I was inspired to write this blog for a couple of reasons. One, I had a lovely reader mention she was fearful her Dom was taking her good natured desires to please him in various ways for granted. Two, John Patrick often has some difficulty accepting the fact I truly have the innate desire to please and serve him in every manner. While he certainly enjoys and appreciates, he’s never had anyone in his life want to serve him, let alone had any significant aspects occur. I know he’s certainly getting used to the fact I want and need to serve him as well as submit fully and they are two different aspects of being in a D/s relationship. Submission is the giving of yourself utterly and completely in body, mind and soul to a Dom who will guide, nurture and train you as well as command all aspects of your life. Serving delves into the more every day life and details from fulfilling his sexual needs to the household requirements that I would have if we were living together. Submissives have certain requirements such as keeping the house clean, doing all the shopping and cooking, or preparing a favorite drink upon his arrival, and these can vary depending on the relationship. For those who aren’t in a D/s relationship, I don’t think you can truly understand that for subsmissives, this is a joy as well as what we know is an expectation.
I asked him how my need to serve him has changed in his acceptance from the beginning to now and has he fully embraced the concept or has a ways to go. His answer is that yes, he’s much more accepting but feels he has a LONG way to go and that he doesn’t, nor will he ever take my need to serve him for granted. He reiterated that today saying he adores the concept, but honestly has difficulty wrapping his brain around the idea. You have to understand, he’s a very giving man by nature and no, this hasn’t stopped.
When I asked him if he feels there is any difference in serving versus submitting. This is his exact answer. “One can serve to a degree but not be submissive. Being submissive, the servitude should be complete.” Yes, I agree that the combination is a completeness for both of us. What we share is so very special there are few words that can adequately identify our passion, what we share and what we long to share. He is another side of me and I of him.
He asked me whether I think the readers like the fact you’re seeing a real man, not what he calls a ‘Domly Dom’. I crack up every time I hear this. I picture this big, bulky guy with tight leather and chains, wielding a whip. You know the one, powerful voice and kinda nasty demeanor. Trust me, John Patrick is NOT like this at all. Now, he has the powerful voice – deep and sexy as hell and at six foot five, well… However he is a real man, one with worries and fears, foibles and vulnerability. He doesn’t mind asking questions, trying to figure out his changing needs or methods of disciplining me. He further explained he’s read so many posts on social media sites such as FetLife where the Dom goes on and on about how many women he’s trained in his life as a Dom. As I reminded him, a hell of a lot of this is much more about blowing smoke, complete fabrication. Men can be blowhards. He will tell you up front that he’s inexperienced and that we are learning by growing and by missteps. That’s what I think is a true Dom, one who admits his concerns.
He enjoys the journey with all the weird quirks. He doesn’t mind showing both me as well as my readers this side and in truth, I think this adds to his authority for me. I have complete respect for him and that’s why disobeying or disappointing honest to God bothers me more than any punishment he could issue. I also think readers enjoy seeing both sides of both John Patrick and myself. There is no rulebook for being a Dom or submissive for that matter. What you have to share is total, thorough and open communication.
For those in vanilla or in certain D/s relationships, you may not understand the concept that submitting to someone does indeed mean a complete level of giving everything. You’re gifting him your entire being, love and sex, passion and fears, the need for training and discipline. John Patrick does require I do certain things for him but his needs are simple, straight forward. He’s well aware I long to please and serve him. He’s giving in his own right. When you share a D/s lifestyle, the concept of caring, passion, the joy of giving etc. doesn’t go out the window. In my mind and in what he and I have already shared these incredible months, I’ve found him more giving in all aspects than any man I’ve ever known. He’s overtly kind and loving, nurturing in a way I’m not used to. Is he strict with me at times? Yes, he has to be. I am willful after all.
Does he make certain I know my place? Yes, but his method of bringing me back to center is much more about intelligent communication, words said softly to remind me the vanilla girl is slipping out. When he spanks me or otherwise punishes me for certain infractions, I’m treated like an adult who simply lost her way for a little while. He doesn’t use the power of his size or prowess in any manner to hurt. He also doesn’t ignore me, which is a method of discipline I hear often used.
What I find interesting about myself is that serving him is easy. I absolutely love showering him with affection, giving him attention, massaging and cooking, buying treats and making certain he has every need physically that’s possible. Submitting came with a bit more difficulty but that was merely a stepping stone given our talks and my trust, his honor and respect. Now I can never see myself not submitting to him. I think the product of living your vanilla life is the reason I had a difficult time in the beginning. I’m my own person, assertive and in your face. I take no shit from no one. The world teaches us about certain dynamics so we attach ourselves to what life is ‘supposed’ to be. The truth is far from our perceived notions.
For women (keep in mind D/s is not gender biased) who are just entering into a D/s relationship, I think you are looking for someone that will take control but don’t confuse kindness and generosity with the inability to be a strong Dom. Quite the opposite. A man who can use his intelligence, his patience and wit along with his commanding authority – NOT violence or threats, aggression or nastiness, is the true Dom. If you fear your Dom, get out of the relationship. Period. I have never feared anything John Patrick has done, said, or any manner in which he’s treated me. Some things readers say to me resonates strongly. They want to give everything of themselves but need the respect they so deserve. That’s simple enough, don’t you think? I feel blessed with what I share with John Patrick yet we are on a journey, one that ebbs and flows. When you find the right person, you’ll know. Honor and respect yourself first. That’s paramount. Submission and servitude. Powerful words.
I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…