Honor and obey are honestly two words for me in a D/s relationship that means a lot more than you really think. They mean a simple yet far-reaching devotion, one that bridges the vanilla side with the D/s side and sometimes the two have difficulty playing in the same field. We will all have to live in a level of real life and interacting with each other in both can be daunting. For John Patrick and I – this bridge has proven to be…interesting. I long to obey him more, but that would suggest rules that I need to follow. We have few. I long to honor him with utter and complete devotion and that makes it sound like I’ve having difficulty doing just that, right? Well, both of these are kinda, sorta right and wrong. Yeah, I know… They are right in that I am obeying the rules (for the most part) that he’s given me and there are few right now. But I’m not able to show him in my mind the ways in which I long to obey him. As far as honor – this grows with time and experience, the building blocks of any relationship. Trust filters right in here with both as well. As I mentioned to John Patrick, sometimes we just need to take the baby steps day at a time.
I’m beginning to hear from so many more people how much they enjoy hearing both my side with regard to a D/s relationship and John Patrick’s side. He doesn’t consider himself a writer and often times he’ll say he can’t manage to put his words down on a piece of paper the way his brain is thinking about them. As with any concept of artistry, conditioning your mind into embracing the incredible thoughts, intense feelings and reining in the moment to offer succinct words – well tough for just about anyone. I might be a writer, but in trying to express my joys as well as my apprehension about the lifestyle can be daunting still – even thought sharing this with him is utterly amazing. I think some of the angst comes from feeling so many raw emotions.
He and I were having a fairly intense conversation about my increasing need to obey as well as show him my devotion. Since we can’t be together 24/7 means that certain physical acts aren’t possible, including discipline and play time. That’s frustrating as hell for both of us, which brings my mind to the need – almost requirement – to fulfill a heightened level of devotion. I place this pressure on myself. John Patrick reminds me daily that just me being me is enough for him, giving him pleasure. For me, I want more from ME. I need to show him how much I’ve grown as a woman as well as a submissive because of our journey.
That’s where we continue to talk about rituals and protocols and the concept of certain behaviors and how they are or will relate to us personally. That’s been tougher than we could have imagined. We haven’t found the right niche or aspects just yet – but as I mentioned about this journey, step at a time. I wanted to bring his voice into my blogs and stories for various reasons, one of which is he is so well spoken and truly thinks about how he’s going about his position as being a Dom. I say position in the sense only that he is so very serious about the level of responsibility he feels and I utterly respect him more for his thoughts and visions for us. In case you haven’t guessed, I think he’s pretty amazing.
I’m ready to give him the reins, yet as he mentioned in an earlier blog, he can see the woman in me changing we’re going through steps together and neither of us are going to be perfect. You simply can’t be and for us, the journey seems SLOW. UGH. Right? Of course I can’t be perfect at this, snapping into being completely submissive. Not gonna happen. But I’m changing every day with his guidance and with our growth. I trust him unconditionally.
So I posed a few quests for my Sir and I’ll just let you see his thoughts.
In your opinion what does your submissive being obedient mean to you?
Obedience is not something taken but something that is granted and then received. Having it granted by my sub means she has complete trust in me and respects my desires, decisions and direction
When using discipline/punishment, what have you found as the most effective and what terrifies you in the process?
While any implement can be used effectively as a method to inflict pain and punishment, I feel the most effective punishment with the longest lasting result is having true disappointment in your sub. I have only been truly disappointed just one time in our time together and I feel it has had such an effective on my sub that she never wants to experience that feeling again. Welts and bruises disappear from the flesh, emotions burn into the soul.
Doing more damage than desired or actually injuring my sub is something that is always on my mind and a true concern. As the sadistic side grows and one gains more experience and confidence with inflicting pain and discipline, it does get easier. At first, it is quite the unexpected reaction of feeling an emotional high of sorts, inflicting punishment with control and finding your limits and boundaries. But stepping just over those limits and doing more than what you desired or expected can fill one with a measure of panic, especially if there is possibly blood.
How do you feel your submissive has reacted to giving up control?
Being the strong willed, dynamic woman she has always been, it’s not an immediate overnight change and will take time to become instinctive. She does make an effort to defer control to me but it is a work in progress.
Can you see why I appreciate hearing his thoughts so much? He thinks about the ‘us’ in this amazing sharing we’re doing. I’ve encouraged him in many ways as he does with me. The sharing we do, the complete uninhibited communication allows us to share with you this magical mystery ride – including the down sides too. Hopefully you’ll enjoy the ride with us. Please ask any questions. We would love to hear them.
Kisses and spanks…