Pain. Anguish. Anticipation. Excitement. These four words do so many things to my psyche. Not only do I continue to explore this with writing various D/s and DD pieces, but of course John Patrick and I are going through our explorations as well. I tingle. I become wet. I anticipate the worst, yet long for his commands – his firm hand. I think about what and the strike of his belt or his favored implement – the quirt – is going to feel. I wonder whether I’ll cry – finally let go of all my raw emotions, embracing the woman who needs to scream out in joy and release. Whew – all of this is pretty darn heady, don’t you think? Let’s add in all the thoughts about what John Patrick is thinking about himself, about me, about us… My mind never stops thinking. For John Patrick this is all about taking in the entire experience as a whole.
What I’ve found in writing of course is that the actual physicality of my personal explorations has helped my writing tremendously. As a writer, you can explore so many aspects of any topic you choose via the Internet, talking with individuals involved with a particular profession or lifestyle easily. I’ve gained so much by being able to talk with couples involved in the D/s lifestyle, but I can tell you that talking with and sharing deep conversations with John Patrick has brought out more in my words – more pain, more love, more angst. Fascinating how the emotions have gone way off the chain.
Few of us actually appreciate pain, value the concept and even hunger for all the tingling sensations. Some would call me unusual, perhaps weird. I certainly had no clue I’d at least appreciate experiencing pain even a few years ago. In recent blogs I’ve written about the masochist side then the sadist side. I embrace the need to be punished differently than John Patrick embraces the need to not only discipline me, but move our relationship into various aspects of kink – many involving pain. No couple is alike. Needs and desires change within a relationship – whether D/s or vanilla.
For John Patrick and I, we talk so much about our respective desires and again – so much of what we think about, hunger for, need to experience is very personal – but… We also talk often about what sharing this rather side of us together means. For the two of us being able to open up, admit we long for a measure within a relationship that’s pretty much out of the ordinary is amazing. There is nothing about what we’re sharing we don’t discuss both before and after sharing something together. I’ll be driving along and we’re talking about everything from the way he used the quirt – an implement used on a horse or nipple clamps and he’ll ask me what turns out to be a fun question. How many people have talked about THAT in an everyday conversation?
When he disciplines me or we have playtime, we always talk about our respective feelings. I want to know what he’s thinking. His mind needs to process his experiences as well as my reactions. This helps him understand his needs as well as my own. This self discovery also helps him with his technique as well as boosts his increasing sadistic desires. I enjoy hearing about what his mind processed with every strike or when he issues certain commands. On the flip side, he wants to know every emotion sweeping through me, whether I’m worried or frightened or merely savoring his domination.
In being so close, garnering the ability to tell each other anything, we’ve grown so much closer. The intensity of our relationship makes me wet with anticipation for the next time. John Patrick is forever reading, always asking me questions in his longing to gather my opinion. Yes, he has the ultimate say in what happens in methods or times of discipline as well as when he takes me in the basement. I do ask – and ask – and… He’ll very quietly remind me I’m awfully mouthy for a submissive. And he’s right. We’re learning together, hungering together, sharing tears and utter bliss together. Hint….TOGETHER.
This story, one part of the Sexual Sin collection – is not just about both the Dom and the submissive handling their growing need for pain experienced. The story is a reminder that love and trust is truly something special in every relationship. And yes, John Patrick and I talk about both. Now back to the story.
Josh hesitated as he stood back and looked at his beloved, admiration filling every inch of his entire being. He certainly wasn’t new to the notion of shackling her, but tonight this was much more special. Jennifer’s legs spread with a metal bar, her wrists linked tightly together, she was completely immobilized. The cuffs were thick leather and as she moved and shifted, the crackling sound the wide band made floated toward him. His heart was pounding, still questioning if he knew what in the hell he was doing. This was so right, so very right for both of them. He’d never thought she looked more beautiful than at this very moment, this pinnacle in everything they’d already shared.
He could hear Jennifer struggling with her cuffs, knew without seeing her face she was looking for him. Her soft whimpers were laced with apprehension as well as a hint of fear. No matter how much she trusted him, this was a huge step in their journey. After all, he was going to inflict various levels of pain over every inch of her beautiful body, marring her porcelain skin. He would select floggers and his beloved cane to whip her ass and back, her upper thighs, breasts and pussy. He was going to clamp her sensitive nipples before striking them over and over again. And he was going keep her tied, ready for his use before he fucked her. The thoughts alone gave him shivers, dark and hard core thoughts. He wanted to try so many things with her and the fact she was open, never flinching at his suggestions or questions, continued to be amazing.
Exhaling slowly he gazed down at her crimson thong, shaking his head then tapped her right ass cheek. “I don’t think you’ll need these any longer.” He’d directed her to wear well-worn panties. As he slipped his hand into the pocket of his pants, he smiled and pulled out his folding knife. He moved to where she could see every action and flicked open the blade. “Bad girls don’t deserve to wear panties.” Very carefully he cut first one side then the other, tugging the material into his hand and showing her the now tattered pair.
“Mmm…” Her eyes grew wide as she moaned past the ball gag.
“What exactly should I do with these I wonder?” He grinned and pushed the knife back into his pocket before bringing the thin material to his nose and mouth. The scent of her was a powerful aphrodisiac.
She sucked on the plastic ball, her breath sounds becoming ragged. Her body convulsed as she stood in her nakedness, her eyes never leaving his.
Josh tilted his head as he brushed his hand under her breast, cupping and squeezing. “You’re hot and wet. Aren’t you?” Taking her nipple between his thumb and forefinger he pinched.
A sharp whimper managed to push past the gag. Jennifer tossed her head from side to side as he twisted the other hardened bud.
“And your sweet nipples are already hard for me. Good girl. Now open your pouty mouth wide.” There wasn’t a part of his body that wasn’t tingling with anticipation, his cock pushing hard against his way too confining pants. He wanted nothing more than to shove his dick deep inside, reminding her in every way she belonged to him.
Wiggling, she opened her jaws as wide as possible.
“I want you to taste how sweet you are. I won’t be gone that long.”
“Mmm…rrrrr…” Stephanie struggled, pitching her body forward and backward.
“Remember, keep the panties in your mouth or I’ll start out by whipping you severely. Is that understood?” Her whimpers were already strangled, her body tense and even in the dimness of the light he could see tears were welling in her eyes. A moment of trepidation hit him hard in the gut. Rubbing the small of her back he waited until her breathing was calm before patting her on the ass and moving toward the stairs. Her moans continued and by the time he trudged up the stairs, sweat was pouring down the back of his neck. His intense reaction he hadn’t anticipated. He was hungry to whip her, mark her lovely body with welts. For months he thought something was wrong with him until Jennifer helped him embrace the sadistic side, the one continuing to grow.
The second he turned off the light and closed the door he nearly gasped for air. Leaning against the doorjamb he wiped his mouth, probably if for no other reason than to keep strangled cries from floating into the air. Jennifer needed him to be very strong, show no fear. Holding out his left arm he had to roll his eyes. He was shaking like a freaking leaf. While they’d discussed sharing this very moment, he was in awe as to his continued level of raw emotions.
The gap between the assertive and very powerful woman she was in her work and vanilla life with her submissive role was wide. Jennifer continued to have difficulty moving from one persona to the other. She was willful, highly opinionated and pushed hard against him far too often. Alone time in the shadowed light would give her a clear understanding he was in charge. After tonight there would be no question.
He managed to walk into the bedroom without running into anything and laughed as he changed from his business attire. Every move was calculated, methodical and allowed him to calm his nerves, ease his mind into being her Dominant. His reflection caught his eye. As he turned, studying the man standing in front of the glass, he was reminded of the very soul who’d been hiding behind a mask his entire life.
Control had been important to him and throughout his entire life he’d absolutely controlled everything he could around him. Enough so friends and family thought him afflicted with OCD. What Jennifer had brought to light was that he’d merely been waiting, hoping to find the right person to bring the Dominant side of him fully out in the open. With every move, every whispered need and all the amazing conversations, she’d been able to track down the key to the steel padlock, freeing the man inside. Tonight he was going to be allowed to release the woman who’d refused to submit to anyone her entire life – except for him. Why she’d chosen to give him such a special gift was beyond him, but he wasn’t going to fuck it up.
The pep talk completed, he knew he was ready, they were ready.
Flipping the light switch, the moment light washed over the dingy space he heard her whimper. Very slowly he descended the stairs. Given the hollow nature of the wood, he knew every step echoed in the dense space. With every booming sound Jennifer pulled on her bindings. Josh noticed the fallen panties, the slip of red crowding her high heeled feet. Remaining silent, he walked to the duffel, kneeling down, making certain every move was quietly deliberate.
She strained to find him, no doubt realizing she’d be punished for disobeying. Her moans were more scattered, a light sheen covering every inch of her skin.
Finding his desired implements, he walked to the table adjacent to the pole and gazed up and down are her prone figure. Her wide eyes highlighted her anxiety and he could read her mind, her big brain undoubtedly attempting to figure out his plan – one she knew he had. He smiled as he held out the nipple clamps. “I see we couldn’t follow orders.”
Shaking her head, she blinked several times, darting quick glances to the floor.
After retrieving the fallen material he sighed, then rubbed the thong across her cheek. “You’re going to be punished for this. Do you understand?” He slipped the panties into his back pocket before plucking her nipple. Instantly the tender bud hardened. Leaning over he sucked on the sweet tissue until she wiggled with pleasure. A quick pinch and he opened the first clamp. “You know how I love your tits.”
Nodding, Stephanie gurgled behind the ball gag.
The second he released the first clamp she winced, the squeak muffled. “I’m going to punish you, whip you for infractions. Do you understand?” They’d talked about the fact tonight was going to take her further to the edge, push her boundaries as well as his own. Still, he wanted to make certain she completely understood. He kept his eyes locked on her as he moved to her other side, kneading her breast for a few seconds before twisting her nipple.
The sound of the metal chain was electric to him, drawing him further into his intense mood, a dark space he’d only begun to embrace. The crackling sound as the second clamp was opened gave him a series of shivers skating down his back. Licking his dry lips he positioned the vice, gave her a smile then released.
Jerking, she bucked hard against the pain, her eyes watering. “Mmm…ohohoh…”
Josh flicked his fingers back and forth across the first clamp then the second. “Pain. You’re going to experience sheer anguish tonight.” Opening his fingers wide he slid his hand down from her chest to her belly, then between her legs. Inching closer, he swirled the tip of his index finger around her clit as he licked down the down of her face, his hot breath cascading across her heated skin. “And pleasure my dear, unlike what you’ve known, what we’ve shared.” He allowed the words to linger as he continued stroking her pretty pussy. He darted two fingers just inside, savoring the way her muscles constricted, her wetness slickened his fingers.
A rapid series of moans escaped her mouth, this time ones of pleasure.
“But…” Slapping one of the clamps, he closed his eyes as the moan became a hiss. “But only if you’re a very good girl.”
“Mmmm…” Jennifer tossed her head back and forth as she jutted her pelvis forward, her lovely face contorted.
“You haven’t been a good girl. Have you?” Stepping away from her he grabbed the flogger, pulling the long leather straps between his fingers.
Her eyes shut, her fists clenched and she lowered her head.
“I know. We’re going to take care of your disobedience, make you feel much better.” Dragging the tips of leather across her back and down to her ass, he sighed as he moved the piece between back of her legs.
Shuddering, she pulled hard against the cuffs.
Breathing in, he took a step back.
The hard strike against the back of her thighs was exhilarating, much more so than he would have thought. He issued three more in rapid succession then brushed his fingers across the instant scarlet marks. For a few seconds he remained quiet the moved his arms around her, flicking his fingers across the top of the clamp.
Her body convulsed, tears springing to her eyes.
“You’re going to learn you’re all mine. I own you. Is that understood?” a quick side step and he was in front of her. The sight of tears trickling down her cheeks was stilling and for a few seconds he thought about halting everything. Then a peace swept through every cell in his body.
Slap! Crack! Pop!
The strikes hit her breast, shifting the clamp. As tears streamed down her face wafting of her feminine juice floated between them and he knew this was sheer ecstasy.
Hmmm… What do you think? Hard playtime? It’s something that John Patrick and I discuss often. Let me know your thoughts.
Kisses and spanks…