Enjoying the Pain…Always the Masochist?


Do you cringe hearing the sound or wince if you see a belt? Well I do and I love the very feeling. A hard belting is good for the soul – right? Mmm… I have my opinion. I love hearing the whooshing sound as John Patrick snaps his wrist, can hear my own breath being sucked in and the moment the strap of leather hits my ass – mmm… I write about spankings in books all the time and trying to convey the sound, the feel and the deep seeded emotions is tough – but so enjoyable to do.

Honestly, I say no. As we all know there are various kinds of pain from heartache to physical pain that we have no control over. Sometimes our souls hurt to the point we feel anguish. Often times physical pain is something we certainly don’t ask for, nor do we long to feel. But, there are a few select people in the world who gravitate Body Betraystoward asking for and even requiring pain. There are masochists and sadists in the world – hence to ‘M’ and ‘S’ portions of BDSM. I think for the majority of people the concept of actually enjoying pain is just too much of a concept to grasp. I’ve had asked several times – how could you stand asking for something to beat you? Well, when I receive a spanking for discipline, it isn’t about beating but punishment that I deserve. When John Patrick and I have playtime – the pain is meant to entice my heightened level of pleasure. Yes, I know that’s tough to wrap your arms around, but my entire body responds to the pain inflicted – in a positive way.

Dark desires. John Patrick and I talk about this all the time. When he read the blog today he mentioned that allowing readers to see into an even darker place within our relationship really brings a new edge to us. He’s right. While I haven’t had any comments regarding the fact I’d encouraged various methods of pain being inflicted to relieve stress, there has to be a question or two in people’s minds. Don’t get me wrong – I may enjoy aspects of some pretty heady flogging and whipping, but at this point I’m not going to say I’m a masochist. I simply know how he feels after discipline or playtime – relived. Euphoric. Relaxed. He also constantly asks me questions about what I might enjoy or would consider sharing with him. He wants to experience everything and anything.

I will take youIf you’ve done any level of exploration you know that there are dozens if not more variations of kinky acts. Whipping, flogging, hogtying are merely the start of some fascinating experiences. I would never say jump into but so many early on. Ease into learning and growing together. What I realized early with my relationship with John Patrick is that the anticipation of what he is going to do is delicious. He doesn’t always tell me anything about what he’s planning. Of course the element of surprise adds to the moment we share. And yes, he does plan everything out to the letter. He’s just that way. In doing so he also keeps a handle on his personal darkness.

That’s a little bit of what I want to explore with this blog. I asked him a question about how he’s embracing pain. For me, seeing the way we are growing together, the deep conversations and very intense discussions we have about various levels of kink is fascinating. What’s even more incredible to watch is his excitement level growing. He reads constantly, finds the most incredible sources of information, directs my attention to what he finds interesting – then he plans. As his hungers increase, his mind becomes more depraved. Yes, I can say that word. However, he is ultra careful, very safe and as you already know, I trust him implicitly.

Because what we share together is truly the ultimate high, I crave and need more. Right now we’re having some difficulty finding time to spend together and I’m quite low spiritually. I thrive on the limited moments we share, long for more and when they don’t happen it’s honestly almost like going through a heightened level of withdraw. When this happens during intense play sessions with anyone, often the term the release of endorphins is mentioned. When this is happening simply because I can’t touch him? Hmmm… Times are stressful for both of us and all I want is some extended play. The day I realized having his firm hand discipline me in any manner would help with my tension and stress, truly re-center me, well I was pretty floored. John Patrick uses the term ‘re-centering’ a lot regarding my behavior – knowing discipline helps, but this goes beyond that.

D/s couples are very close, the intimacy I truly believe the relationship refines is much deeper and stronger than a vanilla one. This fact tends to make the highs very high and the lows very low. We’ve been going through this lately. Bound to happen. Two people totally alike, enough so we finish each other’s thoughts, knows exactly what the other is thinking, is very emotional. And we’ve both been lately – VERY emotional. While I’ve had tears, he’s been brooding. We laughed about it today and he hates to be the dark and brooding Sir. He realized today how much not seeing him hurts me and he hates it. So we talked about a session. He told me the other day, in one of his brooding moods, that if I were with him I’d be hurting. For me, I know exactly what he’s talking about. And I would respect him and give him what1Power Exchange he needed.

Everyone experiences pain differently. In telling a girlfriend about being whipped as well as various other methods John Patrick has inflicted – she was like ‘oh hell no!’ I had to laugh. She doesn’t understand this concept any more than me being required to text John Patrick when I come and go. I can’t put the requirement or the desire to be obedient into a neat package. I’m unable to express to the basic vanilla person why I would not only allow but also seek any form of pain or punishment. Are we born with the desire? I’m honestly not certain. I don’t think as a child I felt this way, but I am certain the penchant goes back a ways. For John Patrick, I think his dark side has always been with him but as he’s told me, finding someone as receptive to experiencing various acts draws out the dark side. I suppose his response to my needs does the same for him. Fascinating, isn’t it?

D/s relationships are very complex, very emotional. What I give to him in my way of trust I get back ten fold. Is there love? You bet. Is there respect? More than I can ever tell you. Are there moments of joy and pain? Absolutely as with any relationship. That’s the nature of men and women. Well… I wouldn’t change what we share for the world, but I can tell you that sharing this deep level of honesty is eye opening. When he feels pain emotionally I do and vice versa. You mix this together with physical pain, soulful pain and heartache and there are volcanoes creeping to the very bridge line just below the surface. Yep. It’s terrifying.

I had hoped to have John Patrick’s answer for this blog but… I’ll save that for the next installment of my sexy story. Coming soon…

Tell me – what kind of pain do you crave?

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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2 Responses to Enjoying the Pain…Always the Masochist?

  1. I’ll be honest here. I feel more comfortable with the psychological aspects of being a sub. I, too, cannot wrap my head around being turned on by extreme physical pain. I watched some porn that showed a woman being caned. Her ass was a bloody mess after. It did not turn me on. All I kept thinking was, Are you fucking kidding me?

    I don’t mind spanking, flogging, and choking, but it’s more for his benefit than mine. I guess the point I’m trying to make is when I feel pain I’m not aroused. It makes me mad instead. Like I want to punch someone. So…yeah, it is kinda difficult to understand the appeal.


    • behalle says:

      Tiffany – don’t worry – when and if you might enjoy various aspects of any pain, you don’t start out by having your ass or any other part of you bloodied. That’s not reality and it it happens – wrong person. This is all about trust and sharing whatever you both want. Pain is a part of the lifestyle – but in varying degrees


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