As you’ve noticed, I’m spending a lot of time reflecting lately. I think we all do as we come to the close of a year. The holidays also give us the opportunity to spend time with family and friends, creating new memories. I don’t have to tell you that for me, this year has been a series of very high highs and low lows. Sometimes that’s the way of things. I found a blog I’d written last December 17th, reflecting on writing and my hopes for 2014. Well, some of the goals were achieved like self-publishing a huge majority of books that were pulled by a publisher, but the rest of my goals… Not so much.
With regards to my personal life, I had no forethought about the changes that were right around the corner. Little did I know that a simple email on January 4th would forever change my life. Yep, you guessed it, John Patrick and I started chatting and the connection was immediate. We were talking on the phone by the following Monday and met the next week. Here we are a year later and yes, I’m changed. I finally embraced my submissive side and the reality feels amazing. As I sit and rub the tips of my fingers back and forth across my beautiful silver necklace (yes, I asked for what was once my collar back), I can’t help but smile. While the symbol means something entirely different than it did just a few weeks ago, the significance of the expression of love will never change.
Wearing my necklace gives me a sense of peace and the innate knowledge John Patrick’s love will never die. You know me, or as John Patrick would call the ‘big brain’ syndrome, I parlayed this into a blog. There are various expressions of love we share with family, friends and our lovers. What I think so many people forget about during the holidays is that you don’t have to ‘buy’ someone to expression how you feel about them.
We all rush around to find the perfect Christmas gift or fifty, spending way too much money and feeling haggard. When the actual day or event occurs, we could care less. Half the time, we don’t remember what we or our spouse purchased. We smile and hope the person enjoys the gift. Honestly, for me the small things have always kept me going. I’ve received very expensive gifts before, and they’re wonderful, but simple tokens mean more. What am I talking about?
The necklace means so much more than merely a gift he gave me one beautiful May morning. John Patrick knew I needed something given by him representing the intense relationship we’d already formed. Every day I look in the mirror I remember or am reminded. Certainly the thoughts are bittersweet, but that doesn’t take away the reality. When love and devotion is strong, the symbol will always mean something very special. I’m certain John Patrick spent a little bit of money, but the sterling isn’t incrusted with diamonds. Many women love diamonds. I for one could care less. I love sterling and rubies and that’s about it, but for many women, they want a diamond in their stocking. A matching bracelet for my necklace would do nicely, thank you very much. I gave him bracelets that had ‘Dominant’ on one and ‘submissive’ on the other and he was thrilled.
Think about your loved one – you know the guy or gal you’re most likely living with or dating. What are your expressions of love? As you all know, some men tend to do the tried and true – red roses. I can’t tell you how much I LOATHE red roses. Why? Because they’ve been done to death and it takes no thought. None. John Patrick, through getting to know all of me, found out the only flower I really like is a white rose. For those of you living in a D/s relationship, you realize the white rose has another meaning as well. Now, I didn’t know this until recently, but the cathartic realization is fascinating.
The White Rose Ceremony is something I’ve written about and incorporated into a couple of my books. This is much like a collaring in that the white rose signifies a submissive’s ‘purity’ in giving her body, heart and soul to her Dom. The day my white roses arrived at my office… Well, let’s just say he stilled me, as he always has. We’ve talked about the ceremony many times and the concept was something we were considering.
TEXTS, WORDS OF LOVE AND TALKING
Girls, ask yourself this. Does your man text you throughout the day, sharing parts of his day or perhaps desires sweeping through his mind? There’s nothing that heats me up like having John Patrick’s texts come in. The words themselves sometimes don’t matter, but the little blip I hear (special ring and all) when they do is thrilling. I’m like a kid in a candy store. How interesting something so very simple can give you tingles of joy? If he’s not texting you, kick him in the ass. Jumpstart him. You might be surprised how quickly the heat gets turned up.
How about certain words that the two of you only use? I think we’ve all conjured up pet names from time to time. From ‘Snookims’ to ‘Big Dog’, women in particular use little phrases to either get their way or remind their guy they are special. Do you think D/s couples are any different? Of course not. There’s a vanilla side as well and all the gush and circumstance prevails. We all hunger to feel like we’re very special to the other. The ‘honeymoon’ phase doesn’t tend to stay ignited for very long. Why? John Patrick always called me the wordsmith and he realizes words are very important. However, being a writer doesn’t mean I think about every word. My brain floods with thoughts and usually I spew without thinking – whether I’m happy or sad. The poor man was often victim to my rather warped mind. The sweet little nothings I texted or whispered into his ear were rather…provocative.
Talking with John Patrick without a doubt kept my mind active, my naughty thoughts rolling throughout the day. As you’ve seen, many of our experiences together have ended up in several of the books I’ve written and of course a mainstay of this blog for the last eleven months as well. The joy of sharing our conversations is nothing like the wonderful time spent alone in which we both talked about anything and nothing. When you can just talk, enjoying each other’s company, you know you have something special.
John Patrick needs stimulus by way of art as pretty much the majority of men do. They enjoy looking at pictures. I’m not just talking about pretty naked girls, porn or kink, I’m also talking about fine art and statues, nature and drawings. The pictures he placed on FetLife are provocative in their own way, but many having zero to do with BDSM or D/s. They are a portion of his very soul, a dark and passionate man. One of my duties every morning was to provide him with at least a single picture to start his day off. I could pick anything. We’d talk about the emotions stirred and share our thoughts. The exercise was quite powerful.
The senses simply can’t be denied. When was the last time you opened up a Yankee Candle or went into one of their stores? I can’t think of another store (well maybe Victoria’s Secret) that gives me more of a smile. Just walking in, sniffing new ‘flavors’ revs my engine in several ways. I’d learned John Patrick’s favorite scent and we found a Yankee Candle together, something we loved burning. No matter where I am or how many years go by, the wonderful fragrance will always remind me of times shared with glasses of wine and music playing, the candle burning and simply sitting and talking. Priceless.
I’m a musician so listening to music while I do everything is a must. Music is also thought provoking and the stories weaved amidst sultry piano or dark bass are scintillating. Every couple has a special song or two, perhaps one to use in the bedroom and one for the dance floor. When you hear the song on your iPod or satellite radio, do you stop for a second and remember the first time you heard the song, thought of your significant other? I think those are a-ha moments. Mine was rolling down I95 one March day. The first time I heard the John Legend song, All of Me, I started to cry and couldn’t stop the hour plus drive home. The words fit us in a way I couldn’t have written about in any book. When John Patrick listened the next day (and I warned him) he cried and does every time he hears the song. There is nothing that draws more emotion out of me than music. Powerful.
No Laughing. For those who don’t drink and can’t stand wine, you may not understand why this is an expression of love. I’ve been a fan of wine for many years, having been trained in the various types given I worked in the restaurant business for years. I love several varieties, but prefer reds and dry champagnes. Your taste pallet changes as you begin to drink wine on a regular basis, moving away from white and sweet wine. Introducing John Patrick to so many varietals of wines was like watching a kid in a candy store. As we tried different ones, he enjoyed more and became comfortable selecting bottles for us. Going to wineries was something very special we shared and we developed our favorites. Wine to me evokes all passion within the woman. Sitting quietly on a beautiful afternoon with a glass of wine in one hand, his fingers in the other was bliss.
What is the single most incredible expression of love? No, get your mind out of the gutter. It’s not sex. Nope. Sex is merely icing on a delicious cake. When John Patrick asked me during the height of our trauma whether we were mostly about sex, I was floored first, pissed off second, ready to take on bear for the idiot who put that thought into his head third. I’d like to send this to the person to read so they see the various aspects of true love – but I digress.
Touch plays such a beautiful role in any relationship. The slightest touch of a hand or the brush of lips can give you chills. Kissing is an aphrodisiac, one the fuels the heart rate and blood pressure, sending shivers down your spine. For women they become wet and men hard. I shudder just thinking about his kisses. Massages are a wonderful moment couples can share. Giving him a massage, seeing the way his face relaxed and his eyes lit up, mmmm… Hard to top something so sensual.
My teasing touches, yes in an attempt to remind him I’m all female, of course added to the tasty mix. Just remember a single touch is all you need to tell someone you love them. This is so passionate.
You certainly don’t have to spend significant amounts of money to show your feelings, share your desires. All you need is a little creativity and the kind of love that can’t be denied. Even though this year continues to be rocky and I fully anticipate the roller coaster well into next, nothing will change the tentacles of love. Nothing.
On your way home tonight, text your lover with something saucy then let me know how it goes. You might just be surprised.
Kisses and spanks…