Punishment. Pain. Penance. The three ‘P’ words go together hand in hand quite often. I write many a blog as well as stories that include all three – together as well as separate. Penance is another word for punishment and more often than not within the realms of D/s many people think of a spanking or whipping. However I have to ask – are they the same? Throw in the phrase ‘Corporal Punishment’ and my bet is all kinds of convicts and imprisonment comes to mind. Well, yes that’s a true statement however the term is often used within the D/s or DD community. The actual meaning incorporates many aspects of helping submissives learn to obey. As you can imagine, spanking is very important to some couples but there are many other methods. There are also various emotional aspects involved in Corporal Punishment.
Ponder this in the beginning and let’s see how the concept fares up later. There are various forms that are used and some certainly work better than others. I think for many couples, spankings become more pleasurable as time goes on. For vanilla couples, you might see a hard whipping as something you would NEVER get used to and certainly wouldn’t want more of. However, within a D/s relationship, the submissive often equates measures of pleasure deeply entrenched with various levels of pain. As you might imagine, as with any concept of stimulating the senses, you can get very used to the pain and more is needed to achieve the same effect.
Training – no matter what you believe – all submissives as well Dominants receive training – whether formally or simply by communicating, opening up totally. Sharing together is vital but I also believe that for a Dom, merely talking with other long-time as well as new Masters is vital for growth. John Patrick and I talked about this and I truly believe he would thrive being able to talk about his dark side, learn things that have worked and not worked. He’s always reading to educate himself – in a sense ‘training the trainer’. He’s used his belt as well as a very evil device called the quirt to try and keep me in line. Are spankings effective?
When the submissive craves a spanking, how can it be considered punishment for disobedience? There is a distinct argument that a punishment spanking and one meant for playtime, no matter how rough, is different. What I can tell you from personal experience is that between different implements being used to the amount and concentrated level of strikes inflicted, there can be a HUGE difference. There’s also the manner in which the strikes are issued not only the strikes against the skin but also they way they are doled out mentally and emotionally. In other words, the submissive knows in her heart when she’s being punished and absolutely hates disappointing her Sir or Master. That’s the nature of a Dominate/submissive relationship. When the submissive is given a belting, paddling or other method of spanking for the sole purpose of being disobedient, her heart and soul is in an entirely different zone and the punishment is very effective.
There are other methods that are used as well within the corporal punishment realm. Penance is something that both the submissive and the Dominant discuss both as rules are established and when they’re broken. Well, I know this very well having broken the very few rules John Patrick has in place. As you already know if you’ve read any of my blogs, he’s a very fair and caring Dom as well as a man. His few rules he does expect I’ll follow and is disappointed in failing me if I ‘fuck up’. Hence the reason for this blog.
Disappointment – now there’s a word. Yep, did it again. I think for many women who are strong individuals in every day life, following orders or rules isn’t always innate. Yes, we obey by the rules of the law and for some of us God, but a man telling is what to do? Hogwash. Right? Well, it does take some getting used to. Being told what to do as an adult isn’t the norm – or at least most people think this way hence the notion of full equality within a relationship. Still, we follow rules in pretty much every other aspect of our lives – work and play – why shouldn’t we have rules to follow within our household? Maybe spankings aren’t something you and your spouse would consider and that’s okay. That’s where various methods of discipline might be more effective.
I’ve talked to many D/s couples, read dozens of blogs and articles and other than spanking, corner time seems to be the most popular. Why? Reflection is very good for calming a submissive down, helping her focus on the reasons for her behavior. What I know happens with myself is that I can very easily allow the sanctity of respect to merely slip to the wayside – not because of disrespect but real life, work, being the persona of the girl before embracing a D/s or DD lifestyle. I think all D/s couples go through this certainly in the beginning. What I hope all my readers understand in the stories I pen is that any alternative lifestyle has several sides – just like vanilla ones do.
Respect – something that has to be in D/s relationships. There is no rulebook, no perfect way and yes, we all fuck up. So paying penance is part of the price. John Patrick and I have talked about what will work for me – other than spankings. Tough concept – more than you think. I try to incorporate this very angst in my writing that couples must feel in trying to figure out what is the best format. I want you the reader to know emotionally for women to be in the subservient role is a powerful draw when life is tough as nails outside the hallowed walls of home. I completely respect John Patrick and the way he not only embraces my tough girl side, but also understands and has learned to nurture my needs. I also respect his place as the Dom and we both thrive when the roles are recognized. What else do you think might work?
There are various other methods including removal of privileges, denial of affection, soap in the mouth, etc. and to each their own. I can certainly imagine many others my wicked self and again, every couple needs to find what works. Penance – the word lingers in my mouth. Couples need to talk about, learn about, try and realize some will an excellent addition and others simply won’t create the environment where the submissive can or wants to obey. If you take away her television privileges and she never watches – the point is?
Appreciation – the word might seem odd given the context of the blog but I honestly appreciate how John Patrick thinks about what will help me bridge the powerful woman to the obedient submissive. His thoughts and our deep conversations have created a nurturing environment. He has a deep appreciation of the woman I am – complex and quirky, rough around the edges and sophisticated, in need to take charge yet give him complete control. The dichotomy is fascinating. We also appreciate each other – the love and caring, the vanilla and the D/s. So I think the word is vital.
Whatever you decide together as a couple is very personal and the journey you are taking together will never be like another’s. Embrace the worry, the understanding you’ll change from time to time and more importantly – enjoy together.
I’m going to do another flash series on the very thought in the new few days so stay tuned. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what works and what doesn’t – vanilla and D/s, work even or with your kids. Creativity in the obedience department is truly delicious.
Kisses and spanks…