Inflicting Pain…Heightened D/s

Did the title grab your attention? Red ass. Swollen Bottom. Welts. Mmmm…. The very concept of experiencing pain evokes so many emotions. I never understood until recently. When you have the power of control over someone, the ability to inflict moments of raw anguish, you learn all the nuances of your partner. I’m a submissive, but I write about this every day. I bring to light the needs, the desire and the true partnering so many couples have. This isn’t anything Paducknew – you’ve heard me say this before, but with every day I appreciate more – including what pain truly means.

I was surfing the net yesterday for all kinds of what I call ‘spinspiration’ and came across one that made me laugh and yes tingle. It’s a site selling spanking implements in pretty much every variety you can imagine. From paddles made out of exotic woods to leather straps and floggers in various widths, you can pretty much get everything you’d like to use. They even have rope in various wild colors like red and purple – all to bind your submissive with. Gives me shivers. Of course I turned John Patrick onto the little location. Get this – it’s all American (how many things are these days) and it’s a family run operation. REALLY? Hey grandma, will you call these customer back and say we don’t have the Rosewood paddle. See if Purple Heart will do? Hmmm…

Well I gotta say – they just might have a new customer or two. Plus the sexy toys are very reasonable in cost. As I was perusing the site, I got to thinking about how funny it is that John Patrick and I talk about, think about and shop for methods of inflicting pain. I know – kinda kinky and weird, right? LOL You have to laugh that we can talk about anything, and I do mean anything. I love the fact and this helps free both of us, allowing us to be the uninhibited as people and as friends. Our intelligent conversations bring about entirely different sides to our D/s relationship. When you can talk and immerse yourself in merely thoughts – a very powerful moment.

What I’ve also found is that these frank discussions and the time we spend together also boosts my writing. Pain – for so many of use the concept of any pain is something we don’t like to think about or experience. There are various methods of pain from being at the dentist to accidentally tripping. There are concepts of BlackoutLoop01_largepurposely inflicting pain – a fight is a good example. What about when pain is inflicted on purpose such as in a D/s relationship? Here’s an interesting thought and something John Patrick and I have talked about many times.

Men are taught NEVER to hit a woman. So imagine when you’re just starting out – even in a domestic discipline situation – where spankings are involved. Actually striking a woman is tough – it’s been something John Patrick has had to ‘process’ through. I completely understand.

I’ve heard this with other men in D/s and DD relationships as well. Mentally they have to accept then embrace the very concept of possibly hurting a woman. I write about this angst (another word he hates) in so many of my stories. While I believe in the Natural Order of things, that doesn’t mean men have an easy time being who nature and I guess for some, what God had intended. Society has changed that over the decades and in my opinion, for the wrong. But we’re swinging back as a society, allowing men to be the hunters and gatherers. I think it’s very important to depict all their raw emotions, their fears in a manner that we all can relate.

When I’m writing these kinds of stories, I now take even more care to try and give the reader the entire emotional picture as well as the physicality of the story. Spanking, flogging, clamping and inflicting pain in various methods seems to be a huge draw with readers. And yes, very vanilla and conservative church people who are reading this blog today, that includes you. My blogs are well read WHEN they include spankings. Some of the key words which are looked up on the net more than any other are ‘hard spankings’ and ‘whipping’ and ‘belting’ and I honestly don’t believe this has but so much to do with Fifty Shades of anything. We are a society not only longing for discipline but also hungering for the extreme. We watch these reality shows as if they really are our life. We slow down when we see an accident on the side of the road. We might scoff but damn if we don’t enjoy seeing a hooker on the corner. We just need more to entertain us, keep us feeling alive. And BDSM? Well, you can enjoy various stages of just about anything goes. What’s not to like?

Readers tell me they love the frankness in my writing, the way I depict spankings and others methods of BDSM. Have I tried them all? Well of course not and there are many aspects of having pain inflicted I don’t think I want to get near – BUT my rather masochistic needs are evolving much like the quiet sadist is evolving. What I have realized as of late is how much I feel responsible for writing everything in a method that is as correct as possible. Yes, having experienced some aspects of the lifestyle I feel better prepared to give a more qualified representation. I also enjoy the writing so much more now. I feel the characters, can truly relish in the way they feel the anguish, the joy of sharing together.

I’ve been having a fun conversation with John Patrick over the last few days about paddles and such. He’s very cute when he talks about gathering a second collection of spanking implements and he’s been asking me questions, showing me pictures. Then again, I did turn him onto the site – didn’t I? When talking about inflicting Sjambok01_largepain of any kind, a reminder you really have to know what you’re doing. Become educated before you make a purchase or any kind and do NOT merely use some implement that you have zero clue about. Now that I’ve done the basic disclaimer, have fun with purchasing. He and I tease all the time that our idea of shopping trips is so different than the vanilla person. Well – they just are.

Pain – a powerful word and something not to be taken lightly. As with ay journey between two people, exploration is not on necessary but a wicked good time. So we compared notes, looked at purchases and laughed. As we move away from just paddles and whips, times should get very interesting.

Kisses and heavy spanks


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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