The Art of Sadism and the Act of Being Taken

I’m certainly no expert on sadism or the flipside masochism. While I’ve been called many things in my life, including a pain slut, I’ve always written about the softer side of D/s instead of M/s. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I’ve been asked to write some dubious content (dub con) for one of my publishers. The genre is getting more and more popular every day. What I find interesting is that our society seems to need more, require more from one year to another. Whether we’re talking violence or pain, kink or blood and gore, we hunger to see the dead body lying on the side of the road. We root for theBad Things zombies often over humans. We crave scenes of blood and sex in various movies. Think Fifty Shades here – I think you’re going to be disappointed. Cable television continues to break the mold, allowing more skin, sex, murder etc. to be shown in vivid detail. Why? Because our society craves as well as requires very graphic detail. We live vicariously through our kinky books and movies. But… We’re very curious, aren’t we?

In reading bits and pieces about dub con, I see the trend of for a person to be captured, taken to a secluded location and the sadistic or controlling person takes over the unsuspecting submissive’s life for a period of time. While the acts are pretty much as close to rape and/or forced sex as possible, of course you hear either the voice or know by the end of the story, there was a craving for what occurred. What happens with the level of kink while the kidnapping is in progress is entirely up to the warped mind of the person writing the story.

As you know, JP and I have talked about anything and everything, including sadism. Many a conversation was held over a glass of wine as he discussed what he referred to as his dark needs. They grew darker over time. Conversations centered around various implements, increasing the pain levels as my tolerance grew. In truth, very exciting. I think this can occur with any D/s couple as the fascination with certain aspects of BDSM become enjoyable. If you get a natural high or adrenaline rush off of either inflicting or receiving pain, you want more over time.

When I was called a pain slut by another man, who would have loved me to become his slave, he was referring to the aspect I seemed to crave pain. He had a feeling I would tolerate whips, canes, clamps and other methods well enough I’d release endorphins, thereby getting a natural high. He was a good teacher about many things and helped me to realize a good Master takes the time to learn about his craft.

Whether wielding a whip or using the Violet Wand, a Master or Dom must learn about the implements as well as respect the limits and specifications of the product. He also must practice and use control. Control is vital given the desire is to hurt, not harm. There is a significant difference and you have to remember this. Certain sadists have no conscience. I’ve learned that from discussions with other Masters, from what I’ve read and my limited experience was a true – out of the box – sadist. In my opinion the man had more than one missing screw. I knew quickly I wouldn’t allow myself to submit to that type of person.

That’s why I’m not a masochist – or am I?

As the conversations continued, JP was able to open up more about this dark I will obey you sirside. The reason he felt free in sharing some pretty graphic details (they chill me today) is because of our very intense and deep connection. That’s the reason letting go is easy – knowing each other to the deepest level there can be. The trust is phenomenal. The recent conversations were somewhat unexpected, but never did I feel weird or concerned in any way about the words he said, his admitted desires. The truth is, there’s a bit of a dark side growing within me as well – but only because of the man I trust with my life. Now, that being said, while I’ve heard his thoughts about his sadistic needs, I don’t and will never see him as a true sadist. I think more of this as learning the art of sadism.

Again, I go back to the fact a true sadist has zero care about the amount of agony inflicted on his slave. None. There might be a button somewhere inside, call it a reset button, that finally shuts down the vicious and rather vile side of him. However, that comes generally after the slave is whipped, raw, bloody, twisted, tied, slapped, every hole used, pissed on – well, you see where I’m going. Keep in mind, this type of relationship is completely consensual. While the slave isn’t generally given a plan of what will occur, he or she realizes significant anguish will be involved.

Of course some of you, those who’ve never experienced any aspects of BDSM, will think every time certain elements are introduced into play, this is basic sadism. That’s simply not true. Everything depends on the method used and the person doling out the pain. Remember too, pain is for pleasure in D/s situations – not torture. I think anyone involved in craving or the desire to learn and experience sadism has to think about their inner being. There’s no way JP and could or would have delved into sadistic methods.

One interesting story is about the first time he used the belt, his belt on me. I think he slapped me fifteen or twenty times. He didn’t make me count. He was very concerned I was ‘ok’ throughout and when he was finished he held me. I was shaking. He was shaking. The endorphins must have been skyrocketing between us because we remained on a high for days. We talked about the incredible experience. He told me his thoughts, how he realized at that very moment he was a true disciplinarian, and we shared worries.

What he’s said about that experience recently? He was weak and didn’t necessarily take enough control. The statement is simply about the fact the journey continued and desires increased. Fascinating.

Being taken is another concept that comes into play with M/s and often D/s couples. For many vanilla couples they practice this, like an act they play out including dressing up. This just spices up a dull love life. Within D/s relationships, this can occur regularly. Of course one of the key elements for any power exchange could is generally about sex. The submissive or slave never refuses her Dom or Master sexually. (Remember, every couple is different.) This isn’t something that’s a problem with me. In fact I love lack of control, submitting fully. That’s fulfilling to me.

If you look at some of the more popular erotica books out, those not quite considered mainstream, being taken includes dinosaurs and aliens. Really? For some reason almost every woman has some level of a rape fantasy. They long to be either abducted and taken away, tied up and used for powerfuldays on end. They fantasize about a masked intruder breaking into their house, having their way with them.

There are softer fantasies as well. You long for your husband to grab you by the hand, dragging you into the bedroom and have his way with you. Right, ladies? How about this. You meet a sexy guy in a bar. After one drink or one slutty dance, you agree to go to his hotel room or apartment. The moment the door is closed, he’s all over you. The concept of saying no isn’t on the table. The consent in the last delicious dream is iffy at best. These needs are what dub con stories satiate.

We want our men to be men, a tiger in bed and a lion in the boardroom. I think women are tired and bored to death with the metrosexuals. I know I am. I don’t want a guy who might look like a girl, depending on the distance. I want a he-man, who will take what he wants. A little Neanderthal? Perhaps. As JP says – masculinity is being bred out of men. Sad, isn’t it? I think that’s why D/s relationships are increasing in popularity. Women long to give up control. Do women who like to be taken enjoy sadism? Who knows…

Just remember the words when playing. Hurt not harm.

I hope you’ve enjoyed – another installment of Power Control – Taken coming up…

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in BDSM, Domination and submission, Spanking and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Art of Sadism and the Act of Being Taken

  1. lmwmrd says:

    Interesting, Cassandre, thank you for sharing this. I often fantasize about sadistic men and crave to be whipped by a man’s belt, but do I really want one who can’t control his emotions enough to limit the activities to “hurt not harm?” No.


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