Pain and anguish – a darkness that lives within all of us. Yes, we all have the need to feel electrified, taken to a place few understand. This is part two of what has been an interesting blog. I think people are drawn to sadomasochism yet are terrified of allowing anyone into what is a dark desire – but we all have them to a degree.
Let me ask you a question. Thriving on whipping someone. The thought is what to you? Horrifying? Debasing? Thrilling? In the BDSM world, there are various methods of pain, both giving and receiving. I’ve already given you the submissive side – and shocked so many readers embraced. This is all about John Patrick and his side as a Dom, my mentor and friend, and the man who is embracing his personal sadistic tendencies. What I realize in doing these blogs is that there continues to be a misunderstanding about why anyone would allow or even hunger for any level of pain. The why as the explanation is tough to put in a tidy paragraph. I read a comment on the masochist blog and the girl wasn’t so certain she could handle extreme pain because she witnessed someone being punished – or played with – until her ass was bloody from a cane.
What you have to understand first is that there are varying degrees of pain or anguish. What I’m talking about with any aspect of BDSM isn’t about torture – and yes it exists. For me, my relationship with John Patrick, what I write about in my blogs as well as my stories and books in all about consensual actions. John Patrick may have full control over me. I’ve given that freely. Yes, he inflicts both discipline and pain during playtime, I give my body to him freely. Why? The very buzzword I’ve said many times – TRUST. You bet I’m going to capitalize and bold and highlight the word every time. I trust him implicitly. He knows my body, my needs and when to push me to the very edge of what I can handle. John Patrick also has self control and while he may have sadistic tendencies, he doesn’t want to cause me harm – either emotionally or physically.
He didn’t start out using a bullwhip on me, nor does he use one now, but yes the levels of pain have increased. Why? Because you get used to the discomfort and often times need more. Spanking by his hand doesn’t have the same effect as it once did. However you as a couple – whether you’re vanilla or enjoy kink to the extreme – will decide together IF any method is used. It’s that plain and simple. This blog is all about John Patrick. He’s truly embracing a side of him that is absolutely different than six months ago. We feed off of each other. He knows what I feel, my hungers and so he feeds off of them and vice versa.
I told you that I was going to ask John Patrick some pretty intense questions – so here’s the first:
Do you always feel the need to take me to moments of pain?
No, I do not feel the need all the time but when I do it is special, deep. It is a very unique feeling for me.
John Patrick is an extremely loving and sensitive man. I’ve often described him as having more emotions that are similar to a woman’s because he gets me so well. He knows the inside of me and when I’m hurting or frustrated merely through texting. He also knows exactly when I need to be re-focused, taken to a different place in time. Maintenance spankings very much help ease my tension and bring me back to a centered place. We enjoy many times together as a more traditional couple by simply being together, enjoying dinner and wine, music and conversations. He simply has two sides – Dom and the vanilla man. I can tell you I personally believe his controlling side is taking over. What that means in his every day life remains to be seen.
How has the concept of inflicting pain changed you as a man?
The thought of inflicting pain has brought me certain level of peace through control. Knowing that we are both opening up to the fact that we have a deepening desire to explore the darkest parts of our beings and that we are both on the same path and in agreement that this is what we desire, it brings a peace in the realization that I have someone to explore those darkest area’s without fear or reservation and I am in complete control.
Are you always the sadist? This is asked more in a general sense but of course the partner is me.
No, not at all. I have found that, at least with me, it has as much to do with the person I am with as with any desire within me. My partner helps greatly to create that desire and bring it to the surface…that need and desire to take control and inflict pain. I can think of someone we are close too that I would never inflict the level of pain we currently share because she is not into that type of play experience. And it is doubtful she ever will be. So any desire I would have with her would be very much on the vanilla side.
I think the second part of the question is do I always feel the same level of desire with the same partner? The answer is no. While my partner helps to bring out the darkness, there are other factors that help determine what I am feeling and desire
to release. While having control is my default, like anything, the mood needs to be right to inflict pain, even of a simple level. And whatever my mood dictates, it will be an enjoyable and satisfying experience even without inflicting pain.
This is definitely about feeding off of each other just like we do with conversations or any other experience we share. He asked me a question.
Do you need or require pain at some level every time we’re together?
The short answer is absolutely not. I have two sides as well and I’m a romantic too. I didn’t honestly realize how romantic I can be until I met him. He’s brought out the ‘girl’ in me and I’m often surprised more about the vanilla needs I have than the kinky ones. I love just talking with him – he has the sexiest voice in the world ladies. I love just being with him, sharing a glass of wine or finding an awesome restaurant. I love hearing his stories about work and family, listening to songs he likes, foods he longs to savor. I love the thought of making love – BUT… submission to him is always there. That’s a point I really want to stress. D/s relationships aren’t about PAIN. There might be pain involved as in with discipline, but many D/s couples never venture into the world of BDSM. We just happen to.
I’ve peppered him with additional questions and love sharing his psyche with you. I think it’s very important that you hear both sides. I have a challenge for my readers. Ask questions that either one of us can answer – in particular some for John Patrick. He’ll be happy to let you into his very dark worlds.
Kisses and spanks…