I would ordinarily continue on my with other sexy flash and I will, but I have to get this one out and begin what will be a full story. There are many reasons I’m inspired this morning to do so and yes, they all revolve around John Patrick. The story idea popped into my head after we were talking about how my flash stories evolve. He mentioned that my stories seem to revolve around younger couples and in truth I rarely put ages or even mention an age. But I also never allow you to see much of their family, i.e. grandkids etc. You might never know often times I’m talking about an older couple. Then again, is reading about an older couple something readers want? Hmm… The truth is I believe so. I try and keep the more contemporary stories that I write real. Even the characters in my books are real people after all with lives and fears, worries and bills to pay. We have families and go through divorces and all of the every day strife your next-door neighbor goes through.
So this story is going to let you in on the 50 plus couple. The children are gone, a wonderful period of finally being alone together is in front of them and now… UGH. Life is boring. Life is completely devoid of passion or pretty much any emotion. Hmmm… What’s a girl to do? I’m lucky in that I have John Patrick to keep me on edge and full of passion and ideas. He also keeps me straight with regard to my need to be ‘refocused’. Which, by the way, in case you haven’t figured out – that’s his term for telling ME that I NEED a hard spanking. He’s been right every time. He is what I call my ‘sinspiration’ for many of my thoughts, my raw emotions, my desires and my writing as of late. He is quite frankly…amazing.
There is another inspiration and one that makes me completely think of John Patrick as well. I’ll give you the link so you can see and feel for yourself what I’m talking about. The song is John Legend’s “All of Me”. There are about a dozen reasons the words and the way he sings them touches my heart. After shedding more than a few tears, I truly thought about the meaning. Giving all of yourself to another human, whether traditional love or in a D/s relationship is a very powerful and all encompassing moment. When you combine love, passion, lust, and the need to absolutely submit or dominate (depending on whether the Dom or the submissive) is something I honestly can’t put words to. Except as the song says… “you’re my end and my beginning…”. Isn’t that truly amazing? That very aspect, the extremely emotional concept of finding, trusting, understanding and moving into D/s with the right person by your side is without a doubt the most incredible moment for anyone, including me. So I dedicate this to all the couples who have found their way through tears and worries, fears and trepidation in finally grasping the understanding about what they need – together. And I dedicate this story and my feelings today to John Patrick.
I would love to hear your experience. How did you come to the understanding within yourself that you had to move away from a traditional relationship into one involving DD or D/s? Let’s take a peek at how Stephanie is finally able to tell Christopher she needs more.
“What do you want to do tonight?” Stephanie asked as she wiped off the counter. Another Friday night in the Marsh household. She stood at the window gazing out at the waning sunlight and sighed, dropping the sponge. Shivering, she had so many thoughts racing through her mind, so many ideas and needs. The house was empty and she was lonely. A quick look over at her husband of twenty-seven years gave her the answer even if he didn’t open his mouth. They were going to do a whole lot of nothing. She shook her head. He was doing exactly what he did every night he came home from work, reading the paper and sipping on a drink. This evening’s choice? Bourbon and Coke. She waited for another full minute for him to answer her, say a goddamn word. Nothing. “Chris.” One, two, three, four… “Did you hear what I asked you?”
Of course he didn’t look over. He merely sat still, reading the sports page. For a few minutes she remained silent, thinking about what to say or if to say. Her entire life seemed to have been turned upside down. There was no particular reason why or one single incident, but she wasn’t the same woman any longer. Then again, she didn’t want to be. She wanted to be wild and crazy, uninhibited and the party girl – just like she was in her twenties. Just like she was when she met the most handsome man on the face of the earth. Stephanie sipped her wine and eased her back against the counter.
Chris cleared his throat and must have sensed the silence. Looking over, his face held a pensive quality, as if he was thinking about something.
He was always thinking about something. Chris was a planner, rarely spontaneous, but damn if he wasn’t the best looking fifty-five year old man she’d ever seen. A quick smile crossed her lips and she found herself licking the rim of her glass. Lurid and absolutely delicious thoughts rushed into her mind, ones of dropping to her knees and crawling to him, unzipping his pants and giving him a mind blowing orgasm. Just like she used to all those years ago. Another sigh escaped her lips. Yep. Years ago. The last time might as well been a million years ago. She couldn’t even remember when they’d last had sex, let alone doing anything remotely kinky. They simply…didn’t seem to care any longer. Still, her pussy quivered thinking about the memories, the wonderful times they had shared. But that was before two kids, life, jobs and the rest of the bullshit.
“Did you ask me something?”
Even the richness of his baritone, the way his dark eyes seemed to look right through her was still beguiling. He looked very much the same as the day they got married. He was so tall, with a broad chest and long legs. His once very dark hair was now salt and pepper, but the mustache was almost exactly the same – sexy as hell. “I just asked what we were doing tonight. It’s a gorgeous Friday. We could go out for dinner and maybe see a movie.” She could hear the excitement in her voice and was surprised how animated she was. Taking a sip of her wine, she sashayed closer, swaying her hips. Using just the tip of her index finger she traced a line from one shoulder to the other as she moved around him, giving him a sultry look. “We could even go dancing.”
“You know, like we used to.”
“I know, but dancing? I don’t even think there’s a place to go dancing in town,” Chris said as he grabbed his drink, swirling the liquid in the glass.
“You mean for old folks like us?” Stephanie snorted and stepped away from him.
Narrowing his eyes he took a sip of his drink and shook his head. “That’s ridiculous. You know what I mean.”
“No, the truth is I don’t. I never do anymore.” Stephanie’s anger was increasing. She’d been on edge over the last few months, her nerves raw and her emotions off the charts. “I don’t know anything about you any longer. Nothing. I have no idea what we’re doing or why we’re even married. You obviously don’t give a shit about us or me and you know what? I’m fucking tired of it. I’m tired of night after night sitting at this goddamn house doing nothing. You act like this is nothing but a rest home. I am not going to grow old with a man who already is. Do you understand me? Do you?”
Chris remained unblinking and said nothing.
“Exactly my point. You checked out a long time ago. Well guess what? I’m finished.” A tear slipped from her eye. She moved toward the back door, trying to hold back the rush of emotion. She didn’t want to cry, didn’t need to care any longer. Walking outside and into the dimming sun she glanced around their property, the beautiful setting. She loved their home, all the time they’d spent together making everything just so, but right now she didn’t care if the place went to hell – just like their marriage. While she hadn’t intended on spewing the words in anger, they’d been on her mind for months, maybe years. Their marriage had died a death of boredom a long time ago. Chris was a good man. They’d honestly had a very good marriage, but nothing to write home about. Now they had nothing in common and at least Chris had zero desire to try and salvage what they once shared – passion.
Her hand was shaking when she took a gulp of wine and the second she heard the door open she bristled. Closing her eyes, she knew there wouldn’t be any words screamed in anger or any real conversation for that matter. Chris wasn’t that kind of guy. He didn’t wear his emotions on his sleeve like women did and some men for that matter. He didn’t go out of his way to try and tell her what he was thinking. Sure, he bought her flowers and remembered her birthday, but she got the same thing from her best friends, her co-workers. He would say a few words then go back into the house, make another drink and move to the television. Then she’d make some crappy dinner or he’d grill a steak and they’d sit on the opposite ends of the couch for a few minutes. When he fell asleep she’d go into her room, the tiny respite she reserved for herself, her books on line, her blog she wrote and she had no idea why, and the friends she had on Facebook. In other words she’d live a real life. The thought made the tears flow down her cheeks.
Chris exhaled, said nothing and moved to the other side of the deck, his back turned away from her.
Stephanie could tell his wheels were turning, no doubt planning how to simply give her a few words of what he thought she wanted. Dear God she hated that about him. She wanted real emotion, some acknowledgement he fucking gave a shit. When he continued to stand still, allowing the warm breeze to wash over him, she finally became unraveled. “I hate you. I fucking hate you. You have been nothing but an asshole for so damn long. You don’t care about me. You don’t care about us and you certainly don’t seem to give a flying fuck whether I’m hurting or not. So you know what? I want you to move out. No, I’ll move out.” As soon as she said the words she felt sick to her stomach. Love for him, the man she’d fallen for over one afternoon after hearing a single song, one freaking love song, rushed through her and she almost threw up. She had to get away. Her feet couldn’t move fast enough. The moment her hand touched the doorknob she heard something unusual and stopped short. Chris was crying.
“What can I do? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t you tell me?” he breathed through strangled sounds.
Unnerved, she couldn’t turn around. She was frozen, unsure of how to answer, what words to say. After a full minute she finally found her voice. “I’ve been telling you for years I’m bored and lonely. I’ve been showing you things I want to do, places I want to go and you continue to refuse, as if I mean nothing to you. I can’t and won’t spend the rest of my life with a man who doesn’t want me. I just can’t.” After a minute of silence she dropped her head, allowing the tears to flow. More silence. God, she was so stupid.
“But I do want you. I love you. I have never loved another woman in my life. I have never wanted another woman the way I want you. I’m so sorry I failed you. I am so…”
When she heard his sobs, honest and broken sounds of a man jolted out of his comfort zone, she turned to face him. This wasn’t the man she knew. “I don’t know what to say. You don’t know me any longer. You don’t know what I need.”
He wiped his eyes and shifted, tipping his head. “Then tell me what you need.”
“I’m not sure you’d understand.” Stephanie allowed her mind to wander to all the thoughts she’d had over the last few years, ones of a relationship where he was more in control, the true head of household. After reading and learning, talking to one friend in particular and reading more, she knew what she wanted. And there was absolutely no freaking way she could tell him. Chris would…laugh.
Chris sucked in his breath and moved toward her. He reached out then pulled back his hand. “I will try. That I can promise you. Tell me about Stephanie.”
She bit her lower lip and darted her eyes back and forth. There was something in his eyes so different, so touching. Could she trust him? More importantly, could she trust herself?
Hmmm… Pretty powerful in my mind. Could you have the courage to tell your partner you needed such a change? This one gave me chills writing and there are many reasons. I hope you enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…
The link to All of Me…
Oh! How this could be such a long response to your questions. I am sure you don’t read blogs but most of our experience is on mine. We my husband and I have been married almost 24 yrs. We had a pretty great marriage. He has always been a good husband & great father. After 22 years as one child away at college the other in college but living at home (not home much though) I started feeling like we were just roommates. He didn’t ignore me, was always loving and respectful. BUT…. the passion was gone, not because of anything in particular but I had run our home, he made the money. We put much into our children and that was what everything centered around very big mistake. One day He came home from a trip he had been on for 3 weeks, he had terrible jet lag but I couldn’t wait I told him I wanted a separation. I needed more. He was shocked. I moved to another bedroom and was staying until the end of May, we were living in the same house but separated I did my thing, He did his. Which meant I went out of town alot, he didn’t, I would stay at friends houses and go out. Then one day I knew I was making a mistake I just knew it. I called me him on my way home from a long weekend and said do you want to talk. He said YES, When I got home, I told him I had been reading and chatting with ppl, that live a different lifestyle than us, I want to try this it might or might not save our marriage. I couldn’t tell him, so I sent him links to forums and blogs. Anyway it saved our marriage I know I am typing way too much but just read my blog if you are truly interested in a real life marriage of almost 24 yrs that has been saved because of DD, and a chat room of wonderful helpful ppl. I am almost 49 and feel like I am 25! He is 53 and is one heck of a sexy man, most women think so. This lifestyle has changed us so dramatically I cant even put it into words. We are not quite a year into it but the difference it has made is phenomenal. ahandfulofhoney.blogspot.com
Ashley – you have no idea how much it means that you responded. I do read blogs and if you will honor me please send. You see – I know just so much and want to learn and have more. In finally accepting in myself, well that doesn’t mean I’m getting anything right. What I do know is that I finally opened up to me and at least admitted what I know has to happen. I want you to know I applaud you and your husband for sharing this together. You are brave. Tough thing to try and bring something like this into your life. Thank you again for commenting and if you don’t mind – would love hearing more. You can always email me at email@example.com. if you’re so inclined 🙂