I’m going to help you, guide you. I’m going to give you everything you’ve hungered for. I’m going to give you my firm hand.
His firm hand. These three little words are some of the most searched on the Internet right now. I would assume those in a vanilla relationship would find this concept curious, even ridiculous. For those of involved in a D/s or DD relationship or writers who do copious volumes of research, this notion is to be expected in every way. My personal opinion is the words are a euphemism for various aspects of a Dom taking control. I think for the simple majority, most envision spankings on a regular basis, being turned over his knee after an infraction occurred or a moment where you’ve lost your temper. Of course these are very true needs and occurrences, but there’s so much more to a man having a firm hold over his wife/lover/submissive. This is what we’re truly talking about.
Granted, his firm hand very much means being taken over his knee for a hard whipping, much like you received with you were a kid. I was reminded again today that my emotions can get out of check easily. I moved into a state of melancholy and by late this morning I was in tears. Work has been particularly frustrating as well as I do miss him at times more than others and I was very willful. While nothing I said or wanted was out of line, he certainly realized I was in a weird place. He was patient, reminding me we can get through anything and he’s right. His firm voice, the way he texted things were a subtle yet effective reminder to pull out, stop thinking glass half empty. If we were together tonight, I dare say I’d feel his REAL firm hand on my backside, and my guess is? I’d feel a hell of a lot better. I have no doubt I would have cried. I don’t cry when he spanks me and that’s something I’ve told him I need – letting go. Tonight? Oh you betcha. LOL.
Letting go is something we rarely are allowed to do. We often times want to say or do things that are more like a temper tantrum than dealing with the rationality of our everyday lives. That’s natural, but can certainly weigh heavily on our partner. When you have a strong Dom, one who knows you so well he’s ready to step in and take control, you learn to listen to him, not push back. That takes time. I’m not good at allowing his control every day. I just have too much muddling around in my brain. I overthink – as he tells me often. He’s right. I apologized and he simply reminded me he was there for me, nurturing as he can.
The balance of power – the concept is with us during every aspect of our lives. From dealing with difficult people to juggling our duties at home, the issues with family and friends, a very tedious balance of our rationality, let alone our desire to power over or let go of the control we hold so dear, exists. For most, we go about our daily lives forgetting who we really are in our endeavors to find happiness. So we rage against our own personal machine. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to meet a person who can be an incredible influence in our day to day tasks, our heart, and our very soul. Of course this nirvana means lettings go, embracing a firm hand, control, dominance.
Yesterday in a conversation, he was able to remind me in a very subtle way about his firm hand. I simply said I was looking forward to talking with him in a very seductive manner, almost like a kid in a candy story. Me being a girl, I asked if my sinful thoughts were enticing? His answer was that I was a brat in need of a hard whipping. Go figure. Men, right?
I’ve admitted more than once he’s right. He knows me better than any man. As I mentioned, I’ve been very tense. I’ve been stressed with writing, deadlines, trying to blog and advertise, and my dreaded job as of late. The holidays are over because people are nasty as hell. The hard spanking will set me on the right path – for a little while anyway. I’ve been writing about a feisty woman, a girl who definitely needs a firm hand, and certain conversations have revolved around what the expression ‘a firm hand’ truly means. Our conclusion? Much more than giving a hard spanking.
What I read and hear from others in the lifestyle is the firmness has various aspects. Sir asked me several times over the last few weeks how I can submit to him after everything has happened. I’ve been exploring this in writing lately and reflecting on my needs. The intense look inside myself has changed my writing. While Cass isn’t dead, her needs in writing have changed as well as the woman’s. I’m darker in so many ways and the exploration into the dark side has kicked up my writing to another level. I’ve already told you my serial killing pieces have truly gone to another plane. I feel the need to explore the sick minds of men and women who perform heinous actions without any conscience. They kill because they simply have to.
Within all of us are dark needs. I’ve explored this before. Having dark within us doesn’t necessarily equate to needing a dominant person in your life. Of course not. For me, the concept is intriguing, one leading to the realization I do indeed need that very firm hand – yet one laced with the intelligence and understanding of my needs. They couple with his of course and this is a balance act – very much like a vanilla relationship. We all juggle between our desires and those of the one we love so much.
Again, this means many different things depending on the couple. Having a firm hand can simply mean a gentle guidance through various decisions and certain angsts in life. Remember when we looked to our parents as the voice of reason? Our teachers helped mold the final person we became as they taught us the basics of reading and writing. Much like our parents did with right versus wrong. When we branched out on our own we soon forgot. We became the people society bred us to be – not just our upbringing. We chose a path, often one leading us to poor decisions, but they were our own. No one made any choice for us.
What if they could? What if they had your best interest at heart? Would that matter in the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with? Daunting question for all of us.
I feel lucky he has an inside and very innate understanding of the woman inside – the one who longed for a partner in my life, just in a way I would have never anticipated. If you have a chance to talk to your significant other, I’d be curious how the conversation would go. Imagine the possibilities on the flipside. A firm hand. Mmm…
Kisses and spanks…