Guiding a Submissive…the Reality of Sharing

A ménage… Is that all you think about when you hear the word ‘sharing’ involving a couple and another person? I think most people do. The concept is all about sex. Right? Well, often sex is involved of course, but within a D/s dynamic, that’s not just what happens and sometimes sex isn’t on the menu. Case in point. John Patrick could discipline another without sex ever involved. Meaning, he could spank and the girl would go on her merry way. Could this turn into more at a later time? Certainly, but that would depend on the person. That 9Wet Kisswould also depend on the dynamic with the person – and with me. John Patrick and I are very passionate, uninhibited and open. We embrace the same needs and hunger for more than traditional sex.

Most would say we’re kinky. We like to coin a phrase said about both of us often. “Ya’ll are weird.” Yep, we are – that is if you mean we don’t enjoy the traditional realm of sharing intimacy. We don’t. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing better than kissing and holding hands, a long hot shower where I scrub every inch of him, being able to touch each other when we’re anywhere close to each other. These are very intimate yet lust filled connections. They’re probably considered fairly vanilla. Oh, but we have another side, one that is dark with needs forbidden. For the record – I think most people would look at me and think – yeah, the chick is wicked and definitely wild. But John Patrick? Eh, I don’t think so. Being weird is an honor, one I carry well and smile.

Spanking for hire. Well, I don’t mean that in the traditional way, although I’ve written about just his in my Spank Me collection. There are people who seek out a dominant personality, a disciplinarian to give them what they crave – being whipped for all their wrong doings. The person would be an authority figure, one with a deep voice, a quiet yet very pointed demeanor. He’d be well practiced in the art of spanking and would quickly be able to read the submissive and his or her needs. Trust me when I say, John Patrick is very much this persona. With a simple look and a crook of his finger, a reassuring tone in his voice as he pulls you over his knee, well he certainly garners flutters in my heart, knocking in my knees still today. The man knows how to take control and spank.

A question was posed to him recently about how he could do this without sex. He returned the question with a question of hi own. What is the concept of sex – as he asked just intercourse? Or if you have oral sex, is that the true meaning of the word? Hmmm… What about the use of a toy or other stimulus but no body parts? I know, the concept sounds rather complicated. Right? I’m bringing this up because there is no easy answer. Every couple, every relationship is different. You can’t pigeonhole feelings and emotions, worries and trepidations. That’s why John Patrick and I talk all the time, sharing…yes SHARING our feelings and needs. They’ve changed since we became a couple and they will again, I assure you. There are other aspects to sharing including our secret life to others in our vanilla world. There’s sharing of discipline involving a person of trust. There’s also sharing by going to a club, allowing others to watch us as he whips or uses me. Then there’s sharing out bodies, our sex, our passion for D/s and perhaps our lives with another – a third. This is also called a polyamory relationship. While not wide spread in the United States, the lifestyle is increasing in popularity.

The concept of sharing comes up frequently both in my blog, stories and in questions I’m asked by readers who honestly have no idea who John Patrick and I Good Girl - No Pantiescan consider ever sharing with another, allowing the second submissive into our inner sanctum. There is no easy answer as to why other than we’re very open, longing to bring the joy we have to others. I know – sounds a bit too unrealistic. Right? The key for us is we’ve been very open about this since the beginning. The interesting aspect to this is that he’s very possessive. While he will enjoy seeing and allowing another women in our lives – NO WAY there will be a man. At least right now. He’s a man’s man after all and can’t stomach seeing me with another man.

We’ve had a myriad of fascinating conversations over the last couple of days. When we connected we weren’t looking for anything in particular as far as in another partner – not really. We were both looking to explore the side of us we’d recently unmasked, the one SCREAMING to be allowed out of that ugly black box. John Patrick had a life altering occurrence and I had years of pent up lies swelling to the boiling point. My writing pulled me out of my cage. His near death his. And so we set off on a journey where we had no idea what we were looking for, but knew and know today the basic same ole vanilla life will never ease our hunger.

I’d experienced a couple of Dom’s I’d rather now beat to death than submit to and he had one that was flaky and another that perhaps was too much on the edge. The just right part came with being very honest and truthful as well as completely uninhibited in our thinking. We’re open people and not just about domination or BDSM. We don’t judge people on any level – well except for stupid people. LOL.

What we realized minute one is that we can talk about anything. When sharing came up, I knew what he wanted simply because I’d learned the man inside and out. I’m as close to him as I’ve ever been to anyone and he feels the same way. There was no shock factor for either of us. While he’s told me he’s a one person kind of man (one very close friend, one very special lover or love) I know that he’d be happy if a third was in our lives, one that could be an extension of the two of us. Don’t worry. I don’t have the rose colored glasses on. I’m not certain she exists, but then again, I didn’t think the kind of relationship we share ever could.

Without a doubt, there are so many ramifications surrounding the concept there is no easy or quick way we’ll ever achieve this – if ever. The person has to be right. To answer what some readers might ask is the burning question – would I be jealous ultimately? Of course there’d be some of those feelings, but you have to understand, what I share with him isn’t anything you can imagine. Hell, what we have, the extreme deep and very intense love is all encompassing, breathtaking for both of us. Is our relationship perfect? Hell no. There ain’t one out there kiddos.

BUT…we can just be together in a way that is awe inspiring. When we can drink wine, share a laugh, enjoy cooking so that every single flavor is heightened, candles and time talking are sinful and delicious… Well, you get my drift. We have odds to deal with, life that interferes, but that’s okay. We’ll work through them. But I digress. I asked John Patrick a series of questions about sharing, partly because of some very pointed questions from a couple readers and partially because I wanted to make certain his voice was heard without inflection, without my kitten Our level of communication and the passion in which we show is very special, as a reader pointed out recently. He’s mulling over several that I certainly know the answer to, but again, I want HIS voice. I’ll bring those to you in a soon to be penned blog. What I can tell you is that through his guidance and honesty I’ve grown as a woman, let alone as a submissive. What we share together is amazing and very rare. I feel blessed.

As you think about what I’ve written, ask yourself this – could you ever be secure enough in your relationship (whether vanilla or D/s) to share – even for a single night? Could you see opening up to another to the point the person was an extension? Would you say yes, then freak out and threaten to leave him or her? Hmmm… Heady questions but ones to consider if you’ve ever had either a ménage or more on your mind. My thoughts for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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