Humiliation – shame, dishonor, discredit – the meaning is clear. For some reason the very thought is highly appealing to so many people – whether we want to admit this or not. Having someone watching us, seeing our dirty deeds, is highly enticing. Admit it…
Before I get into the meat of this blog I have to vent. I posted this on Facebook. I am not a fan of Fifty Shades except for the fact the entire media circus around the books and movie have brought D/s into the forefront. In doing so – HOWEVER – so many reporters have zero clue in the information they’ve so obviously not researched for their various pieces. About eighteen months ago, when Fifty Shades first hit the airwaves, I saw a news report from I Prime Time Live. At that time they had the audacity to show a dungeon in a dingy hole on some ugly and very dark street scene. To get into this playroom – er dungeon – you had to move past trash and rats. REALLY? You have to freaking be kidding me. You bet I wrote a nasty letter.
What I fear is that folks will never understand the beauty surrounding D/s. The ridiculous new reporter, who actually reviewed a movie trailed for God’s sake – had the audacity to say that women shouldn’t watch the movie – there is NOTHING empowering about the aspects. You have no clue you moron. None. Get an education. There – I’m off my soapbox. FOR NOW.
In seeing the trailer I started thinking about a conversation John Patrick and I had recently. We were talking about how people really do love the idea of kink – even enjoying some of the more heinous acts as a voyeur. Let’s face it, people love to watch sexual acts, carnage, horror and pretty much anything very different from the rather normal lives they lead. We all crave adventure in our lives, but as we grow older we become more afraid of trying new things, distancing ourselves from processes or actions that might alter what we’re used to. That’s natural however I do think so many of us begin to long for the person we once were, the carefree individual who took risks, enjoyed sexual escapades quite a bit differently that what happens today. Relationships become – well stale. What if you and your partner decided to take a very kinky turn? What if you considered altering your lifestyle to allow acts that others would consider not just out of the ordinary but pure…raw…sin? Of course that’s the basis for this new story line. Sexual Sin can mean different things to different people.
I often challenge John Patrick in what he considers edgy in our growing relationship. We talk about the differences in being a slave versus a submissive. Slaves are different in the mindset, the thought pattern and their needs. There are such things in life as slave auctions – I’m not talking about the horrible aspect of humanity that you see in third world countries. This is something entirely different. When I asked John Patrick about this he tells me for a dominating man, the thought is enjoyable – a true fantasy, but not a reality for him with regards to me. He can tease me all he wants about selling me off to the highest bidder but he can’t tolerate seeing me with another man so…
Another rather edgy need is all about voyeurism, which includes light to flagrant humiliation. There is something very dangerous about the thought of being caught by pretty much anyone having sex or performing kink. There are clubs where you can go and engage in whatever you hunger for while being watched by dozens of people egging you on. There are Masters and Mistresses who regularly have their submissives or slaved perform random acts in pubic – even on street corners. The concept of humiliation for the submissive as well as total control for the Dom is heady. I have no doubt John Patrick craves this very freeing concept. Whether you’re being watched or are the watcher, there are some very intense sensations and emotions that run through you. For me – the thought is appealing, but in a controlled way. Then again, John Patrick would never do anything to disrespect or allow harm to come to me in any fashion. Therein lies the trust strong enough I would engage in the thought. There are many people in our society, very well respected men and women, who hunger for this kind of humiliation – whether giving or receiving. In fact, they live a secret life in which the find a partner or partners they use in whatever methods they need – not just desire. This new story line is based on the concept. PLEASE keep in mind – this is a story. This is not my life with or without John Patrick. I just want to make that very clear. I hope you enjoy…
“I have all the contracts prepared for your meetings today. Everything is in order.”
Serena Cavanaugh looked up from her computer and pushed a stray strand of hair from her face. She had to blink several times to have her assistant come into focus. The long hours were kicking her in the ass. “Thanks Cara. I can always count on you.”
“I know how important this is for you, for the firm,” Cara said as she fingered the file folder in her hand.
“But the deal is in place. Mr. Solten is going to sign on the dotted line and you’re going to be considered a hero.”
Serena laughed as she swiveled her chair back and forth. “I honestly don’t think the big boys in gray suits give a shit about whether I’m some hero or not. In fact, if Dimitri wasn’t signing on the dotted line today, I think I’d be in the unemployment line by five sharp.” A quick buzz of her email drew her attention back to her computer. Seeing the sender she shivered, her nipples instantly hardening.
“You’re the best attorney Chadwick and Meyers have and you know it. If the stuffy old men have no clue how good you are then fuck ‘em!” A grin popped on Cara’s face.
“My, my. I didn’t realize you had this kind of spunk in you. Good girl!” She resisted opening the email because she knew exactly what was going to be said, demanded. He expected immediate obedience without question. Of course there’d be a read receipt. Of course she’d obey his commands to the letter, no matter what he asked. Of course… Swallowing hard she shifted in her seat as her pussy clenched and beads of perspiration trickled down the back of her neck.
“I’m very good. Just try me.” Cara moved closer to Serena’s desk. “Convincing Dimitri Solten was a tough sell. Not a single male attorney could get the stick out of the guy’s ass. You did. You single handedly came into the equation, not having met the man or knowing anything about his unscrupulous tactics, and saved the day. That alone deserves kudo points, a hefty raise and a company car if you ask me.”
“I like your style lady, but it ain’t gonna happen.” Rising to her feet she couldn’t help but look at the email again. Why did he have this much control over her? Because this is exactly what you’ve been craving. The truth was raw, honest and undeniable any longer. “I just need to make certain he signs all the contracts then I can finish part two of the deal with Mr. Raven and we are good to go.”
“I hear Raven and his boys are chomping at the bit to get rid of the land. What was the final price Solten paid for the deal?”
“A cool two million.” Land acquisition and real estate development certainly wasn’t Serena’s forte, but given her firm hadn’t been able to crack either nut in over twelve months, her boss had seen her as a last resort. Little did he know the tactics she’d used – been forced to use. Shivering, she folded her arms.
“You look flushed. Are you feeling all right?” Cara asked as she narrowed her eyes.
“Fine. Just ready for this to be over. I need a hot bath, a tall glass of wine and a night off.”
“How about a man?”
Serena rolled her eyes. “Additional men in my life I don’t need. I have a few emails to finish up then I have the meeting with Mr. Solten at eleven. I’ll be at Raven’s office by three then that’s it. I’m gone for the day and taking tomorrow off.”
“Good for you.” Cara’s eyes flashed. “I’ll hold the fort down.”
“I know you will. Thank you for all the extra hours.”
“No problem. I enjoyed being switched to being your assistant. Harvey was getting on my nerves.”
Serena smiled as Cara strutted out the door. She should feel vindicated, a winner in a company full of male executives. Unfortunately she had no idea where her life was headed, which direction she wanted to follow – except for his lead. His needs. She would do what he required. Her finger hovering over the keyboard, she nodded before hitting the space bar and eyeing the email. Her nerves on edge, she waited another ten seconds before clicking her mouse.
Her instincts right about the read receipt she hit yes, knowing he had to keep track of her at all times. There was no question about living her life any longer as she wanted. He was in full control. As she read the email, the required task, she shuddered to her core. “Jesus.” His demands were becoming more outrageous, bordering on dangerous. She was beginning to learn what made him tick, understanding his need for complete domination of her.
Pressing her hand across her mouth in an attempt to hold in what she knew would be a bedraggled whimper, she took a step back from her desk. Could she do this? Would she allow herself to be degraded in this fashion? The short answer was yes. She wanted nothing more than to please him, show him she was the right submissive, would learn to be his slave in every manner. A laugh bubbled past her lips. A slave? Really?
Serena was powerful in her own right, respected in the world of law after having practiced over twenty years. She’d been married to a Senator for Christ’s sake. Okay, so the divorce had been humiliating enough. Maybe that’s why she could tolerate this kind of behavior within herself. Then again, she’d always known what she desired in her life and every vanilla relationship had ended badly.
Chuckling, she read the email again, pondering the task at hand. There was no need to reply. He simply expected she’d do as she was told. And she would. After a few more seconds of hesitation she grabbed her briefcase, shoving the needed files inside. Her heart racing she deleted the email and turned toward the window. Her life had changed dramatically in the few weeks. She was living on the edge, hungry to try every new act, giving her body in ways she’d only fantasized about, read about during countless nights of little sleep.
Of course he’d seen through her bravado almost immediately. He’d been able to pick apart her carefully layered masks, each one thinly veiled to hide away the woman inside, the one beckoning to be taken, used. He’d managed in three short weeks to strip away her sense of decency, redefining the submissive she’d become. Three fucking weeks where other men had spent years trying to figure her out, wasting her time and too much of her life. A rattled sigh escaped her lips as she turned back toward her desk, trying to figure out if she had any cardboard.
After jerking open every desk drawer, she managed to find a small stack of cardstock, bright blue to be exact, and rolled her eyes. Yeah, she’d be noticed. Grabbing a sharpie she popped the cap then stood for a full minute swaying back and forth. What if any of her colleagues saw this? What if her friends noticed her? What if she was photographed, blackmailed at a later time? “What if,” she whispered.
A quick glance at her watch reminded her she had a strict regime to follow. He would punish her severely for being a single minute late. A quick shift and the thin material of her skirt scraping along her bruised ass was a solid reminder. The whipping had occurred four days earlier and she was still bruised, welts crisscrossing her ass and thighs. Another tingle, this time one of blatant desire, swept through her system. As she rolled the pen in her hand she envisioned the last round of play, the one that had left her in tears. The man had a way about him, one she was unable to resist, no matter how cruel his punishment might be considered.
In bold letters she wrote the required statement then stood back and admired her blocky yet ragged handwriting. It would have to do. There was no time to waste. Next she secured twine and punched holes in the two edges of what would be a sign, a very special sign.
Minutes later she was in her car in the parking garage, the engine revving as much as her heart was racing. Visions and thoughts continued to rush into her mind, stealing her breath. “Fuck me.”
She knew exactly where he was sending her, had been to the area during her tenure as a criminal prosecutor. The seedy environment was well known for harboring drug deals and prostitution, certainly not a section of town her existing clients would fashion. Or would they? There seemed to be an underground of men and women who held dark secrets, partaking in kink that few in the vanilla world could fathom.
Serena sighed as she glanced into her rear view mirror, only able to see her haunted eyes in the dim lighting of the underground garage. After boosting her courage she backed out of the parking space.
Less that twenty minutes later she pulled her Lexus into a dilapidated parking lot in front of a Cash and Carry and pawn store then scanned the area. There were few people out given the time of day. Much of the seedier activity took place after dark. Seedy? What the hell did she think she was doing? As she unfastened her seat belt and turned off the engine she burst into laughter. This was insane, the craziest shit she’d ever done in her life. Yet she was wet and hot all over, tingling.
Another glance of the street and she moved her seat back, giving herself room. She struggled but managed to get her confining suit coat off, tossing the conservative blue piece in the back. Next came her skirt and she cursed the choice of wearing the pencil thin POS on this day of all days. She was sweating by the time she maneuvered the material down her hips, nearly ripping the thing ass she dragged it from her legs and feet. The blouse was easier but she promised herself she’d never wear silk again.
She could hear screaming coming from her right and she was terrified to look for fear of drawing their attention. The battle came to her, the group of men sauntering in front of her car, music blaring from some source, the cussing and screaming continuing. When the gang was barely four feet from her car she realized what a magnet she was to their attention. Her shiny red Lexus couldn’t be missed, let alone the fact she was sitting in a hot pink lace bra and matching thong panties. Licking her lips she sat still and prayed. Dear God she prayed.
Either they didn’t notice or didn’t care a woman in her late forties was sitting in the middle of a car half naked. Thank God for small favors. She waited for a few more seconds until she could no longer hear the music before continuing to undress. As she tossed her bra in the back she shook her head but an odd sense of peace washed through her. This was exhilarating.
Shifting her hips she slid the panties down easily enough. When she was left with simply her stiletto heels she rubbed her hand down her stomach to her sworn pussy then to her sweaty thigh. This was going to be interesting.
Serena grabbed her briefcase, easing out the silk blindfold he’d given her on their second night together.
You’ll wear this often…
The statement continued to give her shivers. Next she tugged out the makeshift sign, allowing her index finger to brush across the woven string. Before placing the sign around her neck she breathed the written words. “I’m a whore. Use me.” Placing the sign around her neck she pulled the key fab, grabbed the mask and unlocked her door.
The warm air gave her a rush as she climbed out, closed the door with a soft click and walked steadily to the corner. In position she gulped air, touched the sign and placed the mask around her eyes.
Then she waited…
Well, edgy? Too much or sexy to a point? We’ll just have to see where this takes her.
Kisses and spanks…