Darkness Within Us

Have you ever looked at a co-worker and wondered what evil lurked behind those hazel eyes? You know all the shy, quiet types have something dark and dangerous going on beneath their cool exterior. Yes, they do…

We all have a dark side, one buried deep within us. I expose the darker side of various characters in my thrillers. I identify with serial killers in a way many might find disturbing, even disgusting. I enjoy killing people in methods that will shock you. I enjoy the shock factor for two reasons. So many of my readers think I only Craig 5write erotic – penning stories about Domination and submission or Domestic Discipline. And of course you know there are spankings involved! Well, there’s must more to the writer girl – much more. In fact, I have as many sides as I have characters in my books. It’s just that only a select few are allowed into my inner worlds – except in my books.

I’m happiest writing horror/paranormal and thrillers. These stories pull no punches. Of course my methods of inflicting murder and mayhem are based on research. While I’ve fantasized about killing people – oh you bet I have – no, I haven’t even gotten a parking ticket in my life, so don’t worry. Does that tell you about me? The good girl, right? Eh… If the people living in my community associations actually knew the nasty thoughts I had they might run screaming to the hills. I’ve had plenty of people tell me I must have a dark side in order to write such horrific pieces. Hmm… Well, don’t we all?

If you take a look at John Patrick’s profile picture on FetLife, you’re going to see the Dark Knight character with the caption “Everybody Has a Dark Side”. That was one of the very first pictures he sent me months ago. We started sending all kinds of pictures back and forth, everything ranging from his interest in artwork to very sexy graphics. He has many sides to him and his complexity is one of the attractions. When he talked about his dark side all those months ago, I asked questions. He’s always been very thoughtful in his answers, trying to find the right words to describe what he’s thinking or feeling. How do you describe having a side that some might think so completely opposite of you?

That’s a good question. I think the answer is that everyone has multiple sides. We show a side to our parents or employers that’s most likely different from our lover or Dom. Then there’s the side we show our kids or people of authority. The complexity within us makes us very unique as individuals. Darkness can mean many things from feeling blue more often than others to desiring certain aspects of kink, all the way to hearing voices or harboring angry thoughts. The ones off the deep end, the true serial killers, well that’s something else entirely.

John Patrick’s darkness comes from passion. He’s an extremely passionate man about work, his love of art and drawing, his cravings for aspects of BDSM and clickhis love of his family as well as me. He worries, just like all of us do that the dark loves or cravings will confuse people, given his conservative and rather standoffish exterior. He’s an amazing listener. He’s excellent at making observations and reading body language. He also harbors sadness deep in his psyche, one that comes out every so often.

I have that as well and we get down at times, depressed even. I’ve been able to talk him ‘down’ as he calls his spiraling effect. He’s been able to talk with me and provide reason, a sane voice when I seem to get out of control. I asked him yesterday if he craved my dark side as I did his. The answer was yes of course. We have our own thoughts about what this means. For us, it’s the ability to share our desire for the very kinky side of sex without fear of what the other will say or think. We can be free to explore our inner cravings, whether we’re talking our D/s journey, anal sex, sharing, whipping or bondage. There isn’t anything we can’t or won’t explore – even if only in conversation. I have no fear of telling him thoughts or asking questions. The concept is pretty priceless if you ask me.

Let’s talk about the darker side of kink. When you think of this, do you see all the hoopla around Fifty Shades? Do you see a billionaire with a penchant for a whip who draws in young blonds to train? Yeah, that’s what a huge majority of people think today. They worry for the fair maiden and what the horrible guy is going to do with her. Of course the story in itself is nothing more than a love story – not close to a true representation of a D/s lifestyle Then again, few understand the dynamics enough not to cringe when even I explain the concept. I continue to get the look of horror. I could say thirty words including flogger or whip and that’s all they’d ever concentrate on. I admit, I poke people to try and garner a reaction. I can’t help myself.

I’ve teased at work about using a whip on people and there is nothing but the doe eyed look of shock. Obviously I’m kidding, even though my dark side would probably move down that road… For folks who listen to the news, programs like Prime Time or Dateline, they have been given such an incorrect look into the world of BDSM. They’re thinking dungeons and people chained against their will. I wrote an article two years ago about a story Prime Time had done given the Fifty Shades hype. What a crock of shit. My favorite part was seeing the rats on the dirty stairs leading to the basement that was set up as a dungeon. Really people?

Why do you think people who have no clue about BDSM think everyone involved in the lifestyle wears leather, carries whips on their belts and of course, they force Heels and Cuffsyoung naïve women into slavery.

I’m thinking a glass of wine at this point might be in order lest my entire being become riled. What a disservice so many reporters and magazine articles do to the lifestyle. While dungeons and playrooms do exist, for the majority of couples, they tend to enjoy whatever their preferred proclivities are simply behind closed doors. For one, a playroom is expensive and few have a room available for building a playroom. And two, we’re all normal people with other aspects of our lives. Toys are purchased and yes of course they might include floggers and various whips used for playtime or discipline. They might include various handcuffs and canes, electric stimulus and rope. They could include vibrators and ass plugs, special benches and harnesses. In other words to each their own. Okay, is this considered dark? Perhaps. Abusive? Uh no. We’ve already established that. Are couples who enjoy the darker side of sex weird? Hmm… Tell me a couple you know who don’t have a few quirks. I don’t necessarily want to see what goes on behind their closed doors either.

I was listening to a girl at work and her tellings of all the rather interesting desires and weirdness going through our office – and with what you might consider very vanilla people. I had to laugh. Here I was thinking my colleagues would cower if they really knew the real girl. Uh-huh. There are enough twists and turns with many of them I would consider their needs rather dark. Twisted.

What I’m simply trying to say is that everyone has a side few people are allowed to ever see. We fear this part of ourselves and we internalize. For those of us who can embrace and share? How utterly amazing. Think about the side of you your friends/parents/co-workers have no clue about. What would they say?

Kisses and spanks…

Cassandre

 

About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
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4 Responses to Darkness Within Us

  1. Your post is quite timely. My revelation/resolution last night was to finally embrace my dark side; to stop fighting it and just…accept it. I have never followed the status quo, have never done what was expected of me, never settled and yet, from a very early age I’ve always wanted to be “normal.” I don’t even know what “normal” means exactly. I suppose it means to do things that everyone else does in life–the “right” things.

    I came to the realization it just ain’t gonna happen. I keep fighting to appear so together that I exhaust myself in the process. The dark sides of me I have shown to a very few have not been well-received. They’ve all completely abandoned me. So I’ve learned to keep that part of myself well hidden. People just don’t have the emotional capacity to handle negativity and darkness. Everyone (as evident on Facebook) only wants the bright and shiny. And I have no patience for the masks inauthentic people wear.

    I suppose if I ever found the one man (or woman) I could truly be myself around–someone who can handle the few times I am weak and/or authentic, I would think about marrying for the first time in my life, but for now I’m choosing to practice being unapologetic about whatever it is I feel I’ve needed to keep hidden.

    Happy New Year!

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    • Tiffany – I so understand. We really all have a dark side and in going through what I have with JP, I respect mine even more. You’re right everyone on FB wants bright and happy and I’ve been so sad, realizing my own needs, that its tough to see any light. I have to be the light for him and at times its really hard. But the reflection I’ve been forced to do has done us both some good. What I do with mine will take a while for me to know. Remember that everyone is different and we have to embrace that. That’s what makes us all so very special. Sometimes it takes that one person to allow you to feel and be and just exist in your own skin that will allow you to be free. I’ve had that and hope I can bring that to him -again and again. I marvel at what has occurred yet feel terrified. Keep the faith girl.

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  2. laurellasky says:

    We all have our dark sides which we hide, afraid to let it out. How wonderful it is to be able to write dark stories and go as deep and dark and let it all out. Most people don’t act off of their dark sides or fantasy of killing and maiming. Some of us myself included enjoy reading a dark story and getting a vicarious thrill. I’ve had horrific dreams and fantasies that used to scare me, now I believe it’s part of my earlier life of being molested by my father starting around age 7. It took me many years to recover from the abuse and the terrible years of almost destroying myself in the process. I’m now 71 and a survivor and found love after age 42 with my darling husband who is also my best friend. Now I’m at a new chapter in my life, I’m not so judgemental ( at least I try not to be) my new phase is a challenge as my husband is 89 and has Alhyminers. Luckily it’s not too bad and we still have long conversations about our lives and memories. Love helps heal the pain. I guess I’ll stop rambling on and just let you know how much I enjoy your writing and your blogs.

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    • I have to tell you that you just made me cry – and for good reasons. I am so sorry what you endured as a child. There is no way to take away that pain, but the fact you found love and still have it – not matter the struggles now – is amazing to me. Love is a very powerful emotion and when you find true love, some of the ugly goes away. I only hope I can reach your age and reach out touching the hand of the man I love. Thank you for all your support. You have no idea what it means to me.

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