What do you think is the Dom’s greatest strength, the most important attribute he can bring to a D/s journey? As you might imagine, there are potentially multiple answers including various combinations of what I call light and dark. I can’t convey enough how important a Dom’s responsibility is within the dynamic. While a submissive is giving a true of her body and soul, the man is offering absolute protection and care of her welfare, even above his own. Imagine how daunting this can be. Now, I read an article obviously written by a man for a man and was a bit incensed by a passage regarding Dom’s heightened level of responsibility. The author of the article also mentioned the care of a submissive/slave was akin to caring for a small child. Really? I think he forgets which sex tends to act more like a bad kid in a sandbox. But I digress…
While the responsibility is indeed very important, and not to be taken lightly, I certainly know I’m not a child and refuse to be treated like one. I’m also not a slave, but a submissive, and there are differences with regard to perhaps innate behavior. I do and will take care of myself during a hell of a lot of my life, both in and around our relationship. My ability to take care of myself hasn’t and won’t change. Sir simply adds a layer over the care of myself. He also has the ultimate say so about several aspects of my life. I place a tremendous amount of trust in him. How can I do that? Because I know him inside and out, better than he knows himself. I’m the one woman who he’s allowed to see the various personalities and emotions, thoughts and desires that make up the whole package. And what a delicious package I might add!!
Yes, a Dom has many sides. First and foremost he’s a man, one who has goals and desires that have nothing to do with his submissive or the lifestyle. These needs should be embraced and nurtured as aggressively as his darker side of kink does. Like anything else, a well-rounded man will make for a better Dom. Practicality comes into play here as well. Pretty much everyone in the lifestyle lives a portion of a vanilla life, often one in which they don’t want others to know their D/s persona. Men can be very powerful in business, but often D/s is very private. He can easily go out with his best buds to a sports bar or a football game and never tell a soul he owns a submissive. Some will tell a close friend, but often they prefer to keep the joy and amazing moments shared with only their submissive. Sir is very private for various reasons, but he longs to share our joy with others. He excels at talking and sharing, observing and bringing various thoughts to our relationship. Time will give us the opportunity to share with others.
Another attribute a Dom often needs is being a friend to their submissive – her best friend. Sometimes life goes awry and all that can be done is to be supportive. The Dom is a submissive’s greatest support, the man who knows her inside and out. On certain days, he must back down and simply be there, holding her while she cries or giving her his viewpoint, bringing her back to center. Often this involves having patience, understanding and an innate knowledge of the woman he loves. The ability to back down being the Dom and allowing her fragile side to be comforted is very precious, another trust factor. Sir is very good at doing this. His patience of my emotional side – and boy I’ve had a lot lately – is amazing. I was terrified of losing my friend, the voice of reason. We talk about everything and the ability grounds me. He has a damn good head on his shoulders.
There is also the romantic man, the one the submissive fell in love with. I think sometimes when outsiders or vanilla couples think of D/s relationships, they honestly don’t believe there is any passion or romance built in. Perhaps certain Master/slave couples are more formal in that she is truly more of a server to him, but I can’t imagine there aren’t some aspects of basic romance encouraged and practiced. He calls me a girly girl and at times I am. I love all things about music and wine, gifts and little notes. I appreciate the subtle or alluring looks he gives me when he sees me in a new dress – one I’ve picked out knowing what his reaction will be. Holding hands and kissing might seem so very benign, but I can tell you I’ve garnered more strength and love from the simple acts than his control and discipline, rules and guidance. The right balance allows smiles and lust filled thoughts. Being seductive and sexy never goes out of style. I’m a woman first and foremost. I love to please the man, not just the Dom.
I think that’s something valuable to remember. We’re just men and women first, friends and companions, lovers and couples, before we are Doms and submissives. We long to be admired and wanted, needed and affirmed. I want him excited when I walk into a room. I want him to be proud I’m on his arm when we go out, whether we attend a BDSM setting or a gathering with family and friends. The Dom can lead the way and allow the submissive the safety and openness to be herself, no matter the setting.
Being lovers. I know many D/s couples openly admit they’re lovers. Perhaps not in the traditional sense, but the way they show each other how they feel, the deep and very intense needs, can instill the tremendous respect and ability to let go. A simple touch, the sound of a voice, the stern look or one filled with raging desire, is such a breathless mind bender. I couldn’t be the same submissive without being lovers. We’re not talking sex all the time. There is no need, although of course I’m there for Sir sexually anytime. I find I melt with just a few words said. For him, my laughter gives him the greatest joy. Simple things…
I asked Sir what he believed his greatest strength or attribute was and his answer was two fold. He believes his ability to observe, then draw conclusions, which in turn allow him to develop a plan if needed, is important. He also told me he believes his level of patience is an attribute he prides himself in. I have to agree. He can look outside the box – whether we’re talking with me or about the situation – and determine how to handle or what’s best. He’s also been required to have extreme patience with me. Remember I’ve told you my requirement for being reincarnated was to learn patience. BOY this time is testing me. We laugh but I have learned to value and appreciate this foreign ability.
Being a Dom. The words alone are thrilling for me. His standards are set high, both for himself and his submissive. He values her opinion but in the end what he commands will be, whether we’re talking rules or objectives. He helps mold his submissive, but in turn himself and his behavior as well. Is he setting an example? Well of course. If Sir was a different man, I don’t think I could submit and trust – not to this degree. He gives me the freedom to be me, while reining in the willful girl, the wild child. He doesn’t want to break me, simply give me the warm arms, kind gestures, and subtle nurturing I need to fly. For me – the perfect combination.
A Dom’s greatest strength? Simply being himself.
What do you think?
Kisses and spanks…