What is Love? Wine & Roses or Lust & Pain?

What does love mean to you as a person and as a couple? Do you need a man to shower you with roses, wine and other trinkets? Do you have a penchant for pain, longing for his firm hand in an effort to understand and feel his love? Do you prefer simpler times, when holding hands and writing love notes meant so much to each other? What if you could have everything wrapped up into one amazing journey together? Fascinating, huh?A little appe for you

I’m a pretty complex woman and I have some very different tastes, some considered fairly dark and kinky. I don’t mind showing these tastes in my blog, hopefully to give couples of every variety and level of spice something to think about. You know I have very frank opinions on pretty much everything. Love is love no matter what sexual or religious orientation, desire for very vanilla or hard core sadism. Love can be found when you least expect it, blinding you to moments of pure ecstasy. Love can also be debilitating, dragging raw emotions through a private level of hell. Love is one of the most powerful emotions, evoking very intense needs and desires. Through some of my stories, I think I’ve allowed you to catch a glimpse of

I was teasing Sir about folks in my ugly day job reading my blog in that they would go blind or burn into the ground. He actually called me naïve and said even Bible Thumpers enjoy kink. As if I didn’t know almost everyone hides behind a persona, pretending to be Mr. or Mrs. Goody-two-shoes, when they surf porn, have a mistress on the side, or chat on several provocative social media sites. I burst out laughing and reminded him I pretty much bare all in my blogs and while several co-workers know I write “naughty” books, the blogs would be too much. He did one of those “tsking” sounds and commented that everyone he’s ever met wants to be a voyeur. The simple fact they know me gives them a little “hold” over my head so to speak, as if my dirty blogs give them ammunition.

Maybe he’s right, but what I’m showing in so many blogs, at least in my humble opinion, is that there is love in every kind of relationship. You know I couldn’t submit to Sir without a strong connection, one of raw love. There’s simply no way. When I have times of personal self- doubt about the kink portion of what we share, I shift back to grabbing onto our intense love affair. I was teasing and made a comment about ALL the different attributes I bring, rolled into a kinky package depicting love. His words? Submissive. Friend. Cook. Advice Giver. Wine chick. Lover. Music chick. Submissive. Kinda puts everything into perspective. How we show our love to each other might not be the same way you or your friends do, but does that make what we have any less intense or exciting? How do you show your love to one another? How do you express openly that he or she is the only one in your life?

ManacledGiven it’s almost Valentine’s Day, I thought I would give a few comments about my thoughts on the subject. There’ve been discussions since Fifty Shades hit the market about whether the book was just a love story instead of a BDSM piece. Well, after all the hoopla, deep conversations friends and family members have exchanged, articles and news programs on the subject, I have to ask a single question. Why can’t the book be about both?

I find it laughable at times when I talk to some vanilla laced people about D/s, BDSM, M/s, DD or any other abbreviation for the various alternative lifestyles. They act as if the two concepts are completely removed from each other. I think everyone has a very detailed notion about what love, and all the intricacies around the emotion, is about. What I’ve learned over the years is that there are various types of love and you can feel the different kinds with regard to the same person, at least in my opinion.

You can love your friends. I’m not one to have a lot of friends around me, especially women. I simply get along with men better, but I do have a couple who I can truly say I love. You love your parents and siblings, but often times you definitely are glad when you leave them very much alone. Then there’s romantic love. I see so many younger people who think they know what love is at twenty one or so. They fall hard, forgetting they haven’t had enough experiences yet to know what they’re talking about. They worry and frustrate over when to say the words, fearful of pushing the guy away. Hey, even I had that exact same fear when I knew in my heart I’d fallen in love all those months ago. The damn raw emotion swept through me after hearing the amazing John Legend song, All of Me. I happened to be listening to the radio driving home one Friday night and blubbered the entire time.

I knew at that moment I was head over heels – but you better believe I held back, giving him space until he told me first. I think love is something that often catches us off guard, when we least expect it to. I also think many men and women aren’t honest with themselves. They want to be in love, appreciate the joy of everything about falling in love with someone then play at the very concept when a darn good person comes around. This happens far too often when you’re in a rebound situation, especially if the break up was horrible. However, one piece of advice. Fooling yourself never ends well.

When you talk about D/s relationships, I’ve heard far too often the connection is about nothing else but kink. Very wrong. Only in love can I trust to give all of my body as well as my heart and soul. Our electricity, the strong tethering, didn’t start with whips and chains. My wonderful assistant mentioned that she believes the love in a D/s relationship is much stronger, deeper. I was a little surprised given her age and the fact she’s very vanilla, but she’s listened to me, some of my stories, and surmised all on her own. Pretty telling.

I was shopping a little yesterday and I couldn’t help but study the way men and women were scoping the Valentine’s section looking for some perfect gift. Now, I love cutsie things and getting a box of the message hearts has a couple of meanings for me. One is the fact I’m allergic to chocolate and he remembers. Second is because we message with texts – a lot. We tease about the communication because the method is quick and easy, but can turn into a train wreck in a heartbeat. So the symbol is special. What I think is so funny red masksometimes, and especially about this holiday in particular, is that everyone thinks the chick wants candy and flowers. For me? Uh, not so much. Again, I can’t eat nor do I like but so many candies, and I laugh at the idiots who pay premium for roses that last four or five days. But the overpriced items are for the most loving day of the year. Right?

I was listening to a news program and a reporter mentioned that couples who are married spent almost one third of the dollars as couples who are engaged. Really? Granted, I think as you get into a relationship, you tend to forget little things are special and that both men and women enjoy receiving treats. Treats are a representation of love, but honestly, they don’t have to be expensive. A special text, a poem written, a partial song sun on his or her voicemail, a night planned of giving a massage with music playing in the background and a bottle of wine waiting. Enough of the gifts. You know what I’m getting at.

So as we come to what’s supposed to be the most romantic day of the year, I’ve realized I’ve fallen into a bit of a trap. I want everything to be special. Perfect. I need in ways I never wanted to admit and now the joy of sharing is priceless. Still, this doesn’t have to be just one day of the year.

Kisses and spanks…


About Cassandre Dayne

Cassandre Dayne is the pseudo for the best selling author of romantic suspense and thrillers
This entry was posted in BDSM, Domestic Discipline, Domination and submission, Dubious Consent, Spanking and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to What is Love? Wine & Roses or Lust & Pain?

  1. laurellasky says:

    Even though most people don’t admit that they like kink deep down they do. My husband says if you go to church and the preacher is shouting hosannas you better go home and check your barn and see if the chickens are missing. It’s not quite what you were saying but you know what I mean.


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