Why Do Women Crave Spankings?

I have to admit I grabbed this title straight off the top search engines that are occurring on WordPress right now. Today. That along with ‘the ways to become a slave’. I thought I’d tackle the spanking question. Do spankings and becoming a slave go hand in hand? Of course not, but both are about a relationship that has gone through a power exchange. What does this mean? Simply that one person in the relationship has given the other the power to control, whether simply for discipline or for the life they live. Slave and submissive are vastly different, however and I’m not certain many in a vanilla lifestyle realize this. I certainly didn’t until I explored my submissive side with John Patrick. Becoming a slave is an entirely different and very complex subject. I don’t think I Submissives Sentimentscould ever become a slave, nor does he want me to be. Let’s take a taste of being taken over his knee, spanked like you were when you were a child.

Why would a woman crave a spanking?

Pain. Do you enjoy pain? Some people do. We’ve already talked about the concept of a pain slut – someone who enjoys receiving pain. That’s not what we’re talking about. Granted, spankings for punishment are supposed to hurt. They’re designed to stop bad behavior. We’re not talking about love taps in the bedroom, although I think most women would admit hungering for one or two. A real old fashioned over the knee spanking involves letting go, pain, sometimes tears, and the understanding you’ve done something wrong.

Now, as a reader of any sexy blog or story, what do you think? What are the first thoughts and emotions racing in the back of your mind? Shock? Nausea? Are you rolling your eyes right about now and commenting to your significant other that there are a lot of weirdos in the world? Or are you quietly smiling, perhaps wiggling in your seat because you know you’ve at least craved a spanking more than once? I asked this on Facebook this morning so we’ll see if anyone answers me.

John Patrick and I are card carrying weirdos. We say that all the time to each other. While we honestly think we’re fairly normal in the realm of others, we realize a few people would be shocked if they knew our other side – the dark side. By day we’re both very active professionals who follow the rules, play nice in the sandbox and move about in public like any other couple. We love wineries and making dinner together, quiet times talking on the deck and snuggling while watching a movie. Then there’s the basement… And yes, I’m not kidding. Time spent in the rather dark place symbolizes our craving to share BDSM together, but that’s not the only aspect of what we share. Spankings are a part of our realm. This you already know. Do I crave a spanking? The simple and short answer is yes. I feel happier, more well rounded, focused, loved and cherished when I receive one. Do I think I need one every day? Hmmm… Perhaps. Why? For me the reminder that he is my Sir is important. Why do women crave in general?

I certainly don’t think there’s one simple or single answer to this. For every woman this is very intimate and no doubt private. While so many people crave sex, they aren’t comfortable talking about pretty much any aspect. Try mentioned the word ‘flogger’ or ‘nipple clamps’ in a mixed crowd and see the kind of looks you receive. Try asking your best friend or a group of girls (or guys for that matter) if they’ve ever craved and received regular spankings. My guess is the entire group will move Spank me hardso fast to the far side of the room your head will spin. You can see them, all red faced and huffing while they gulp whatever alcoholic beverage they can find close to them.

John Patrick and I are weird and perhaps evil. We’ve gone into a restaurant and purposely talked a little louder than normal about aspects of kink go so the table near us would hear. Oh they crane their necks and stare wide-eyed. Now, I don’t this rather wicked practice in front of your boss but… And I also don’t want to undermine the beauty of a D/s relationship AT ALL. Even a vanilla relationship embracing aspects of spanking discipline should be given the respect it deserves. For the relatively few couples uninhibited enough to discuss and consider various unconventional needs is pretty damn awesome in my book.

Let’s face it – Americans in particular are pretty close-minded. I laugh because we think we’re cutting edge with our porn sites. Hogwash. We’re hiding what we want from ourselves, let alone everyone else. Other countries have us beat hands down in their ability and desire to embrace sexuality. I’d come close to saying we’re puritans with regards to anything other than the missionary position. We just are folks. BORING is another word. Do you wonder why there are so many divorces? But I digress… Women have always hungered for the dominating man. From Knights of the Round Table to cowboys, policemen to our military heroes, we long for the strong authoritative type. We find them sexier.

Why? Because they are men, not the pansy asses I see exist at times. I keep telling my young assistant, go for a real man in jeans and cowboy boots, not the kid with saggy pants and playing video games all night. I know – my personal opinion but our romance novels aren’t graced with boys who look like girls, now are they? Nope. We want men to be men, foraging for fire and food and providing shelter and protection. Men are the natural leaders, born and bred to do just that – be the protector and provider. I think spankings are a simple and very passionate reminder of these facts. The act is one very clear cut way to say to the women they are in charge, they make the rules.

In talking with other women, they will admit they enjoy the sting of pain, the concept of him taking control – at least in the bedroom. For those in domestic discipline relationship, I’ve heard comments similar to mine. They feel more loved, at peace with their relationship. Passion grows and they look at their man with pride and love, respect and honor. Yes, the whole honor and obey thing comes into play. Why do you think my collection of books with this title is popular? Readers are curious. They want to read about the exact thing they’ve been thinking and wanting – even if they’re not ready to admit the concept openly.

The very first time John Patrick spanked me was cathartic. I honestly had no idea the belthow I’d react and my emotions weren’t where I thought they’d be. I can tell you his reaction wasn’t either. We were both filled with adrenaline, raw emotions and in truth, that’s the moment love for the man developed. I’d already felt respect and adoration, but I knew at that moment I was falling hard. I know this sounds rather odd, but the very moment was my awakening, my admittance I could trust a man, my Dom, enough to allow myself to let control go. I gave full control over to him at that very moment. Since then the experience hasn’t been the same in the terms of a shocking eye opener, but every time he spanks me I gain more respect, I feel more obedient and subservient to him.

For any women, I honestly think the act will draw you closer to each other. Whether you’re being spanked because you disobeyed him or you’re trying to beef up your kink level, you are giving him the controlling reins. You’re saying you no longer have to fight the system and be the dominating woman – something we say we want as women but honestly grow weary of the responsibility. We are very tired of fighting the good fight every day with family and work and kids and money and chores and issues and… Are you exhausted and ready to hand over control now from reading this? Whew, I am. John Patrick is the controlling factor in my life. He does and will give me spankings when he feels I need to be centered or if I break the rules.

Think for just a moment about your life, your guy. Do you have the guts to ask him to try spankings for a while? Hmm…

I hope you’ve enjoyed.

Kisses and spanks and tell me your stories…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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2 Responses to Why Do Women Crave Spankings?

  1. This is a very insightful post and touches on so many issues. Some years ago I had a friend who was married and she and her husband hadn’t had sex in like 2 years. Then a few married guys made passes at me, claiming they no longer had sex with their wives. So I Googled this topic–married couples who no longer have sex, and I was floored with the results. It’s more common than you think. Anyway, whenever I would try and talk to my gfs about problems they were having in the bedroom, they’d get embarrassed and clam up, and I’d think to myself, If you can’t talk about it, I can’t imagine you having much fun doing it. Soooo many people are sexually repressed. It’s quite sad.

    I’ve always dated dominant men–men who put work first, were very ambitious, and somewhat controlling. Then after a not so great experience with an overly-domineering Persian man, I said, “you know what? I’m sick of this bullshit. I want a more passive man.” This turned out to be my ex–a man who I could nurture and take care of and baby…now mind you, he was only 26 at the time, and I was 29, but still…Now this man wasn’t a pussy in the bedroom, which was why I stayed with him so long. I mean, really good sex and lots of orgasms is really hard to walk away from (yes, I’m shallow like that), but the problem was when the few times came where I needed taking care of, he couldn’t do it. I had to ALWAYS be the strong one. And after we had a child…it all went downhill from there. Because I didn’t want to take care of 2 children anymore.

    Partly my fault, I realize, for indulging him for so many years, but I also realized there are a lot of men nowadays that are not able to step up to the plate like they used to. Men didn’t shun their responsibilities like they do nowadays, and I’m not sure whether it’s because they’re confused about their roles now, or because there are so many single-parent households where the father isn’t around to teach them how to be a man–I’m really not sure.

    I guess what I’m trying to say with this long-winded post is I totally get where you’re coming from–men are supposed to be the more dominant ones, the stronger ones, the ones who lead, but there may be many women (feminists? gah, I hate that word) who disagree with that. It’s stressed all the time now how relationships should be equal. I’m not sure whether I agree, or whether that’s even possible. What do you think?


    • Tiffany – I think you know me well enough through my blogs to know I have over the last few years changed my viewpoint on equality in relationships. I think men should be in control – in charge. John Patrick will tell you there can only be one leader. There has to be followers. That’s the way of the world. I agree with him. Once I accepted and embraced this, and I met JP, things evolved tremendously. I do think it can exist, but – and a huge but – society is fueled by the media and not only do “they” think that equality is a must, but they are the first ones to scream if kids are spanked by their parents. In other words its going to take a very long time to bring the shift back to where it began in the beginning of mankind. I’m just happy that through exploration within D/s and DD relationships some of us can learn, grow and share. JP excels in his roles as the dominant as I do as his submissive. So… I could never have a passive man again and yes I have had several. We see how that worked out.


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