It’s a cloudy Saturday morning and yes, I’m up early to begin my day. Didn’t get quite done what I accomplished yesterday, perhaps because I was in a particularly frisky mood. Not so sure. I was so feisty John Patrick asked why. His question kinda surprised me because I’m usually in a wild child kind of mood most times around him – note I say him. Yes, he and I have certainly had a very angst moments – we are human after all – but pretty much the majority of the time I feel utter joy. I stopped to think about maybe why he was thinking I was over the top a bit. I’m going to venture a guess because I felt in a very good place with he and I – utter bliss – and I was doing what I loved to do without anything holding me back, which is writing. Then me being me, I had to ask him what difference he noticed. He said in my writing.
I have to tell you this man in is tune to me more than any other person has been. He went on to say that he’s beginning to learn what kind of mood I’m in through what I say and how I say them in speak as well as in my fiction writing. Interesting, isn’t it? He’s even caught me on something I didn’t know I was doing. When I’m happy it’s Sir. When I’m not it’s sir. Catch the difference? I know, tough taskmaster isn’t he? I say that in jest because I am a very demonstrative person. I realized too after what he said that my happiness and openness with him comes from the fact we are completely truthful with each other about anything – no matter how difficult the telling might be. We are also unafraid to talk about anything. He knows things about me no one else does. He’s captured a part of me that I generally hide away. And the same for him. I know parts of his life he’ll most likely never feel comfortable telling anyone again. At least I kinda hope so.
That’s what has to happen in a D/s relationship. You have to have that utter, complete and total trust for there to be a full power exchange. We all have issues in our real lives, the ones others see, and they will influence our D/s life. If you’re not living together 24/7, the RL can really drag you down at times and the other party simply can’t swoop in and make it all better. I get that. He gets that – at least consciously. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t raw emotions, miscommunication, tears and angst. There will be and that’s just fine. As long as you are honest, open and realize every day ain’t gonna be Candyland, then you’re always going to be on the same path within your journey. There’s that ‘j’ word again. We use it a lot.
I asked John Patrick what the difference to him in a total power exchange versus D/s and that’s a tough thing to differentiate. My view is that power exchange really happens when two people have been in control in their vanilla lives. When one finally gives up the reins, completely lets go and submits to their partner, the exchange is highly intense. This doesn’t happen over night and certainly can’t without this total trust I continue to mention. I truly didn’t get the whole ‘trust’ concept, no matter how many times I’d written about it, until recently and because of John Patrick. This heightened level of trust comes in time, from acts and open conversations, and with delving into each other’s deepest secrets. That’s heady stuff and it’s terrifying. Only when you’ve broken through every locked door, smashed those padlocks, can you honestly trust to the point you can move to yet another chapter within your personal journey. Every couple is different, but the sacredness of what you’re sharing is – wow. I trust John Patrick completely – but in saying that I realize I am still terrified of certain aspects of myself, my thoughts and actions pushing him away, my worries and fears keeping me from relaxing. That’s normal. That’s okay. That’s simply about time. Just remember – open and honest. Now back to the story and I’m thinking most of you really don’t like our hero. Well, we all have dark secrets – remember that…
“Mmm… How delicious.” Genevieve Tallen pressed her phone to her lips as she envisioned the night ahead of her. What she realized was that tonight wasn’t about passion or about sex. Sex between them was electric, but they were moving beyond their most basic needs into something else entirely.
“Making love to your phone again I see. Need to get you a blow up doll.”
Instantly she stuck up her middle finger then laughed as she shot Carla a harsh look. “Funny girl. You’re really on the edge today.”
“Uh-huh and I can tell you’re wired as hell. What gives?” Carla asked as she walked into Genevieve’s office. “That sexy man of yours giving you fits again? Is that why you’ve been in such a rank mood lately?”
“Fits? Christopher doesn’t give me fits.” The moment she said the words she realized her lover, her Dom and her Sir honestly hadn’t been anything but wonderful with her, albeit his rather distinguished needs. He was a tough but gentle man with a dark side, one that drove him in business as well as pleasure. He was opinionated but calculating, honest to a fault but careful with his generosity. And he loved her without question. Her reasons for holding back, pushing hard against the machine, were very personal. “No. He’s my respite from the shit that seems to happen every day in my world.”
“That’s an interesting statement. I’m glad to hear. I say we go to lunch and celebrate wickedness. How’s that sound?”
“Not unless the trip has a stop at Victoria’s Secret along for the ride.” Genevieve inhaled and could almost taste Christopher’s lips, feel his hot breath skating across her skin. There was nothing more she loved than kissing him, touching every inch of his body. She craved the smell of him covering her clothes, the way he directed her. God just thinking about him gave her tingles.
“My, my,” Carla purred as she folded her arms. “That man has you all hot and bothered.”
“You have no idea.” Slipping her phone into her purse she licked her lips for mischievous exaggeration and yanked the leather clutch over her shoulder.
“Good girl. Glad to see you’re smiling for a change. I was getting ready to kick your ass for being such a bitch.” Winking, Carla fluffed her hair and strolled out of Genevieve’s office.
Genevieve laughed as she trailed behind. The night was going to be intense and for some reason she wanted to look her best, drive him to another plane of hunger. Perhaps her girlie side was coming out, one very few people in her life ever witnessed. She refused to allow anyone to partake in the softer side of the woman she now realized had been hiding behind several masks throughout her life. Somehow Christopher had managed to slip a very special key into every lock. Perhaps that’s why she’d been pulling back from him lately. Her fears weren’t as much about him as they were about herself in letting go totally and completely.
Maybe tonight would change everything.
“Would you look at this bustier? Oh my God. Christopher will love this.” Genevieve held up the sassy crimson attire and issued a single moan. Rubbing her hand down the bodice, she tingled all over as she realized she was just about as wet as could be. With every passing few minutes she was becoming more and more nervous and she had no idea why.
“Uh-huh, that’s pretty hot, but would you take a look at the sexy guy peering in at us, namely you, from just outside the store,” Carla mewed as she ribbed Genevieve. “Whew that man is a sexy hunk of raw sex. I could so do him. Shame he only has eyes for you.”
“Go on look if you don’t believe me.”
Darting a glance over her shoulder, she could instantly tell the tall blond was watching her, studying her, hungering for her. “Jesus. He’s a bit obvious.” While she couldn’t tell every one of his features, she had no doubt what he was thinking by the intense stare. “He has to be looking at something else.”
“With that kind of stare? Baby, that’s a I wanna fuck you now kind of expression and you know it,” Carla chortled.
“Show me one other sexy woman, Genny. Seriously. Come on and get with the program here.” Sweeping her arms out she turned in a full circle. “Tell me about these women in this store. See any who are that pretty at all?”
While she adored her friend’s verve, she wasn’t certain Carla understood the fact Genevieve continued to have worries about whether or not she was good enough for Christopher or whether he would tire of her in a few months, a couple of years, and find another. She and Christopher had always discussed including other women, but her natural instincts and fears seemed to take over, sending pangs of anxiety into her heart. After all, Christopher himself told her often men only think with their dicks. For a few seconds she studied the man, trying to figure out why he seemed so brazen. “That’s not the point and I still say he’s waiting for someone else.”
“Jesus girl. Get with the program. Do a little test for me.”
“You heard me. Walk around all the way to the other side where he’ll have to move to be able to see you,” Carla chided as she pushed Genevieve’s back.
“Hussy. That’s not fair.”
“Just do it and let me prove a point.”
“A point?” Genevieve asked as she allowed herself another look. The guy could definitely wear a pair of skintight jeans like no other man.
“Yep. Do it, chicken girl.”
Holding the bustier to her chest she sighed, gave Carla a nasty look, then walked to the other side of the store. She flipped thought a rack of bras, selecting a hot pink number before she causally turned to see if Mr. Hottie was anywhere close. He wasn’t. Her point made. A slight turn then she noticed him standing just outside the bank of doors, his eyes planted on no one else but her. “Fuck me.”
“Told ya. Men are predictable.” Carla’s laugh was sultry.
“Not my Christopher. He surprises me every day.” She smiled and could tell the guy noticed. This wasn’t good. A moment of guilt raced down her spine. No, she wasn’t flirting, merely observing. “I found what I was looking for. Time to go. Work to do back at the office.” Genevieve held the purchases tightly and purposely took long strides toward the cash register.
“Uh-huh. Chicken. You’re a big ole chicken. Why don’t you go and talk to him? Just say hi?”
“Because I don’t want to.”
“Why? He obviously wants you. You like smokin’ hot blonds, so what’s the issue? You flirt with everyone. You told me Christopher wants another woman. Why can’t you have another man? Come on. What’s fair is fair.” Carla flanked her side.
Genevieve stopped short, turning toward her friend, and for the first time she really understood the difference. “What you don’t understand is that I don’t want another man. I not only have no desire for one, I simply don’t need another man. Christopher is special and what we have I refuse to fuck up. Hear me?”
“But you’ve never been satisfied with men before. They’ve never given you what you need. Right? You’ve commiserated with me over several glasses of wine, margaritas and days spent scoping for hot men, chicka. Lies you can’t tell me.” Carla laughed as she wagged her finger.
Genevieve sighed. A myriad of thoughts and emotions were racing through every cell in her body. She hadn’t really been forced to face what she was feeling, what she was thinking. She swallowed hard and stole one last look at the man then smiled. “There is a difference in me now. I can’t totally explain why but what I can tell you is that I was playing all along. All these years of hungering for men, enjoying and indulging in various acts of passion and kink meant nothing. They were mere seconds of what I thought was joy. They were…” Her voice trailed off as she thought about the last note Christopher had sent her, the private but very sexy discussions held on various texting sites. They were never far from each other, never away but for so long. She always knew when something was wrong by the amount of time between texts. How funny she knew how moods instinctively.
“Holy shit. You’re in love with Christopher.”
“You already knew that.”
“But I mean love as in letting him inside.”
“Yeah. And that fucking terrifies the hell out of me. You have no idea.”
“Does he know?” Carla asked. “I mean that Miss Sex Goddess is off the market?”
She had to laugh. “I think he does but he worries like any man. I have too many suitors.”
“That I know. I have one piece of advice for you.”
“You? My friend who hasn’t had a serious boyfriend in say ten years has advice for a woman ready to submit to a man body and soul?” Teasing, Genevieve placed her things on the counter.
“You know I do. Be honest with him. Let yourself go. Tell him everything about why you’ve been holding back.”
“You think I should?” Fears. They both had them. They both pushed them away. They both had trouble voicing them, but she knew Christopher hated the men who made advances, loathed the fact they could contact her. What he may not understand is that she had indeed agreed to other women, but there were reservations. That level of trust was tough for anyone, no matter who they were or how they looked.
Carla nodded. “What do you have to lose?”
The question was one she’d asked herself for so long. “Just him breaking my heart.”
“No pain no gain. Right?”
Genevieve chuckled. If only this kind of relationship was that easy.
She stood in her new very slinky lingerie and glared at her reflection, smoothing down the fabric for about the hundredth time. Why she was so nervous tonight was something she hadn’t been able to grasp onto. Perhaps his few texts that continued throughout the day, ones that were very pointed in simple but profound commands were the teasing sign. Then his husky voicemail, one left when he knew she was going to be in a meeting, well… A laugh bubbled to the surface.
A quick turn and she had to admit she looked damn good. Well, maybe just good. “Shit.” Nerves and second-guessing she had no time for. Insecurities? Hell, this was getting to be an issue. Not tonight. She pointed her index finger at the woman wearing a sheepish look. “Not tonight. Get it?” There you go. You tell her. Tossing her head back she walked into the kitchen to survey the items he’d requested. Everything was just so. From his favorite paddle, the one he kept in her closet, to the candles, champagne on ice, the nipple clamps and her assortment of butt plugs, everything was ready. She glanced at the clock and smiled. Only five minutes to go. What sometimes surprised her inner being the most was the way her entire body, not just her mind, reacted when he was coming to see her. The need and desire only grew in time. She remained wet half the time, longing for more time, quiet time…any time. She simply loved the time spent together.
The drink made she grabbed her wine, taking a long gulp. When she noticed the headlights in her driveway a shiver rolled through her and for a few seconds she couldn’t breathe. Her pussy was quivering, her nipples hard and pressing against the tight confines of the bodice of her outfit. A bead of perspiration trickled down the back of her neck and she took another sip, savoring the joy simmering in her heart.
The knock was sharp but he didn’t wait for her to allow him entrance. Christopher simply came inside, prepared to take what he wanted, what he owned.
Genevieve stood breathless, her anticipation kicking her in the ass. The moment she saw his face, his gorgeous eyes, she exhaled. “I’ve missed you.”
Christopher stopped short and gazed down the length of her. “My God. You’re beautiful. A vision. And you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
Well, isn’t this what every woman wants to hear? I’m lucky enough to hear this every day. You learn as you grow together that we’re all human. We have fears and concerns we aren’t good enough. I know I do. I know John Patrick does. We just have to work through them as they come, but I can tell you – sharing joy with him is the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced.
Kisses and spanks