On Serving a Man

This past couple of weeks has been very cathartic in many ways. Life can turn on a dime and love and passion is incredible, but sharing that very special relationship can be difficult at times. If you think about the millions of people on this Earth, to find one you connect with on so many levels is truly daunting if you stop and think about it. How can you find one who you can simply be yourself with? Perhaps few of us really allow the lock to Pandora’s box to be opened wide. Facing desires as well as fears is extremely daunting. No one enjoysHe Found me When I Was Lost confrontation at all. We simply don’t want to upset the apple cart. I can tell you that often when you do, the joys and treats inside far outweigh the difficulties. Such is my life right now.

I write often about D/s both in my books and with John Patrick. For any of you who have read more than a single blog, you realize he’s an important person in my life. He’s a positive influence on my writing, my life and on my soul. There are various reasons, of which you’ve read some about. I’ve said openly I want to serve him and I do. I have several avid readers who often comment and I am so grateful. I love all of you for sharing your thoughts and simply allowing me to show you various aspects of my life. I’m no expert in anything, but I hope in my writing you feel the love of my craft as well as my journey with John Patrick. I wanted to address something that seems to be confusing for some who perhaps don’t understand the D/s lifestyle.

When I say I long for and will serve John Patrick for my life doesn’t mean I’m going to lose my identity as a woman in any way. I am not a slave. There are certain similarities but the differences are the very reason I could never be a slave, nor does John Patrick want me to be. I don’t want to be told to wake up, eat, how to dress or be told when and IF I can go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t be able to tolerate a man who didn’t allow me to speak or expected me to literally crawl to him at all times no matter what, when or how – just obey. I certainly couldn’t tolerate a man telling me if I could have friends or what books to read or music to listen to. I also refuse to be placed in a cage at night while he sleeps in the comfort of a cozy bed. Fuck no. But that is what some women, who accept being a slave, see occurring in their lives. And YES I do say accept as well as crave. This is what they need in their heart and soul. That’s what they embraced when they met the right woman. This is a consensual choice. It’s just not mine.

Being a submissive is different. Yes, do and will I obey John Patrick and his requests/commands/decisions? You bet. Yes, do I long to please him and will never refuse him sexually or when he makes decisions for aspects of the house or our life? Absolutely. Yes, do I readily accept punishment for infractions and feel relieved when he disciplines me? I do and thank him for caring about me so much Letting goin understanding needs few men could ever get. Will I do certain things for him every day of my life in order to please him? Without hesitation. Does this mean I lose the woman I’ve been my entire life, no longer have a voice or never have the powerful level of passion vanilla couples have? Hmmm… Let me say once and for all – no freaking way.

Not only could my personality never be squelched, John Patrick doesn’t want the very vivacious and wicked side of me to be tossed to the wayside. He loves our deep and intelligent conversations. He adores my writing and the fact he and I collaborate over my blogs. He encourages my very aggressive personality with regards to my professional life. We love to share in depth talks about politics – including our sometimes alternating views. We support each other through good and back times. We worry about issues with our careers and commiserate about ridiculous behaviors in friends and family. In other words, the D/s portion of our relationship is just a small part of what we share. Being a slave doesn’t generally allow you to have options. You simply do as you’re told. You follow his lead. You have no voice other than to enter into the lifestyle/contract with the Master. That’s not something I can ever do – BUT… Will I serve John Patrick and his needs? Will I shower him with my devotion? Will I obey him without question? My heart’s desire is to do nothing else. The joy that I feel in my heart letting go, giving him the reins and having him nurture the inner submissive is incredible. This is a very intense journey, one with so many tremendous highs and yes, lows that are very low. But the lows aren’t about giving in, giving up, being shackled until I am suffocated. The lows are about life around the powerful emotions we share.

I’m not stupid in my need to serve him in that there are things I wouldn’t do – dangerous and life threatening ideas. However he’d never ask me to do something that could hurt me – either physically or emotionally and he never assumes I’ll enjoy so the subject is fully on the table to dissect. We talk about the rules, his expectations and he is so very appreciative of everything I do for him. He is honest in his sharing and giving, preferring to listen to my advice on everything from his career to certain concerns in his family. He tells me every day my level and intelligent mind guides him in ways no other woman has – no friend has. Even thinking about this gives me shivers.

I love buying gifts and treats. I adore being about to touch and stroke him, give him massages. In turn he sends me adorable texts and Just followselects perfect gifts and flowers. Does this sound like a relationship where I lose my voice, my inner romantic girl? Not at all. What I really want to convey above everything else is that he encourages and allows the woman inside to explore. He’s there to walk beside me as I continue removing layers of a mask that kept the real me stymied for decades. How? Trust and love, understanding and patience, extremely open communication and sharing all aspects of the ugly demons inside both of us – these are the reasons. The moment I realized I could let go, showing all my fears and foibles, sharing my passions and kink, then I grew exponentially as a woman. Of course this started with me and my admittance and acceptance, just like I have talked about before. Then… The magic begins.

If you’ve ever wondered how a woman can submit fully, serve every need and allow a man to take control, the first answer is very easy. Because that’s exactly what she needs – not just wants. It takes a very strong woman to be able to open that door, allow all her inhibitions to be revealed, exposing her vulnerabilities. For any woman who has found this kind of internal and external bliss – I applaud you and the ability to let go. For me, I can tell you with nothing held back that this is exactly where I want to be – NEED to be. I excel more at work, in my writing and in the way I breathe in the air every morning. Is submitting giving away anything? Only one – fear.

I hope you perhaps have a better understanding.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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