His Primary Submissive

A primary submissive. Think about the concept. What do these words really mean? This means the number one submissive in a polyamory household. There could be several submissives or slaves in a Master/slave lifestyle. You have heard of this occurring more often in the Far East. Were you aware there are certain communities that not only promote but welcome polyamory families? There is nothing illegal at all. This isn’t bigamy. Often times the second submissive has a life of her own, including a home, job etc. and only interacts with the couple when everyone desires. This is a very open relationship and as you can imagine, communication as well as trust are vital.

John Patrick and I have had some pretty intense discussions as of late. As I’ve mentioned to you before, he and I have talked about various steps within ourHis Chain 2 journey – one that seems to have more twists and turns than I would have imagined. Everyone’s journey is different and very special. You learn as you go along and I know for both he and I, we crave learning even more. D/s is a lifestyle but honestly there’s almost an art to the training, the rules, the communication, obedience, and the passion. Being so open and honest about our desires has certainly brought us closer and in talking with other couples in the lifestyle, they feel the same way.

There’s something powerful about not only knowing, but also embracing the realization that you’re a Dominant or submissive. Once you do, then going backwards isn’t something easily done. You truly do quite a bit of soul searching not only before you go into a relationship but through every step. You have to. You are baring your very soul to another human being. I had a wonderful reader tell me today (sadly) that her Dom doesn’t want to stay in the lifestyle any longer and she’s devastated. As the majority of you know, that’s exactly what happened with John Patrick and I. What I can tell you is that his reflections have at least helped him realize he is a true Dominant and that we weren’t merely playing.

There is a tremendous amount of responsibility a Dom has and I don’t think a lot of people, especially living in vanilla relationships, really get this. A Dom has to care for and nurture his submissive while training, being patient and understanding, while also providing discipline and guidance. He has to be open, baring his soul, in order to build complete trust. This isn’t something that should be taken lightly and he’s not immune to the stresses of every day life, let alone being a Dom. A truly amazing Dom is one who doesn’t take his role lightly. This might mean at times they take a step back, become unsure of the lifestyle in its entirety. If there’s any outside influence, as there was with John Patrick, your system and mind can become befuddled, cloudy as to your personal needs.

For John Patrick, he questioned the very reason he wanted to share the lifestyle in the first place. I don’t think submissives know the self-control Dom’s have to use. They are challenged on a regular basis about decisions, whether from the sub or from family or friends. Try and put yourself in their shoes. They think they have to be a ‘Domly Dom’ at all times. You’re heard that expression before. This is something John Patrick would say. I think the challenge for him pushed him into shutdown mode. There’s always hope and he’s regrouping, opening up again. If you truly have a penchant for the lifestyle, wild horses won’t drag you away.

Yes, he and I are conversing, talking about the lifestyle. He’s been able to at least Evocative oneopen up again and I’m glad he can share. One of the conversations that continued from the past is regarding the joy of sharing with a third. Now many of you might think I’m nuts given we’ve both been struggling so much, but the reality is this is something he’s wanted for a long time. Why? Well, you might think the obvious, as half the world probably would. The truth is sharing with another can make the D/s portion of your life much richer, more fulfilled. However, there are pitfalls all over the place.

I asked him just yesterday if he realized how special it would be to share him with someone. He does and because he knows me so well, he understands that could only happen with someone I trust. He completely realizes I have worries and fears like any other woman. The way I feel about him is all encompassing, so naturally having another woman in the picture would be difficult, even breaking the strong bond he and I have. This isn’t something to be entered into without a LOT of talking, being very open and trust to the highest level. Yes of course what he and I have gone through has challenged various aspects of just he and I. No, I’m going to be silly with this and we are just talking right now, exploring. The concept does require a great deal of internal reflection. Reflection is something we’ve both been doing. When you’re allowed to do this without being pushed, you’d be surprised what you find out about yourself.

His thoughts about sharing are very much about my pleasure as well. He has always called me the primary and stated right up front I would always be. In having a second, that doesn’t make her secondary in every regard, however she would be required to follow my lead. She would take certain directions from me with John Patrick having the final say. Don’t cringe and run away. Of course the person as to be right. Of course there has to be a real connection, completely open lines of communication. Absolutely he would want me to select the person because he feels if I choose then we stand a chance of being happy together. He’s probably right.

Jealousy of any kind has to be left at the door and this isn’t like a ménage situation. Yes, are we talking about having a threesome sexually? Yes, absolutely but just like with a D/s relationship, there’s a hell of a lot more to this. This is also about another submissive obeying and pleasing a Dom. She would be required to follow the same rules I do, would please his basic needs as I do and would also have certain tasks to complete. Remember, D/s is complex and the various sides creature the blissful relationship. John Patrick’s hope (this is speaking from the past conversations) is that she and I would become fast friends and yes lovers, enabling our joy to be brought to the mix, enriching. This probably sounds a bit far fetched for you, but I assure you, polyamory can be joyful. We’ll see how the conversation plays out and again, this isn’t something that would happen right away even if we were together. But the topic does bring a spark, a light back in his eyes. For that I’m forever grateful.

Just a little word about the Dom’s role. As I mentioned, a Dominant has a very tough position and I give such credit to those who can do this well. I know the Erotic Lovetension and worry has stretched John Patrick, pushing him to his limits. Few know him as I do and his deep passion and dark longing has kept him on a personal edge. As a light begins to dawn, he’s beginning to accept the man inside, one who isn’t perfect but one who can love very deeply. I think that’s the place we all have to go to when we move into any alternative lifestyle. Not easy, but before you can give your obedience or dominance to another, you have to accept who you are. Then sharing can become sweet – on several levels. Something to think about. Am I his primary submissive? Well, I think so. Only time will tell what’s going to happen.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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2 Responses to His Primary Submissive

  1. I used to think it might be a problem, but having done it now many times, it’s really not. It’s a purely sexual, erotic experience. What I would have a problem with is an open marriage where my spouse actually has a relationship with another and they spend time together without me, and vice versa. Ultimately, I don’t think that works. When there are feelings involved, things get messy. But bringing another in on an occasional basis for the sake of experimentation and variety ends up being exciting and fun.


    • Well i honestly think JP would like more of the permanent third and yes the feelings I would worry about to a degree. Having said this – everything is a step so we have no idea about merely enjoying the pleasure yet and that might never happen. But…I know the man and what he might want. Shall be interesting.


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