Answer me this question. Have you ever purposely cried to get out of a ticket? Perhaps that sexy cop you just knew you could cry or worse, throw a little sexiness his way in order to save your bacon? Well… I think we’ve all used our feminine wiles and certain emotions to get what we want. With our significant others, we also use basic emotions and drama to sway a conversation or perhaps obtain that sexy little item we know we shouldn’t spend money on. That’s been the way of women in dealing with men. Right?
Well, in being a submissive, the basic typical feminine emotions don’t necessarily work in favor of the sub. With John Patrick, he teases me that I’m a girl but there are those times I can see in his big brown eyes that he doesn’t quite understand where I’m coming from every once in awhile. There are times I just love teasing him because he garners a look that is irreplaceable. However, teasing him too often has proven not to be good for my ass. I can chuckle, but I’ve realized I go to far with teasing and so I try and temper my actions as I do with certain reactions to his questions or needs. Don’t get me wrong, John Patrick and I can talk about anything and everything. There’s nothing off the table. We talk about life, love, sex, politics, submission, fears, the world, writing, kink, whipping… Even when I’m unsure or unhappy, my day has been shit or his is filled with uncertainty, we talk.
I’m sitting here tonight finishing this blog thinking about him. I’ve had some personal issues that have been very difficult and sadly when I am on overdrive and exhausted, I tend to become very emotional. That means I react differently that a rested sane person would to some basic issues of life. You’ve heard me say he’s a very patient man but at times he has no clue why I react the way I do. We had an talk recently in which he had to tell me something disappointing and yes, I was surprised and I have no doubt my face reported this emotion. Now, to my defense, I didn’t freak out (as he often reminds me not to do) and I didn’t throw a temper tantrum. I expressed surprised. He was a bit unsure of how to react. Perhaps he thought I’d harbor the moment for later. That’s not what you do EVER in a D/s relationship or you shouldn’t. You have to talk out everything. You have to be honest and up front. You have to give each other respect.
However, your Dom deserves and commands the utmost respect. So at times my emotions need to be reined in. He’s very good at doing this. His calm and husky voice not only thrills me in the way of my panties staying wet most of the time, the tone is also soothing as well as offering guidance. That might sound odd to the vanilla world, but honestly there is nothing more powerful to me than his voice.
Temper tantrums and drama – lordy I can tell you John Patrick HATES both more than just about anything. The concept of anyone trying to make a point with being overdramatic in any fashion, whether good or bad, pushes all the wrong buttons. He doesn’t like histrionics and will not tolerate that sort of behavior with me. Hence the ‘re-focusing’ he feels he needs to do often – because I can get far too emotional. Hhmmm… Really? I don’t scream or rant or rave (at least in front of him), I haven’t thrown a tantrum to date and I certainly don’t raise my voice or argue, but… Tears have appeared as well as various looks of surprise and disdain. The spankings I receive to aid in this refocusing do their job. I’m centered and grounded for a little while. Honestly, I love the feeling after a spanking. There is a quiet calm that settles over me, a warmth knowing he has my best interests at heart. Amazing.
In case you haven’t figured out, men and women are vastly different. I know, said with tongue in cheek but often times I think we’re reminded in the most interesting methods. I think when you have two strong personalities in any relationship, whether one that’s traditionally vanilla or D/s, emotions run high. With John Patrick and I, as both he and I have said before, our highs are extremely high and our lows bottoming out to a point often I end up in tears. Now, the tears aren’t always for bad reasons, don’t get me wrong, but karma tends to fuck with our relationship. We already have what some would call a long distance situation. This is more about time than anything, but the strain given we aren’t together 24/7 is felt by both of us. Believe me the very thought of just being together, sharing wine and good conversation or engaging in passion and kink grip our hearts often. We have a powerful relationship.
How many times have you heard women are far more emotional than women? The sentiment is one that drives me buck wild sometimes because I know plenty of men who become emotional about a myriad of issues much quicker and easier than women ever will. Are we wired differently? Perhaps, but often I think society has played a role is pushing men to the brink of bottling their emotions. Do you really believe that strong men shouldn’t cry? Hog-fucking-wash. John Patrick is perhaps what I would call the strongest man I know in many ways, but he has no problem showing me his emotions. He’s also calm by nature, a plotter and planner, but if something bothers him or if the stupidity of humans pushes back against him in any way, he can get VERY opinionated.
What I’ve realized during our months together is that he and I are very much alike. Our personalities mesh in ways I’ve never had before. We like the same things, crave and need the same levels of kink and passion, hunger for long conversations over bottles of wine. Could this potentially create a situation whereby I see myself as equal? Not in the world of D/s. While I have “the other girl” with me always, the one who’s a take charge type for work and my friends and family, my utter respect for the man and my acceptance of his complete domination over me stands firm. Spankings used as reminders help as well.
Emotions do stymy him at times. I think a lot of men don’t understand what creates anger or sadness within women. They often don’t have the same trigger mechanisms that we do. As I just mentioned, men feel very strongly about various aspects of their life. Women do tend to wear their emotions on their sleeve. I’m a very passionate person about life in general. I can be extremely overdramatic and fiery. I will be in your face telling you what I think. I command a room when I walk inside because of my height alone so when my assertive personality comes out – watch out. I have no hesitation telling someone off and you know by my eyes flashing when I’m upset or furious about something.
Does this bode well with John Patrick? If you would meet him at work or in certain crowded situations, you’d think him to be almost mild mannered. He’s an observer, standing in the periphery, drinking in what people are doing. He listens intently to conversations and never misses a beat. Does he interject? Certainly not as much as I would, but his opinions will eventually come out. What I’ve learned almost innately about him and about myself is that I don’t need to be the front runner, the over dramatic girl when he’s around. I don’t have to show off. He certainly doesn’t mind having me on his arm, showing the world in a sense I belong to him. His dominance is laced with quiet determination. Is he emotional? You bet. Does my level of emotions bother him at times? No doubt, but he tempers any reaction with knowing he’s peeling another layer, finding out more about the woman inside. What we have works well. What we will gain from being so honest and open – priceless. Remember to trust yourself first then you’ll realize emotions are pretty damn amazing.
I hope you’ve enjoyed.
Kisses and spanks…