Power, Music, Love, Lust…Reflection

These are fairly powerful words in their own right. When you combine them with aspects of Domination and submission, they actions as well as the thoughts around them can be a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Remember what I’ve said – the highs are incredibly high. The lows are heart wrenching. I’ve learned a hell of a lot over the last couple of years in my personal as well as the creative explorations for my writing. I think my pieces have grown in depth since I’ve truly begun to embrace the lifestyle. Yes, what I’m sharing with John Patrick has a lot to do with my increased sensitivity,Your are Mine my growth as a woman as well as a submissive. You can’t write what you don’t know. You cannot convey the intensity of the wild range of emotions without having a single taste. Not possible.

I’m a very emotional chick/bitch (I can say that about myself). I tend to be ballsy as hell, opinionated to a fault and I WILL tell you like it is. What I’ve discovered recently is that I’ve been so damn good as hiding behind a mask I hardly knew the difference in the real girl and the made up one until recently. John Patrick reminded me we all hide. We all trade aspects of the real us for the concept of acceptance. We’re all creatures who long to be protected and in the absence of having that big warrior by our side, our instincts kick in and what began as a single moment of hiding from ourselves, becomes a lifetime. For me the objects that always allowed me to really show off, shine, push my personality, be the woman I wanted to be were – Power (controlling the very moment I walk into a room); Music (I’m a classically trained musician who loves metal and has to have music on 24/7); Love (I’ve only been in love twice and the second time IS so much sweeter); Lust (I’m a woman who craves and needs, one who will give her man everything he wants); Reflection (seeing my very soul, the one that can no longer hide has been terrifying as well as joyful).

What I didn’t realize until recently was how scared I am inside. I push. I hide. I fight. I scream out. I push at the seams. I shout out at the machine. That’s not very submissive like, is it? Hmmm… The truth is the woman inside was always there. “She” came out with nurturing, caring and with a patient man guiding me. So music – “All of Me” by John Legend – well that breathtaking song has more meaning than Waiting and readyanyone would know. I cried like a baby the very first time I heard it on the radio driving home one lonesome Friday in heavy traffic. Can you imagine the idiots on I95 who might have noticed this crazed woman crying and trying to sing the words? UGH – NOT my finest hour, but the song was and remains profound. Music does that for me – instilling and my muse. Yes, the words to that particular song have very special meaning and there isn’t a moment I hear the words I don’t stop and think.

There are so many aspects of moving into a D/s relationship that is very telling about one’s being, one’s soul, and more importantly about one’s needs. We run so hard, so fast trying NOT to be ourselves that we become someone in time we can no longer identify with. I think that’s why I give high respect for couples that embrace a D/s lifestyle. They have to give all of themselves. They have to completely open up, offer a portion of their inner being to a person (as well as to the REAL girl or guy inside) up on a silver platter. The vulnerability is terrifying. You’ve heard me say this before and certainly something John Patrick reminds the IMPATIENT girl – this life is a journey. Yes…

John Patrick of course has inspired me to write so many of the blogs, the flash fiction stories and I can tell you my readers have truly responded to them. I think pretty much everyone knows I love writing about D/s, DD and BDSM – exploring the truth as well as the love surrounding every aspect. But what I didn’t really get myself was that in my telling of the journey I’ve entered into, one that has so many twists and turns, readers are embracing the ragged edges I continue to have – those damned highs and lows. The journey is sweet my friends.

I’m not writing a flash fiction piece tonight – I will indeed write many more – but I had a long day, a night meeting, and a serious round of reflection. In other words I’m very tired but my heart is at peace. Yes, John Patrick has a hell of a lot to do with the reflective and quiet side. There are about a zillion reasons why. I’ve been able to pull the mask aside, show the inner girl to him. I’ve slowly (beseechingly slowly) begun to give over my reins of control. Yes, the power exchange will take a LONG time with me. He and I both know this, but he’s an amazing trainer, as well as a great friend. Our very open conversations have sparked some interesting thoughts, brand new hungers, and moments of heated angst. We’ve laughed over incidents of discipline, shared tears over powerful words of my writing, and let a padlock or two be smashed as the trust builds.

He did one of those ultimate smashing events tonight. John Patrick offered You unlock the doorme a moment of complete open reflection (no, one I will keep private) that affected me more than I can truly embrace. Many of the reasons are personal, but I can tell you that he allowed me to see a part of him no one else has and he says never will. There is no way to describe how I feel, how amazing his simple act is. For him? I know what this meant – an understanding. The words written were…

He asked me what I was going to write about tonight. I’d told him he is my muse and he laughed and said he wasn’t sure why or how but he was glad. My reply? That he didn’t have to try. He simply was. That’s a real muse. While I’d love to sit and write a long flash right now given the joy I’m feeling – too drained.

But the tumble of words came out and the title began because of a single song, one that will forever hold the most incredible meaning. “You’re my end and my beginning, even when I lose I’m winning…” Powerful words. Amazing thoughts. Love without end. Hmmm…

This weekend – many more stories.

Kisses and spanks…

Cassandre

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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