough. This blog as well as the subsequent story is more about the man’s point of view. We forget how HARD it has to be for a man to assume the role of disciplinarian. We have no idea what’s going through their minds as they take on the leadership role simply because we forget to ask. We assume all men know how to be leaders. In business? You bet. In the military? No doubt. Protection of those they love? Absolutely. In taking over as the Head of Household? Nope.
We don’t allow men to lead. We push back – all women do as society does. It’s all about the equality baby. So this is about their angst and their worries. And yes, men are amazing in their worries about us as women. They need our understanding and our love as well as our trust. Let’s look at two people, both of which are very powerful in their day life, try and figure out the change.
Greg Mathews stood staring out his floor to ceiling window at the teeming complex below. His office was on the top floor and there was little he could make out in the way of identifying people or activities, but the area was crowded. After all, this was about the most perfect spring day he’d seen in a full two years and so many were enjoying the gorgeous day. A quick glance at his watch and he grimaced. His client – his make it or break it client – was due at any minute. He was prepared yet wished he could bag the entire meeting. There was so much other shit on his mind.
He rubbed his eyes and thought about the wretched argument that had occurred this morning, which in truth was a continuation of the one from the night before. Tonya had been over the top with her anger level and he hadn’t been anticipating she’d fly off the handle the way she had. All they’d been doing for almost a year had been arguing. Palming the glass he dropped his head, closing his eyes. Thoughts about the difficult months were tough to relive, even in memory. Never would he have thought they’d be ‘that’ couple, the one who snarked at each other in front of their friends or the one who could barely stay in the same room.
A sharp knock on the door dragged him out of the ugliness. He turned and seeing his fresh faced assistant reminded him of the day’s work. “Janie, please don’t tell me they arrived early.”
Janie looked over her shoulder. “They’re in the conference room and trust me, they don’t look happy.”
Great. This was the last thing he needed. His entire department was counting on this contract or a few of the consultants just might be forced out of the program. The government was all about dollars and cents. “Is the presentation ready?”
“Of course, sir.”
“Tell them I’ll be there in five minutes. Make sure they have coffee,” Greg said as he moved toward his desk.
“Or perhaps a shot of tequila,” he said under her breath. He caught her snide smile and grinned back. “You didn’t hear that.”
She saluted and clicked her heels. The move was their standing joke. “No, sir.”
After she closed the door he glared down at the files on his desk. This was a huge moment, the biggest of his career. Sadly, for the first time in his life he didn’t have the same shark personality he’d taken with him since college. His handle at VMI had been Shark Face. During his years at Harvard he’d been Bullet Man. Now? He felt like a loser simply because he couldn’t keep his marriage alive.
“Asshole.” Greg clicked off his monitor and was prepared to face what would no doubt be a brutal meeting when a thought dawned on him. He pulled out his phone and realized he needed to connect with Tonya on a primal level. Yes, they’d talked about him taking more of a leadership role for a solid three months but both were terrified to even consider the concept. How could they go from being completely equal to Greg taking the dominating role? Tonya was balking as of late, so many excuses remaining. And her entire behavior had changed.
He had no doubt she was testing him, pushing the fact she was powerful in her own right in business.
He slid his finger across his iPhone and maneuvered toward the text. Yes, Tonya was powerful in her career, head of the corporate defense department and one hell of an attorney. She was also having trouble controlling her anger because stress from the cases coming one after the other was leaving her exhausted and unfulfilled. Both of their careers were keeping the stress high, the sex non-existent and the arguments wild. After several weeks apart they’d finally had several frank discussions, ones that had left them both vulnerable and in question about why in hell they’d gotten married in the first place. They’d known divorce was imminent unless they figured out what the hell to do – if there was anything they could do.
Domestic discipline was only the beginning of healing their relationship. The rest was all about talking, touching, reminding themselves why they cared. And God, he loved her with all his heart. What had kicked him in the gut as of late was that he had no idea how to tell her how much he really did care. He assumed love instead of showing it at times. He was guilty of what he felt all men were – complacency. Well, women succumbed as well but he knew he’d been a huge factor in Tonya pulling away. Years in the field and on the road had left her feeling lonely. But so was he. He wanted intimacy, craved her touch, but she had barely looked at him since… Hell, he had no idea any longer.
Greg glared down at his phone. The argument this morning had been the worst to date. He’d almost packed a bag and now as he thought about the reason why he hated himself even more. She’d asked two days prior to sit down and talk about rules for her to obey. And she’d asked him to talk to her about discipline. For whatever concept his pea-sized brain had thought about, he’d been uncomfortable in talking to her about anything having to do with discipline, spankings or anything else to do with him assuming full control. Why the hell had he turned into man’s concept of a popsickle? The question had caused more than one sleepless night.
Today, as he stood behind his desk and thought about his lovely wife, he knew. Greg was fucking terrified of hurting her, spanking too hard. Groaning, he tossed his head back and had to turn the phone on again. This was typical for him. He could command a squadron of two hundred men into battle but he couldn’t send a simple text to his wife telling her in no uncertain terms what the very first punishment was going to be like.
“Pathetic.” He had to do something or he was going to lose the little bit of ground he and Tonya had gained. Shoring up his nerves he nodded as he began to type.
Be home on time. Undress and stand in the corner in the kitchen by the window. Tonight we’re going to begin our journey. Tonight I become the man you need.
Greg realized his finger was hovering over the send button for at least a full minute. When he heard his inner office intercom buzzing over and over again, he knew he had to get off his ass and decide. Hitting send finally he shivered, brushed his hand through his hair and shoved his phone in his pocket. Oh you bet he wanted to hear what he wife was going to say, the very one embroiled in the middle of one of her biggest cases.
Greg grabbed the file and moved toward the door and his thoughts along the way were freeing. Tonight he was going to become the leader she needed, the one who took the time to place her needs in front of his. For the fist time in their marriage he was excited as hell.
Oh my, what do you think? I believe they’re on the right track. I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…