On Mainstreaming Domination and submission

Do you think the lifestyle of Domination and submission can ever become more mainstream, able to fit in and around the vanilla world with ease? Hmm… That’s my question for the day and I ask for a couple of reasons. I have girlfriends who basically consider themselves open minded yet live a traditional lifestyle with regards to sexuality. Yes, they enjoy a touch of kink now and again, but the concept of being Dominated, while intriguing, has been difficult for them to understand. I mention few aspects, mostly because I fear it embarrasses them – not me. I don’t mind sharing any aspect of my life in truth. I have nothing to hide, nor am I ashamed of the fact I’m a submissive. Interestingly enough, one friend in particular mentioned a Lifestyle movie of the week. This particular feature was highlighting a single mother entering a D/s lifestyle. Now, if you have EVER Bind Meseen ANYTHING on the Lifestyle channel you know its pretty much centered around chick flicks. UGH – yeah I know – not normally something I watch but this movie is one I gotta watch.

Yes, the network does tackle some fairly difficult scenarios like pornography in the classroom, date rape, bigotry etc., but D/s? REALLY? I haven’t seen the movie yet but my friend just had to watch. She had no real understanding of what the lifestyle entails. Granted, I don’t drone on about it nor do I push my books or blogs, but she truly didn’t get a real understanding in her mind until after watching the movie. This one had a female character who in her late forties found herself a single mom and hungering for something outside the box. A Dam intrigued her, they began talking and before long they entered into a relationship.

I don’t have any clue whether they truly represented the lifestyle appropriately at all of course, but what seeing the movie did to my friend’s curiosity/understanding/admiration/embracement of what I have entered into is pretty amazing. She now ‘gets’ where I’m coming from when I talk about certain aspects. She can see why this type of relationship can be so deep, so very powerful. She still has difficulty understanding fully how a strong woman such as myself could handle giving up full control – but then, she’s made a few interesting statements lately about ‘if’ she found the right man she could let go with and she ‘might’ be able to submit to the right man. She’s cut from the same cloth as I am – tough cookie on the outside but all marshmallow fluff on the inside. That’s why she and I get along so well. I could see her flourishing in a D/s relationship. A submissive is completely freeFor me, and you’ve heard me say this before, I truly began to blossom once I embraced the need within me. Yes, that’s tougher to do than you might think. Being open and honest with yourself about your submissive or Dominating side is freeing, but oh so hard to do. Why? Because society says this isn’t normal. We’re not supposed to want this type of control – behavior, sexuality, mind set, work, fun, friends, money, dress, make-up, purchases – all controlled by another. Is that normal? Hmmm… For those involved in a D/s relationship not only is it normal but rational and completely natural.

The movie did get me to thinking whether or not I could share my decision as well as my perspective with anyone over time with comfort and ease. Yes, I do with my writing – nut Cassandre is the fake girl, the writing girl, the wicked girl. What about the real woman? Hmm… The majority of people I work with are very conservative and think that I’m already pretty weird. They have no clue about the woman inside, nor do I care to let them know. A few other friends I don’t mind sharing with, but I’ve certainly alienated some. In talking with John Patrick, I’ve asked him what his ‘buddies’ would think if he let on his true nature as a Dom. While he said they would think it was pretty cool, he wasn’t certain how they’d handle the information. What he did mention is that he’s getting more dominating in his everyday life given what we are sharing. I don’t think it’ll be long before one of his friends begins to ask a few question about why his personality has changed. Truly even his voice patterns have altered in the months. You’d be surprised how commanding he is with others. I’m amazed and admire the man very much. He’s found his place.

I think if his friends met me they would probably scratch their heads because I wouldn’t be submissive in front of them. I’d be the bold, brassy and extremely powerful woman I am in my RL (real life). No, of course I wouldn’t be disrespectful ever, but John Patrick wants me to be the spunky girl, the one who takes no shit with others. I am only his submissive. However, if John Patrick commanded me in I am dominantany way in front of them, of course I would obey. That’s what I’m required to do.

I’ve ‘liked’ various BDSM rooms on Facebook as well as of course I’m on Fet Life. In seeing the concern those of us in the lifestyle have about censorship to the effect Fifty Shades of UGH continues to have, I realize more and more that portraying the lifestyle in the positive light in which the deep connection is remains vital.

I had a writer friend of mine, one I value as a friend and as a colleague, tag me for a blog piece with an author I don’t know. The stories or blogs MUST give a positive light about the lifestyle. So many believe D/s to be BDSM (not all D/s relationships include aspects of BDSM) and pretty much those who don’t understand that if there is discipline involved it’s not abuse. Yes, the word is thrown around a LOT. There is no abuse involved folks. If I am punished with a spanking, there is a reason for the discipline and I’m a better woman for having been taken in hand. John Patrick’s care and attention in helping me learn to obey is all about his deep love – not trying to hurt me. If we ‘play’ as in aspects of BDSM – I assure you I’m the one initially hungering for the time, the incredible experience. The moments draw us closer, give me a different high than any other moment in my life can.

I will continue to tell stories about D/s and DD couples. I will hopefully give you a sense of the lifestyle in a light that allows you to see our vulnerability, how incredibly close couples are. I will always give you both sides – because there is worry and fear, angst and tribulations. John Patrick was worried at first that showing anything negative about our journey would be traumatic or draw a bad light. The truth is we are people first, men and women trying to find the perfect relationship. There is no such animal, but…. What I’ve found is pretty much damn close. I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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