Did you ever hear the line from a very famous movie ‘There’s just one thing’? What does that mean? Well, in City Slickers (yep, I am dating myself here) Billy Crystal made certain his buddies knew the one thing that meant the most or challenged them the most was a very personal issue. While they scratched their heads, they realized he was right. There’s no difference in the journey of a DD or D/s relationship – at least in my mind. There are various reasons why men and women enter into an alternative lifestyle. There are some very personal and deep seeded needs within all of us that we often times find tough to explore. Why? Well, as I mentioned in the last blog, everything from our family and friends to the basics of society keep us from truly embracing the real person we are or hunger to be.
We all tend to follow along at some point like drones. Let’s face it – we have to follow so many rules and regulations we tend to just expect every aspect of our lives is based on some formula. You know the one I mean. We get out of high school, then college and begin to explore our sexual needs (no matter how kinky they may be) get a great job as we move into a career. Then we find the right husband or wife material, move into the house in the burbs, have the white picket fence and the two kids with the perfect Golden Retriever named Muffy and life moves on. Suddenly we’re fifty going – what the fuck? Well, here we are in a relationship in which we don’t know the person (or yourself for that matter) any longer nor do if REALLY questioned do you care to be in one with that guy or gal sitting across the dinner table. You know that table too, right? The one in which the television is blaring some bullshit that you aren’t watching as you eat food you could care less about and simply want to get through the thirty minutes.
Okay, I paint a bleak picture but are you seeing a bit of yourself in here? We all do this. We all settle and we can blame our partner all we want to but the truth is, we allowed ourselves to settle for one reason – we lied to ourselves about who we are. For many of us the concept of comfort is just fine and that’s great. For others, we tend to push back – rage against the machine. Now, you might call this a mid life crises but I’ve realized over the last couple of years breaking the mold is simply realizing we aren’t the person we either thought we were or should be.
Perhaps that’s why so many men and women are moving into a more alternative lifestyle. We long to find ourselves. Sex is a powerful tool and passion and the hunger for another never goes away. In fact, I personally think as we get older we tend to understand our needs, embracing we love sex and want someone to want us. Who doesn’t want to hear amazing words of lust and desire? What man or woman doesn’t feel those teenage butterflies when another gives us a compliment or states blatantly they want nothing more than to kiss or see or hug or… You know what I mean. I feel amazing when I’m with John Patrick. The man is loving and sensitive, giving and nurturing, demonstrative and the most amazing man to have a basic conversation with. He’s also very powerful in his quiet dominance, his increasing control and my desire to submit to him.
Pretty heady stuff. I asked you a challenge during the last blog. What’s the one thing you really need as a woman? I think a lot of us would say love, honesty, trust and passion. Where does this all begin in reality? Acceptance. Not only do we long to have acceptance of the person we are with our significant other, but crave being able to show those inner secrets to our husband/wife/lover more than anything. And we all harbor things deep inside we’re suddenly afraid to share.
When we were teenagers, we thought we could conquer the world. We said ‘fuck you’ to certain powers that tried to keep us from being who we are. Well, guess what? Somewhere along the way you lost who you were. Didn’t you? Hmmm… I know I did. I was a totally different woman. I believed in different things. I might not have understood my submissive needs then as my outer personality dictates so much of my professional life, but the need was there. Now that I can label who and what I am, I feel free. Yes, John Patrick has certainly helped in my personal freedom, but he only flipped the door wide open. He didn’t crack the lock, finally smashing the padlock that dragged me more into what society thought I should be, thereby I allowed myself to be that way.
I did that. I finally not only accepted the woman I am deep inside, but I also embraced her. That was tougher than you think. I took a long hard look at my reflection and realized I am a submissive and need a man to dominate me. I am a woman who not only thrives on that level of control, but also excels and the concept of needing strict discipline is like a shot of adrenaline to my psyche. I shiver just thinking about this. While vanilla relationships work for so many, for me? Not so much. I’m an odd mixture of needing a firm hand and stretching the boundaries in which John Patrick reminded me just the other day – take my mind out of the vanilla space.
It’s been quite a while since I had my last spanking and I know he’s ready to issue one, two or five given my mouthiness, my push against his authority. I laugh but I tend to move back into the vanilla girl as a habit. We shall see how that spanking goes.
For each one of us, finding the person inside, truly admitting who we are and what we need is difficult. If we’re lucky enough to have a partner we trust implicitly, enabling frank and open conversations, fantastic. If we don’t that then in honesty, we need to move on. I refuse to accept complacency any longer. I don’t want to live a plastic life, being a vanilla girl wearing a mask and hiding the submissive. So what’s that one thing for you? What is the one thing inside you need the one way in which you’ll allow him or her to come out? Tough question but is it really? You know who you are. You know what you want. Your emotions run high as you think about who you were and what you really want.
Emotions play a role in every relationship, so does love and passion. The rest is molded with every couple – different in the dynamic but very powerful. In exploring aspects of discipline, my own blogs have forced me to open my mind further, delve into various aspects of why I think discipline is an amazing and perhaps necessary tool for couples. I hope for you, you’ve been able to see a bit of yourself and perhaps smile knowing you’re not alone in what you long to have.
I encourage you to explore, to trust and accept yourself, and to talk to your partner. First steps. Spankings are a product of intense and deep needs, not because of the physical act itself. Spankings are all about control and letting go. John Patrick is a different man being my Dominant, knowing I trust his judgment when he says I need a hard spanking. I’m a different woman being able to completely let go with him, show the vulnerable sides. The ultimate in relationships is all about being YOU – isn’t it?
I hope you’ve enjoyed the series and would love to hear your thoughts.
Kisses and spanks…